Polygamy and monogamy in relationships between a man and a woman: what does it mean?

Psychologists and sociologists have long been studying human nature. Family psychology deals with the psychology of relationships and marriage.

Family psychology

Since ancient times, the family has been considered the social unit of society. It is born as a result of a marital relationship between a man and a woman. Marriage and family relations of any state are regulated by legal acts. In Russia, the main documents regulating marital relations are the Constitution of the Russian Federation and the Family Code of the Russian Federation. At the same time, in different countries the attitude towards marriage is not the same: in some places polygamy and polygamy are welcomed, in others monogamous marriage and fidelity to each other are encouraged. Russia is characterized by a monogamous way of family life, while Eastern countries are characterized by polygamy.

What is monogamy

Monogamy is a traditional marriage union between a man and a woman based on mutual love. The woman in a monogamous family is faithful to her husband, and the man is faithful to his wife. This form of family relationships has existed for many millennia. Historians claim that this form of relations between the opposite sex appeared long before man began to be considered reasonable.

The primitive man protected only the woman with whom he had regular sex. He did not take part in raising children, but he provided his woman with food and protected her from other men. At first, women preferred the strongest man, but over time they began to value qualities such as attentiveness and caring.

In modern society there is such a thing as external monogamy. What is this type of monogamy? This is a relationship between a married man or a married woman with someone on the side. In this case, monogamy and polygamy are observed simultaneously.

In addition, sociologists say that serial monogamy has appeared in modern society. What it is? This social phenomenon involves a person having several marriages throughout his life. At the same time, partners are faithful to each other in marriage, but one day the relationship ends in divorce. Each of the participants in this union enters into a new relationship, a new marriage.

Happy marriage after divorce

Attention! Studying the nature of gender relations, scientists came to the conclusion that monogamy is a law that is inherent in animals and is unquestioningly observed in communities of predators. In a wolf pack or pride of lions, males organize fights in which the winner receives a “prize” - a female. Another example of the animal kingdom being monogamous is swan fidelity. Regarding the human nature of relationships, experts are in no hurry to claim that it is characterized by monogamy, because there are many examples of polygamous behavior of people.

The myth of male polygamy and female monogamy

The debate in the next thread reminded me of a discussion I had once seen, “Polygamy and Harmony in the Family,” with the participation of a cabalist scientist.

If he had been an unlearned cabalist, I might not have listened to him. But there was a professor in front of me and he said strange things: polygamy was widespread in the ancient world, since a man, due to his duty, was often absent from home, was at work, traveling, and cultivating the land.

Well, let’s say, this is how I imagined the routine of the ancient world: harrow, symposium, suffering, business trip... But what does polygamy have to do with it?

It turned out that my wife needed to keep the house in order, but due to the lack of a refrigerator and a vacuum cleaner, she could not do it alone.

- So the wives united precisely in order to help each other, which was the main secret and benefit of polygamy. - the professor summed up.

While I was digesting this amazing thought, the cabalist again stunned me:

“In addition, if the wives had extra hands, they helped in the field.

“What do you mean extra hands? As a result of what mutations and from what place did they appear? And didn’t the wives unite specifically for housework,” I thought feverishly, while the professor approached the final thesis:

“Although nowadays the need for polygamy has disappeared, men have not changed and are starting relationships on the side.

“Are they starting to do laundry? Are they reaping rye?” I wondered, beginning to suspect that we were talking about something else. Meanwhile, the professor summed up: a man is polygamous by nature, and women by nature can easily, beautifully and cheerfully share one man.

I must say that my experience of visiting the harem contradicted the professor’s conclusions, especially in terms of fun. In addition, I remembered Mark Twain:

“A man notices certain facts. For example, that there was never a day in his life when he could satisfy one woman, and also that there was never a day in a woman’s life when she could not overwork, frustrate and disable ten male mechanisms that were laid to bed with her. He compares these amazingly clear and self-explanatory facts and draws from them the following astonishing conclusion: The Creator decided to limit woman to one man. Then he builds an eternal law on this more than strange conclusion. And he does this without consulting the woman, although she is a thousand times more interested in the correct solution to this issue than he is...”

