Pregnancy is a time of happy troubles while waiting for a miracle. But fear for the future baby sometimes darkens this bright period. “Can I stand it? Will he be born healthy? Will the birth go smoothly? Will I be able to bear the pain? Did such and such harm my baby (a glass of champagne at a party before the news of motherhood, a quarrel at work, a smoking neighbor...).”
Important
If a woman is suspicious, prone to worry, if this is her first child, or especially if she had miscarriages before this pregnancy, an anxiety state may develop during pregnancy.
Inexplicable anxieties that a woman cannot cope with worsen the course of pregnancy, because these are not only subjective experiences and thoughts, but also very real symptoms of fear: heartbeat and rapid breathing, sweating, dizziness, nervous tremors, worsening symptoms of toxicosis in pregnant women. All this, of course, harms the child. Therefore, a pregnant woman with an anxiety disorder needs the help of a doctor.
Anxiety disorder and pregnancy are common neighbors
The woman’s entire nervous system is tense and aimed at maximizing the preservation of the child. But sometimes the hyperactivity of this natural mechanism has the opposite effect. Therefore, it is important to monitor the condition of the expectant mother. If she worries more often than she is happy, her worries do not have a specific reason (pregnancy is proceeding smoothly), and she cannot distract herself from them - perhaps this is already a disease.
Often, a pregnant woman, even realizing that something is wrong with her, is afraid to seek help because she may be advised to terminate the pregnancy or be prescribed medications that will harm the baby. There is a way out of this situation!
Treatment for a pregnant woman differs from therapy for ordinary patients, because it is important not only to help the mother, but also to protect the baby.
How to cope with anxiety during pregnancy
Evgenia, 25 years old, programmer at a construction company: “I had a great time through most of my pregnancy. I didn’t have any worries or doubts. But the closer the birth gets, the more insecure I feel, and I constantly think about something bad. What will all this look like? How will the birth go? Will everything be okay? I begin to remember various scary stories about childbirth and can no longer calm down. I don’t even remember the last time I was absolutely calm...
Svetlana Ievleva, psychologist: - Anxiety during pregnancy is a fairly common phenomenon. And it’s not just about hormonal changes that affect the emotional state of the expectant mother. An equally important reason is the upcoming event itself. After all, in terms of significance and responsibility, few things can compare with the birth of a child.
It has been noticed that the most alarming are the first and last few weeks. At the very beginning, anxiety is associated with how others will perceive the event, how the pregnancy will proceed, and how the birth of a child will change life in general. And shortly before giving birth, many note that they cannot even understand the reasons for their anxious state, and describe it as unclear expectation or incomprehensible excitement. Moreover, this is typical even for those who are objectively doing well: normal health, financial and social well-being, and complete readiness for the birth of a child. And then the very fact of the presence of these sensations already inspires concern. A vicious circle appears: anxious thoughts make you think about their cause (“if I’m so worried, it means something is wrong”), and a search for this very reason begins (“My husband, in my opinion, is not very happy about the upcoming event , so it’s unknown how everything will turn out”), then reflections begin on this specific topic (“What if he leaves us, what will I do?”), as a result of which many other doubts and worries arise. Sometimes thoughts seem so strange even to the expectant mother herself that she does not dare to share them with anyone. For example, a woman expecting the birth of a desired and planned child may think that now nothing can be changed, that everything is already happening against her will and there is no turning back. And - again in a circle: “If I have such thoughts, it means that I don’t really love my child, it means that I won’t be able to be a good mother, I won’t cope with my responsibilities, I won’t be able to raise him correctly, we won’t have a good relationship, because he feels what I think already now.”
In other words, fear and anxiety significantly worsen the overall emotional state, and therefore well-being. And although anxiety is not a negative quality, but, on the contrary, plays a very important role in a person’s life - it helps to anticipate troubles and problems and prevent them, yet its excessive manifestations interfere with a normal life. Therefore, it is worth working to restore peace of mind and balance.
