Why a man is jealous: answers from a psychologist

Many married women are faced with the jealousy of their beloved. It is believed that men are owners by nature, so it is difficult for them to come to terms with the fact that their spouse can, for example, at work, communicate with other representatives of the stronger sex. Most often, husbands have the proper prudence to keep jealousy in check and not let it poison family life. But it happens that a jealous husband loses control over himself and begins to harass his wife with unfounded suspicions, total control, scandals, showdowns and even surveillance. Because of this behavior, a marriage may be on the verge of breaking down. To avoid family breakdown, you need to understand the mechanism of male jealousy and be able to counteract it. This is what we will talk about in our article.
From this article you will learn:

What types of jealousy are there?
How jealousy affects relationships
What are the causes of male jealousy
What to do if your husband is very jealous

Why is a man jealous of his woman?

Male jealousy at the beginning of a relationship causes tenderness, a smile, and can raise women’s self-esteem. But representatives of the fair sex do not even think about how much this funny animal called “jealousy” is capable of growing in size and manifestations. And then the jealous man no longer causes awe - he becomes a real tyrant, a bore, an insecure person from whom you want to run away. What is a man's jealousy? What are its causes and types? What signs in a relationship shouldn’t be ignored? And, most importantly, how to deal with this “disease”?

Signs of male jealousy

Latent jealousy is a normal physiological feeling. It is inherent in absolutely every individual. We are jealous of our things, friends, loved ones - what we have or want to have. This is laid down from childhood. When a mother took someone else's baby in her arms, resentment, anger, and envy awoke inside her own child, resulting in whims or hysteria. But it’s one thing when, growing up, a person regulates jealousy, and another thing when he cultivates it in himself, slowly growing roots into this manic feeling.

During the candy-bouquet period, you won’t immediately understand with whom you are building a relationship, but psychologists advise paying attention to some behavioral aspects of a man:

in the presence of potential danger (other men), the jealous man’s pupils dilate strongly and suddenly, his cheeks turn pink, he lacks air, sweating is pronounced, his heart rate increases, the timbre becomes deeper, lower, even frighteningly growling;
he often reacts negatively and critically to your transformation in appearance;
the man gets very emotional about your delays at work, being late after school, going to see your family;
often takes offense, remains silent, trying to make you feel guilty;
as soon as you get together with your friends or parents about your business, he immediately tries to interrupt your plans, arguing that he wants to spend more time together.

Ignoring these harbingers can lead to the fact that as soon as a man becomes your legal spouse, family life will take a completely different turn.

Jealous husband: what does it look like?

“I called you for half an hour! Who have you been talking to for so long? You won’t be able to convey to him that you were chatting with your mother. You must answer on the first call, and never part with the gadget under any circumstances. And if it runs out of charge, you can’t avoid a scandal with a man!
“Have you posted photos from the sea on social networks? What do you need it for? Do you need new acquaintances, vulgar comments, looks from strangers? Until you remove it, there will be no calm.
“Did you wink at this passerby? Why is he staring at you like that then? Did you wear this sweater on purpose? I already accept you with your past, and you still continue to behave so obscenely!” The sad thing is that there is nothing criminal in the so-called “past”, but the very fact that a man (God forbid!) got you as an unchaste person will drive him crazy.
“Why did it take you so long to get back from the pharmacy? Who do you tell that there was a line - there is never one there! Did it also take you 20 minutes to get to the entrance? Walk here for 5 minutes at an accelerated pace!” At the same time, the jealous person constantly looks into the eyes, trying to catch the lie. There is simply no point in making reservations or making excuses - the brain does not respond to adequate information.
“Who is this knocking at your friend’s door? What kind of guy rated your photo? Why are you commenting on this? Who did you open a personal message for?” Your man will check all social networks, track your actions, monitor SMS. The motto of a jealous husband: if you close pages from him, there is definitely something to hide!
“Why are you dating your girlfriends again? I don’t want to see them - prostitutes, drunkards, bitches!” Even if a man accepted your girlfriends at the initial stages of the relationship, then your meetings will be limited.

You get the gist - living with a jealous person becomes simply unbearable. When a guy is jealous of his chosen one for everything in the world, his personal life is put to rest. Visits with parents (why else?), girlfriends, and colleagues are prohibited. Forget about corporate parties - all they do there is drink and seduce each other! Do you have a joint project with a male colleague? So you wanted it yourself! You like this actor from the film - pack your things and go to him, but why would he give in to such a little thing like you!

Of course, not every man is a pathological jealous person! But a woman should be wary of such “manifestations of concern”! Remember, if today you are beaten with words, the time may come when you will be punished physically!

