Is it possible to return the love of your wife and make peace with her if you have fallen out of love?

It is much easier when the loss of feelings affects both partners, in which case it is possible to end the relationship painlessly. But what to do if your wife has fallen out of love, and you still have hope for saving your family? The main thing is not to panic, understand the reasons for what happened, and decide whether to return your spouse.

If you are sure that you need her, follow the simple advice of psychologists on how to restore her feelings, what to do if she leaves. Also, become familiar with situations where divorce is imminent so you don't waste your energy.

Why the wife stopped loving her husband: reasons

To understand the question of how to save a family if your wife has fallen out of love, you must first soberly assess what is happening and understand the reasons that motivate her. Feelings never go away suddenly, which means that some kind of push contributed to this. Most often the reasons are:

• financial difficulties, insolvency of a man, inability to support a family;
• frequent quarrels that develop into huge scandals, complete misunderstanding of partners;
• heavy losses, bitterness, for which spouses may blame each other;
• the routine of life, monotony in relationships, lack of passion, flirtation, romance;
• lack of attention, care, any manifestation of feelings in her direction;
• lack of sexual desire, when sex becomes an obligation rather than a desire;
• neglect of it, selfish behavior, preference to mind “your own” affairs;
• lack of communication, spending time together, common interests;
• abuse of bad habits, for example, alcoholism, drug addiction;
• violence from a man, both moral and physical.

Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

To maintain love in family relationships, it is important to spend time together, communicate as much as possible, and have common hobbies. Women need attention, compliments, romantic pleasant actions, and help in difficult situations. A caring, loving man will not have a question about how to return his wife’s love, which means you did something wrong.

My wife stopped loving me

I am 30 years old, my wife is 26 years old, I have a son, he is 3.5 years old, we have been married for almost 5 years. We met on New Year's Day 2007 and started dating 2 weeks later. Everything was wonderful: going to the movies, a trip to the mountains, words I love and I can’t live without you, etc. After 2 months she became pregnant. To be honest, I chickened out and offered to have an abortion, there were many reasons: not a stable income, a housing problem, but the most important thing is that she is from a wealthier family, the fear is that she will leave in a couple of months. What infuriates me now is that SHE persuaded me to live together, that she loves me and is ready to live even in a hut, the main thing is nearby, although I loved her myself and I love her now, but my cowardice is like what if this or that, in short loser in one word, no need to say, collect your money and come to me. Sorry I got distracted. We started living with my parents, her relatives boycotted her, they began to threaten me that I wouldn’t find a job in Almaty because they were influential, but my wife was adamant (damn, how I love her, I’m shocked), but because of all this Because of the hassle, my wife had a miscarriage (I think it’s my fault for not protecting her). Half a year later they decided to get married (did you notice the word DECIDED and not DECIDED! It infuriates me). In 2008, my SON was born, I was present at the birth, I cut the umbilical cord (I can imagine that I could lose it and him right away)

After birth, the sons lived with their parents for 8 months, and then rented a 1-room apartment (again, the wife is the initiator, I CAN DECIDE ANYTHING MYSELF, I’m really a loser). While she was looking after the child, I worked 6 days a week, we had enough money to live on, I won’t say that we were luxurious, but we weren’t poor either.

