Levels and causes of increased, high self-esteem

For normal existence in society, it is very important to have adequate self-esteem. People with low self-esteem suffer from lack of self-confidence and their strengths, do not believe that they deserve the best, and therefore miss many favorable opportunities in life. But people with high self-esteem experience no less difficulties. Let's figure out what high self-esteem is and whether it's good or bad.

The importance of self-esteem in a person's life

Self-esteem determines the level of success in all areas. Every decision or action depends on the size of your ego. If it is underestimated, a person is afraid to try something new. It's hard to unlock potential.

A person suffering from narcissism is willing to take on a difficult task. He firmly believes that he will accomplish it. If the “narcissist” fails to complete a task, he blames his colleagues/grading level/unfair conditions.

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Features of self-esteem affect the following areas of your life:

relationship with a guy or girl;
achievements at work;
financial sector;
sexual contact;
relationships with relatives, colleagues, friends.

Others treat you the same way you treat yourself. If, in your opinion, a man married you out of pity, over time he will be visited by the same thoughts. Girls with high egos think they did a favor by getting married. The guy will either succumb to this mood, becoming henpecked, or break off the relationship.

The ability to position yourself is the secret to success at work. But don't overdo it. Inflated self-esteem will alienate colleagues.

People with an adequate assessment of their own body do not have problems in their intimate life. They are relaxed, not focused on themselves, but feel their partner.

Teenage problems

High self-esteem in a teenager is also a common problem found in modern society. When he has developed high self-esteem, he faces big problems - the child simply does not notice his own shortcomings and is not yet fully aware of what can be done in life, and what can lead to serious consequences. As a result, frequent conflicts arise with peers, teachers and parents. In the future, it will be difficult for them to cope with failures, build relationships with the opposite sex and start a family.

To prevent this from happening, parents should praise only for their efforts. The worst praise is judging a child's appearance, although he has nothing to do with this fact.

It is important to support children, but not to enthronement them for simply getting an A or writing a paper. These are ordinary school tasks that absolutely everyone can cope with.

Levels of Inflated Self-Esteem

In psychology, there are two classifications of self-esteem.

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Division depending on type:

relevant – depends on achievements;
partial – based on the results achieved in specific types of work;
potential - depends on innate talents.

There are three options for assessing yourself:

adequate;
understated;
overpriced.

Self-assessment tests will help determine your level. Psychologists use the Budassi technique. Four columns with a set of qualities are presented. Each part of the test reflects one area of life: communication, behavior, activity and emotions. The subject circles the qualities that are important to him. Look through them again and put a tick next to those that are typical for him.

The psychologist counts the number of real and ideal character traits. Based on this criterion, the level of self-esteem is determined:

low;
below the average;
average;m
above average;
high;
inappropriately high.

The syndrome of inflated self-esteem corresponds to the indicator “inadequately high.”

Above average

People who rate themselves above average adequately correlate their talents and abilities. They strive to accomplish realistic goals.

There is self-criticism. Such a person does not have conflicts and prefers to resolve issues in a reasoned manner.

High

A person with high pride is critical of himself. Such people have a particularly developed sense of self-esteem. They respect themselves for their merits and achievements.

People with above average self-esteem are more likely to notice their own shortcomings than those with high self-esteem.

Inappropriately high

People with inappropriately inflated pride idealize their own image. He does not notice character flaws and overestimates abilities. Sets inadequate goals and does not pay attention to failures or the path to achieving them.

Self-criticism is not typical. The comments of others are perceived as nagging. There is a conflict mindset.

Inflated pride is a step into the abyss of illusions.

Types of self-esteem

Self-esteem is considered one of the most key and significant qualities in an individual’s life. Self-esteem begins to develop in early childhood and affects the entire future life of the individual. It is through it that a person’s success or failure in society, the achievement of what is desired, and harmonious development are often determined. That is why its role in personality development is almost impossible to overestimate.

Self-esteem, in psychological science, is called the individual’s assessment of his own strengths and defects, behavior and actions, the determination of his personal role and significance in society, and the determination of himself as a whole. In order to more clearly and correctly characterize subjects, certain types of personality self-assessment have been developed.

There is normal self-esteem, that is, adequate, low and inflated, that is, inadequate. These types of self-esteem are the most important and decisive. After all, it is the level of self-esteem that determines how well a person will sensibly evaluate his own strengths, qualities, actions, and deeds.

The level of self-esteem consists of giving excessive importance to oneself, one’s own merits and defects, or, conversely, insignificance. Many people mistakenly believe that an inflated level of self-esteem is not a bad thing. However, this opinion is not entirely correct. Deviations of self-esteem in one direction or another rarely contribute to the fruitful development of the individual.

