There is an opinion that female friendship does not exist. Only those who have not known this happiness say this, because girls’ friends often become the closest people! But before getting closer, female friendship goes through many tests. And now the next moment has come... You had a fight. What to do in such situations? How to behave, how to act correctly?
How to make peace if the cause of the quarrel is a man
A man always directly or indirectly brings discord into female friendships and this is normal. The main thing is to resolve all omissions immediately.
If you are jealous of your man for his own girlfriend, then it’s time to prioritize your relationship with both of them. To begin with, stop these endless dates of the three of you - you’ll chat with your friend during breaks (at home, at the institute), but make it a rule to spend the evening alone with your guy. Ask your boyfriend to come with a friend, arguing that your girlfriend feels uncomfortable. If the situation does not change, talk to her, explain your feelings. Tell your friend that you love her madly, however, you are now experiencing conflicting emotions that are still difficult to get rid of. This will help you make peace without dramas and hysterics, since a true friend will always understand and support.
If the situation with your boyfriend and girlfriend is exactly the opposite, and you act as that third “extra” person, avoid this situation. Never be alone with her lover, become less active in general conversation, do not touch him, do not joke about your friend. Monitor her reaction to you and if you feel that the situation is escalating (her friend is increasingly in no mood, stops calling, gets offended), stop interfering in this relationship altogether. Politely refuse the offer to go for a walk together in the evening, and admit to your friend that you feel awkward, so you don’t want to disturb them.
If a man was initially the object of admiration for both of you, but he liked you, a frank conversation will help you make peace with your offended friend. Say that every woman sooner or later finds the one, and you seem to have found him. Convince her that she is not the “losing” party, but simply someone who has not yet found her happiness. Help her find her soulmate.
If your friend is offended that you pay little attention to her, correct it, but with some reservations. If you used to spend 24/7 together, now she can only claim half of your time. A real girlfriend will understand your condition, believe me!
A quarrel with a friend over a man can be long-lasting, or it can even end the friendship. The main thing is not to choose “between,” but to differentiate your relationship with your friend and your boyfriend.
Is it even worth putting up with?
The bright friendship between you and your friend has been darkened by conflict. All your thoughts are busy looking for a way to conclude a truce with your friend. However, from time to time an insidious thought spins in my head: “Do I really need to put up with a friend who, perhaps, herself does not want to be friends with me?”
It may seem strange, but both the first and second options are reasonable. The following tips will help you decide whether to put up with your friend or not:
Not renewing friendly relations after a strong conflict is the right decision if, during a skirmish, it turns out that your life positions are seriously different from each other. It is sad to admit that over the years, changes occur in the character and worldview of people. Just a couple of years ago, you and your friend even thought the same thing, but today it’s as if you speak different languages. If such a relationship continues, misunderstandings and constant quarrels due to different views on life will increase. In this situation, a disagreement can serve as a reason to end your friendship with a person with whom you have lost understanding, even if you experience great pain from the breakup. But remember, before such a serious decision, analyze the situation with maximum care so as not to make mistakes.- If there are no particular contradictions in your life positions, you are sure that further communication with your friend will be interesting and productive, be sure to put up with her. True friends come across our path too rarely for an absurd quarrel to serve as a reason to scatter them. Even if you have to step over your pride, remember that friendship is much more valuable than our pride.
7 signs to tell if your friend is jealous of you
How to make peace if your friend is to blame
If the quarrel is your friend’s fault, you definitely need to take a short break. If your offense is small, a pause will act as an “eraser” that will erase and smooth out this discord. If the quarrel is major and emotions are too intense, a couple of days of silence will help you come to your senses and look at the situation soberly. Girls are quite emotional, and often, instead of constructive dialogue, it turns out to be a major scandal with offensive personalization. It's so impossible to make peace!
Before you go to reconciliation first, think about what caused your friend’s behavior towards you. Were you deliberately offended or did you misunderstand her? Is such a disdainful attitude towards you the norm or an absurd coincidence of circumstances? What do you feel - resentment, anger, melancholy, sadness? Is she aware that the friendship is on hold because of her, or is she in the dark? Think about whether you provoked her to such actions? These questions will help you understand your future behavior strategy.
Logically, a friend should come to make peace, since she is to blame for the quarrel. However, each person sees the situation from their own perspective, so she may not even realize how much damage she has done to your friendship. If this relationship is important to you, you don’t like being in the status of a victim, you know for sure that your friend did not intentionally offend you, it would be logical to approach you first. You can approach them right away with a serious conversation, indicating your position, or you can break the silence with a harmless joke.
