How to get rid of children's tantrums before bed

Causes of tantrums in children

Hysteria is a state of intense agitation, which is accompanied by sudden changes in mood, outbursts of anger and despair, as well as loss of self-control. Children in hysterics may scream, cry, fall to the floor, bang their fists and even bang their heads against the wall. It is difficult for a small child to get out of this state on his own, so hysteria can last for quite a long time. What are the causes of tantrums in children?

• Overwork and overexcitement. Kids can get tired of both monotonous activities (long trips, intellectual work) and emotionally intense events (trips to entertainment centers, active and noisy games with peers, visiting a new place for the baby). If a child is tired, the likelihood of a tantrum increases significantly.
• Physical discomfort: pain, hunger and thirst, stuffiness, overheating, and so on.
• Inability to describe your requirement in words. Young children often have conflicts and misunderstandings with peers due to the fact that they cannot yet express their desires in words. Adults also do not always understand what a baby wants, who cannot yet or is just learning to speak. Misunderstanding on the part of loved ones often leads to hysterics.
• The desire for independence. If parents, being overly concerned about the baby, do not allow him to show independence, this can provoke frequent hysterics. This is especially evident during crisis periods of development (1 year, 1.5 years, 3 years).
• Lack of attention. A child who does not receive enough care and affection will most likely try to attract attention in various ways. Hysteria rarely leaves parents indifferent.
• Refusals and prohibitions. Due to emotionality and insufficient development of self-control, young children usually react violently to any obstacles to the fulfillment of their desires.
• Inconsistency of adults. The lack of a common position on the part of parents regarding the upbringing of a child or the floating boundaries of what is permitted lead to the child’s lack of a clear picture of the world, and therefore a lack of a sense of predictability and safety. In this regard, capriciousness and impulsiveness appear.

Even the most balanced little ones fall into hysterics from time to time, seemingly out of the blue. This most often occurs during periods of crisis of 1 year and 3 years. If a child over 4 years old systematically experiences hysterical attacks, this may indicate the presence of neurological disorders or serious errors in upbringing.

Hysteria before bed

Children's hysteria before bedtime has completely different reasons. It is not a parasomnia condition and can be caused by:

• the desire to attract the attention of parents;
• fear of darkness and loneliness;
• uncomfortable sleeping conditions (the room is too hot/stuffy, cold, humid);
• stress during the day;
• unusual surroundings.

Two types of children's tantrums

Some teachers and psychologists distinguish between two fundamentally different types of hysterics in children: true and manipulative. This classification is based on the criterion of a child’s awareness of his behavior.

1. True hysterics occur involuntarily. Emotions completely take over the baby, so he is not able to control his actions, take into account their possible consequences, or accept the persuasion and arguments of adults. The lower parts of the brain (in particular, the amygdala) are involved in the occurrence of this type of hysteria.
2. Manipulative hysterics occur consciously (the upper parts of the brain are involved in the work). They are usually typical for children of middle and older preschool age. In this way the child wants to achieve the desired result. Indeed, when the baby is in a hysterical state, especially if this happens in a crowded place or if they need to rush somewhere, parents often find no other way out of the situation other than to instantly satisfy the baby’s need (or whim). If adults succumb to such manipulations at least several times, most likely, this model of behavior will be firmly entrenched in the preschooler.

When faced with manipulative hysteria, or “top floor” hysteria, it is important not to succumb to provocations and make it clear to the child that this method of getting what they want is not constructive. When the child understands that a tantrum is not effective, he will stop behaving in this way. If a child’s hysteria occurs unconsciously (a “lower floor” hysteria), first of all you need to support the child and accept his emotions. When the emotional outburst subsides a little, the baby will be able to perceive your words.

Distinguishing one type of tantrum from another can be difficult. But every parent knows their child well and can observe what is the reason and reason for hysteria.

