There's no need to kill yourself, we'll figure it out now.
Still from the film "Côte d'Azur"
So she decided to leave you and maybe even move on with someone else, so now you feel so bad that you don't know how to move on with your life. We advise you not to rush to conclusions and especially not to do anything stupid. After all, now we will tell you what to do if a girl leaves you, namely, how to forget her correctly, return her, let her go, and so on.
You should immediately understand that in such a situation there is no need to fill yourself with alcohol, sit for hours in depression and write crazy emotional messages to her every second. In this case, it is best to analyze the experience and decide on further actions.
Live on or try to return
If a girl is really valuable, you need to try to get her back
It is very important to be able to assess your situation from the outside. You must understand whether there is even the slightest chance for the future of your relationship.
- You may feel the urge to return to your previous relationship, even though you realize you weren't happy. You are simply afraid to move on with your life, afraid of temporary loneliness. Here it is better to let go and forget.
- If you have come to the conclusion that you are not ready to share the rest of your life with a departed person, then it is better to leave everything as it is, because there will be many more girls on your way, among whom you will definitely meet the one and only one.
- If the girl you love left you, but you realized that you have to return her, then you need to think about the reason for her leaving and act on this basis:
- if there is something you are not happy with in your behavior or appearance, you will have to make drastic changes;
- if she left because of your betrayal, betrayal, then you should try to beg her forgiveness;
- in the case when the breakup is provoked by the girl’s action, for example, the desire to be with another guy, it is possible that she will return herself if she sees that you are living happily. It is important to pretend that you don’t notice her and not answer calls.
Realize how screwed you are
Case No. 1
If your girlfriend left you with the words: “I can’t do this anymore”
, which means you're probably screwed. And he did this repeatedly and consistently until she ran out of patience. In this case, it will be quite difficult to return your beloved, because you have brought her to the point of no return.
A time machine or a device that erases memory, like the Men in Black, usually helps here. But, since you have neither one nor the other, you will have to think about it and start correcting yourself (without her or with her). We'll talk about this below.
Case No. 2
If your girlfriend left you with the words: “I didn’t expect this from you”
, it means you most likely did something irreparable, after which people are not forgiven or do it with very great effort. Very often, one of the only correct steps in this situation is to let the girl leave and not pester her with your apologies.
However, all cases are individual, so there is always a chance for forgiveness, reunion and further development of a happy relationship.
Case No. 3
If your loved one left with the words “I’m sorry, but you’re not right for me”
or with a more condescending one:
“Sorry, it’s not about you, it’s about me,”
which means, most likely, you didn’t do anything terrible, but simply after some time did not live up to her expectations or were completely tired of her. By the way, we once wrote about the main signs that a girl is tired of you. Check if there is anything there that describes your situation.
In this case, you should either let her go or figure out a way to make her believe in you again as a worthy candidate for the role of a life partner. The main thing is not to overdo it.
Thus, most breakups occur under these three scenarios. Naturally, there are some combinations or even unusual reasons for separation, but in any case, your task will be to take the right step to resolve the conflict that has arisen.
I want the girl to regret leaving and want to come back
Don't show that you're in too much pain
What surprises the girl most after a breakup is the fact that her ex practically doesn’t worry about the breakup. Even if in reality it will be incredibly painful for you, but no one should know about it, except perhaps your closest friend. This behavior will attract the young lady's attention. Also, she will have many questions about the subject of her former crush. This can be used for your own benefit and restoration of relationships.
Live brightly and in plain sight
Following this advice is quite easy thanks to the existence of many different social networks. You should post as many interesting photos as possible. You can also try something new and tell friends you have in common with your ex-companion about it, since most likely she will find out about your new hobbies.
Flirt with others in front of her, make her jealous
A good way to get your loved one back is to make her jealous by showing attention to other girls. Most likely, she will realize that she was mistaken and she has feelings for you. However, it is also important not to overdo it with flirting with others, as this can only anger your ex and turn you away. Besides, you may seem very stupid to her, or she will understand your motives.
Remind yourself periodically
You can sometimes remind you of your existence. You don’t have to cut off absolutely all contacts, but occasionally write something on social networks. The simplest, but not always effective way is to rate or comment on her new photos or posts. You can also congratulate your ex-lover on the holidays. This will serve as a conversation starter that can be used to build rapport.
