How to get rid of social phobia: advice from a psychologist

Do you or someone you know studiously avoid contact with people? Do you find it difficult to meet people, make contacts, or simply ride on public transport and ask the driver to brake at the desired stop? Does this cause you to have problems in your personal and professional sphere, and your whole life is permeated with a feeling of anxiety and discomfort, a desire to “withdraw into yourself”? It is possible that the above phenomena are signs of social phobia.

To confirm or refute this statement, I recommend reading the information below. In addition to describing the essence of the phenomenon, from the article you will receive practical recommendations for overcoming fear, you will be able to better understand yourself and find the root causes of social phobia. But first things first.

The essence of social phobia

Recently, it has become popular to call oneself a social phobe (especially among young people), moreover, in the erroneous understanding of this word.

Firstly, this is not hatred of people, as many people believe.
Secondly, real social phobia is an extremely unpleasant condition that prevents a person from living.

So, social phobia, or social phobia, is fear of society, certain social situations or social contacts. The impossibility of building them is due to certain internal reasons (not always conscious), but not from reluctance. I suggest you immediately get acquainted with the supporting points of this question, which I will explain and comment on along the way or later.

Social phobia belongs to the group of anxiety-phobic disorders. In the international classification of diseases it is assigned code F1.
In total, about 8% of people experience social phobia. Women (9.5%) suffer from social anxiety more often than men (4.9%). This is due to the natural emotionality of the fair sex, the desire to always look perfect. Stereotypes and social pressure also play a significant role (for example, it is more difficult for women to advance in politics; they literally have no room for error).
An important difference between social phobia and other disorders is that a person realizes the groundlessness of his fears or, on the contrary, clearly sees the “roots” (previous experience).
Social phobia is a variant of the body’s psychological defense mechanism.
When faced with a difficult situation for a person, the body turns on defense mechanisms. They are not always recognized by the individual and often make the situation even worse. The most common psychological defense mechanisms for social phobia are regression (child’s behavior), substitution (slamming the door, “breaking down” on another person), projection (transferring responsibility for failure to circumstances or another person).
Psychological fear is always reflected by physical, in this case psychosomatic, disorders.
Fear destroys personality. There is nothing left in life except phobia. Life turns into existence. We need to fight this.

In professional psychological and psychotherapeutic literature, social phobia is often identified with shyness. In addition, anxiety (read how to get rid of it here), uncertainty, and low self-esteem are closely associated with social phobia. Thus, social phobia is not a fear of people or even a fear of being rejected, ridiculed, or appreciated by society, but a fear of certain situations and their consequences.

The main difference between fear and anxiety is that fear arises in response to a real threat, while anxiety arises in response to a potential one.

For example, hearing news about terrorist attacks, a person begins to fear that this will happen in his city and tries not to leave the house, avoid crowded places - this is anxiety. But if a person once personally encountered a terrorist attack, and later avoids crowded places for this reason, then we are talking about fear. In this case, with elements of post-traumatic syndrome, but this is a completely different topic. I will definitely tell you about post-traumatic syndrome in another article. For now, let's return to social phobia.

However, not all researchers agree that it is worth differentiating between fear and anxiety. According to the definitions of a number of researchers and the psychological dictionary, fear is an emotional state that reflects the body’s internal defensive reactions to real or potential danger. And then anxiety (fear) is a component of phobia. In my work, I am in solidarity with the authors and share this position.

Phobia is an obsessive fear.
In this case, anxiety is a person’s constant and main companion.

Clinical manifestations

Social phobia is a disease that manifests itself in the form of psychological discomfort, panic attacks and increased anxiety when it is necessary to interact with other people. The need to speak in public or spend a long time in a crowded place can cause pathological fear, which is accompanied by various somatic symptoms. Quite curious is the fact that the development of social phobia changes the level of perception of the world around us.

According to scientists, negative memories are stored in the memory of social phobes longer, which significantly complicate the course of the disease. People with this disorder tend to constantly introspect and worry about their actions . This disorder is characterized by increased self-criticism and the presence of stable psychological attitudes that have a negative connotation.