Too radical

Among mothers, extremely traumatic methods of weaning a child from the breast are still practiced - “breast pulling”, taking drugs that suppress lactation, lubricating nipples with brilliant green or mustard, leaving home for a day or two/weekends.
As a result, this leads to hormonal imbalance, lactostasis and even mastitis in mothers and serious psychological trauma in children. For a child, weaning is a very difficult period in life, and the mother must definitely be there, compensating for the lack of breasts with her attention, affection and care. It is also important to take into account that the time of weaning should not coincide with a vacation, a move, the mother going to work or the baby going to kindergarten, the appearance of a nanny in the house, the baby’s teething, or the baby’s illness. In this case, it is better to wean the child 2-3 months before the planned event, or 2-3 months after. Stopping breastfeeding should not take place simultaneously with moving the baby to a separate crib, much less a room. It is better to wait 3-4 months with this. And one more factor that is worth paying attention to is the psycho-emotional state of the baby. If he is now going through a difficult period, he rebels or is often capricious, it is also better to wait a little with excommunication.

How to respond to your baby's tantrums?

So, how should you behave with a child who is in a state of hysterics? First of all, we need to understand what exactly we want to achieve: to stop the “shameful” behavior as quickly as possible (that is, to achieve an immediate effect), or is the long-term perspective important? Of course, the second one. Adults (parents and other loved ones) must teach the baby to understand his emotions, express them constructively, follow the rules, and cope with difficulties. This cannot be achieved by responding to a tantrum with punishment, ignoring, or simply distracting attention. Here are the basic rules, following which you can stop hysterics and maintain a trusting relationship with your baby:

1. As soon as you notice that the child begins to cry, let him know that you hear him. You don’t need to immediately enter into dialogue with him, just turn in his direction.
2. To make the baby feel that you accept his feelings and can share them with him, approach the child and get down to his level.
3. Analyze the situation and tell your baby his emotion: “you’re angry,” “you’re very upset,” “you’re sad,” and so on. At this moment, most likely, the child will somehow respond to your words, he will begin to gradually become aware of his emotions. You can tell him about a situation when you yourself experienced a similar emotion.

Hysteria develops in waves: first, anger and rage arise sharply, then, having reached their peak, they are replaced by sadness and despair, after which the emotions gradually subside.

1. Try to find out the reason why the child became hysterical. Maybe something didn’t work out for him, or he really wants to buy some kind of toy, or he didn’t expect anything and got scared. There can be many reasons. If the baby can talk, you can ask him about it directly. If the baby doesn’t speak yet, ask him to show him what he wants, and also show him the possible options yourself. The child will begin to interact with you and break out of the vicious circle of uncontrollable emotional reactions. It is very important not to evaluate or criticize what the baby tells or shows you, but simply listen to him carefully.
2. When the child speaks out and you understand the reason for his worries, calmly tell him your position on this matter. The opinions and capabilities of adults do not always coincide with the requirements of children, so you should not be afraid to say “no” to the baby. Speak calmly and confidently, clearly justifying your position in a language that the child can understand.
3. If your child receives a refusal, try to end on a positive note and redirect his attention to something interesting. With preschool children, you can dream together or make immediate plans.

How to put your baby to sleep

eat and sleep

Babies often fall asleep while eating, no matter whether their mother breastfeeds or bottle-feeds them. And many babies fall asleep even while feeding in a high chair, and this happens very quickly and looks very funny. This happens because food not only satiates us, but also affects the centers of pleasure and sleep, so that it is much easier for a baby to fall asleep after a hearty lunch or dinner. As soon as mom and dad see that immediately after eating the baby wants to sleep or has fallen asleep, they need to act! But you should not immediately transfer the child to the crib; it is better to wait until the deep sleep phase (the eyeballs will stop moving under the eyelids, and breathing will become calm and deep). If you move the baby to this point, the baby may wake up and you will have to put him to sleep again.

download correctly

The most ancient and still popular method is motion sickness. Today they treat it differently. There are its supporters who believe that motion sickness reminds the baby of being in the mother's belly. There are also opponents who claim that motion sickness leads to a semi-fainting state and that is why the child becomes quiet. But if you rock correctly - gently and rhythmically, then this method of falling asleep will not bring any harm, but will only help the baby fall asleep. The main thing is to find a middle ground: after all, if you “underpump” the baby, he simply will not fall asleep; the same thing will happen if you rock too hard.