Indeed, there was a period when we lived according to these laws. The main value was the land inherited by the eldest son, the “elders” dictated the rules, and 99.9% of women and 95% of men eked out a hard existence. But in the overall scale of human history, this phase was fleeting and had the same relation to nature as the extensive cultivation of monocultures that underlay it.

What did nature really put into us?

Looking at our primate brothers and sisters, living in monogamous pairs, harems, and communes, let me suggest that there is nothing more than adaptability to the environment. And, judging by many signs, the “one man – many women” system was not optimal for our ancestors.

If we look at harem primates, such as gorillas, the first thing we see is that the male is twice the size of the female. And this is not an accident, but the result of constant selection, during which the strongest male left the offspring. The average size difference between human men and women is only 10%, similar to the matriarchal hippie bonobos.

Further - more: the harem system needs our hidden ovulation, which is very rare among primates, like a dog needs a fifth leg. In order to obtain offspring from all the women in the harem, the padishah would have to copulate with each of them almost every day, which, as Mark Twain noted, he was simply not capable of.

Hidden ovulation can be interpreted both in favor of monogamy (a man has to pay a lot of attention to one woman) and in favor of polyamory, where every man, being a potential father of a child, takes care of him. In this regard, three more interesting things should be noted.

Monogamous relationships are not observed in primates that live in groups.
The rate of adultery in modern society would hardly be so high if monogamy were part of our DNA.
The last point is so poignant that I don’t even know how to approach it. Ruban from the shoulder: what do men like to measure themselves against?

(Photo from FB Alexey Nasretdinov)

And it’s a completely pointless activity, unless competition between them occurs at the level of sperm and the size of the “weapon” does not increase the chances of hitting the target. It is also curious that among other primates, the size of man's causal place in relation to the size of his body gives him some reason for pride.

So if you want to know my humble opinion, the closest thing to our ancestors was polyamory. But with the advent of agriculture, it became of little interest to the eldest son to transfer the plot to unknown offspring, and the institution of monogamous marriage, mainly for women, arose. And who knows whether the Y chromosome is deteriorating because the emergence of private property broke the existing system of natural selection?

However, do not think that I am promoting free love. I repeat, in my opinion, the form of family relationships “established by nature” is nothing more than a myth, the rest is a matter of our preference.

Benefits of Monogamy

What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist - who to turn to

For modern society, monogamy is considered a socially approved model of behavior. Marriage is supposed to be a union between two people of opposite sex. Any deviations from this form of marriage and family relations are considered immoral and condemned in society.

Discussions about what a monogamous and polygamous family is, and which one modern people need, have been going on for several years. From the point of view of psychologists and sociologists, monogamy is the most beneficial form of marriage and family relations. It has the following advantages:

Monogamy provides better care for offspring.
Polygamy requires a lot of expense, because you need to make sure that every woman is happy. It is easier to support and provide for one woman than several.
Caring for one woman requires fewer emotional resources and allows you to save energy for doing what you love and communicating with friends.
Polygyny sooner or later leads to quarrels between women, which negatively affect a man’s relationship with each of them.
By bearing children from one man, in accordance with the principles of monogamy, a woman provides equal chances of success for her offspring in terms of genetic characteristics.
Monogamy is a progressive form of marriage. This means that such a family has powerful development potential. The couple sets the goal not only to enjoy sexual contact and care for children, but also, accordingly, to ensure a successful future for their descendants, to give them a good education, and to raise them as worthy members of society.

Polygamy

Polygamy is accompanied by serious psychological problems: constant emotional stress, rivalry, jealousy, dissatisfaction with the dual status. This means that for men, monogamy is a more advantageous relationship option, both materially and psychologically.
The economic system of most countries determines the existence of monogamy. Determining the right of inheritance is only possible if there is documentary evidence of paternity. With multiple family relationships, establishing the right of inheritance is complicated. In addition, polygamy is economically unprofitable, as it upsets the balance of men and women in society.