Social phobia can manifest itself in the form of thoughts that a particular individual is unworthy of being in society. Disadvantages in appearance, intellectual development, or difficulties associated with career fulfillment can lead to thoughts of voluntary social isolation. In order to answer the question of how to overcome social phobia, you should familiarize yourself in detail with the manifestations of this personality disorder.

First of all, carriers of this disease constantly focus on their own personality. A disturbance in mental perception becomes the key to the emergence of increased demands on oneself. For social phobics, their importance to others is important. The fear of making various mistakes and the fear of ridicule from others are among the main reasons for the desire to stay at home all the time. Such people experience difficulties in building communication connections with others.

Most social phobics have a fairly limited social circle, which includes only close relatives.

Among the somatic manifestations of the disease in question, one should highlight tremors of the limbs, changes in skin color, heart rhythm disturbances and increased sweating. Attacks of nausea, vomiting and dizziness are specific symptoms of a panic attack.

Social phobia is a type of anxiety-phobic disorder, an irrational and strong fear of committing social actions.

Signs

You can suspect a person with social phobia with the naked eye. It is especially difficult to miss the telltale signs if you are experiencing this problem yourself. A social phobia is characterized by:

avoiding any contact;
fear when communicating with strangers (sometimes even with acquaintances);
panic and emotional stress in a situation where they are criticized and evaluated (appearance, talents, actions);
an overly responsible attitude towards responsibilities, important events and meetings (excitement haunts you even a few months before the date);
soul-searching (“and if I answer this way,” “I should have said it differently”);
irritability;
pessimistic negative attitude, expecting the worst;
excessive focus on outside assessment and other people’s opinions (“what will people say and think if I wear this sweater/don’t come to this event?”);
constant anxiety, even when performing everyday and usual tasks;
absent-mindedness, fussiness;
a feeling of repetition (a person has replayed many situations in his head, which is what causes déjà vu).

Finding yourself in a real situation of personal social fear (public speaking, traveling on public transport), a person experiences not only moral discomfort, but also physical:

sweating;
feeling of suffocation, lack of air;
stuttering;
pallor;
increased heart rate and breathing;
confusion of thoughts;
sleep disturbances and nightmares;
stool disorder;
nausea;
pain (in the head, stomach, muscles);
other individual reactions.

The body naturally doesn’t like this, it wants to stop the “torture” and begins to send signals. This gives a person a clear need to leave, run away, or aggression appears (these are the most popular defense options in response to an unwanted situation that once caused discomfort). Thus, social phobia is not so much a fear of society, but of certain social situations, more often associated with success.

Of course, there are individual situations, for example, real mental disorders (obsessive idea that they want to kill a person, they are watching him). Such cases require more complex treatment, often including taking serious medications:

blockers,
inhibitors,
tranquilizers.

It is worth mentioning that in this article I am talking about social phobia as a psychological state of a person, caused by external and internal factors and amenable to correction with the help of psychological therapy (trainings, exercises).

Causes of social phobia

Social phobia is always associated with unattractive consequences for a person: relationships with other people are destroyed, a person has to limit himself in many ways in order to avoid getting into frightening situations. What could be the reasons for the appearance of social phobia?

Firstly, biological factors - genetic predisposition, impaired functioning of the noradrenergic and serotonergic systems. However, the effect of biological predisposition is not a determining factor in the development of social phobia. A more significant role in the formation of social phobia is played by the learning factor (reinforcement of an incorrect reaction to a situation).

In general, social phobia is usually considered as a learned fear, the predisposing factors of which can be traumatic situations (for example, someone laughed at a speech) and parental behavior (controlling behavior or overprotectiveness on the part of parents, excessive demands on the child, etc.) .

The traumatic situation itself can also be identified as a cause of social phobia. More significant for the development of social phobias will be family development factors (the behavior model of parents in relation to the child), however, the development of the disorder can also be negatively affected by: a situation of family violence; non-acceptance by parents (the child tried to evoke praise from his mother through some of his actions, but she did not appreciate it or did not pay attention); ridicule (for example, if a child was ridiculed in front of the whole class after a bad performance).