Start an easy new romance
Also, a guy can start a new romance with another girl in order to attract the attention of his ex. However, it should be remembered that this method does not work for all representatives of the fairer sex. In addition, even if jealousy helps restore your relationship with your beloved, you will hurt another girl who does not deserve it. Since you know from your own experience how a person feels after betrayal, you should not want someone else to experience the same emotions.
Hurt her without giving yourself away
You can easily attract a girl’s attention to yourself by hurting her. You can ask your friend to say something unpleasant to your ex-girlfriend. For example, let him lie that you are not worried or have even found a replacement, or that you do not like some of her personal characteristics: her manner of speaking, laughter, something in her appearance. However, this is one of the most impractical and base ways to make a girl feel sorry. Perhaps, after some time, you will regret this action and realize that you only humiliated yourself, and not the girl.
How to forget your girlfriend who left you
At this point, we will consider the option of letting the girl go and allowing both ourselves and her to move on with their lives. One cannot but agree that such a step requires a certain amount of determination and courage, especially when your beloved has left, for example, for an ex. But if you still decide to leave your relationship in the past and want to understand how to get over a breakup with a girl, here’s what you need to do:
Stop blaming yourself for the breakup
You shouldn’t repeat to yourself every day that it was all your fault, there is no one worse than you in the world, and she did the right thing by leaving you because she would be much happier with someone else.
Firstly, we are sure that you are greatly exaggerating, and secondly, both are always to blame for a breakup, even if you never washed the dishes and ignored her requests to walk the dog.
Stop following her
You wanted to forget her, didn't you? Why then check every five minutes what happened in her stories, and whether she tweeted anything that could hint at your relationship with her. Immediately after breaking up, it is better to completely block her accounts on social networks for a while. If she needs to contact you, she will call you. You can be sure.
Become more independent
Don't worry, we're not trying to quote your girlfriend when she didn't like that you couldn't wash your socks. We ourselves advise you to start washing your socks, washing the dishes, cleaning your apartment, learning to cook and in all other ways to begin maintaining the normal functioning of your body.
If you were previously dependent on all this, now is the time to take responsibility for the household yourself. Believe me, there is nothing special about this. Everyone should be able to maintain cleanliness and order.
Make a new acquaintance
This advice may not seem trivial to you, but believe me, it is one of the most effective on the path to overcoming post-relationship syndrome.
Find a new girlfriend, a second, a third. Nobody obliges you to flirt or have affairs with them. A new social circle will allow you to gain fresh impressions, meet interesting people and think less about the past.
Get out into nature
This is a classic and very effective technique. To relieve your head of heavy thoughts about a dramatic breakup, get out into the fresh air.
Go hiking, fishing, walk in the mountains or go on vacation, after all. A good trip can only improve your emotional state and relieve you of depressing thoughts about your ex.
Ask friends for advice
We hope you didn't lose all your friends while you were in a relationship with your ex. We are sure not. Because true friends will always come to the rescue, even if you have ignored them for several years.
In addition, friends see the picture of your relationship from the outside, and their opinion may be more objective than your soul-searching. They certainly know that “she doesn’t deserve you,” “you did everything right,” and “there are a lot of better girls around.”
Become a lone wolf
When you've already asked your friends for advice, climbed a mountain and learned to cook, it's time to become a tough guy with a difficult but well-lived past. Get out into people more often, attend different events and lead an active lifestyle alone. After all, now you are that wise guy who can give advice on how to survive a breakup with your loved one.
Just remember that you shouldn’t become a heavy drinker or a depressed tramp. You have overcome this stage. Walk with your head held high.
What not to do
There are a number of mistakes that you are tempted to make when a girl leaves, but it is worth taking control of the first impulses, based on an emotional outburst and not correlated with adequate behavior, because they can cause harm (by ruining your reputation, causing the girl to get scared and call the police and ban you and change your address).
It’s not worth catching up with someone leaving or returning them, showing signs of increased attention. If, while in a relationship, you did not invite her to a cafe and did not give flowers, then bouquets after she refused to be with you may be perceived as an attempt to buy her. If you realized only after the breakup that this was the woman of your life, you don’t need to show up on her doorstep with a ring. Most likely, she waited for this gesture for quite a long time and under other circumstances, but now everything inside is burned out and she doesn’t want it, or she wants it, but not like that, or there are many other options, none of which will make her return. Remember that all signs of attention must be paid in a relationship, and they need to be strengthened when the first chill appears, and not when you have separated and divided the aquarium fish.