Important! Scientists, discussing what monogamy and polygamy are, came to the conclusion that these are opposite characteristics inherent in female and male nature. Women are monogamous and men are polygamous. This is explained by a woman’s desire to create a family with a single chosen one and a woman’s desire to become a mother. Men are in no hurry to start a family; they strive for variety in sex and self-affirmation through the number of sexual partners. Society is more tolerant of polygamy in men than in women having multiple partners.

Polygamy and monogamy of the sexes

Why is male infidelity not as scary as female infidelity? Sometimes it doesn’t even occur to a man that sex requires feelings. For him, it's just like quenching his thirst by drinking a glass of water. Just a good time, nothing more. For women it's the opposite. Those vivid feelings that she experiences are impossible without sympathy for her partner. This is the main difference. A family can survive a husband’s infidelity, but if a wife betrays, the union in most cases simply falls apart. Psychologists put forward the theory that both men and women are polygamous. This hypothesis is very controversial. After all, if you analyze the usual composition of families in various countries of the world, you can see that only men from certain countries can have several wives. However, there is not a single civilized country where a woman is allowed to live in a marriage with several husbands.

So why do all nations have almost the same opinion that polygamy “suits” only men? In all cultures, a woman is the keeper of the hearth. And what the house will be like depends only on her. She has a household and children. The tradition has survived to this day. But thanks to emancipation, women have many rights: to take part in elections, study, work. There is only one taboo regarding married life for women, only one partner.

In nature, monogamy is not very common, but is typical for pairs of swans, wolves, vultures, penguins, prairie voles and eagles. They go hunting together, raise their offspring, and run the “household.” It turns out that if animals can be together all their lives, then humans even more so.
A polygamous man (or, in other words, a subspecies of the “ordinary womanizer” person) simply does not want a serious relationship. It seems to him that it is too early to start a family or that there is no suitable candidate. If he nevertheless decides to take this extremely important step for him, then it is not a fact that he will remain faithful to his wife for a long time.

Read more: Why your husband’s ex-wife doesn’t like you
Polygamy of men is an excuse for husbands who like to go “left”. And it may not even be about the wife. He just quickly gets tired of one woman, and in order to make life more interesting, he goes for another “trophy”. But he can only love his wife. Just purely sporting interest.

Such husbands are often childish. As soon as they are unable to resolve some problem in the family, they immediately look for another woman who will accept him and “understand” him. Therefore, there is an idea that behind polygamy there may be hidden a banal cowardice in the face of responsibility. In any case, this hobby of his will not last long.

How is it different from polygamy?

Purple color in human psychology - what does it mean who likes it?

The difference between monogamy and polygamy is the number of participants in the marriage relationship. In most countries, the socially approved structure of family relationships is a mixed-sex dyad. This means that society only approves of marriages where the union is between a man and a woman. There are also communities where they are calm about a man having several wives or a woman having several husbands.

How to deal with male polygamy

Men are more sexually active than women. The latter have the habit of often “refusing”. But the guys do not despair and, in order to expend their energy, they find “exercise machines” on the side. Some women really don’t understand that their refusals literally destroy the family.

Many psychologists advise married ladies to forget the word “no”. After all, if for a woman sex is just sex, then for a man it is a release after a hard day at work. Frequent intimate relations are equally beneficial for the health of both. And the more such emotional “conversations” they have, the less the husband will glance at others.

The reason for a woman’s refusal may be simple fatigue, lack of sexual attraction to her husband, or his inattention to her during sexual intercourse. Also, failure to comply with the husband's hygiene rules can easily kill the wife's desire. Therefore, it is best for a couple who has such problems to discuss all the nuances of their sexual life together. The more nuances you can discuss, the brighter the sex will be.