You can rock to sleep in a cradle (cradle) or in a crib with a rocking mechanism. But there are also “tame children” who recognize only their mother’s or father’s hands—they have to be rocked this way only. Here, too, before moving the child to bed, you need to wait until the deep sleep phase. A great way to rock a baby without getting tired, and sometimes also to do some of your own things, is to carry your baby in a sling.

co-sleeping

Many children sleep only with their parents - some babies need to feel the familiar smell and warmth of a loved one in order to fall asleep. This is also convenient for mothers - there is no need to get up several times a night and approach the baby if he wakes up or wants to eat. This method also has its supporters and opponents, but in any case, if mom and dad choose to sleep together, they need to ensure the safety of the child. You cannot place the baby on the edge of the bed - he may turn around and fall to the floor; You can’t put him next to the parent’s pillow - the baby may turn around unsuccessfully and his breathing will be disrupted.

And it’s best not to put the baby in the same bed with adults, but simply move the baby’s crib next to the parent’s, having first removed the side panel (today there are even special pull-out cribs for sleeping together). So the child will feel the closeness of mom and dad, and parents will sleep peacefully, without worrying about his safety.

regime and rituals

Young children need certain frameworks or boundaries - this makes it easier for them to adapt to the world around them. Therefore, all children need a daily routine and a certain sequence of actions (these are rituals). Babies need to wake up, eat, play, bathe and sleep at approximately the same time. Before going to bed, it is better to choose some quiet activity that is pleasant for the child. You can give your child a bath, read a book to him, give him a light (not therapeutic) massage, then feed him and start putting him to bed. Gradually, each baby will develop his own ritual: some will fall asleep to the sound of quiet music or a fairy tale read by their mother, others after being stroked on the back or tummy several times, and others after putting their toys to bed first. There is a ritual for every child.

place to sleep

The place to sleep should be comfortable. Everything is important: a mattress that is comfortable for long sleep, bedding that is pleasant to the touch, bright daylight should not shine into the child’s eyes, and the air temperature in the room should not be higher than 22–23 °C. After all, who wants to fall asleep if the blanket is scratchy and the room is hot or stuffy?

If a child sleeps in his crib, then it should be used specifically for sleeping; there are other places for games. There is no need to put your baby to sleep in the stroller, then in the crib, or even in your bed - it’s easier for the baby to fall asleep in the same place. Then just the fact that the child was put in a crib (or next to his mother) will set him up for rest.

comfortable and fun

– Put your child to sleep in a way that is comfortable for him and you. If you need to rock, rock; if you need to swaddle, swaddle; If a child asks to eat at night, feed him. Do not listen to various well-wishers who will say that by doing this you are creating difficulties for yourself, the main thing is that it should be good for you and your child.

– Children should not perceive falling asleep as a punishment. Don’t say: “If you don’t want to eat, quickly go to bed!” Sleep should be enjoyable.

– A child’s sleep is not at all a reason for household members to tiptoe around the house. Having got used to sleeping in complete silence, the baby will wake up from any rustle. The sooner you teach your child to fall asleep to normal sounds at home, the easier it will be for you in the future.

Yes, sometimes it’s not easy to teach your baby to fall asleep. But patience, time and parental calm will yield results: sooner or later, the sleep habit will develop, and the baby will begin to fall asleep without difficulty.

Preventing tantrums in children

To prevent tantrums, parents need to follow a number of principles:

• It is advisable that the child follows a daily routine and also has enough time to rest. For the development of the baby's nervous system, proper sleep, walks in the fresh air, and outdoor games are extremely important.
• Pay attention to the baby's emotional state. Talk to him about how he feels at a particular moment in time and why. Parents are the guides of children into the world of emotions.
• Teach your baby to express his emotions in a constructive way (for example, if the baby is angry, he can stamp his foot; if the child can speak, then it is best to try to express your demand in words).
• Keep calm. If a child watches his loved ones get angry, he will copy their behavior.
• Give your child the opportunity to choose and exercise independence. The desire to do something yourself is a natural need of a child who, as he grows up, separates from his parents.
• The baby should not have many prohibitions. In order for a child to understand the meaning of the word “impossible,” it should mean only the strictest prohibitions (for example, do not run out onto the road, do not stick your fingers into a socket). It is in your power to arrange your life in such a way that you have to forbid something to your baby as rarely as possible. If you still need to restrict your child in some way, be sure to explain to him the reason for your decision.
• Be consistent. Do not cancel your ban, even if the baby begs you, cries or screams. Sometimes it can be very difficult to resist negative reactions to a ban, but believe me, changing your mind will make things worse. Only the persistence of parents gives the child the opportunity to predict the consequences of his behavior.

