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Each of you at least once in your life has had the opportunity to call a stranger or some institution, organization, etc. For some people, a telephone conversation with a stranger is practically no different from a conversation with parents, relatives, friends or acquaintances. But there are people who, while talking on the phone with strangers, begin to feel anxiety, uncertainty, and internal discomfort.
Fear of talking on the phone is a very common phenomenon. In real life, a person can be confident and sociable, but as soon as he has to dial someone he doesn’t know, he begins to feel embarrassed, mumble his words, and speak slurred.
Telephone phobia - a new type of fear
This behavior means there is a fear of the phone. In psychology, this phobia is called telephone phobia.
Causes of fear
Psychologists unanimously claim that fear of the telephone is not a psychological disease at all. This is just neurosis, a little stress for the body caused by excitement from the upcoming conversation. But if the fear of phone calls is not considered a disease, then the following questions arise: why does it cause us fear, and how to get rid of it.
The reasons for the appearance of this phobia can be very different; they are individual for everyone. But the most common are the following:
- Often, when calling strangers, people are afraid that they will be rude. When you call someone, you expect that they will speak to you calmly, loyally, but not rudely.
- Having received a negative response to a polite address, a feeling of resentment, insult and disappointment immediately appears.
- Many suffer from low self-esteem. Such people believe that they do not know how to express their thoughts, formulate sentences correctly and speak incomprehensibly.
- That's why they are afraid of telephone conversations. When communicating, they confuse phrases, lose the meaning of the conversation, and often have awkward pauses. Because of this, such people lose the desire to talk on the phone.
- If a person cannot concentrate on something for a long time, then he will be characterized by a fear of talking on the phone. After all, during a conversation he will constantly be distracted by extraneous topics and lose the essence of the conversation. According to psychologists, a reduced level of concentration is typical for people with attention deficit disorder.
- Having once received unpleasant news on the phone, a person may develop telephone phobia. After experiencing stress, he will begin to associate the phone with bad news, and every time the phone rings, he will be afraid to answer the call, thinking that he will hear the sad news again.
Bad news over the phone
All these reasons are related exclusively to the psychological state of people, and not to physical abnormalities. Because of these factors, the fear of making phone calls is accompanied by unpleasant thoughts and negative emotions. Just the thought of an upcoming call can cause emotional stress.
To get rid of the phobia of telephone conversations, psychologists conduct special trainings in which they teach people suffering from this problem how to calm down and overcome fear. You can solve this problem yourself, but you will need patience and perseverance to work on yourself, and most importantly, desire.
I'm afraid to talk to people. Manifestations of fear of communication
Recognizing the fear of communicating with people is quite easy. To do this, you just need to pay attention to your own behavior or the behavior of your relative or friend. It is difficult not to notice this, because social ill-being is striking. Let's take a closer look at ways of expressing fear.
Shyness
When an individual suffers from social phobia, this is necessarily expressed through shyness. A guy or girl can be so timid that it's really hard to imagine. They refuse not only to participate in public life, but to at least somehow express their position. For such people, defending an individual opinion is generally akin to a real feat. Shyness hinders self-realization and prevents the identification and development of strong character traits. It is worth noting that everyone has positive traits, but not everyone is ready to make certain efforts for their own development. If you have a habit of being shy, it means that it will be difficult for you to show your individuality in any matter.
Feeling isolated from the world
When we are afraid to communicate with the world, a feeling of isolation and isolation from the people around us arises. It seems to a person that he is alone in the whole world, and no one can help him solve the problem. This happens for the reason that a person unconsciously isolates himself. Having gotten used to refusing the help of others, he no longer hopes for them in the future. He makes it clear that he does not want to contact the world in any way due to his mistrust. Fear greatly limits him and makes him begin to doubt himself. The feeling of being cut off from the world is dangerous because it teaches a person to consider himself a victim in any situation. A person stops fighting and relies entirely on the fact that those around him will someday notice and understand him. Of course, this is a deliberately flawed approach that yields nothing but severe disappointment. The more a person withdraws into himself, the more difficult it becomes to find a decent way out of the situation.