Everyone knows that for the stronger sex, the peak of sexual activity occurs in spring and morning, and for the fair sex, respectively, in autumn and evening. Sometimes this difference in the biological clocks of men and women creates some inconvenience. But that's why there are compromises. The ability to negotiate will only strengthen the alliance.

Read more: Aggression in relationships: what to do?

In countries where polygamy is allowed, there are much fewer problems with infidelity. After all, if a man already has a wife, and he likes another woman, then he simply takes her as his wife. Everything happens legally. But an important nuance is that he must have enough funds for this venture. If he fails to pay attention to his wives and their common children and provide them with the required amount of money, then he will be punished.

Therefore, if a person wants to expand his family, he thinks ten times before whether it is worth doing. After all, a second or third wife means even more responsibility. Modern families in Turkey, where polygamy is permitted, increasingly resemble ordinary European families.

Varieties of Monogamy

Green color in psychology - what it means in life, who likes it

There are several types of monogamous relationships.

Family

Family monogamy

A married monogamous person marries one partner and remains faithful to him. This type of monogamy is divided into:

Monogamy is a marriage with one partner without adultery or divorce. Once married, people live in marriage all their lives, run a family household, raise children, and enter into intimate relationships only with each other.
Consecutive conclusion of several marriages. While married, spouses remain faithful to each other. Before entering into a new marriage, the existing one is dissolved.

Social

This type of relationship involves two people living in the same territory, running a household, and raising children. Partners do not cheat on each other, but for various reasons such relationships are not legalized: spouses do not go to the registry office, wanting to save money, effort, and time. This type of monogamy is also called cohabitation.

intimate

This type of monogamy involves sex with only one person. In this case, the partners do not live together and do not maintain a household. This type of monogamy is present at the dating stage and during premarital relationships.

Genetic

This is a variant of intimate monogamy, as a result of which a child is born. This variety allows you to confirm the genetic similarity of father and child.

Monogamy in relationships

“People meet, people fall in love, get married...” - this is what is sung in one famous song. During adolescence, everyone falls in love several times and changes partners. Unexpectedly flared up feelings also suddenly go out. There is nothing wrong. Boys and girls are looking for their soul mate, trying themselves in relationships. Psychologists say that the experience of teenage dating is necessary for the formation of ideas about ideal relationships.

Interesting fact. Psychological studies were conducted, during which scientists were able to identify an interesting feature. Boys and girls who did not date or date as teenagers are more likely to be unhappy in their marriages. Their divorce rate is higher than that of those who often changed partners in their youth. Some of them don’t get married at all because they couldn’t find their man.

Wedding

A wedding is the logical result of love feelings that arise between a man and a woman. Lovers want to merge into one whole, to belong only to each other - it is precisely these considerations that drive them when they go to the registry office. They have mutual respect, tenderness and care for each other. If their feelings are sincere, if they made the right choice, then in such a union there will be no place for thoughts of betrayal and affairs on the side. In this case, the family becomes ideal for living in society and having children.

Interesting. Social sciences have highlighted the benefits of monogamous relationships. But this does not mean that polygamy has no right to exist. It is necessary to take into account the fact that some people do not initially plan to get married; for them it is more pleasant to have short-term intimate relationships with several partners. For creative people, this is one of the options for finding a muse: writers, poets, artists and musicians, falling in love once again, are inspired to create a masterpiece. The creative process takes a lot of energy. Having completed a masterpiece, the creator feels empty; for new creative ideas he needs new love.

General information

A polygamous person is able to simultaneously create relationships with several people at once. Such an alliance will be successful only if all its participants know about each other and are satisfied with the current situation. It should be understood that a marital relationship in which one of the partners has an affair is not considered polygamy. In this case, there is treason.

Monogamy is a type of relationship characteristic of most people, when there is one woman for one man. Monogamy defines feminine nature. In most cases, a woman does not think about another partner, even if she is unhappy in her marriage, as she tries to maintain fidelity and family hearth.