Small children do not yet know how to cope with their experiences on their own, so do not leave your baby alone if something is bothering him. The child must be sure that you accept his feelings and emotions and want to help solve his problem.

Newborn children. How to calm a small child?

Breastfed babies often cry and give mothers no rest.

The main reasons are physical discomfort:

• hunger, thirst;
• wet diaper, diapers;
• inconvenience of clothing;
• too hot or cold;
• digestive problems (gas, colic);
• presence of irritation, diaper rash;
• tooth growth (pain, temperature).

Emotional reasons:

• fatigue;
• fear;
• loneliness;
• need for affection, attention;
• need for protection, security.

So how to calm a crying baby? Of course, there are many reasons for concern among infants. They have to adapt to living conditions outside their mother’s body, which requires effort. Often there is a lack of comfort and safety, and they also suffer from colic, and there may be a headache if there is increased intracranial pressure.

What should I do?

First of all, check the basic needs - hunger, dryness - offer something to drink, stroke the tummy clockwise, anoint diaper rash if present. Is it perhaps hot or cold in the room? Help the baby with clothes, because he himself cannot yet regulate this process, he reports crying. When teeth grow, gum massage and a special ointment to reduce pain are useful. It is also useful to hold the baby upright so that the air that is swallowed when crying or with food is released.

How to quickly calm a child if no physical causes are found? It is very important for children to feel the love and care of their mother - a calm voice, hugs, tactile contact, and rocking also soothe. Babies may love calm music or songs sung by their beloved mother. It is useful to carry babies in a sling when age allows - it provides safety, contact with the mother, the ability to hear her breathing and heart.

If there are no obvious reasons for concern, then perhaps your mother’s attention is needed.

Show a bright toy or object, play, improvisation will help distract the baby from worries. Often children are calmed by walks - they have a lot of new impressions, they watch and listen to the world around them with interest, and they often fall asleep on the street.

How else to calm a small child? Water has a calming effect; you can wash your baby and help him return to a cheerful state. Distraction maneuvers work great: “What’s out there on the street? Let's look out the window! Who’s in our mirror?” Try what suits you best. Some people love ringing objects, others respond well to the sound of water, similar to the sounds of the intrauterine period.

Playing with objects can also work; children are very inquisitive and open to learning about the world. Any thing in motion can attract attention, especially bright ones. They also notice the play of intonations, poems, and songs. Houseplants and objects on shelves are also a passion for many children; over time, they will happily tidy up their cabinets and “read their parents’ books.”

Thus, there are many options for how to calm a small child. It all depends on the imagination and ingenuity of the parents. Sometimes cartoons help, but this is the last method. Why spoil your eyesight from an early age, it is better to use soothing music. It has been noted that Mozart’s music calms children and also promotes the development of memory and intelligence. Now we can lay the foundation for the perception of music and art. There are many beautiful melodic compositions.

At the same time, we remember that health comes first.

It is useful to go for regular checkups with doctors and get advice on important issues. Thus, frequent awakenings at night, poor sleep or unsteady sitting may be manifestations of developmental delays and disorders of the nervous system. To strengthen muscles, massage is often recommended, and for better development, special medications and courses of treatment are recommended.

Poor sleep may be associated with intracranial pressure, check with your doctor and get tested if necessary. Perhaps a calming tea for children may help as a preparation for rest or during periods of anxiety. However, it is worth checking with your pediatrician regarding use - dosages, names.

conclusions

Every parent experiences their child's tantrums. In some children they occur more often, in others less often. The peak of hysterics usually occurs in early and early preschool age (1-3 years), older preschoolers are already sufficiently able to control their emotions. At the moment of hysteria, be close to the baby, help him understand his feelings, analyze the situation together and find out the cause of the hysteria. By including your baby in a dialogue with yourself, you prevent a further increase in emotional tension. Only after this is it necessary to express your position and explain to the child why in this case you are making this or that decision.