- The first thing you need to do is stop being afraid of your feelings, whatever they may be. This will already have a certain effect, because now you won’t have to waste energy fighting emotions, trying to suppress them (which, by the way, is almost impossible).
- The second step is rationalization. That is, you need to come to terms with anxiety even more, accepting it as something absolutely normal (“It’s natural that in my condition I experience such feelings: they probably arose in everyone who was faced with such changes”) and even necessary (“I worry and Therefore, I will prepare and plan everything in advance so that there are as few surprises as possible.”
- Next, make it a rule to talk about your experiences, no matter how ridiculous and absurd they may seem to you. Talk about this with established mothers - and you will understand that they really all experienced something similar; Discuss your experiences with your doctor - and you will probably be reassured by explaining in detail why certain procedures and studies are prescribed. And of course, do not try to hide your fears and anxieties from your husband - it is possible that it is his support and confidence that will be the most effective. Of course, it is not at all necessary to say what exactly worries you. Your thoughts on the topic: “What if you don’t love the child and leave us all” can turn out to be offensive and even provoke a conflict - a man cannot understand the whole complex of experiences of a pregnant woman, no matter how hard he tries. But the phrase: “I feel so calm with you, you can cheer me up, otherwise lately I’ve been constantly worrying about something” - will have the most desirable consequences.
- Anxious people are often advised to avoid situations that may make their condition worse. But the problem is that anxiety tends to spread - and an anxious person will find a reason for concern in literally everything. Therefore, there is no point in avoiding, for example, communication with expectant mothers in a antenatal clinic or reading magazines dedicated to pregnancy and childbirth, for fear of seeing or hearing something frightening. Moreover, a method that often helps in dealing with anxiety is when a person sets himself the task not to stop worrying, but, on the contrary, to worry as much as possible. It may look strange, but it definitely helps. The mechanism is simple: a person resists what is strongly imposed on him. This means - choose time to concentrate on your disturbing thoughts and, without distraction, think about all the problems and horrors. Set yourself the task of thinking about it for a certain amount of time and try not to be distracted for a second. And so every day - you drop everything you are doing and diligently worry. There should be as much time as possible, and thoughts as scary as possible. Don't break this rule and you'll see what happens.
- There are situations when something disturbing happened just recently, and you just can’t stop thinking about these events. In such cases, some object helps, or rather, focusing on it. It could be anything - whatever happens to be nearby. For example, a leaf of a tree. Look at it, touch it, twirl it in your hands. Consider all the details, even the smallest ones - the pattern of lines, almost invisible notches along the edges. Imagine that you are seeing a leaf for the first time, think only about it, try to describe it as if you had to tell someone about it. Smell this leaf with your eyes closed. Do you have any memories associated with this smell? Of course, instead of a sheet of paper there can be any other object - a book, a pencil, your own palm. You can carry a small object with you specifically for this purpose - an interestingly shaped keychain, for example, but there are enough available means.
- Anxious people tend to constantly think about what will happen sometime in the near or distant future. Events occurring at the moment pass unnoticed, even if they are very pleasant and objectively positive. Therefore, it is important to learn to be aware of every moment, to enjoy the little things and everyday life. There is also an exercise for this, similar to the previous one. You focus on whatever you are doing, being aware of what you are feeling and being fully involved in it. And find pleasant moments in everything. They are even present in washing dishes - pay attention to how beautiful and smooth the cups are, how warm the water is, how it flows over clean porcelain, etc. And in general - add more seemingly insignificant but pleasant things to life. Little things distract from thoughts about global problems like: “Will we be happy in 5 years?”
- In a state of anxiety and emotional excitement, people often have scary or simply unpleasant dreams. They, in fact, are simply a reflection of what is going on in our thoughts during the day. And therefore, you shouldn’t analyze them too much and consider them harbingers of some unpleasant events. Otherwise, you can end up with sleep disturbances and the inability to fully rest at night. You begin to expect a bad dream - the fear of falling asleep appears, and when you do fall asleep, you dream of something even more disturbing and frightening. This further worsens overall well-being, which, in turn, causes new worries. In general, treat dreams more simply and positively - then they will become like that.