No less negative actions include open harassment and surveillance. It sounds like you want to talk to her, so it's okay to come in person when she doesn't answer the phone. In the girl’s perception (and the law, too, by the way), this is considered a violation of personal boundaries and safety. You can achieve anger, contempt or fear in your address, depending on the temperament of the girl herself. Hidden surveillance of her movements or on social networks, provoked by your jealousy or concern, will most likely become obvious, and then the girl will take measures to deprive you of any opportunity to learn something about her. Think right away whether you need something like this if you want to continue communication in a friendly manner.
As for yourself, you shouldn’t look for salvation or entertainment in alcohol; it usually enhances existing emotions, under the influence of which you can start doing extremely undesirable things (calling her in the middle of the night and begging her to come back, threatening her current boyfriend or breaking into her apartment) .
If, after breaking up, you are thinking about returning, then you should not tell your friends about the breakup; you can label what is happening as a crisis or temporary difficulties. Not to be confused with trying to keep all emotions to yourself and not using moral support, this is something worth doing and will help you avoid many rash actions. But designating your status as free people, and the couple as separated can lead to many questions from the outside, to unnecessary advice and conclusions, in addition, it will be more difficult to get back together after this. If there is a warming in relations, it can easily be extinguished by an inaccurate question. And don’t forget that there are guys waiting for your failure to start courting your girlfriend, then by keeping information about the breakup secret, you will slow down their activity in courtship.
There is no question of presenting a girl in a negative light, whether you intend to continue the relationship or not. The girl will never forgive such a review, which means revival is impossible (she will not be imbued with a sense of guilt, as expected). In addition, this spoils the reputation, on the grounds that both are to blame for the problems, and a guy who only says bad things about his ex and blames her for everything will not win sympathy from girls, so do not condemn her to loneliness, even if she was a monster.
How to get a girl back (at least try)
If the question: “What to do if the girl you love left you?”
, you decided to answer:
“Try to return it
,” which means we wrote this point for a reason, and the past seven tips will help someone else.
In such cases, there is nothing better than a sincere and most conscious apology. In order to successfully implement it, you need to take a deep breath, then exhale and begin to prepare. But before you start preparing, you should understand that an apology does not guarantee you a 100% result. If a girl finally wants to leave, even two of your apologies will not stop her. But you can still try.
Prepare well
"For what?"
, you ask,
“This is not an exam!”
. But with this approach, your chances become less and less, because this is much more important than the exam.
Firstly, you need to calm down, give some time to both yourself and her, and analyze everything that happened between you. After awareness comes to you, try to identify the true cause of your conflict and build on it in the future.
Then briefly prepare your future speech in which you will:
- admit your guilt;
- explain your actions;
- Apologize;
- promise never to do this again;
- communicate that you really appreciate and love her;
- and so on.
Now apologize
Once your plan is ready, you can begin to take action. There are also several options here. The best thing, of course, is to meet face to face so that a live dialogue can take place between you, during which she can not only see all your sincerity, but also express her position on everything she thinks.
However, you can also apologize remotely. For example, by phone or on the Internet. The latter method involves many additional functions, for example, publishing videos, sending photos, music and other multimedia.
The main thing is not to be intrusive, but try to apologize once so that they want to forgive you. If unsuccessful, return to the above section. By the way, we have a more detailed guide on how to apologize to a girl.
Why is it important to get over a breakup properly?
It’s not in vain that we started talking about psychology, because you could write a scientific dissertation on how men experience breakups. The main problems of men experiencing separation lie in such dangerous moments as resentment and pride, self-esteem, loneliness and competition.
Considering the emotions that are intensifying several times, it can be difficult to keep your mouth shut and not be interested in how she is doing and with whom she is spending time. But the power of silence after a breakup is difficult to overestimate. Often we are powerless to say the right things in a state of passion, and apparent justice can later turn into something worse than the reality we expected.
How can you come to terms with a breakup and thereby ensure a quiet life for yourself and your ex-girlfriend? To do this, you need to ask yourself at least three questions:
- Do I want it back?
- Why do I want to return it?
