Why does crying affect us so much?
Most workplaces have long been dominated by men, and open feelings are frowned upon among them. A woman who was tacitly allowed by society to be angry and cry was perceived among them as overly emotional and thereby interfering with the process. This is partly why people prefer to hide their emotions, girls included. There are enough problems as it is, what was not enough was for your boss or other important person to think of you as a hysterical person.
Life coach Ben Edwards partly agrees with this: according to him, crying is akin to a “white flag” - this is how we let the interlocutor know that we are not ready to perceive information. The author of the book Like She Owns The Place, Kara Alville Leiba, agrees with the coach.
When we pay too much attention to emotions in the workplace, we become less focused on actually solving the problem. It is important to create space between the work and personal spheres so as not to take some things too seriously.
– she emphasizes.
By crying, a person attracts attention and makes it clear: “There is something wrong with me now, and I am not ready to talk about it.” In some situations, you will have to extinguish this state - we will tell you exactly how.
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What to do if you want to cry, but you can’t
Women are especially emotional. Their vulnerable soul reacts with tears to any experience or joy. In many cases, tears are simply necessary; they allow you to relieve unnecessary tension and relieve stress. However, there are situations when crying is absolutely forbidden. In these situations, tears can lead to a completely different effect:
- On exams. Sometimes a student studied the material all night long, but it seemed to him that the teacher was really nagging and wanted to put a bad grade on his record book, how could he not burst into tears? In this case, the tears should be held back, as the teacher will consider that the tickets were not learned and the student is trying to evoke self-pity.
- At an interview. Sometimes employers conduct stressful interviews, asking inappropriate questions and making applicants very nervous. Some managers have their own recruitment tactics; already during the interview they find out a person’s resistance to stress.
- You shouldn't cry on the street where there are a lot of people. It happens that unpleasant information was received during a walk and you want to cry out loud. But you shouldn’t do this, the people around you won’t be able to help, but you can attract the attention of various scammers.
There are many situations when tears would be inappropriate. In order not to give the impression of a weak person or a hysterical person, you should learn to control your emotions. It is difficult to not cry when you really want to, but it is quite doable for every person.
To avoid crying when chopping onions, place the onion in the freezer for 5 minutes before peeling. In this case, the essential oils will not be released much.
Physical methods of influencing the body
To avoid crying at the wrong moment, psychologists recommend focusing on breathing. You can start counting your breath or lift your chin up a little, take a few deep breaths through your mouth and exhale through your nose. In addition to this, there are several other techniques that help prevent crying:
- You need to drink a couple of sips of water or iced tea. If you don’t have any of this at hand, then simply actively swallow saliva a couple of times. This helps to quickly eliminate the lump in the throat.
- You can change your body position. Here you need to act according to the situation, you can simply move a stack of papers from one place to another, move to another chair, or stand up and take a few steps. All this helps to distract attention from worries.
- You might pinch yourself hard on your arm or leg. You can fix the problem if you clasp your fingers tightly.
- Shifting your gaze will also help solve the problem; for example, you should look at a painting hanging at the other end of the room.
It is worth considering that all these methods will be useless if the lacrimation is caused by a speck that has gotten into the eye, allergies, or fatigue. In this case, it is better to apologize, leave the room and clean up. To do this, you can take allergy medication or simply wash your face with cold water.
To prevent a bad mood from haunting you all day, you should drink hot tea after an unpleasant conversation or sincerely smile at yourself in the mirror several times.
Psychological techniques
In order not to burst into tears at the most inopportune moment, you need to think about something that will take all your attention. Psychologists recommend using the following techniques:
- Start repeating the multiplication table to yourself or come up with and solve a math problem. This will allow you not only to be distracted, but also to engage the left hemisphere, which is responsible for all computational operations. In this case, emotions are controlled by the right hemisphere of the brain. But if both hemispheres work simultaneously, there will be no time for emotions.
- You can remember and hum a funny children's song to yourself. Any poems will do, but only they should be filled with positive emotions.
- If the desire to cry is caused by a conversation with an unpleasant person, then you can imagine him in a funny and awkward situation. The desire to cry will immediately disappear, but the main thing here is not to laugh, since the effect can be unpredictable.
- Some people in unpleasant situations simply smile constantly. This may seem strange to some, but this tactic of behavior is justified if you need to hold back tears.
- You can mentally motivate yourself not to cry. Self-hypnosis will help you do this; you need to constantly repeat that you need to control yourself under any circumstances.