A low degree of self-esteem can only block determination and confidence, while an overestimated degree assures an individual that he is always right and does everything right.

Individuals with an inflated degree of self-esteem tend to overestimate their own real potential. Often such individuals think that the people around them underestimate them without reason, as a result of which they treat the people around them completely unfriendly, often arrogantly and arrogantly, and sometimes downright aggressive. Subjects with an inflated degree of self-esteem constantly try to prove to others that they are the best, and others are worse than them. They are confident that they are superior to other individuals in everything, and demand recognition of their own superiority. As a result, others tend to avoid communicating with them.

Causes

Self-esteem is a component of character. Partially it is laid before birth, transmitted with genes from the mother and father. The other part is developed during life under the influence of upbringing and environment.

The reasons for low self-esteem are similar: improper upbringing, reproaches from teachers, appearance that does not meet recognized standards of beauty.

Upbringing

Self-esteem changes during adolescence, and the foundations are formed in early childhood, thanks to the adequate attitude of adults towards the child.

Teenagers with inflated egos grow up in overprotective families. If relatives always emphasize the uniqueness of the child, they cultivate narcissism in him.

Focus on both achievements and mistakes. This way the child will learn to realistically assess his potential and will avoid such mistakes in the future.

Unreasonable positive attitude of teachers and teachers

Teachers tend to find favorites. This will not necessarily be the smartest student. Appearance, sweet smile, manner of conversation - a teacher who does not know a student well is captivated by these qualities.

The student considers himself chosen. In the future, narcissism is expressed more strongly and goes beyond the walls of the educational institution.

Lack of self-testing

Having adequate self-esteem throughout life can lead to becoming a “narcissist” at an older age. This happens when a person suddenly fulfills his own dreams.

He easily enters and graduates from university and finds a prestigious job without any problems. There is confidence in your uniqueness and outstanding abilities. It inflates your ego. And when failure occurs, it is perceived as a personal insult and injustice.

Appearance

People with model appearance tend to consider themselves superior to others. This is especially evident among women. A woman's self-esteem is largely determined by her appearance.

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It is easier for such ladies to get a job and find a partner. Not testing your abilities further increases your self-esteem.

Financial security

When a person does not need anything and gets everything he needs without difficulty thanks to finances, self-esteem goes through the roof. The more money, the easier it is to achieve your goal, the stronger your pride.

Having a rare natural talent

A rare talent increases the distance between a person and others. Such an individual considers himself different from others. If at first this is visible only in the sphere of activity of a narcissistic person, over time, inflated self-esteem determines all actions and decisions.

Signs

Inflated self-esteem is characterized by the following characteristics: egocentrism, authoritarianism, rejection of other people's opinions, the desire to rise above other people, to lead them, to impose patterns of behavior. Such people look down on others and show arrogance and arrogance. Other signs of high self-esteem:

Unshakable confidence in your opinion and your rightness, regardless of whether your opponent has compelling arguments in his defense.
The desire for leadership positions, regardless of the availability of data and grounds for such claims.
Aversion to healthy competition. If a colleague or friend turns out to be more successful, he immediately falls into the category of competitors and may even turn into his worst enemy.
Actively positioning your point of view. Even if no one is interested in his view of the current situation, he will certainly speak out and impose his position.
Patronizing, mentoring with others. Due to confidence in his talents and gifts, he will not fail to take the opportunity to teach and instruct everyone around him.

Such people are easy to spot at first glance. In the process of communication, they often use the pronoun “I”, love to hear their name, do not allow others to speak out, actively promote their ideas and hypotheses, and if they try to contradict them, they take up arms against the speaker and, without choosing expressions, “put the insolent person in his place.” Another manifestation of conceit is egotism, which is expressed in the desire to tell others about oneself. Signs of high self-esteem also include:

Lack of critical assessment of one's behavior.
Taking on overwhelming tasks.
Setting unattainable goals for yourself.
Low level of responsibility.

Overestimating their capabilities, such people often take on tasks that they cannot handle. Trying to achieve a goal that is unattainable for himself, an individual often resorts to immoral, immoral methods. Having suffered a fiasco, he becomes irritable and aggressive, which significantly complicates interaction with other people.

Failure is always explained by the machinations of imaginary enemies. He blames others for his failures because he does not want to acknowledge his own mistakes, incompetence and unprofessionalism. He finds an excuse for himself without listening to the voice of reason and logical arguments of his opponents.

For comparison, with adequate self-esteem, an individual sets goals that he can achieve on his own, which is facilitated by an objective idea of his capabilities. He tests hypotheses and assumptions, discards untenable versions, and abandons unfounded hypotheses.

