In the modern world, there is more freedom, and as a result, people began to build relationships of different types. But still in our society only monogamous relationships . A monogamous relationship is a relationship in which there are only two partners and they do not have affairs on the outside. Monogamy is rare in nature, so some people are convinced that it is not natural for a person to have one partner. But, nevertheless, it is precisely such relationships that are most common in our world, and are maximally supported by society. It is worth considering that in most countries marriages are only allowed between two partners.
What is the difference between monogamous and polygamous relationships
Polygamy
As follows from the previous paragraph, a polygamous person can simultaneously establish relationships with several people. Such a union can be called successful only when all its participants are completely satisfied with this state of affairs. That is, if one of the spouses starts an affair on the side without informing the other about it, then we are not talking about polygamy at all - it is simply treason.
Monogamy
It is believed that most people are still more inclined towards monogamy, and, of course, expect such an attitude towards themselves. It is worth noting that women still gravitate more towards this form of marriage, and this is not surprising, because most of the fair sex are known as homemakers. As a rule, the overwhelming number of women, even being unhappy in marriage, find it difficult to decide to cheat.
Which is better: polygamy or monogamy?
Are people monogamous or polygamous by nature? Both will be the correct answer. Which one is better? How many people, so many opinions. One group will say monogamy is better. It shows devotion to your partner, sincerity of feelings and unity of love relationships. For another group of people, such a life will be boring and uninteresting.
In the modern world, monogamy is more common, but both forms of relationships are relevant. There is a theory. If you take some principles from polygamy and apply them to a monogamous relationship, the connection will only improve and the marriage will become stronger.
If we think logically, as soon as a person appeared on the planet, both monogamy and polygamy were already present, which is why there are 2 types of relationships. Saying which is better, monogamy or polygamy is meaningless and wrong. Everyone must make a choice for themselves individually.
Examples of monogamy in the animal world
It is generally accepted that most animals are polygamous and do not attach importance to who they mate with. Most often this happens, but not always! So, which representatives of the animal world are inclined to remain faithful to their partner?
1. Swans
The pairs that swans form can last for many years, or even until the death of one of the birds. It’s not for nothing that swans have become a kind of symbol of love for many!
2. Wolves
One of the clearest examples of devotion to your partner, which many people can only envy. If the male dies, the female usually remains alone for the rest of her life. In turn, the wolf is ready to fight with anyone for its partner and offspring.
3. Beavers
Not many people know that these small and nimble animals are amazingly faithful! While the beaver is preparing to give birth to offspring, her partner provides her with food. Subsequently, they raise the baby together for about two years, after which they release him into a free life.
4. Penguins
Penguins live in pairs for many years. After they become a couple, returning every few months to the colony, they try to find each other among the other penguins.
5. Steppe voles
When voles become mated, they produce hormones that affect certain lobes of the brain. The male is faithful to his partner and does not pay attention to other rodents.
Monogamy in animals
Swans mate for life and changing partners is only possible if one of the swans dies
Monogamy in animals is a relationship between the sexes, characterized by the fact that the male mates with one specific female for a more or less long period of time and usually takes part in caring for the offspring. Monogamy is observed in most birds, and swans, storks, eagles, and vultures pair up for several years, in some cases for life, others for only one season, separating after hatching and feeding the chicks (for example, geese) or even immediately after making a nest, even before laying eggs (many ducks). All wild geese are monogamous. Among mammals, monkeys and wolves form pairs for several years or more; arctic foxes, foxes, badgers, stoats, beavers - rarely for more than one season. Monogamy sometimes also includes relationships between insects and other invertebrates, in which both sexes (or only males) die soon after a single mating (females - after laying eggs).
Examples of female polygamy (in history, in the culture of other nations)
Female polygamy has long had a scientific definition - polyandry. According to the latest data, there are about fifty nations in the world in which this type of relationship is practiced - a woman can have more than one spouse. This phenomenon occurs among the Indian population, Eskimos, Tibet, and so on.
For example, in India, the emergence of polyandry can be explained by gender considerations. Many families have a negative attitude towards the appearance of a girl in the family and resort to abortion - the reason for this is the reluctance or inability to collect the necessary dowry. As a result, there are now far fewer women in India than men. Of course, this phenomenon is not widespread everywhere, but only in remote outbacks.
Nowadays, there are places where female polygamy is not only common - it is officially legalized. This type of relationship is quite acceptable in Nigeria and Polynesia.
Why do some peoples do this? We can consider the situation using the example of Tibet, where many citizens value their land, which often feeds them. Naturally, when sons grow up, they need to start families. Not wanting to exchange land, parents prefer to marry only their eldest son. If there are other boys in the family, then subsequently they are also considered the husbands of the only daughter-in-law in the house.