If you are the first to decide to start a conversation, the main thing is that the dialogue proceeds calmly, without raised tones, claims or insults. Otherwise, you will not make peace, but will quarrel even more. Say that the nature of the disagreement is not so serious that you would lose your best friend, but you sincerely wish that such situations would not happen again. Speak out your feelings, your friend will henceforth think about the consequences of her words or actions. Initially, do not hope that they will fall to their knees in front of you. If this is what you are currently inclined to do, it’s too early to reconcile!
If your friend is indirectly to blame and the cause of your quarrel was a third object, find a common compromise. Think together about how you can eliminate such situations in the future.
If your friend is one of those who is shy/afraid/unsure of herself/hesitant to reconcile, give her a sign that you are ready to forgive her. Post a status on social networks that says that you miss her, love her, and are ready to forgive. Post a general photo or picture that describes your feelings. Sometimes this is more than enough.
In any case, you should listen to your feelings. If you love your friend no matter what and accept her anyway, be the first to make peace! There are no winners or losers in friendship!
Why do people stop being friends?
It is clear that everyone has quarrels for different reasons. Sometimes they are stupid, and sometimes the reason is significant, and the offense is justified. But it is important to remember that a friend, even if the girls are in conflict, is a close person who deserves understanding and empathy.
READ The main reasons why a man insults a woman
Initially, it is recommended to analyze why the scandal occurred, and only then make attempts to make peace with your girlfriend:
- Misunderstanding. People, even the closest ones, have different views on certain things. You need to accept this or find friends who would share the person’s opinion completely. But it is almost impossible to agree on everything, because disagreements will still appear somewhere.
- Pressure. If a friend tries to provoke, manipulates, forces you to do something, or behaves hysterically, then it is better not to communicate with her. The girl is able to adopt this pattern of behavior or develop some internal problems that will prevent her from making friends with people in the future.
- Violation of personal boundaries. Not every person understands that you should not interfere in your friend’s life, even if their communication is very close and trusting. Someone tries to give advice, finds out information, tries to insert their two cents when there is no need for it. It is better to warn such friends so that they do not cross conventional boundaries and do not begin to become familiar. If talking doesn't help, then communication should be stopped.
These reasons are the main ones that can ruin a friendship. It is important to understand whether it is necessary to establish interpersonal relationships with this person at all. If a friend does not value her loved ones, neglects their feelings, behaves meanly and ugly, then it is better not to contact her. Even if it’s hard at first, after a while it will pass, the emotions will fade away.
READ What to do if a guy is offended: signs of offense and ways to atone for guilt
When a girl admits that she is guilty, but in general is not too eager to continue the friendship, it is recommended to resolve the conflict and then reduce communication to nothing. This way, the friends will remain good acquaintances, and there will be no enmity or hostility between them.
How to make peace if you are to blame
To make peace with your best friend, if you are to blame, only an admission of guilt and a frank conversation will help. Sometimes it’s better to apologize right away (if you said a ridiculous phrase about her), sometimes it’s better to think it over and give your friend a little time to cool down.
Switch places with her and assess the depth of her resentment. Look at the situation from the outside. You think your joke about her slowness was funny, but you missed the fact that among those present there was a guy she likes. You thought you were joking, but your friend took it as humiliation. Talk to her about this moment. Sincerely say that you were stupid (you didn’t think, you forgot, you didn’t want to hurt her). Don't discount her feelings, don't call her emotions stupid. Respect her, otherwise there is no meaning in your words.
During a conversation, have the courage to listen to what is said to the end. I often want to retort back and point out her shortcomings. However, refrain from this now, you have come to make peace! Promise that in the future you will be more attentive to your statements and say that you would never allow yourself to intentionally offend a friend. Don’t generalize, speak only on your own behalf: “I’m sorry that I ruined your evening,” “I’m sorry that this happened,” “I’ll try to keep you safe from this in the future,” “I want to fix everything.”
If you can’t establish communication in a personal conversation, you can write a letter to a friend, send an SMS, or use social networks (send a postcard along with a message or attach a track that symbolizes your feelings). The letter should express a clear desire to establish contact and sincere repentance. Choose your words carefully for this, and re-read the text again before sending.
Sometimes the best way to make peace with a friend is to come visit with her favorite cake. Without words, without invitations. Sincerely cry, hug, be silent, laugh. But you must be sure that the door will open, otherwise the conflict may develop into something more serious.
If nothing serious happened and there is essentially nothing to apologize for, ask for forgiveness for her bad mood. “I’m sorry, dear, that I made you sad (upset, angry).”
“Don’t come near me, I’m offended,” or what leads to quarrels
Psychology provides answers to tricky questions regarding the complexity of human interactions. When misunderstandings and disputes occur, the blame for the events leading up to the conflict lies with everyone. First of all, analyze what happened , why it happened, what each participant thinks and how each participant perceives the quarrel, and then decide what to do with this knowledge.