Feeling exclusive
A person who is afraid of people gets used to considering himself an exceptional creature. He cultivates the behavior of a victim, and therefore does not want to change his rules and attitudes. It often seems to such people that everyone is unfairly offending them. They may complain to others about misunderstanding or pretend that they were wronged in vain. Such a person gets used to considering himself a misunderstood genius, a victim of the universe. It doesn’t occur to him to start analyzing his actions and actions. After all, it becomes much easier to blame others for your failures. The feeling of exclusivity is a derivative of arrogance and pride. It’s just that the fear of interacting with others is so strong that it does not allow them to take tentative steps towards the desired result. The individual does not make any attempts to feel better, to free himself from oppressive experiences.
Low self-esteem
A person who suffers from a fear of communication does not know how to value himself. He does not understand that he, too, has his own strengths, like everyone else around him. Rather, he has a fear of receiving society’s disapproval, of being misunderstood and condemned. Often such individuals do not pay any attention to their talents and do not develop their existing abilities. They feel that their own skills mean nothing and are worthless. Low self-esteem does not allow you to identify your best character traits and somehow express your talents. The personality is overly focused on its own shortcomings, it lacks the courage to start moving forward. Finding himself in such a situation, a person always finds weighty arguments to somehow justify his inaction: bad luck in life, no opportunities and talents. In fact, there are no aspirations and healthy ambitions. Such an individual does not know what he wants to achieve in life and does not know how to cope with even the most basic tasks. It soon turns out that there is absolutely no one to try for: there are no friends, close relatives do not always understand and do not share his experiences. Low self-esteem is always the result of an incorrect attitude towards life, the people around you and yourself.
How to overcome fear
Nowadays, the telephone has become one of the easiest ways to exchange information. After all, this way we can contact people at any time and no matter how far we are from them. But if we are afraid to talk on the phone, then we will simply complicate our lives. Therefore, you need to learn to cope with this problem.
There are many ways to combat the fear of telephone conversations, but to solve the problem, you must first of all set yourself up for a positive result. Remember that the stranger you are calling does not care about you. He will talk to you, answer questions, and then hang up and forget about his interlocutor. Therefore, you should not be afraid of negotiations with strangers, and there is no point in worrying unnecessarily before such a short-term exchange of information.
An important component of successfully combating a phobia is the psychological attitude.
Overcoming phone fear
When we talk on the phone, we cannot see the emotions of our interlocutor, and often it is impossible to understand from his voice how he reacts to the words we say. To make it easier to conduct telephone conversations, you need to imagine that your interlocutor is next to you. And try to always speak softly, politely, with a smile, then you will receive mutual feedback from the person on the other side of the phone line.
Various reasons for fear prevent us from collecting our thoughts and making a phone call. To overcome anxiety, it is not enough to simply persuade yourself to make a challenge and convince yourself that there is nothing wrong with it. This won't help you calm down the first time, you need to practice it. But recharging yourself with positive emotions is always an effective way. To do this, you need to relax, think about something good, imagine that you have already successfully made a call, and you can come up with some kind of reward for yourself after the telephone conversation - a cake, candy, whatever.
Rules for a successful conversation
So that fear of telephone conversations does not prevent you from calling on important matters, there are several rules that will help you negotiate successfully, despite your anxiety.
- Before dialing an unknown number, imagine the interlocutor: what he looks like, what he’s wearing, where he’s sitting and what he’s doing. Imagine that he is just like you, an ordinary person and there is nothing to be afraid of him. First, you can call your relatives or friends to calm down.
- It is very important to think through the conversation in advance, it is better to draw up a plan and write the necessary remarks. Often, out of excitement, you can get confused and even forget basic phrases like “Hello, I’m so-and-so,” “My name is so-and-so,” “I’m calling about such-and-such a question.” A piece of paper with notes will help you concentrate and conduct the conversation correctly and consistently. You can record the information you hear during a call.