It turns out that love for me died in this rented apartment (I found out this now, 2 years later), I, as usual, came home from work, tired both physically and mentally (I also complained to my wife about my boss, well, I’m not a moron!) I sat down to eat and my my beloved sits and thinks (by the way, I thought before) that I would start praising her for such a delicious dinner, that everything was clean at home, and that she and her son were just waiting for me to get home from work (by the way, now only my son is waiting!), well But what about me, and I took it for granted, I’ll eat, lie on the couch in front of the TV, that’s it, life is good! (imbecile, on Saturday I’ll go out with friends and on Sunday I’ll be sick all day). Well, of course, all this accumulated for her for weeks, months, and then she exploded, a lot of things were said to me, I don’t even remember now, but like a real man, let’s quarrel with her too, and beat her a little (I’m a man!, nightmare I’m on my own behalf x...y), then she tells me let’s get a divorce! I'm furious, screaming at her, I've already moved to swearing!, I can't be stopped (I just really couldn't understand what the reason is) I take a knife and put it to her neck and shout that no one will get you (b..b. I wanted to show her with this by the act that I love her, that I will not give her to anyone, although the act is of course moronic!) The next day I ran like a knight for flowers, begged, swore that I would not raise my hand against her (I keep my promise), she said that she forgives and gives me a chance ( but it turns out that all her feelings for me have already evaporated). 2 years pass, we live on, I thought that everything was more or less normal with us, we moved into a 2-room apartment, in principle, from the outside everything seems to be fine, since 2011. We both work in good positions, our son is in a private kindergarten, although I feel something is wrong! I ask her what happened, why she’s gloomy, my: EVERYTHING IS NORMAL and with such a tone that all the desire to talk and even more so have sex disappears (although she doesn’t need it). I tried to have a heart-to-heart talk to no avail. Have you ever tried to hug a hedgehog? I did this for 2 years. 2012 has come, I think this can’t continue, and I literally pestered her with questions, inquiries, etc., if you finally open up! And then SHE couldn’t stand it (well, just imagine, I’ve been disgusted with her for 2 years), and so calmly tells me that she doesn’t care and doesn’t care where I am or who I’m with. I'm shocked! I'm asking what doesn't suit you! She responds by saying that everything is fine with her, her feelings have simply cooled down, her attitude towards you is m.m.m.m. like a brother! Further more (she really decided to finish me off) you are so good, caring, but I don’t love you anymore!

The most interesting thing is that he doesn’t want a divorce (well, it’s clear that it will be hard for one), he says let’s live like neighbors (guys, I could barely restrain myself!).

If you think about it like that, what do I need from her now!

And the answer comes: NOTHING ALREADY.

My wife stopped loving me and wants to leave for someone else (2 answers)

Signs of cooled feelings

In order not to part with the woman you love, it is important for you to identify the problem in a timely manner before it goes away. If she does not directly say that she has stopped loving you, the following signs will be alarming:

• she regularly refuses intimacy;
• communicates with other men, shows interest in their successes;
• sharply changes priorities, increasingly spends time outside the home with friends.

Simply put, a woman becomes cold, uninterested in the affairs of her husband, and shows warmth and care less and less. There are a lot of indirect signs that indicate that feelings have subsided:

• she no longer hides her shortcomings;
• ignores your presence;
• shows unreasonable jealousy;
• shows irritability over small things;
• demonstrates rudeness, selfishness;
• pays less and less attention to household chores and cooking;
• prefers to make any important decisions independently.

This behavior does not always mean that she has fallen out of love, has fallen in love with another man and is going to leave for him. But in any case, all signs are an indicator that the relationship needs rehabilitation.

Will you try to get your wife back after betrayal?

Not really

Have you fallen out of love or are you just tired?

It is very difficult to understand whether love has passed forever . Often the spouse is simply tired of everyday problems, raising children, and work. There is no time left for yourself and your lover. But this does not mean at all that love is gone forever, it’s just that the relationship needs a reboot, and it is possible to return love to the relationship.

But if you see one or more of the following signs, there is serious reason to think:

1. The wife no longer wants to take care of her life partner, surprise him with culinary delights, or take him into account when choosing a movie or vacation option.
2. Indifference to the activities of the other half. The woman becomes uninterested in whether the husband had lunch, whether he put on clean clothes, or how he got to work. The same can be said about his work, hobbies, goals and aspirations.
3. The wife does not take care of herself for the sake of her husband. Now she is not interested in what he will say about her appearance, hairstyle or lack of makeup. She no longer has the desire to please him.
4. Desire to spend more time outside the home. The fair sex is increasingly staying late at work, visiting friends or visiting her parents.
5. Thoughts about adultery. A woman flirts with other men with great pleasure and admits the thought of ending up in bed with one of the gentlemen.