Looking through women's forums and sites with advice from psychologists, you will see that two common reasons for disagreements with your best friend are the appearance of another person , a guy or a girl, and anger at each other's actions. Often girlfriends spread gossip, are jealous of the guys they like, envy fashionable dresses or a glamorous eyeshadow palette. And a conflict arises.
Situations when a third wheel arises in the communication of friends are as follows: a young man has appeared, to whom more attention is directed than to friendship, or another friend with whom hobbies coincide. The main rule is not to interfere in other people's lives. Good intentions do not justify such behavior, and the belief that you are acting from good intentions will be lost.
An emotional explosion often occurs between people due to misunderstanding and understatement. In other words, the girl is offended by the words of another, but does not talk about it because she is ashamed to admit it or believes that the reasons for the offense are obvious. She could hear gossip from mutual friends that touched her to the quick, and she believed it. The way out in such cases is to communicate, clarify positions and see the picture from the other’s point of view .
How to make peace with a pen pal
The word is not a sparrow, as you know, and it is impossible to return what is said. If you both haven’t cooled down yet, or your pride is stopping you, or you’re simply ashamed (terrified) to have a frank conversation, you need to write a letter to your friend.
Having realized the cause of the conflict, state your position on paper. Not just: “It’s my fault”! Describe your feelings today, offer to make peace. Indicate for what reasons you want to improve the relationship, what exactly you value, what qualities you love in a friend. Remember the pleasant moments spent together: a trip to the sea, a vacation at a camp, your favorite ice cream on a bench, riding on a swing.
You can also write a letter electronically, but it is better to choose a paper version. Highlight the main words with colored pens and accompany the text with cute patterns. You can paste her favorite candy, a movie ticket, or an invitation to tea to the letter.
The content of the letter should depend on the cause of the quarrel. If it’s your friend’s fault, it’s enough to simply and succinctly say that you miss her. If you are to blame, but the reason is not serious (you were late, didn’t pick up the phone), then you can ask for forgiveness and ridicule yourself at the same time for your shortcoming (deaf grouse, turtle). If your guilt is strong, you should be as frank as possible in your statements, express remorse, a desire to help, and support your beloved friend. Even if you sprinkle ashes on your head, show the extent of your despair!
If you are at school, you can throw a note on her desk with a cute content: “I’ve had enough of Rafaello, you’ve had enough of my presence :)”, “I missed your cheerful laughter”, “I haven’t slept without you for a week, save me, dear”, “Let’s go after school for cotton candy in the park.”
How to make peace with a friend via SMS
If your friend doesn’t want to talk to you, it’s quite reasonable to establish contact via SMS. SMS is suitable when the reason for the quarrel is not serious or you and your friend simply misunderstand each other. If the conflict is large-scale, the above option is more suitable.
You shouldn’t overwhelm your friend with text messages; a couple of laconic phrases will be enough. The text should aptly indicate your position and become the start of your reconciliation. The tone of the text should be friendly, without a hint of accusation or arrogance. If you are to blame for the discord, the SMS should be short and serious. Humor will be inappropriate, even if you communicate in life exclusively on a cheerful wave. For example: “Let's go to the cinema”, “Forgive me, I was wrong”, “Shall we take a walk after lunch?”, “Help me, please”, “I regret that this happened”, “I don’t want our friendship to fade.”
And if a friend is to blame, you can add a touch of humor to the phrase initially. This will let you know that you are ready to make peace. For example: “Eh, since my friend won’t give me tea, I’ll have to go home and drink it alone,” “Come with me to an important matter in the evening, Agent Page,” “I have your friendship hostage, urgently go to negotiations.” If you and your friend have your own jokes, be sure to include them in the SMS, it will show your warm intention.
If you can’t establish a relationship with your friend this way, leave her alone. This means the time has not come yet. Let him miss you and rethink your friendship. Don't bore her with long tirades about your desire to make peace. You did everything you could at this stage, then the decision is hers.
Tips for custom solutions
Sometimes, in order to heal a friendship, you need to behave in such a way that an emotional outburst knocks your friend out of a negative mood. Surprise her with an invitation to a board game in a time cafe or to a master class on drawing with her eyes closed. In atypical conditions, it is easier to find common ground and create memories unrelated to past negative experiences.
If your confidante is so offended that she ignores attempts to get in touch, create a small tradition, for example, leaving “cute” messages for her on her wall on a social network. Share the news about the release of a sequel to your favorite series or a pattern for weaving a bauble that her younger sister will like.
It's important to show that rebuilding friendships matters to you . An unobtrusive but persistent manifestation of participation in interests will soften a friend, but it will take time.