Also, polyandry once became widespread in Venezuela. A woman could live with two husbands, and after giving birth to a baby, as a rule, she did not know who his father was. As a result, two spouses assumed paternal obligations at once, which subsequently turned out quite favorably for the fate of the heir.
Features of monogamous relationships
Any relationship between people, be it friendship, cooperation or love, is a complex social mechanism dependent on many factors. It is quite difficult to give an objective assessment of one or another relationship due to the possible ambiguous interpretation of various situations by opponents. This statement fully applies to monogamy, so you should not try to characterize monogamy from the standpoint of “good or bad”; it is better to consider the pros and cons of such relationships.
Advantages
Among the advantages of a permanent relationship with a single partner, the following should be highlighted:
- You become the owner of a priceless treasure - reciprocal mutual love, as a bonus you receive peace of mind, confidence in the future, in your partner and his attitude towards you.
- There is no need to constantly search for a partner, which also has its own material advantages.
- If your relationship has grown into the status of a serious monogamous one, you can safely make further plans for your life together - get married, have children, have joint property, etc.
- Monogamy is the dominant form of relationships in the world. With all the modern freedom of morals, most couples still adhere to monogamy. Belonging to this majority, your couple will be normally accepted in society, the doors of your friends’ houses will be open to you, without fear on their part that your sexual liberation will have a bad effect on their spouses.
- Monogamy is the most comfortable form of family, especially for children.
- Monogamy has a better effect on health, both physical (no risk of sexually transmitted and other diseases) and mental (no constant stress due to fear of abandonment, due to permanent competition with a rival).
- Complete trust in your other half, which makes it possible to speak out absolutely frankly, discuss something, without hiding anything or fearing.
- You don’t need to be afraid of loneliness; there is always a person next to you, for whom your well-being can mean even more than your own.
Important! Professor at the University of Sheffield V. Lumma in 2008 tried to identify the relationship between the life expectancy of men and the official status of polygamy in
their of residence.
The results of the study showed that men live longer in states where polygyny is legal. This is interesting: Chicken broth: benefits and harms
Flaws
The disadvantages of family life with one permanent partner can be considered the following characteristic features of monogamy:
- Over time, any relationship, even the most sincere, tends to lose its edge. If you once lost your head over each other, then after 10–15 years of living together, feelings become dull, and this is natural.
- You will no longer be able to truly feel the beauty of first love, courtship, kisses, sex. Even if you meet a person who you really like and see reciprocity in his eyes, things won’t go further than a pleasant smile.
- In the modern world, especially in business and show business circles, polygamy among men is considered the norm. And vice versa, monogamy is something abnormal, strange, raising doubts about male viability. Everyone understands the fallacy of such a judgment, however, due to the established stereotype, be prepared for jokes and ridicule in your direction when business partners find out about your fidelity to your wife and reluctance to have a mistress.
- For some people, monogamy causes a feeling of fear of the obligation to live their whole lives with one person, the fear of the emergence of satiety, habit, and the emergence of routine routine that will destroy the marriage.
Polygamy of men: a question that interests many
Men are polygamous by nature, is this true?
Usually women whose chosen one was caught in an attempt to cheat are forced to ask such questions. Not wanting to tolerate this state of affairs, the woman declares her readiness to break off the relationship, but the man convinces her not to rush off the handle and not hope that the next romance will be more successful, because all men are by nature prone to polygamy. Is it really?
Unfortunately, there is still some truth in these statements. A man can really show interest in several women at once - this is how nature provides. Simply put, such behavior is inherent in the genes. In the past, even before humanity found faith, earthlings were adherents of polygamy. This was not caused by licentiousness or dishonesty - this is how peoples simply survived, because large-scale wars were not uncommon then, claiming many lives. The male population always suffered in these battles, so society had an urgent need for male children. Gradually, harems began to appear.
Much has changed since then, but you shouldn’t be surprised that at the instinctive level, men still gravitate towards several women at once. Cultural society began to emerge only three thousand years ago, but polygamous relationships existed much longer!
The real problem or excuse of men who are womanizers
However, it is worth noting another important fact: yes, men are polygamous by nature, but this does not mean at all that they are not able to control their instincts! Of course, a man with a weak will will easily succumb to affairs on the side; more self-confident male representatives prefer to lead a monogamous lifestyle. Also note that some men are still more polygamous than others.
Lack of attention in childhood.
Many psychologists agree that if an adult man periodically cheats, this means that, most likely, he had problems in his childhood. More specifically, he probably lacked maternal attention. As a boy, he remembered this feeling - the need for female participation and care. Subsequently, he carries this need throughout his life, and, as a rule, the attention of one partner is not enough for him. The more often new women appear in his life, the more harmonious he feels.
Too much attention.