If a woman notices several of these signs in herself, then she needs to admit that there is no more love in the relationship.

Is it worth returning your wife if she has fallen out of love?

Not in all cases, returning the wife is an advisable solution. So before you take any action, ask yourself whether it's worth returning it at all. If not only her feelings, but also yours, have cooled down, then it’s better to get a divorce. Controversial situations may be the following:

• you live together, but she wants to leave - first find the reasons for such a desire, make every effort to keep her, and if it doesn’t help, resign yourself;
• if you have children together , this is a good reason to try to keep the family together, if at least one of you still has love;
• there is acquired property - often spouses are hampered by such a situation when divorce is not so easily allowed by issues of division of property, which means this is your chance to gain time.

Why did I stop loving

A woman's feelings may cool down if she has a lover

It is necessary to understand that a woman’s feelings cannot disappear out of the blue. This is due to certain factors:

• the woman never loved, all this time she was only pretending for her own selfish purposes;
• it seemed to her that she loved, however, over time she realized that it was just affection, love, but nothing more - at the moment the feelings had disappeared;
• another man appeared in the wife’s life, feelings for whom are much stronger than for her husband;
• frequent scandals and conflicts in the family killed feelings;
• heavy losses, financial difficulties led to a rethinking of their priorities, love began to evaporate.

How to return the feelings of your beloved wife

Relationship psychology teaches that any problem in a relationship between a man and a woman is always the fault of both. Therefore, if your wife decides to leave you and declares a lack of feelings, find the reasons, and then build on them to find ways to save the family. You can return its location in several ways:

1. Frank conversation - choose a moment when you are both calm. After this, try to discuss the problem, analyze the relationship, identify the reasons, but so that it does not develop into another scandal.
2. Apology - if you know what kind of offense offended your wife, led to a cooling of feelings, apologize. You can organize a pleasant surprise. Even if you once decided to cheat on your spouse, the chances of forgiveness are slim, but it’s worth trying to beg for forgiveness.
3. Make her fall in love with you again - remember for what actions and qualities she once fell in love with you. Try to demonstrate all this again, help her in solving any problems, show interest in her and her life.
4. Listen to criticism - try to bring your wife into a frank conversation so that she directly expresses all her complaints against you. After listening to all this, you will be able to soberly assess whether it makes sense to maintain the relationship, whether you can change for her sake.
5. Break up - if she wants to leave, give her freedom. Let her live alone, think through all the pros and cons of loneliness, so that she has something to compare with. And after some time, you can meet and discuss whether it’s worth getting together, or whether you’re both comfortable separately.
6. Consultation with a family psychologist - specialists save about 60% of married couples. Try to persuade her to go to a psychologist together. If not, visit it yourself to find answers to any questions.
7. Let go - if she fell in love with someone else, went to him, demonstrates in every possible way how happy she is in a new relationship, give her freedom. You can say that you are ready to take her back, but you shouldn’t interfere with her new life.

In any case, the surest path is to improve yourself, to work on yourself. Whatever decision you both make, do everything to transform yourself for the better, both externally and internally. Eliminate all shortcomings that led to a cooling of feelings.

What to do if your wife has fallen out of love: advice from a psychologist and effective recommendations

If the spouse openly says that her feelings have faded away, or there are all signs of this on her face, the question arises of what to do if the wife has fallen out of love. Here it is important to decide whether it makes sense to fight to preserve the relationship. Living with a person who has fallen out of love is worth it only if you have a firm intention to revive his faded feelings. Otherwise, such an alliance is doomed to failure.