Thus, the main causes of social phobia may be learning, psychotrauma or biological predisposition. After the process of development of the disorder has been started, the person begins to form specific core beliefs , which will subsequently support the existence of the disorder. These are beliefs like “I am worthless”, “I must do everything perfectly”, “the world is dangerous”, etc. Deep beliefs contribute to the formation of intermediate beliefs that reflect the rules of interaction with other people and the world as a whole for a person (“I should be an ideal interlocutor”, “I should not start something that I cannot cope with at the highest level”, “communication is very difficult and painful for me”, etc.); Also, deep-seated beliefs become the reason for automatic thoughts to “pop up” in the mind in frightening situations (for example: “I won’t be able to please the audience,” “I will start blushing and stuttering in front of the audience”). As a rule, a person with social phobia does not even have the opportunity to thoroughly verify the truth of these beliefs in practice - he prefers to avoid frightening situations. In addition, an unpleasant “set” of deep-seated beliefs, automatic thoughts, avoidance and other “components” of social phobia forms a vicious circle, from which it is very difficult to get out without the help of a psychotherapist.

Possible reasons and prerequisites

As I already mentioned, the development of social phobia is influenced by external and internal factors. Yes, even your own insecurity or anxiety is the result of outside influence (in childhood or adulthood). The following prerequisites for the emergence of social phobia can be identified.

Depression (70.9% of cases) or other disorders.
Drug addiction, alcoholism (76.7%). Public condemnation can be received more often than support and help, which forces the alcoholic to withdraw into himself, increasingly avoiding society.
Experienced situations of failure. Having once "shitted" in public, a person will probably avoid performing again.
Properties of the psyche. Accented individuals, that is, with a pronounced character trait, are more prone to phobias. For example, the schizoid and asthenic type are the most vulnerable. The same dependence is observed among temperament types. Choleric and melancholic people are more prone to phobias.
Someone else's experience. Often, sophiophobia begins to form in childhood and is caused by the behavior (example) of parents or parenting style. For example, intimidation, prohibitions, or one’s own experience of failure in front of a child.
Low self-esteem and uncertainty that arose against the background of social deprivation (deprivation) in childhood. This group includes a tyrannical type of parental education, an authoritarian teacher, and “bullying” in the classroom.
Low self-esteem. Often comes from a destructive type of parental upbringing or school childhood.

Causes

In order to find the right approach to treating the disease, you should know about the causes of its occurrence . Unfortunately, today social phobia is one of a number of diseases that have an unclear etiology . Despite this, there are several reliable theories that shed light on the nature of the pathology. According to many scientists, this disorder has a subtle relationship with hereditary factors. In addition, the development of the disease can be facilitated by an incorrect approach to the education process. Young children tend to adopt the behavior of their parents. If the latter prefer a limited social circle, which includes only a dozen people, there is a high probability of a disorder occurring in children.

In addition, there are indirect factors that make a negative contribution to the development of mental disorders. One of these factors is the presence of past negative life experiences. A person often encounters physical violence throughout his life. It can be seen not only in films, but also in real life. Many social phobes have encountered the rudeness of their peers, becoming objects of humiliation, aggression and ridicule.

The first signs of the disease appear at the beginning of adolescence. Their occurrence is facilitated by excessive demands from parents, strict upbringing and lack of attention. Relationships with peers also play an important role in the onset of the disease.

Low popularity, ignoring or aggression from classmates strengthen the reluctance to communicate with others. How not to be a social phobe? In order to answer this question, we should raise the topic of manifestations of the disorder . The object of fear may be the need to speak in public, conduct important negotiations, communicate with unfamiliar people and other types of interpersonal relationships.

It is important to note that recognizing social phobia based solely on a person’s behavior is quite difficult.

Some people, trying to overcome their fear, choose an aggressive model of behavior, thereby hiding their fear from others. It is quite interesting that this disorder is widespread among public figures. According to journalists, Robert Patisson and Jim Carrey fall into the category of social phobes.