A person with high self-esteem is called an egoist, an upstart, a snob, a poser; he, like the listed characters, considers himself an inimitable expert in any matter, the best specialist in any field of activity. He claims to be a leader, a leading employee, a manager, without having the basis for it in the form of a sufficient level of knowledge, education, experience, or intellectual abilities. Signs of employee incompetence:

Underestimating the professional qualities of other employees.
Inability to realize your unprofessionalism.
Lack of critical assessment of the level of one’s professional skills.
Taking credit for the company's merits and victories while deliberately minimizing the contributions of other employees.

An unqualified specialist who overestimates his abilities usually behaves very confidently. When such a person makes unsuccessful decisions that lead to losses, he does not doubt his innocence, placing responsibility on other employees and external factors. He is not able to analyze mistakes; he still considers himself the best, exceptional in this field of activity.

People with high self-esteem in relationships show arrogance and arrogance towards their partner. A man or woman with high self-esteem always puts his own interests above the desires and needs of his partner. Such people dominate relationships, manage the life of their other half, and autocratically make decisions that affect the entire family.

Portrait of a man with high self-esteem

A person with too much self-esteem can be easily distinguished from the crowd. It is distinguished by the following characteristics:

overconfidence that does not correlate with the complexity of the situation;
inadequate attitude to criticism addressed to oneself;
conflict;
perfectionism;
speech with an abundance of pronouns “I”;
blaming others for one's own failures.

People with inflated pride are proud and arrogant. They will not accept help from others.

Manifestations are always a straight back and a forward chin. “Daffodils” can spend hours in front of the mirror admiring themselves. They love to be photographed and know how to pose for photos.

Main features

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The manifestation of increased self-esteem in a person is clearly noticeable in communication with other people. Overconfidence has a negative impact on communication. Among the main signs of inflated self-esteem are:

Arrogant manner of communication. The individual believes that speaking in high tones with people is the norm. At the same time, he does not accept such treatment towards himself.
Disdainful attitude towards criticism. A person with high self-esteem cannot mentally tolerate comments and teachings addressed to him. A different opinion for him will mean an attempt to humiliate and insult.
Reluctance to admit your mistakes. The individual does not know how to ask for forgiveness and apologize to other people.
The desire to teach people even about insignificant things. A self-confident person thinks that he knows everything better than others, so without his advice no one will cope with the tasks assigned to them.
Inability to soberly assess one's strengths. A person with high self-esteem, afraid of looking helpless, weak and insecure, can take on difficult tasks that require enormous effort and risks. Because of one's own self-confidence, any such business can end in failure.
Reluctance to accept other people's opinions. An individual with high self-esteem believes that only he says the right things, and everyone else is wrong. If, due to some circumstances, he has to accept the opponent’s point of view, he still will not consider it correct.
The pronoun “I” is always present in conversation. Whatever a person talks about, the first person story with a personal pronoun will appear in the first place. If several people participated in the story, then when retelling the incident, the speech will still be reduced to only one single character with inflated self-esteem.
Reluctance to listen to the interlocutor. In a conversation, people with high self-esteem often interrupt their opponent, do not allow him to finish, and change the topic whenever they want.
Personal interests always come first. The needs of close friends and family will not be met if they interfere with the fulfillment of one's own desires. Therefore, a high level of egoism is one of the main signs of high self-esteem.
Reluctance to take responsibility for one's own failures. A person with high self-esteem always has people to blame. If something doesn't work out, it's just their doing. If a person achieves success, it is solely his merit.
Confusion and irritability when failures occur. A person with high self-esteem can easily be derailed by an ordinary mistake in business, because he always wants to be the first and the best in everything. No one else deserves this title except him. To get himself together and follow the plan again, he will need a lot of time to restore his mood and desire to act.
The desire to have the last word. In any communication, an individual will argue until the opponent becomes silent and does not allow him to insert a “final” speech.

Advantages and disadvantages

Overestimating oneself means that a person believes in his own abilities. Such people are not afraid to try new things. But blind faith leads to an inadequate perception of the objective world. That is why it is impossible to say for sure whether high self-esteem is good or bad.

Self-perception must be adequate. If you compare high and low pride, you should choose the first option.

Self-love is not as deserving of condemnation as lack of self-respect. (William Shakespeare)

Low self-esteem makes a person uncommunicative, withdrawn, and cowardly. Inflated makes him go forward.

What to do with low self-esteem?

Children with low self-esteem need help. First of all, parental, and in case of persistent changes – also professional.