At the same time, there is another extreme - in childhood, a man gets used to the increased attention of a woman. We can talk about an overly caring mother, or a situation where the boy was raised by his mother and grandmother. The second case is more critical. A man, on a subconscious level, notes to himself that two women can take care of him at once, and he likes this state of affairs. As an adult, he will most likely also seek increased attention from women - this makes him more comfortable.
Greco-Roman culture and Christianity
Partial monogamy probably originated in ancient Greek society, where democracy was invented, but only applied to male citizens. In a place where all citizens are equal, polygamy, which deprives some men of marriage even with one woman, obviously could not exist. And, as we found out above, the formation of a layer of men without partners who are forced to abstain from sex for a long time can hardly be considered a recipe for state stability. Under Greek "monogamy", each male citizen was assigned a wife, and in addition, men had another option (which women, of course, did not have): they were allowed to have sex with slaves (slaves) and lovers (mistresses). As confirmation, I will cite the words from the speech of the famous Greek orator and political figure Demosthenes, spoken back in the 4th century BC:
For this is what it means to live with a woman as with your wife: to have children from her, to introduce sons as members of the clan and deme, to betroth daughters to their husbands, transferring them into property. We keep mistresses for pleasure, concubines for daily care of our person, but we need wives to give birth to legitimate heirs and to be faithful guardians of the hearth.
Therefore, this so-called monogamy was one-sided. It implied discrimination against women, who were still prohibited from having sex with other partners and who were simply distributed “more evenly” among men. Accordingly, the situation of men has improved, but that of women has remained the same.
The author of the original myth about monogamy, thanks to which the expression “other half” appeared and which was picked up by Western culture, was the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, presumably quoting Aristophanes’ “Symposium” in his dialogue. According to the myth he presented, people were once androgynous (consisting of two men, two women, or a man and a woman), they had four arms, four legs, two heads, and so on. Proud of their strength, these creatures dared to attack the gods themselves, and as punishment, Zeus divided them into two creatures. The halves yearned for each other, as soon as they met, their bodies intertwined in an effort to merge again, and in the end they died of hunger and inactivity, not wanting to do anything separately. Later, Zeus endowed both halves with sexuality, and thus love attraction appeared - it connects both halves, but its satisfaction does not prevent life from going on as usual.
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The myth of monogamy may have originated in the Garden of Eden or Plato's Symposium, but as we have seen, the reality was far from it, at least for men. Attempts to theoretically substantiate a monogamous lifestyle for them also began with the birth of Christianity, which, after the collapse of the Roman Empire, took it as a model in this sense (and the Roman Empire once adopted partial monogamy from the ancient Greeks). The New Testament verses teach us that henceforth a married couple should not divorce. In the Gospel of Matthew (19:3) Jesus says:
Have you not read that He who created in the beginning created man and woman? And he said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.” So, what God has joined together, let no man separate.
Marriage became an ecclesiastical concept, and people were now expected to live with the same partner for their entire lives, a model that had never existed in the Roman Empire or the Jewish world. After this, Christianity stepped even further - towards the denial of sexuality and the idyllic perception of celibacy. Therefore, the Apostle Paul argued in his First Epistle to the Corinthians (7:9) that it is better for people to be single, like him, “but if they cannot abstain, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to become inflamed.” The Apostle Paul believed that no person can be a servant of two masters at the same time - God and his partner. The Christian ideal is not even monogamy, but complete celibacy.
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One of the most influential popes, Gregory I, explicitly stated in the 6th century that, although sex in marriage is not a sin in itself, it should only serve to conceive children and not bring pleasure. Thus Christianity actually associated sexuality with feelings of guilt, shame and fear. Wedding and monogamy began to be considered a lesser evil for people who could not control their lust, and only almost a thousand years later, in the 13th century, marriage became one of the seven Christian sacraments - acts through which divine grace descends on a person.
In the 16th century, at the Council of Trent, one of the most important ecumenical councils of the Catholic Church, the superiority of monasticism over the institution of marriage was reaffirmed. However, in the pure form that the Christian world expected, it was not possible to realize not only the idea of monasticism, but even monogamy. Europe was overrun by mistresses, courtesans and all kinds of “ladies with camellias.” Even dads had children out of wedlock. The most famous in this sense was Rodrigo de Borgia, who at the end of the 15th century became Pope Alexander VI, the proud father of nine children born to several of his mistresses. He openly acknowledged all his children. Here is a description of a banquet given by his son, Cardinal Cesare Borgia, during the papacy of Alexander VI:
On the evening of the last day of October of the year, Cesare Borgia organized a feast in his chambers in the Vatican with the participation of “fifty honest prostitutes,” called courtesans. After dinner they danced with their companions and others present: first dressed, then naked. Then the candelabra with lit candles were removed from the tables and placed on the floor. Chestnuts were scattered everywhere, which the naked courtesans picked up, crawling between the candelabra on all fours, while the Pope, Cesare and his sister Lucrezia looked on. Finally, prizes were announced - silk tunics, shoes, hairpins and other items - for those who could perform the most acts of love with the courtesans.