Steps

Method 2

Your partner

Discuss your feelings. Start a conversation and communicate how your partner's actions affect your feelings. Try to set boundaries for unacceptable behavior. It is possible that the guy is not trying to make you jealous at all and simply does not understand that his interaction with another girl makes you feel this way. Tell your boyfriend about this to limit this behavior in the future. Even if he behaves this way intentionally, the reason may lie in uncertainty regarding your relationship. Start a conversation to discuss existing problems, as well as convince the guy of the sincerity of your feelings.

Keep calm. Before, during and after a conversation, you need to remain calm. Don't give in to your emotions if your boyfriend's words or actions arouse jealousy. Instead of blaming (“You hurt me…”), express your feelings in the first person (“I feel…”). If there is a misunderstanding, then calm will help resolve all the troubles without conflict. If your partner deliberately makes you jealous, then an explosion of emotions will only give him the desired reaction. Speak calmly and maturely rather than answering the way he wants. If the guy's behavior does not change even after the conversation, then it is possible that he has strange ideas about relationships and it is better for you to break up.

Try to console your partner. Very often, guys try to make girls jealous when they are not sure about the girl's feelings.

This doesn't make the behavior acceptable, but it does explain the motivation. Trying to make you jealous may turn out to be attention seeking. By “reminding” you that he is of interest to other girls, the guy seeks to gain your affection. Get closer to your boyfriend to calm him down

Give compliments. Appreciate his actions for your sake. Hug, kiss, and show signs of physical affection that are acceptable to you.

Deal with your insecurities. Besides your boyfriend's insecurities, you also need to address your own insecurities. Self-confidence usually allows you to cope with unnecessary jealousy, and you will have the strength to strengthen your relationship. Show yourself compassion. Accept that you are a victim of jealousy, and also take comfort in the fact that it is a natural feeling that you do not need to be ashamed of. You can cope with a feeling only if you accept its true essence. Make time for your own interests, regardless of your relationship, and develop as a person. This makes it easier to understand what you bring to the relationship and also to realize that the guy loves you.

What kind of jealousy is there?

Jealousy comes in different forms. The mild form only excites and excites the senses, but more intrusive, severe forms frighten, irritate and cause misunderstanding among the fair sex.

Types of male jealousy:

Reasonable.

Such jealousy has a basis or logical explanation. If a woman stays overnight with her friends, often goes to clubs without her partner, drinks alcohol, openly flirts with other men, jealousy of her partner is guaranteed, and this is normal!

Or, for example, a woman remained on good terms with her ex-boyfriend. And there seems to be nothing wrong with that. But why then does a man continue to be jealous of the past, because at that time you didn’t even know him? There is an explanation for this:

he understands that you were close to that man in every way, and this hurts;
there is a constant comparison with your former boyfriend, which keeps you in suspense;
any gestures you make towards your ex will be perceived as a potential risk of losing you.

If you think this is an innocent friendship, face the truth and mentally switch places. Here male jealousy is absolutely justified - he will not tolerate any “greetings from the past” on his territory. And don’t even try to make friends with your men - they have no use for it!

Unfounded.

Such jealousy does not pose a real threat, however, there is little pleasure in it. This applies to men who have an unresolved intrapersonal conflict that has been going on since childhood. Such emotions are especially characteristic of people born in large families, where they had to fight for attention to their person. Good deeds, illness, excellent behavior, grades, etc. Such “disliked” children, in their opinion, transfer this model of attitude to their partner in the future. Unreasonable male jealousy brings discomfort to both himself and his chosen one, because it is built from scratch.

Exaggerated.

It is more difficult to live with such a jealous person, because a man does not show his jealousy in public. He endures his wife’s company in company with a smile on his face, but at home he turns into a real brawler and despot. If you kissed his brother on the cheek when leaving, your man has already mentally put you to bed, get ready for a real interrogation with passion!

Pathological.

This is the most dangerous male jealousy. He doesn’t need reasons or fantasies - he is sure that his woman is cheating on him. The behavior of the partner does not play any role here - the chosen one will still harass her. Such jealousy is dangerous because, in addition to moral humiliation and terror, a woman suffers the fate of physical violence. A man intoxicated is especially scary - any words from his chosen one will provoke outbursts of aggression and anger, which can have the most dire consequences.

How to recognize a pathological jealous person:

bans on everything: leaving the house, telephone conversations, beautiful clothes, working in a male team, girlfriends, going to a pharmacy where the pharmacist is a man;
sudden outbursts of rage and threats of physical violence against the chosen one and her (imaginary) lover;
real surveillance of your woman (we're not just talking about the phone, pages on social networks and wiretapping, but real stalking).

Of course, we are talking about a mentally ill person. Your arguments and logical explanations will be accompanied by even greater resistance and bitterness. After all, the thought definitely lives in his head that his wife is unfaithful to him, and everyone around him knows about it and laughs at him. Sooner or later, his stressful state will result in something big and terrible, from which it is better to escape in advance.

How should a woman behave if her husband is jealous?