From all of the above, we can conclude that social phobia violates the quality of human life, acting as a kind of barrier to self-realization and building personal relationships. Low self-esteem combined with a critical attitude towards one’s own personality gives rise to other manifestations of the disease. To treat this disease, various methods of psychological resolution of internal conflicts are used. In more complex cases, hypnosis treatment is used in combination with potent medications.

A person suffering from social phobia is afraid of any social situation in which he finds himself in public view.

What to do?

Dealing with social anxiety is not easy. Sometimes it is enough just to correct the worldview and, accordingly, behavior. In other cases, medications may be necessary, including those that relieve symptoms, such as sleep aids.

I want to introduce you, dear readers, to an effective training exercise, a way to change your worldview, and give general recommendations for correcting your life.

Training exercise

You may be surprised, but art therapy is an effective means of combating all phobias, including social phobia.

Take a sheet of paper and draw whatever is in your head. It doesn’t matter what you draw, how you draw, or whether you know how to draw. Just “pull” the fear and anxiety out of yourself.
After you finish, try to analyze the drawing (if it doesn’t work, it’s okay). It is possible that the silhouette of a person from the past who provoked social phobia, or a situation from school childhood, that is, the very root cause (premise of the phobia), will inadvertently “pop up” from the subconscious and be visualized.
After that, take a new sheet of paper and try to describe your feelings and thoughts that arose in the process of how you created. It often happens that a person cannot complete this part, because he is unable to remember those feelings. This is due to what your subconscious drew.
The last stage is burning the drawing or both the drawing and the notes. As an alternative, you can simply write down your fears, anxieties, thoughts and burn them.

This visualization method is very effective, despite its simplicity.

Down with self-concentration

Focusing on your own behavior in a critical situation for a person and when unwanted external signs (for example, blushing) appear can play a cruel joke. The opinion that in order to get through a problem situation “smoothly” you need to control yourself is wrong. Noticing that a person is sweating, he will begin to sweat even more.

That is, by concentrating too much on oneself and trying to control the situation, a person drowns in his phobias and distorted perception of himself.

He has no way to notice people's reactions and support. Take a break for a second and you will notice interest in people's eyes, acceptance of you along with all your features.
However, the same thing works if you notice that someone from the audience (considering a public speaking situation) is skeptical about you. But even here it should be regarded as a silent request to clarify the material. And even if this is criticism, then a constructive form is necessary for a person (this is important to understand).
If we are talking about inadequate criticism, then it is not even worthy of your attention.

So, trying to completely control his behavior, a person loses control over the situation. A kind of vicious circle arises. In order to calm down, you need to switch your attention.

For example, you start having a somatic cough attack in an inappropriate place. You understand that you are already having a hard time holding back, but you can’t help but think about it, which is precisely forbidden. In this case, just start counting or remembering a verse to yourself. You yourself will not notice how distracted you are, and the attack will pass.

General tips and tricks

In the fight against social phobia there is no single scheme or plan, in general, as in the correction of any psychological disorder. The work plan depends on the severity and direction of fear of society, as well as its causes. However, some general recommendations can be made:

Find a support group. Let’s start with people you know on the Internet. Ideal, of course, to have real contacts (family, love, friends).
Understand that there are no perfect people, and you cannot please and please everyone. If you are afraid to meet girls because of an unhappy history, then you still shouldn’t pretend to be someone else. Be yourself. You can't lose what you don't have. And trying and making mistakes is normal and useful. All life, starting from birth, is trial and error. After all, walking was once scary, don’t you agree? And it hurts.
Self-confidence and adequate self-esteem are the basis for getting rid of social phobia. Work on your self-confidence, study yourself, find your strengths and focus on them. Every person is terrible in some ways, but beautiful in some ways. But there is no such thing as being wonderful or terrible in everything. This is a reality that needs to be accepted. To correct self-esteem and confidence, you can take training courses or find information on the Internet. You can download entire collections of exercises, for example, Wayne Dyer’s work “How to Believe in Yourself.” The motto of this book is: “When you believe, then you will see.” Unfortunately, in such a narrow article and addressing a general audience, I cannot give examples of exercises. It's very individual. Please find the material and choose something suitable for yourself.
Break your comfort zone. No matter how it sounds, the “wedge by wedge” principle often works with social phobia. You literally have to break yourself. A club of similar interests (perhaps you are creating something) would be a great start. Find what interests you (poems, music) and share it with your friends. The second part of breaking is consciously going through frightening situations.
Understand yourself. People sometimes tend to unconsciously attribute their undesirable traits to others. That is, expect from people what they themselves are capable or not capable of.
Try to clearly formulate the cause of the phobia. If we are talking about a situation related to a specific person, then talk about it. Try to meet with this person and discuss everything. For example, if you understand that in childhood you did not have enough support from your mother, but now you maintain contact with her, then have the courage to express everything and ask disturbing questions, to hear her position. If this is not possible (the person has died and does not keep in touch), then write him a letter, state everything and burn the sheet.
If you can’t solve the problem on your own, make an appointment with a psychologist.

Do what you are afraid of!

Social phobia is treated with both medication and behavioral therapy. The drugs used are serotonergic antidepressants, anxiolytics, and beta blockers (to eliminate vegetative manifestations).

But drugs alone are clearly not enough. The main thing in treatment is to realize the groundlessness of your fears and learn to communicate.

All this is achieved in individual and group sessions with a psychotherapist. In addition to the correct psychological guidelines that the doctor gives, he also helps the patient master the ability to stand confidently (straight back, raised chin, looking not at the floor, not to the side, but at the interlocutor’s face). In addition to “class” work, the doctor also assigns “home” work. One of the tasks, for example, training slow speech (half an hour a day). First, you can perform this exercise alone with a mirror, then practice it on loved ones. Further more. Alienation can only be overcome in practice, and in those places and situations where anxiety arises most often. Only constant practice can achieve self-confidence.

What should you do for this? Approach cute strangers in a cafe and get to know them. Ask passers-by how to find a particular house or street. Be the first to start a conversation with your superiors.

Many social phobes are helped to overcome painful shyness and self-doubt by imagining themselves as another character. By playing in life not yourself, but your antipode, it is much easier to act more confidently. By the way, a great option is to enroll in a theater studio. The art of transformation helps you look at yourself from the outside and overcome your inhibitions. By the way, many actors suffered from increased shyness in childhood, which they were able to get rid of only on stage.

Social phobia in teenagers

Difficulties could also appear at an earlier age - in teenagers, when the cause becomes some action that is a trigger for the individual.
For example, a situation at school with sharp criticism (in public), or a conflict with someone in the team. After this, the child or teenager may lose the desire to attend any crowded events. And then fear and social phobia in adolescents spreads to the other gender, and difficulties in communication begin. The causes of social phobia can be different, for example:

Negative reactions of parents to actions in childhood
Requirements are too high
Ridicule in a group or at home
Conflicts in a team or at school
Antisocial behavior of mom or dad
Problematic start to sexual life
Related and somatic problems

Social phobia in teenagers can become a serious problem if left untreated.

Therefore, it is very important to identify the symptoms and signs below in time

Getting rid of social anxiety in teenagers

During adolescence, young people are at increased risk of developing social phobia because:

some physical changes are perceived negatively by the teenager himself and his environment;
increased vulnerability and youthful maximalism do not allow us to adequately evaluate ourselves and others.

Social phobia in teenagers

Experts believe that the earlier the disorder is diagnosed, the easier it is to understand how to overcome social phobia with the help of medicinal and psychotherapeutic methods.

Like any illness, social phobia is better prevented than cured. Therefore, even before adolescence, parents teach their child:

Calm breathing skills that will help a young person remain calm in difficult situations.
Ability to overcome crisis situations.
Rules of behavior in difficult circumstances.
The ability to overcome your fears and achieve your goals.

If preventive measures do not help, then modern psychotherapists know how to treat social phobia: the main methods are cognitive behavioral therapy or group psychotherapy.