- To quickly stop crying for no reason, you can remember a comic situation. Overly sentimental people should think through a few really funny situations in advance and remember them when necessary.
Come up with a reason for others
If it is impossible to hold back your tears, then you can simply come up with a reason for those around you and cry to your heart’s content. Tears can be explained by the following factors:
- Headache, as well as pain in the leg, arm, or whatever.
- Allergies. Everyone knows that when you have allergies, your eyes become very watery. That is, you can say that an allergic attack is caused by the smell of perfume products, and cry quietly.
- A speck of dust getting into the eye. This will help explain the red and moist eyes.
Trauma to the visual organs can also cause watery eyes. The tears can be explained by a branch accidentally getting into the eye.
Additionally, the use of eye drops may be a good explanation. Many of them have such a side effect as lacrimation.
Have a cry
In some cases, you should not hold back your tears, whether they are from joy or grief. This will help normalize your state of mind.
And there is no need to explain anything to anyone here, we are all human and have the right to feelings. Sometimes people just need to vent to someone; a trusted friend or girlfriend is suitable for this.
Look at the ceiling
The method is not the most effective, but it will work for weak crying. At the moment when necessary, you can raise your head, thereby stopping the flow of tears, and then go into a room where no one will stop you from finally coming to your senses.
Anxious state
Anxiety sometimes arises unreasonably. For impressionable people, this is generally a disaster. When people are afraid, their brain works several times faster and, without a clear picture, complements images and thoughts with false ideas.
Let's give an example. Young family. My husband is late for work, 15 minutes. During this time, the girl’s mood changes several times and many thoughts occur.
For example:
- he was delayed because he had someone else;
- he's definitely cheating on me;
- visited relatives;
- decided to have a drink with friends.
These are the standard thoughts of girls who, when their husbands come home, are ready to talk about divorce. Having shouted in the heat of the moment, the girl rethinks everything and begins to cry. Now she is guilty and afraid that her beloved will leave her.
There are many situations of anxiety. This is both the fear of the dark and the fear of one’s actions. Fear is a natural emotion and only those who have succumbed can overcome it. Find out what you are afraid of. Be honest with yourself. Now do the following.
Go to the mirror, preferably alone, and set yourself a mindset regarding your problem. For example, you are afraid of the dark, explain to yourself that there is nothing in the dark that is not there in the light. That you are a strong person, you have good energy protection, and no one will dare touch you. Tell yourself how strong and fearless you are until you feel that strength. Then you will start to feel better.
Pinch yourself
Try biting your tongue lightly or pinching the area between your thumb and forefinger - this will shift your attention from your tears to the source of the pain.
What is important is how our physiology works in this case. Changing the topic, what we think about the problem, even body movements will help change the emotional state. Attempts to reach the brain will distract us from the original topic, allow us to relieve tension and start a conversation in a new, but productive way.
says Edwards.
Wedge with wedge
In moments of deep stress, when tears are constantly welling up in your eyes and nothing is going well, you don’t need to force positive emotions in yourself, but it’s better to do the opposite - accept your sadness and let it dissolve on its own. Funny comedies and joyful music will serve as a reminder that while everything is bad here, someone is doing very well, and such thoughts will only add to the negativity. How to hold back tears?
Philosophical life films and songs about unhappy love, sounding from headphones, are the best way to reboot yourself and get over grief in a short time. You can even create a separate playlist of “music for depression” and turn it on during particularly joyless moments - then returning to normal life will take less time.
Take a break
The methods listed below are suitable for stopping panic attacks, but they will also come in handy here. Try to distract your brain, but not with pain, but with thoughts. Scroll in your head which streets you usually take to get to work, say a phrase to yourself that reminds you of something good. You can maintain a small talk with your loved one over the phone to shift your attention to reality.
How to hold back tears of pain?
Even people with a high pain threshold sometimes have to cry from physical suffering, but not everyone is ready to accept such a reaction from their body. How to hold back your tears when you want to cry?
You can try to quietly do several exercises that block tear production:
- open your eyes as wide as possible and count to 10 without blinking;
- raise your eyebrows to the limit and hold it for 7-10 seconds;
- holding your head straight, look up, as if you need to see something hanging above the top of your head.
When the pain begins to recede, you need to completely relax the upper part of your face and open and close your mouth wide 3-4 times, as if pronouncing the letter “A”.