What to do to increase your child's self-esteem:

Find a “success zone” for him. This could be a hobby or another activity that he likes and is good at. To increase self-esteem, it is desirable that he can see the results of his work - receive diplomas, take prizes, etc. If there are no preferences or talents, you can make a chest of achievements - the method is suitable for young children. During the day, you need to write down all the good deeds and successes (helped around the house, read a book, drew a picture, etc.) and put the notes in a box. Periodically, the chest is opened and together with the child they remember his achievements. Allow them to make decisions and act independently more often, of course, in accordance with their age. Being able to choose your own clothes or prepare a simple meal (even sandwiches) will have a positive impact on your child's self-esteem, provided that you refrain from criticism and emphasize the positive aspects. Remind him often that you love him

This is important for both children and teenagers. Don't ignore your child's achievements. This does not mean that you need to praise literally everything (children immediately sense falsehood), but real, albeit small, victories should be encouraged. Develop a positive attitude and self-confidence in your child

Say that you believe in his success, because he is smart and capable, like mom and dad. And whenever possible, back up your words with practical advice.

How to make your self-esteem adequate - tips

High self-esteem brings a lot of trouble to a person. The sooner you identify this character flaw and begin to correct it, the greater the likelihood of getting rid of the problem yourself.

Awareness of the problem

A person will not be able to properly assess his own strengths if he does not realize the lack. To do this, after any action taken, try to look at yourself from the outside.

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Psychologists give the following recommendation: put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor and think about how you look in his eyes. You may not be as brilliant as you thought you were.

Respect other people and their opinions

Teach to appreciate not only your own, but also other people’s virtues. This is absolutely normal. You can't be the best at everything.

A man’s high self-esteem is characterized by this feature. They are more susceptible to the spirit of competition than women. Stopping in time and giving in to another is an important aspect of adequate male self-esteem.

Listen to healthy criticism

Taking offense at criticism from outsiders is the wrong tactic for a person who has decided to stabilize his own self-esteem. You need to listen to the words of others. Find motivation in their reproaches to correct your own mistakes.

Be self-critical

Learn to look at your own actions with an open mind. Dryly evaluate decisions made and words spoken. It's the same with appearance. Accept shortcomings, but don't blame them.

Remember that you have strengths. Cons are evidence that you are human and cannot be perfect.

If you fail, analyze your actions

In case of failure, carefully analyze what led to it. Evaluate the entire journey. Adequate self-assessment of your activities will help you work on yourself and achieve new results.

Compare yourself to the most successful people

A surefire way to lower your self-esteem is to realize that there are people more successful than you.

If you are a good IT specialist, take a look at the achievements of Bill Gates. A medical professional may want to consider the work of Henry Marsh, a renowned neurosurgeon who has written several best-selling books.

Accept that you are not the most successful in your own field. You have room for improvement.

Stop competing

The desire to be the best, to show oneself in front of colleagues and the boss is one of the reasons for high self-esteem.

Stop paying attention to other people's activities. Focus on your own achievements and aspirations.

Don't impose your opinion

Adequate self-esteem of a person is characterized by the ability to communicate with people. Listen to the opinions of others and do not impose your own. If, in your opinion, the other person is wrong, give him advice, but do not tell him what to do.

How to get rid of low self-esteem

The emergence of inadequate self-evaluation is, in fact, a symbiosis of fears, feelings of guilt, resentment, shame, which most often people are not aware of.

High and low self-esteem are considered two sides of the same coin of not accepting one’s personality. Indeed, in the event of the slightest failure, an overestimated level of self-esteem instantly transforms into an underestimated one, and in the case of success, an underestimated degree of self-esteem quickly turns into an overestimated one, so it is never adequate. Therefore, high and low self-esteem can coexist in one person.

How to deal with low self-esteem? Initially, you should discover the reasons for its occurrence and rethink them.

Dealing with low self-esteem begins with recognizing your own strengths and weaknesses, ensuring that you have admirable qualities and strengths that are worthy of respect and appreciation. You can play a fairly simple game with yourself, which involves doing three things every day that bring you joy. You need to start living for yourself, so you should make simple plans and carry them out, live with a good mood, a positive attitude, smile more often and praise yourself regularly.

Low self-esteem, what to do? First you need to love yourself with all the flaws, mistakes, defects and shortcomings. You should try to understand that you, like any other person, are made not only of shortcomings, but also have a lot of advantages and advantages.

You need to learn to look after yourself, your gait, demeanor, etc. If you notice that you are walking down the street, looking at your feet, then look forward, put a smile on your face, remember the pleasant moments of life and boldly go towards your dream.

How to deal with low self-esteem? Very simple! You just need to start appreciating yourself. And to do this, give yourself the opportunity to do what you are passionate about, start reading more. Maybe you need to change jobs? If this is not possible, then find yourself a favorite hobby.

Dealing with low self-esteem involves self-control and willpower training. Active rest, physical exercise, daily training, contrast showers - ideally strengthen the body and spirit.