- Of course, you can find your own methods - what will help you. Think about what situations make you feel very good? Maybe when you communicate with a certain person? Maybe when you look at old photographs? Or does a funny movie give you the most positive emotions? I am sure there will definitely be something that will give you peace of mind and confidence.
Evgenia: — I really hope so, because, frankly speaking, I’m already tired of this state. And thoughts, and terrible dreams, and the inability to sleep - all this is already there. Of course, I have such terrible dreams that I wake up in a cold sweat. For example, I dream that I am standing on the edge of a cliff, and all the other people are below. They wave their arms at me and shout for me to come down, but I can’t - there’s no ladder, no rope, nothing. Then they shout that they will leave without me if I don’t come down to them. I’m trying to walk somehow, but I can’t—I feel like I’m going to fall. I cry, I can’t understand why no one is helping me, I also scream and... wake up. Of course, after that I can’t sleep - I walk around the apartment and try to calm down.
And lately I've been having just a terrible dream. I’m walking down the street with a stroller - so content and happy. You meet different people - acquaintances, neighbors, relatives. Each of them smiles at me, congratulates me, and then comes up to the stroller and looks inside. The facial expression immediately changes - first surprise, then some kind of fear, then pity. They look at me strangely, talk to each other and leave. I move on, I meet other people, and the same thing happens. I start to worry, I want to look into the stroller, but even in my sleep I’m scared. I still make up my mind and open the blanket, but my hands are shaking because I feel something is wrong. I open it further and further, sorting through the sheets and lace - and then I start crying because I’m afraid...
I woke up in tears. I wanted to wake up my husband, but I couldn’t: I thought that there was no need to tell such a thing. And I haven’t told anyone about this yet - I’m afraid that they will tell me that it’s a bad dream, and then I’ll feel even worse.
And even when visiting a doctor, something now constantly worries me. The last time I was there and was waiting for my turn, a girl came out of the office. She was so sad, covered in tears, and turned to the window. Something happened. She was probably short of pregnancy (the belly was not yet visible), but problems had already emerged. Maybe some kind of disease that basically makes it impossible to give birth. Or congenital problems have been identified in the child, and now she is faced with a choice. My God, how terrible it is - really, anything can happen at any moment. What if now it turns out that not everything is all right with me? For some reason I was told to take these tests twice. Are they simply lost or does the doctor want to confirm their fears? I walked into the office not myself. I sat down and waited for what they would say. The midwife, as usual, weighed me, the doctor, as usual, wrote down the data, listened to the heartbeat, measured the volume, looked at the test results, and wrote something down on the exchange card. Right now he’ll say, right now... “So? Everything is fine, I'm waiting for you on the fifteenth. Don’t forget to go to the ophthalmologist.” How is that all? Everything is fine? Well, great... And yet I couldn’t stand it: “Excuse me, but what about that girl who was crying?”
“With what girl? “The doctor didn’t seem to understand right away. - Oh, in a pink blouse? No problem, this is my daughter. Her evening dress was ruined in the atelier; it was not made the way she wanted. And on Saturday there is a friend’s wedding. She was so upset that she even came to see me at work.” Well, how do you like it? We need to warn people. I would come out and say - so and so, I’m crying because they ruined my dress. I’m going crazy here, I’ve come up with a lot of everything, but she just doesn’t know what to wear to the wedding. Well, it’s good that I asked, otherwise I would have been thinking about it all day. And so it even became funny to me - how you can interpret the behavior of others in accordance with your own mood.
In the evening we celebrated the day we met my husband. Five years ago we met at my friend’s place. Igor was her classmate and came to pick up notes. It turned out well - and now we celebrate this day every year. He gave me a small figurine of a kitten made of amber, which had a medallion on its chest with the engraving “My favorite kitten.” So cute! Now I carry it with me in my purse all the time. And I start looking at it when I feel like I need to calm down. I look at its paws, its face, and think how beautifully it is made, or I just hold it in my hand, feeling how it heats up. And he helps me, especially when I read the inscription on the medallion for the hundredth time.