It is extremely difficult to re-educate a jealous man. Sometimes it seems like a more logical and simpler solution to the problem is to break off such a relationship. However, a woman cannot always do this, because she loves him. In addition, declaring that everything is over does not guarantee freedom from a jealous suitor; he will not give up so easily. He will annoy the woman with calls, spy on her, and threaten her new boyfriend.

If your husband is jealous, psychologists advise:

Convince the man to seek help from a family psychologist. They will help you cope with character traits such as fear, aggression, and tell you how to stop beating yourself up and being jealous of a girl. The advantage of this step is that the psychologist will work with both the man and the woman at the same time, this will take their relationship to a new level.
Read also: Work and epilepsy. What kind of work can you do if you have epilepsy?
A husband can get rid of a global sense of ownership if his wife praises him and notices his good looks and positive character traits.
Systematic exercises in the gym help a man gain self-confidence. Good physical shape makes a man stand out from the crowd. Systematic training promotes self-education, development of endurance, patience and puts thoughts in order. Sports activities create an opportunity to throw out negative energy and help normalize your emotional state.
If a husband is exhausted from jealousy, the wife should dress more modestly and reduce communication with friends - this way she will let him know that she respects his feelings, loves him, and there is no reason for jealousy.

What are the causes of male jealousy

When the chosen one has all the signs of a jealous person, all that remains is to find out the reasons in order to understand how to deal with it.

Male psychology allows us to answer the main question: why a man is jealous of his woman.

So, 12 main reasons for male jealousy:

Self-affirmation at the expense of a woman. A man creates scenes of jealousy only in order to take it out on his chosen one for his lack of success, for the fact that he does not reach her level. In appearance, age, professionally, society.
Heightened self-esteem. It is impossible to prove anything to such men - they are too arrogant and hot-temperedly perceive any wrong look or movement towards other men. If you hug a childhood friend when you meet, you are guaranteed the title of “girl of easy virtue.”
Low self-esteem. This reason borders on pathological self-doubt, when a man feels like a complete insignificance that no normal woman can love. Why are you in a relationship with him? Looking for some benefit? And when you get it, humiliate him and leave for a more successful male? The behavior of such a man can vary from whiny, crushed to angry and aggressive.
Emotional stagnation. This is a case when a man was taught from childhood to suppress his emotions (screaming, resentment, tears, etc.). Psychologists say that it is jealousy that becomes a lightning rod. If a man is stingy in showing emotions, his jealousy will know no bounds.
Own polygamy. Men are hunters, conquerors, winners, women are nuns, guardians, faithful companions. But in society this position has long become shaky, and men, realizing this, become real alarmists. They tend to try all situations on their family, which sometimes makes life unbearable.
The desire to manipulate your spouse. Everything is simple here - a man has not received affection or care from his chosen one for a long time, so a secret weapon called “jealousy” is used. It allows a woman to perk up, prove her love, and give the necessary tenderness. Usually this is done by the fair sex, but it is also inherent in men.
Psychological trauma. Fear of loneliness, unhealthy atmosphere in the internal picture of the family, lack of friends, humiliation of peers, etc. You ask, what does jealousy have to do with it? Such psychological traumas lead to the fear of losing the existing relationship, and, as a result, constant distrust of the partner. The guy in this case is jealous of the woman towards everyone: a friend, a salesman, a taxi driver, etc. Such men can be called deeply unhappy people.
The woman has already cheated once. Such an unpleasant aftertaste never leaves a man’s memory! Therefore, do not be surprised when he turns from a “darling” into an annoying partner who wants to know and control everything that happens.
Ownership feeling. Differs from a despot in the absence of aggression. Usually it is difficult to drag such a man into a noisy company; he criticizes all sorts of attempts by his woman to prettify and dress up. “Who are you wearing lace lingerie for? Not good for yourself – only for me!”
Despotism. Here, jealousy has nothing to do with mistrust; the partner simply likes authoritarianism. Orders must be followed unquestioningly - no red lipstick, male friends, or skirts in the wardrobe. The logic of a despotic jealous man sounds like this: if a woman refuses to carry out an order, it means that she has already found someone else.
Copying parent relationships. This is the case when one of the parents cheated on the other (it doesn’t matter who), and the other knew about it and suffered. A man lives according to this scenario because he is programmed for it.
Mental disorders. A man is completely involved in his delusional ideas, where he is sure to be cheated on. This can be a harbinger or accompanying symptom of schizophrenia and other mental illnesses.

As you can see, dear women, there are many reasons for male jealousy. But if you can determine the origins of this insidious feeling, it will be much easier for you to deal with it!

If you cannot determine the cause of jealousy that is destroying your relationship, consult a psychologist. If love reigns between people, there should be no talk of any shame. Let your family find the harmony and mutual understanding that you so lack!