- Does she, and I, need us to continue our relationship?
Often the reason for separation is so obvious that the question of restoring friendship is not raised in principle. However, overwhelming emotions can turn our understanding of the issue of separation so much that pride and resentment do all the dirty work for us. It will be little like love, because her feelings most likely will not be taken into account.
If you don’t pause, don’t assess the situation with a sober and unbiased look, then you can unknowingly make all the mistakes that we discussed earlier, thereby not only completely ruining your still-living relationship with a loved one, but also destroying the essence of a real man within yourself.
What not to do
The last section will be devoted to the main mistakes of guys who go to extremes and only aggravate the current situation. Here are some basic recommendations on how not to behave if your girlfriend dumps you.
Don't push for pity
This is not the best option for solving problems, because there is nothing in it but despair. The girl doesn’t want to hear something like: “If you don’t come back to me, I don’t even know what I’ll do to myself.”
This does not mean that a man should be stony and not show his feelings. Just don't be overly dramatic in an attempt to make your girlfriend feel unpleasantly rejected.
No need to prove to her that she is wrong
As we have already said, in a mutual conflict there is no right and wrong, so you should not fanatically prove to her that she did wrong. Especially you should not accompany this with a harsh tone, emotional statements and threatening gestures.
In this way, you can increase her confidence that she did the right thing by leaving you. This is such a paradox.
Don't ostentatiously start dating someone else
If you want to make a new acquaintance for the sole purpose of making the girl who dumped you jealous, this is not the best step.
Firstly, this can once again prove to her that you are not worthy of being with her. Well, and secondly, this is wrong in relation to the girl who will become a tool for resolving your conflicts.
As you know, provocation is not the best method of resolving personal problems. Conflicts between a man and a woman should be resolved rationally, calmly and with dignity.
Don't even think about getting depressed
Surely you have at least once seen a film in which the main character yearned for his beloved, so of course you already know how to do it correctly.
However, it is better not to stop shaving, washing and throwing empty bottles of beer around the apartment. Moreover, you should not ignore your friends and quit your job. If a girl wants to break up, it is unlikely that such behavior will make her change her mind.
Don't ask friends and family to talk to her
Be sure that the phrase “he is so good, and your clock is ticking,” uttered by your mother when talking to your ex, is unlikely to solve all the problems. Even if later your friends say the same line, and then hers, this is not a guarantee that the girl will immediately run to you to make peace.
You shouldn’t think that she definitely won’t withstand such pressure.
Mistakes you shouldn't make
Ask and beg her in every possible way to come back
You should not constantly pursue your ex-lover; she is unlikely to like such obsession. In addition, it humiliates the person, which also does not contribute to the development of relationships. If you manage to get your chosen one back, there is a possibility that she will begin to take advantage of you.
Blackmail or revenge
More than a plea to return, a man is humiliated only by blackmail and revenge. Remember that girls are sure that guys are checked when breaking up. It is your behavior after a breakup that will show what kind of person you really are.
Giving gifts and flowers
You should also not buy your ex-lover a lot of gifts. This behavior is more like trying to buy a girl. Also, the chosen one may begin to torture and use you in some way. Requests to buy something will begin to become more frequent, and the cost of gifts will increase. Even if you can afford to buy a luxurious present for a girl, you should not give her a reason to crush you under her.
Sit and wait for your ex to come back
Also, don’t flatter yourself with hopes that your ex-companion will suddenly change her mind and decide to restore the relationship. Hopes for a comeback will likely be dashed, which will only lead to more disappointment. It's better to start trying to forget the girl and move on.
We broke up, but continue to communicate and call each other
The best thing to do is stop communicating with your ex-girlfriend. One of you may start to have feelings again, which will lead to new disappointments and pain. Don't complicate your relationship. If you broke up with a girl, it means that there were serious reasons for this, love has faded, trust has disappeared, and it becomes impossible to communicate well with the person. Also, it is impossible to calmly watch how the previous chosen one builds a new relationship.
Open relationship or sex without commitment
The consequences of this error are similar to the previous point. You cannot grow cold towards a person while continuing to share the same bed with him. It must be remembered that after breaking up, you need to forget the person and move on, and this is not possible if you sleep with your ex-companion. One day, at least for one of the couple, an open relationship will develop into strong feelings.