Girls often put family first. If your friend is lucky enough to meet her loved one, try to become friends with them as a couple. Offer a team sports competition, take part in a quest, or go together to a concert of your favorite band. Having shouted enough, you will not only release the negativity, but also feel how the connection grows stronger.
The main thing for maintaining long-lasting friendship is a sincere desire to feel each other , to receive pleasure and benefit from communication, as well as sensitivity in the personal area. If these conditions are met, friendship will last a lifetime and will be a support in any situation.
Video tips: how to make peace with a friend?
In this video, psychologist Svetlana Babenkina will tell you about 10 steps that will help you regain your old relationship. Tips on how to make her stop being offended:
How to make peace with a friend on social networks
The social network is the salvation of modern people. With its help, you can express an emotion, show your mood with music, or send an important video. As a rule, if a friend refuses to reconcile, the functionality of a social network comes to the rescue.
First, think carefully about whether today there is any reason to make peace (her name day, the anniversary of your friendship, the day of kindness, the day of a good person, etc.). On the Internet now every day some event is celebrated. Send her a gift on this occasion, be sure to sign it. For example, today is Tiger Protection Day, send her a corresponding picture with the caption “The most harmful/cute/beautiful/kisula.”
Attach a song to her page that reflects your current mood or has positive emotions or pleasant memories between the two of you. You can sign the song “When you are not there, I don’t see the sun”, “Song of the little mischief-maker”, “Drive away my sadness”, “If you continue to sulk, it will be like in this song :)”. If you have signature jokes that only the two of you understand, great! Connect them.
If you and your friend have your own nicknames, use them! If you call her Pulka, find a picture with this image and, using a photo editor, make an interesting inscription on it: “You hit me in the very heart,” “Your cold is about to kill me,” “Fly to me, my Pulka.” Or come up with a poem with this nickname. This will show your special attitude and melt the heart of even the most unapproachable friend!
Cockroaches in the head, or why we want our friends back?
Before you make any persistent attempts to connect, think about why friends are important to you. A passionate desire to return the situation to normal can be dictated by fear of loneliness , habit of a certain lifestyle, or wounded pride.
In this case, it is better to let go and not try to restore contact. A relationship in which there is no respect and value for a person’s personality will not bring joy or benefit to any of the participants.
A friendship built on acceptance of the character traits, emotions, passions and shortcomings of a loved one can withstand the most difficult tests. In this case, all participants will make every effort to correct the situation.
You will definitely find a way to heal the wounds inflicted on the relationship, and your friend will take steps towards you.
Should you give a gift as an apology?
People have mixed opinions about gifts. Some say that a gift is an excellent reason to return friendship, while others consider it an imposition of obligation.
There is nothing wrong with the gift itself. It will be especially relevant if there is no serious discord between you. In this case, you can simply show up in front of your friend’s door with her favorite fruits, sweets, wine, a ticket to the show and solemnly wave your hand and a rattling bag through the peephole.
If the quarrel was serious, then the gift will be appropriate only in certain cases:
- if it is inexpensive (to eliminate the friend’s feeling of guilt);
- if the gift is chosen according to its meaning (according to the friend’s character);
- if between you it is permissible to give gifts to each other.
If the above points are taken into account, then a gift may well smooth out some awkwardness. Give something that your friend will definitely like - her favorite lipstick, a fresh bouche, a collection of stickers, a balloon. The main thing is not the price, but your attention and effort!
Remember that a gift itself cannot smooth out rough edges and say unsaid things. It only acts as an accompanying detail, but without constructive dialogue it is impossible to make peace.
Reconciliation after a strong quarrel
Sometimes the conflict is indirect, does not represent anything serious, and occurs out of stupidity. But there are also situations when two best friends fight for a serious reason.
It is important to understand that after a serious scandal, the path to reconciliation can be very long. It is possible that this will take at least a month.
But if you are truly best friends, then reconciliation will come.
First of all, you need to understand whether it is worth putting up with at all. If the scandal was so strong, and the reason was significant, perhaps it’s time to put an end to it and not put up with it at all. If it has been decided that reconciliation is still necessary, remember that you are adults, so you need to talk seriously and be responsible for your words
You shouldn’t resort to phrases like “you’re always quarreling,” “you always behave like this,” “but you...”, “what about yourself?” It is extremely important to keep your conflict personal. No matter what happens to you, no matter what the quarrel was dictated by, it is unacceptable for third parties to appear between you and your best friend at the moment of reconciliation
You always need to make peace one-on-one, especially if the quarrel was serious.
It is possible that as you grow older, you or your friend has changed so much that communication has become very difficult, and conflict situations are becoming more common. Then you should take everything for granted, transfer the relationship to the category of friendships, and do not strive for closer contact.