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The Pope, Christianity, monasticism, monogamy... What are we even talking about?
But despite all this, the myth of monogamy continued to bloom in full bloom in the West. And, since Western culture stands on two pillars - antiquity and Christianity, it is not surprising that monogamy has become one of the main values of our society.
Why are women less likely to engage in polygamy?
Female monogamy can be fully explained - just like male polygamy, it was inherent in nature. This is the way it is now, and it was established many centuries ago - it is predominantly women who have the fate of raising children and being the custodians of home comfort and hearth.
It is worth noting that both spouses may be inclined towards polygamy, but the fair sex usually has more restraining factors - in the old days they simply had no time to look for new chosen ones.
Also, one cannot leave aside their hormonal background, which helps a woman take care of her children. Of course, this point, as a rule, prevents the establishment of numerous sexual partners.
Why are men polygamous and women monogamous?
The public consciousness has developed many stereotypes regarding male and female fidelity:
- Men always go to the left!
- Women are waiting for a prince on a white horse!
- Not the father who conceived, but the one who raised.
- How many years, and still no husband!
The dominant forms of marriage and family relations of a particular society are determined by its way of life and national traditions. Scientists are confident that polygamy and monogamy are historical forms of sex-role behavior, borrowed by humans from animals. So, in animals, the male is the food provider, the female is the producer of offspring. The male's job is to make offspring, the female's job is to make sure the cubs survive. In nature, males are responsible for population size. If a male impregnated only one female, species diversity on the planet would be greatly reduced. At the same time, if the female did not take care of the cubs, they would die. That is why society is lenient towards a husband’s infidelity, and women’s infidelity is most often condemned: “Who will she leave her children with now?”, “She only thinks about herself, she has children!”
Conviction for treason
In addition, hormonal levels differ between men and women. Thus, testosterone, which causes sexual attraction to a woman, is produced in a larger volume in the male body than in the female body. Men think about sex more often than women, which is why they cheat more often.
Important! To prevent the population from falling, men must impregnate women, and each woman must choose the most promising partner for herself in order to increase her chance of giving birth to a healthy, viable child. At the same time, polygamy is not widespread, because this type of family relationship does not allow for clarity in the distribution of responsibilities between the sexes
Ideal for family relationships
They say that each person builds his own happiness, decides for himself who to sleep with, who to live with, and whether to start a family. Everyone also has their own ideal version of family relationships. It is determined by a person’s law-abiding nature, his value system and level of moral culture. For most people, monogamy is an example of an ideal relationship, but this does not give them the right to condemn adherents of alternative forms of marriage.
What history and religion say about polygamy
In world religion, issues about polygamy periodically appear on the agenda, but it cannot be said that this topic has gained some kind of transparency and unified opinion over time. From time to time it still becomes a cause of controversy.
Previously, there was an opinion that this phenomenon first appeared among the Muslim people. However, this theory is already considered erroneous. As it turned out, many centuries ago, different segments of the population were inclined towards polygamy, and one wife for several husbands was not uncommon. As already mentioned, this was due to the fact that many men died in battle, and the survivors considered it their duty to leave as many other healthy offspring as possible. Of course, in these situations, women gradually began to feel disadvantaged, because in essence they were used only for reproduction. At the same time, it was considered a great joy and blessing if a boy was born into the world, but the appearance of a girl made few people happy.
But Islam, in turn, has significant differences from the described tradition. Muslims have established certain restrictions on polygamy.
First of all, it is important to note that a Muslim cannot have an infinite number of women - he is allowed to marry no more than four chosen ones. It is also worth clarifying that polygamy in Islam is not at all a prerequisite - it is the choice of each individual family, and nothing more. Many Muslims prefer to live with one woman, and consider this as natural as possible for themselves.
There are reasons why polygamy is encouraged in Islam. The first of them is that polygamy has been applicable since ancient times where there are significantly fewer men than women. At the same time, no one wants to be left without a husband, and every woman needs male protection. Having failed to become the first wife of her chosen one, the Muslim woman agrees to become the second, third or fourth. In this case, it cannot be said that women's rights are violated. Rather, they feel protected, and such a marriage is preferable to them than living alone.
History of polygamy
In primitive society, such a thing as monogamy did not exist at all. For our distant ancestors, polygamy was simply necessary - only thanks to it was it possible to constantly continue the clan and increase its number. In turn, this is what allowed the tribe to survive in harsh conditions. The hierarchy within the tribe itself was of great importance. Thus, the leader, the strongest representative of the genus, had the unconditional right to fertilize any of the females, and after him, in descending order of importance, the other males. At the same time, natural selection occurred, because stronger and more resilient children were born from stronger males. Why is the word “polygamy” now most often used in a negative context?