So what to do if your wife has fallen out of love? The psychologist’s advice and recommendations in this regard are as follows:

• Find out what a woman doesn't like about you. To do this, you need to talk frankly without quarrels and scandals. Even if you don’t like what you hear, try to calmly perceive the information and listen to your spouse’s position;
• Do not put pressure on your wife or beg her to save the marriage. It is important to tell your spouse that the relationship is very important to you and you do not want a divorce, but the choice is still hers. For a while it is necessary to let her go, to do the so-called reboot of the relationship;
• Change and start improving yourself. To reawaken your wife's interest, you need to remember what attracted her to you at the beginning of the relationship. It is likely that you have changed a lot now and are completely different from you a few years ago. Try to awaken in yourself those qualities that your wife once liked so much. Also, start improving yourself. Sign up for a gym or swimming pool, learn a new profession or start doing something you've always dreamed of;
• Try to eliminate the reason that led to the fading of feelings. Here the actions depend on each specific situation. For example, if a man earned little, and most of the conflicts arose due to lack of money, try to look for a higher paying job. It may be worth taking advanced training courses or radically changing your field of activity. It is important that the cause be eliminated permanently, and not for some time. Otherwise, your spouse will become even more convinced that you are not the person she needs;
• Bring romance back into your relationship. Treat your wife to a romantic dinner or take her on a date to the place where you had your first kiss. Give flowers for no reason, shower the woman with compliments, show that she is still interesting and desirable to you.

Getting your feelings back if your wife has fallen out of love and wants a divorce is not so easy. This process can take quite a long time. The woman must believe that you have really changed and are ready to start the relationship from scratch.

For a number of reasons, it sometimes happens that a woman’s feelings for her own husband fade away. You can notice this without waiting for the moment when the wife declares her desire to get a divorce. The sooner a man recognizes the signs that his wife has fallen out of love, the greater his chances of saving the marriage. Before thinking about what to do if a wife has stopped loving her husband and wants to divorce, it is important to understand whether the relationship is really worth fighting for, or whether divorce would be the most reasonable way out of this situation.

Author: Olga Vasilyeva. Photo: Instagram, Infastar, YouTube. If you are the author of one of the photos and do not agree with its publication, contact the administration and we will correct the error.

How to behave if your wife leaves

A cold marriage will sooner or later lead to the spouse leaving. Breaking up can also cause betrayal on her part. What to do if you are determined to renew your marriage? Establishing relationships requires the following measures:

• give time to both yourself and your wife, don’t run after her, causing scandals, and especially don’t drag her back home by force;
• leave her alone, perhaps she left temporarily to take a break from you, the routine of family life, everyday life, and a change of environment will benefit the relationship;
• if she declares that she is not satisfied with the relationship and specific behavior on your part, hear every word she says, realize her misdeeds, work on yourself to prevent this from happening in the future;
• if she lives with another man, don’t try to get her back, become a better person, behave with dignity, there is a high probability that very soon she will realize the mistake and come back;
• restore normal communication in order to maintain contact with her, provide assistance in every possible way in any matter, take an interest in her life.

A kind, attentive, sympathetic attitude towards her will help to quickly return your spouse home. Try to do everything to show awareness of your mistakes and the ability to change.

“I don’t love my husband”: what to do and how to live on?

The advice of a psychologist will help you cope with the problem, but first of all you need to try to figure out the problem yourself. Perhaps the love has not gone anywhere, the woman is simply tired or many problems have been added that are difficult to cope with.

If the euphoria has passed, this is not a reason to leave your husband forever. Love has many stages to go through. If suddenly something starts to irritate you or you don’t like about your spouse, this is not a reason to leave. Likewise, you should not rush to break up if you find that your views on certain things do not coincide. Disagreements are inevitable and conflicts need to be worked through. Your task is to go through conflicts and reach a positive wave. True love can overcome many difficulties and problems. But you can always come up with something to try to improve the relationship. How to love your husband if you don't?