How to get rid of low self-esteem? The answer to this question lies in a good attitude towards others and love for your neighbor. Try to help people, don't avoid asking for help if you can help. This will give you importance in your own eyes.

Change your views on the world around you and society. Get rid of constant depressing thoughts about the need to increase your self-esteem. Such thoughts will not lead to good results. The most important rule on the path to adequate self-esteem is faith in yourself, personal potential and your own strength.

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How to communicate with someone with high self-esteem

In everyday conversations with a narcissist, you don't need to use any special strategies. If you have an adequate assessment of yourself, the behavior of your interlocutor will not anger you, but will even amuse you.

When you need to get results from a conversation, use one of the following strategies:

If your interlocutor is a junior employee, knock down his self-confidence. Do it calmly and reasoned. Using a specific example, explain the oversight in his behavior.
When talking to a colleague at the same level, support his point of view while voicing your own. For example: “Yes, you can do it, but look at my point of view... Together we will achieve great success.”
When talking to a narcissistic relative, don't be afraid to talk about personal feelings. Openly say what bothers him about his behavior.

Adequate self-esteem is an aspect of normal life in society. If you notice that you react harshly to criticism towards yourself, and perceive comments as an insult, try to cope with this feeling. Listen to the advice of others, soberly evaluate your own actions - this is how you will overcome high self-esteem.

If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .

High and low self-esteem

Self-esteem is the subject’s internal representation of himself, his own potential, his social role and life positions. It also determines one’s attitude towards society and the world as a whole. Self-esteem has three facets. So, for example, love for people begins with love for oneself, and can end on the side where love already turns into low self-esteem.

The upper limit of self-evaluation is inflated self-esteem, as a result of which the individual perceives his personality incorrectly. He sees not his real self, but a fictitious image. Such an individual incorrectly perceives the surrounding reality and his place in the world, idealizes his external characteristics and internal potential. He considers himself smarter and more sensible, much more beautiful than those around him and more successful than everyone else.

A subject who has inadequate self-esteem always knows and can do everything better than others, and knows the answers to any questions. Inflated self-esteem and its reasons can be different, for example, a person strives to achieve a lot, become a successful banker or a famous athlete. Therefore, he goes ahead to achieve his goal, not noticing either friends or family. For him, his own individuality becomes a kind of cult, and he considers those around him to be a gray mass. However, high self-esteem can often hide uncertainty about one’s own potential and strengths. Sometimes high self-esteem is just a kind of protection from the outside world.

Inflated self-esteem - what to do? First, you should try to recognize the uniqueness of each individual person. Each person has the right to his own point of view, which may be correct, despite the fact that it does not coincide with yours. Below are a few rules for bringing self-esteem back to normal.

During a conversation, try not only to listen to the speaker, but also to hear him. You should not adhere to the erroneous opinion that others can only talk nonsense. Believe that in many areas they can understand much better than you. After all, a person cannot be an expert in everything. Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes, because they only help you gain experience.

Don’t try to prove anything to anyone, every person is beautiful in their own individuality. Therefore, you should not constantly show off your best features. Don’t get depressed if you couldn’t achieve the desired result; it’s better to analyze the situation to see why it happened, what you did wrong, what was the reason for the failure. Understand that if something didn’t work out for you, it was your fault, and not the fault of the surrounding society or circumstances.

Take it as an axiom that everyone has flaws and try to accept that you, too, are not perfect and that you have negative traits. It’s better to work on self-improvement and correct shortcomings than to turn a blind eye to them. And for this, learn adequate self-criticism.

Low self-esteem manifests itself in a person's negative attitude towards himself. Such individuals tend to belittle their own achievements, virtues and positive traits. The causes of low self-esteem can be different. For example, self-esteem may decrease due to negative suggestions from society or self-hypnosis. Also, its causes may come from childhood, as a result of improper parental upbringing, when adults constantly told the child that he was bad or compared him with other kids not in his favor.

How to bring self-esteem back to normal: practical recommendations

High self-esteem is a psychological problem. It will take a lot of time and effort to solve. People with high self-esteem can turn to a psychologist for help, the main thing is that it is voluntary.

If a person has high self-esteem, he can do the following exercise:

You need to write down 10 main advantages on a piece of paper;
each needs to be assessed according to severity on a scale from 1 to 5;
then you should ask your friends and relatives to do the same;
Then the results obtained are compared and analyzed.

If the estimates are very different, you need to think about why this happened. You should try to determine the real reason for these discrepancies in yourself, your own behavior, and not in other people.

High level of self-esteem in men

Inflated self-esteem in men is common and is a problem both for the individual himself and for those around him. Such a person is accustomed to exaggerating his merits.