By the way, my friend also congratulated me - she didn’t forget about her complicity in our acquaintance. And it turned out that she was also expecting a child. It turns out that we haven’t communicated for how long! Naturally, they began to find out who had what doctors and weight gain, what kind of cribs were planned and who was buying clothes where.
“Everything is fine with me, but I don’t sleep well—I dream about all sorts of nonsense,” Masha complained to me. “What are you doing!? And what are you dreaming about?” — I asked. And Masha told. I just couldn’t believe my ears - the dreams were so similar that... this simply couldn’t happen! The same fears, apprehensions, falls, the same feelings that something is wrong with the child or that he simply does not exist. I sympathized with Masha, but, frankly speaking, I felt real relief. I'm not the only one who wakes up scared at night, which means it's not that bad. Masha, in my opinion, experienced the same thing when I told her my nightmares in response, and we agreed to meet - we clearly had something to discuss.
I never noticed that we were similar, but now... I understood almost everything that Masha told me perfectly, because I experienced the same thing, and she herself nodded understandingly when I talked about my experiences. I told her about the incident at the antenatal clinic, and she told me about the same story that happened to her. She returned home earlier than usual and opened the door with her key. To her surprise, her husband did not rush towards her, but began to frantically grab all the papers from the table and stuff them into a drawer - and only after that helped her undress. To the question: “What are you doing?” replied: “Yes, I decided to clean up before you arrived.” But somehow he was tidying up strangely - it looked like he was hiding something. What exactly? And why was he so worried when she approached the desk? He literally dragged her away from there, and then even suggested that they go for a walk. But that’s where her medical record lay... Masha didn’t really read it, but her husband was a doctor, a traumatologist, to be sure, but still... It’s clear that he found something there, and now he doesn’t want to tell her about it. That’s why I was so scared when she came in... At night, Masha patiently waited for her husband to fall asleep. But he did not sleep - apparently he was waiting for the same from her in order to get to the box. My friend turned out to be more cunning - she said that she wanted to watch “Gone with the Wind” and played the cassette. The husband fell asleep during the second love scene, and Masha, pleased with her resourcefulness, went on reconnaissance. Her hands trembled with excitement, thoughts rushed through her head worse than each other. What if the reason is not in the card? What if there was something else there? Let's say, photographs of him where he is not alone? Or some kind of letter? From a girl? He recently went to study in another city. Maybe he had an affair there?
This is true. This is a letter, or rather a postcard. Here is a greeting card for her, Masha, with a bracelet attached to it. After all, tomorrow is her birthday. How could she forget about this?
This is the story. We laughed at each other and at ourselves. It’s strange, but for some reason, with Masha, who was even more anxious than me, all my fears completely disappeared, and I even reassured her and gave her various advice.
Then we called back often - both just like that, and to tell some “terrible” dream, which after discussion became quite pleasant and foreshadowed all the best.
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Well, there is very little left before the birth. We will see our baby soon. The nursery is almost ready and the name has almost been chosen - after all, it is already known for sure that it is a boy.
I can’t say that during this time I completely changed and became calm. Of course not. I think about how the birth will go, and... I’m a little afraid. But just a little, because I know: everything will be fine.
The path to happy motherhood
Anxiety disorder after childbirth, especially against the background of postpartum depression, is a frequent visitor to a young family, especially where the child is the first and long-awaited.
For both pregnant and nursing mothers, treating anxiety disorder without antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications is a priority. And this is not at all a reason to stop breastfeeding - the best thing that has been created for the baby’s health.
Psychotherapy, auto-training and self-relaxation training, work with significance, in special cases - hypnosis - this is the arsenal of a psychotherapist in the case when there are two patients.
Doctors at the Mental Health Center have extensive experience working with pregnant women and women after childbirth. A full-fledged arsenal of modern psychotherapy tools makes it possible to carry out treatment without drugs, avoiding harmful effects on the child and giving the mother the opportunity to fully enjoy the joy of motherhood.