- If during a conversation you don’t know what to say, just listen to your interlocutor and sometimes agree with him. So, he will get the impression that you are in the know.
- By focusing on his speech, you will stop frantically thinking about how to maintain a dialogue. In addition, information received from a stranger may prompt you to ask questions or respond to a monologue.
- Psychologists advise rehearsing your speech before the call. You can record the conversation on a voice recorder or conduct a test conversation with someone you know. You need to do this until your speech becomes clear.
- It is also recommended to think through possible questions for you and prepare answers to them in advance. This will give you confidence that you can communicate correctly without putting yourself in an awkward position.
If you follow these simple rules, you can overcome your fear of making a phone call and successfully communicate with strangers.
Listening skills are important for telephone phobia
The main thing that is required of you is desire and constant training. The more often you make phone calls, the faster you will realize that there is nothing wrong with it. By constantly repeating the same conversation, you will ensure that it becomes familiar, ordinary for you, and the phone call itself will not be unknown to you.
If long-term work on yourself does not produce any results, then you should consult a psychologist. He will find out the reasons for this fear and help you cope with it.
Don’t be shy about talking about your fear; many people have this problem, not just you. And if you do nothing, this small problem will cause constant stress and make your life more difficult.
How to get used to phone calls
If you get used to talking on the phone with unknown people, this phobia will quickly disappear. But it’s one thing to call a taxi, a cinema, order food at home, etc., but calling an employer, business partner, bank or some other serious organization is much more difficult. To do this, you need to understand and accept some facts and learn to cope with emotions.
Fighting anxiety
Before an important conversation, a person usually experiences anxiety. The interlocutor will not see your frightened eyes and trembling hands, but by your voice you can easily determine what you are going through. A confident person and a fearful person are usually perceived and evaluated differently. If you are afraid, you may not get the best opinion about you. Therefore, you need to learn to calm down.
A reliable way to combat anxiety is physical exercise. Squats or push-ups will help your body adjust to other tasks. And when you have a rest, you can make the necessary call. To calm the nerves, they came up with anti-stress cubes, balls and various other objects. You can twist or knead them in your hand during a conversation, this will also reduce anxiety.
Anti-stress cubes help with anxiety
Accepting the Obvious
Typically, when we call someone on the phone, we want to be perceived as smart, serious people. We are afraid of appearing stupid, incompetent, afraid of disgracing ourselves and putting ourselves in an awkward position. Sometimes, when we speak differently than in everyday life and try to seem smarter than we really are, we look even stupider and more ridiculous.
You need to understand that it is impossible to know and understand everything; people tend to make mistakes. Therefore, do not be afraid to say that you do not understand something, do not hesitate to ask questions. Your interest does not mean that you know nothing; on the contrary, it will show your interlocutor that you are trying to understand the essence of the conversation.
Be ready for anything
The situations and people you call can be very different. You may call at the wrong time, and the person you need may be in a bad mood, irritated, tired, too busy, or not feeling well. In etiquette, there are rules for talking on the phone with strangers. Those whose profession requires them to make frequent calls must adhere to these rules, but they do not always succeed.
You must come to terms with the fact that they may be rude to you, will not answer your questions, or will not want to talk at all.
It doesn’t matter for what reason and who you are calling: either you are calling different people because it is your job, or you are calling from some organization. In both cases, you must be prepared to hear any answer and not give up on telephone conversations after an unsuccessful call.
I'm embarrassed to call in front of my colleagues. I'm afraid to call on the phone
Girls, please advise how to get rid of the fear of talking on the phone with a stranger?? I am a bit of a social phobe in life, although I am always friendly. But it’s very awkward for me to call someone, for example, I simply can’t make an appointment with a doctor, a hairdresser, I always ask my husband! For some reason, the phone gives me such strange feelings. Even from unfamiliar numbers I rarely pick up the phone unless I’m waiting for a call. Although in life I communicate normally with strangers. I’m often afraid to ask the store consultant about something, etc. Tell me how to deal with this, I am especially interested in the opinions of those who have gone through this.