High self-esteem is determined by the following characteristics:

High sense of self-worth.
The man does not pay any attention to criticism, even reasoned criticism. It doesn’t occur to a man that he might not understand something. He is completely confident that he knows everything better than anyone.
A person can afford to mock those who, in his opinion, do not deserve respect.
The need for constant admiration for oneself. If this does not happen, the man becomes despondent.
The desire to be the best everywhere and in everything.
Confidence in your own uniqueness and originality.
A high level of self-esteem does not allow you to feel what compassion is. If you can already do all this, then this feeling is short-lived.
The conviction that everyone around him is jealous.
Demonstration of fictitious achievements in order to increase self-esteem.
Arrogant behavior, vanity, pronounced selfishness.
Mercantile interests. Inflated material demands and desires.
Irritability, anger if someone turns out to be better than him.
Disguising your negative traits and sides.
Commanding tone of communication. Such people often tell others how and what to do.
Inability to accept refusals and failures. If the situation has taken an unpleasant and unexpected turn, the man does not know what to do. He becomes confused and depressed.
Excessive touchiness. A man is easily offended if he does not receive due admiration for his “merits.”
Tendency to swear and scandals. Such men love to take revenge if someone crosses their path.
Excessive narcissism. Self-confident men believe that they are the most attractive, and this gives them the right to disdain the people around them.
The need for complete control. Such men have a great need for power. They like to feel independent. This is how they show their masculine essence. Otherwise, they feel wounded and inferior.
Idealization of yourself, your life.

Inflated self-esteem in men gives rise to such a problem as the constant desire for success and universal love at any cost. After such a man achieves a certain financial position and occupies a high place in society, he considers his ambitions satisfied.

Self-Esteem Functions

Psychologists identify 3 main functions of personality self-esteem:

Protective function. Personal self-esteem forms the degree of a person’s independence from other people’s opinions, and self-confidence makes it possible to feel relatively protected from the influence of any external unfavorable factors.
Regulatory function. Self-esteem gives a person the opportunity to make choices and regulate his life path: set goals and objectives for himself and follow his own, and not someone else’s, goals.
Developmental function. Thanks to self-esteem, a person develops and improves, since it acts as a kind of motivating factor for self-development.

Causes

Behavior patterns

The child copies the behavior patterns of significant adults, in particular, parents or those who raise him. He simply has nowhere to follow an example while he is very small. And the adult seems to him to be knowledgeable; against the background of unconditional trust, the child may perceive even some kind of physical violence as the norm, that this is how it should be.

So, if at least one parent does not behave quite correctly in relation to others, for example, does not listen, constantly criticizes and teaches, such a style of communication can be “intercepted” by the child.

In general, if a person is divorced from reality and extols his own person, then disruptions in self-esteem can also occur in those with whom he is close. Most often this is a decrease in confidence, but, as already mentioned, if the adult is an authority figure, the child will repeat after him.

The only one in the family

The order in which children are born has an impact on their character and relationships. So to speak, sibling rivalry arises.

But no less difficulties arise for the one who turns out to be the only one in the family. Especially if it was late, very desirable. He gets used to the attention that is paid only to him, which is fertile ground for the development of egoism and egocentrism.

Parents are not always able to adequately evaluate him, that is, they most often praise him with or without reason, which distorts the perception of his qualities and skills.

Demandingness

Parents project their desires onto their children, expecting them to be more developed, successful and happy. This is basically normal

But sometimes they don’t just want it, they actually demand perfection, focusing only on achievements, completely ignoring the personality of their child

Why, wanting to receive at least a little parental love, such a little man will strive to be better everywhere, at least to seem so.

He has the idea that people around him will be able to appreciate and notice him if he is perfect and always comes first

And will desperately try to occupy him, no matter what the cost

Comparison with others

Sometimes wanting to motivate a child to achieve, adults use comparisons with the children of their friends, classmates, etc. But, contrary to expectations, this method works completely differently. Basically it lowers self-esteem.

It is difficult to have a good opinion of yourself when the closest and dearest person not only admires the other, but also directly declares that he is better and that this is the kind of daughter or son he would like. To him, such comparisons sound like rejection.

That is, I don’t just say that the other child is great and deserves respect, but I emphasize that you are not like that at all. Like if you become just a little bit like him, maybe I'll have more reasons to love you. And parental love is, in fact, unconditional. It seems like there should be.

So, some enter into active competition, wanting to please their parents. Then their self-esteem does not decrease, but, on the contrary, increases. Only excessively, also not being entirely adequate and real.

You have to really “inflate” your characteristics. Showing that it is no worse than the others, and even on the contrary, it does not exist more beautiful.

These are the most common causes of problems in self-perception. Sometimes they seem so insignificant that they imperceptibly influence a person, quite organically changing her attitude towards life and other people.