There are three types of polygamous relationships:

polyandry is a marriage in which there is one wife and several husbands;
polygyny - a relationship between one man and several wives;
Bigamy is a type of polygyny when one man has two wives. In this case, one wife does not know about the existence of the other.

Every person hopes that his partner will be faithful only to him.

Why are men polygamous and women monogamous?

The public consciousness has developed many stereotypes regarding male and female fidelity:

Men always go to the left!
Women are waiting for a prince on a white horse!
Not the father who conceived, but the one who raised.
How many years, and still no husband!

The dominant forms of marriage and family relations of a particular society are determined by its way of life and national traditions. Scientists are confident that polygamy and monogamy are historical forms of sex-role behavior, borrowed by humans from animals. So, in animals, the male is the food provider, the female is the producer of offspring. The male's job is to make offspring, the female's job is to make sure the cubs survive. In nature, males are responsible for population size. If a male impregnated only one female, species diversity on the planet would be greatly reduced. At the same time, if the female did not take care of the cubs, they would die. That is why society is lenient towards a husband’s infidelity, and women’s infidelity is most often condemned: “Who will she leave her children with now?”, “She only thinks about herself, she has children!”

Conviction for treason

In addition, hormonal levels differ between men and women. Thus, testosterone, which causes sexual attraction to a woman, is produced in a larger volume in the male body than in the female body. Men think about sex more often than women, which is why they cheat more often.

Important! To prevent the population from falling, men must impregnate women, and each woman must choose the most promising partner for herself in order to increase her chance of giving birth to a healthy, viable child. At the same time, polygamy is not widespread, because this type of family relationship does not allow for clarity in the distribution of responsibilities between the sexes.

Ideal for family relationships

They say that each person builds his own happiness, decides for himself who to sleep with, who to live with, and whether to start a family. Everyone also has their own ideal version of family relationships. It is determined by a person’s law-abiding nature, his value system and level of moral culture. For most people, monogamy is an example of an ideal relationship, but this does not give them the right to condemn adherents of alternative forms of marriage.

Male polygamy

The issue of male polygamy has always been the subject of long-term debate and today also has both supporters and ardent opponents. Most people believe that men are polygamous by nature, which, by the way, is often cited as an excuse for their infidelity.

To some extent, they are right: polygamy is indeed inherent at the genetic level, but not in all men. A representative of the stronger sex, who has a predisposition to polygamous relationships, is able to experience strong feelings for two or more women at the same time.

Polygamous relationships are actively practiced among Muslims, but this does not mean that men are allowed to have countless wives. It has its own strict restrictions, namely: it is allowed to have no more than four legal chosen ones. But despite this, not all men strive to acquire a kind of harem; most often they prefer to start a family with one woman, they are more comfortable that way.

Muslim women are calm about the practice of polygamy, since from early childhood they are instilled with the conviction that if it does not work out to become the first wife, then it is better to be the second, third or fourth than to remain lonely and without the protection and support of a strong man.

Important

Don't forget that in many cultures that support the idea of polygamy, such a tradition is due to certain conditions, such as low population sizes.

Among other things, it is worth considering a number of factors that may cause the formation of male polygamy:

Lack of parental attention. A child who in childhood was deprived of attention from his parents, in particular his mother, feels a certain inner emptiness and dissatisfaction. As an adult man, he drowns out these feelings through numerous affairs with women. Increased attention from the fair sex helps him feel more confident and the more women appear on his life’s path, the better he feels.
Excessive attention to one's own person. If a man has been accustomed since childhood to overprotection and increased attention from his mother and other female relatives, then he begins to take care of himself by several women at once for granted. As an adult, he takes polygamous relationships for granted; after all, he cannot easily get rid of the childhood habit of being the center of attention of several women.

Important

It is worth understanding that despite the inherent instincts, a man is quite capable of controlling his needs and romantic impulses. If a man really loves and respects his chosen one, he will never hurt her with betrayal and betrayal.