Adequate self-esteem and level of aspirations

Self-esteem forms the individual's self-awareness. It consists of two components:

Cognitive. It reflects the information a person has received about himself;
Emotional. The component expresses the individual’s attitude towards himself (character, habits).

US psychologist W. James created the following formula: Self-esteem = Success / Level of aspirations.

Let's consider how the level of aspirations and success affect self-esteem. The level of aspirations is characterized by the desired level of self-esteem of an individual. This is the level that a person wants to achieve. It concerns profession and finance. Success is the result achieved by an individual. An increase in the indicator will occur through an increase in the result of actions or a decrease in the level of claims.

An adequate level is the ability to objectively assess oneself and one’s abilities. A person has an adequate understanding of his place in society, accepts his feelings and character traits, his pros and cons.

Nathaniel Branden, a famous psychotherapist, believes that healthy self-esteem gives inner stability and confidence, without which it is impossible to cope with life's challenges. He gives in his book “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” six practices for developing healthy, adequate self-esteem.

Signs of high self-esteem

Now, by analogy, let's highlight the main signs that you have high self-esteem, you were able to raise it, or it was like that (in this case, you are great!).

You are always confident in yourself, your strengths and capabilities;
You accept yourself as you are;
You are not afraid to make mistakes, you learn from them, perceive them as experience, and move on;
You are calm when you are criticized, you distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism;
You easily come into contact and find a common language with different people, are not afraid of communication;
You always have your own point of view on any issues;
You strive for self-development and self-improvement;
You tend to achieve success in your endeavors.

How to increase your child's self-esteem

Most parents still realize the importance of adequate self-esteem and think about how to instill confidence in their child from childhood. What is needed for this:

Give the child the right to choose. Let him decide what to wear outside or what to play with.
Allow your child to have his own point of view, even if you disagree. Teach him to analyze
Under no circumstances should you compare your child with other children.
Allow your child to do something important. This way he will feel his importance in the world.
Always support your child. Even if he failed, praise is the best incentive to move on.
Don't criticize your child
Teach your child to accept victories and defeats correctly
Learn to express your emotions

Factors influencing the formation of self-esteem

Inadequate self-esteem is always bad; it creates discomfort and problems for both the person himself and his environment. But can an individual be blamed for having a wrong self-image? Under the influence of what is self-esteem formed?

Social factors

The foundations of self-esteem are laid in childhood, from the moment when the baby becomes aware of his “I” and begins to compare himself with other children and adults. But in preschool, and even at primary school age, children cannot yet adequately analyze their qualities and their behavior, therefore the evaluative sphere is formed entirely under the influence of adults. Remember how V. Mayakovsky wrote: “The little son came to his father, and the little one asked: “What is good?” And what is bad?

Therefore, it is the wrong actions of adults that give impetus to the formation of inadequate self-esteem. Here are some of them:

unfair or excessive punishments;
unreasonable and too frequent praise;
constant comparison of the child with other children to show his weaknesses, inability, disobedience;
the position of a “king” in the family or a favorite at school;
emphasizing and focusing the child’s attention on his failures and mistakes.

Child psychologists believe that, in general, praise and encouragement are more beneficial, while constant reprimands and punishments are harmful. The fact is that we experience negative emotions more strongly than positive ones. And unpleasant sensations are stored in memory longer and have a stronger impact on our behavior. This happened in the process of evolution.

The opinions of people around us have a great influence on the formation of self-esteem and of an adult, especially when it comes to socially significant people whose opinions are important to us

Personal factors

The formation of self-esteem is also influenced by a person’s individual characteristics, the uniqueness of emotions, temperament, and character.

People with a sensitive psyche worry more about their failures and about the assessments of others than those who are less emotional.

A person whose melancholic traits predominate tends to get upset even over a minor random remark and remember it for a long time.
A phlegmatic person may not even pay attention to the remark.
Closed, unsociable introverts worry less about the assessments of others than sociable extroverts. On the other hand, extroverts, due to their tendency to demonstrate behavior, often suffer from inflated self-esteem. But people who avoid people and prefer solitude often consider themselves superior to others and despise those around them who are unworthy of communicating with them.

That is, individual personality characteristics certainly influence the formation of self-esteem, but its vector is determined primarily by the social environment. There is another important factor related to a person’s assessment of his own “I”.

Level of aspiration

We all strive for something in life, we set goals for ourselves. And these goals are different: some want to earn money for a new apartment, some want to create their own thriving company, and for others a trip to the sea is the ultimate dream. The degree of complexity, difficulty of a goal or task that a person defines for himself is the level of his aspirations.

Just like self-esteem, the level of aspirations can be adequate or inadequate. Adequate is one where goals correspond to human capabilities. If a school graduate with poor knowledge and low Unified State Exam grades decides to apply to a prestigious metropolitan university, then he clearly has an inadequate, inflated level of aspirations. And when a good student refuses to enroll in a higher education institution because he is afraid of failure, then his level of aspiration is too low. Both are bad.

The level of aspirations is formed under the influence of successes and failures that accompany a person on the path of life, and, in turn, affects the formation of self-esteem. After all, an athlete, constantly setting a bar for himself that he cannot jump over, will very quickly become disappointed in his abilities and in the ability to achieve success. And a low level of aspirations does not contribute to the development of self-esteem and self-confidence.

But psychologists still believe that a low level is worse than a high level and has a bad effect on the formation of personality and its position in society. It makes a person a socially passive loser who does not strive for success.

Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today

Answer the following few questions. If the answer to most of them is positive, then it’s time to start working on yourself and change your attitude towards yourself. Go.

Do you compare yourself to other people and always lose?
Are you jealous of other people?
Do you often complain about life and feel sorry for yourself?
Do you live in the past, cherishing good moments, or yearning for missed opportunities?
Do you feel like your loved ones don’t value you or your work?
Are you experiencing difficulties in romantic relationships?
Are you afraid to meet people and think that you are not worthy of true love?
Constantly wondering what others will think?
Do you find it difficult to make decisions, do you always doubt whether you are making the right choice?
Is it hard for you to refuse people their requests?

If most of these questions seem crazy to you, then your self-esteem is fine. And if you see yourself in them, then you understand perfectly well how much this poisons life, and that it’s time to change it.

Self-esteem and health

People with a low level suffer from a lack of positive emotions, so they have less energy and strength. Such a person often restrains his activity, so the energy does not come out.

Due to constant stress, an individual loses their appetite or has eating problems, which affects their weight. These people are often manipulated, as a result of which they develop a depressive state. Avoidance of responsibility leads to restrictions on physical activity, which negatively affects the condition of the lungs and joints. Inflated self-esteem also negatively affects health, since in case of failure the individual often develops depression, which leads to other problems.

It is important to have adequate self-esteem. Any deviation from the norm negatively affects not only relationships with others and self-realization, but also health.

Correction methods

Correcting high self-esteem begins with identifying its causes and describing the main personality traits. It’s rare for a person to cope with this on their own, because such people believe that they have no shortcomings. If the level of star fever is slightly above average and is adequate, then this is possible. But in other cases, circumstantial and long-term work with a psychologist is necessary.

It is much easier to get rid of high self-esteem in childhood and adolescence. The peculiarity of psychologists’ work with such children is that it is not their behavior that is corrected, first of all, but the people around them. Parents and teachers receive recommendations:

do not spoil the child;
reduce the amount of praise. They should only be heard in the case of real and significant achievements;
do not single him out from other children;
point out his mistakes;
teach you to take responsibility for your own mistakes.

In parallel with working with parents and teachers, the psychologist helps the child in social adaptation so that he is not an outcast, learns to respect the opinions of others and makes friends. As a rule, the course of such a comprehensive correction ranges from 2 to 6 months, depending on the severity of the situation.

As an adult, dealing with high self-esteem is much more difficult. To begin with, a person must recognize the problem himself and try to identify its cause. If it goes back to childhood, it is better to immediately contact a specialized specialist, since these cases are difficult to correct. If self-esteem was formed much later, you can try to get rid of your egoism yourself through auto-training and affirmations.

Example. The reason for high self-esteem is external attractiveness. Correction methods:
compare yourself with more beautiful people, find your shortcomings (bad bite, excess weight, excessive makeup, provocative clothing, etc.);
stop photoshopping your own photos;
get rid of addiction to social networks and selfie-admiration;
refocus from external beauty to internal beauty.

Correction always depends on the specific case. If a person, having both high self-esteem and willpower, can begin to re-educate himself, then with blind narcissism without an iron character, the path lies exclusively through a psychologist. Conversations, testing, working with loved ones, auto-training aimed at an adequate and objective perception of oneself are the main methods of treating such patients. If there is a personality disorder, this is already the scope of psychotherapy.

How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem

Many people do something they don’t like, go to work as if it’s hard labor and dream that the day will end as soon as possible. And all because we do not approach the choice of profession properly.

People are not used to spending enough time searching for something “their own.” Their search probably ended at school. Do you like math? Apply to become an engineer. They don’t even think that they can change jobs and professions throughout their lives.

Due to dissatisfaction with life, dissatisfaction with oneself also increases. Due to the fact that a person feels as if he has achieved nothing and is not capable of anything, his self-esteem drops.

In this case, you need to highlight several areas of interest, study them and try yourself until you find your calling.

Self-esteem and professional activity are closely related. People feel more confident when they achieve some results and enjoy their activities.