When it seems to you that you have stopped loving your husband and the time has come to leave, take your time and analyze the situation. If you understand that your spouse still loves you, it will be easier to improve the relationship, but you need to act together.

• Talk, and while talking, listen carefully to each other.
• Make a list of things you have accomplished through your joint efforts.
• Try to resolve all issues together.
• Be sincere with your spouse, trust him.
• Try to spend more time together.
• Give your husband more attention.

A family therapist will help you improve your relationship. He will tell you how to cope with emotions that destroy relationships. But there are situations when the best way out of a relationship is divorce.

1. Coasting.

Nothing new is happening in your relationship; you are acting according to a pattern, trying to maintain the relationship. But what kind of love can we talk about when you repeat the same actions and still receive nothing in return? It is obvious that there is no more love.

1. Feeling that the marriage should end.

It is very important for a woman to trust her inner feelings, including in marriage. And when you feel like your relationship isn't what it should be, it probably isn't. However, there is no need to rush into separation. You can take a break to figure out what exactly doesn’t suit you, and contact a family therapist. But first of all, trust yourself, don’t step on your throat, don’t go against your feelings.

1. Losing one's self.

In some cases, the only solution is divorce

When does staying in a relationship when you fall out of love make no sense? It's only a matter of time before divorce is imminent. There are several signs that a relationship cannot be saved:

1. Wife is cheating . If we are talking about a systematic relationship with another man for whom you have feelings, it is unlikely that your attempts to save the marriage are justified and appropriate.
2. Moral, psychological violence . If one of you is constantly being abused, sacrificing for a fragile peace, and facing humiliation, the relationship is doomed.
3. No compromise . Does your wife blame you for everything, but does not see her own guilt, although it is obvious? It is unlikely that such a policy will lead to harmony; sooner or later the marriage will collapse anyway.
4. Different visions of the future . If your plans for your future life diverge radically, everyone sees their future in their own way, the relationship is doomed.
5. Lack of any contact . When there is no communication, interaction, tenderness, tactility and even sex in a couple, with a great desire to preserve a fragile peace, this will be impossible.

Well, the main indicator that the solution should be divorce is mutual indifference, lack of respect. Neither children nor common property will be able to keep you together for long.

Reasons for cooling feelings

Love passes. Cases when a couple keeps their feelings throughout their lives are very rare. There are several reasons why a wife can stop loving her husband. Each of them can manifest itself at different stages of relationship development:

1. Wedding. Before marriage, lovers do not see any flaws in each other; each of them is fascinated by their other half. When the passport is stamped, love gradually recedes, especially if the young people did not live together before the wedding. This is due to the overwhelming everyday problems and inability to distribute responsibilities. Petty quarrels inevitably take away the charm.
2. First year. Spouses get to know each other better, and shortcomings become obvious.
3. Second year. The husband ceases to be ideal, the wife notices more and more of his negative traits. The spouse’s behavior, his manner of speech, gestures, and outlook on life begin to irritate. Quarrels arise over trifles, and money often becomes the cause of conflicts.
4. Third year. Relationship crisis. Conflicts arise more and more often, differences in views appear. Scandals arise from even small disagreements; spouses often hear nagging and criticism directed at them. Psychologists often consider this period to be a turning point; many couples separate after living together for 3 years.

After a quarrel

Quarrels and conflicts are a common cause of cooling feelings for a husband. If spouses constantly argue, then even a person with a stable psyche will sooner or later get tired of it. And fatigue from a partner greatly extinguishes feelings.

The other side of this coin is resentment. During a quarrel, the husband will consciously and not very much express complaints and criticize his wife, which will certainly humiliate and insult her. Such moral violence will not strengthen the relationship in any way. Some couples benefit from such emotional releases because they end in a stormy reconciliation, but this is the exception. Most often, the wife endures in silence until a certain moment, but one day the bubble bursts and everything that has accumulated spills out into the light.

A minor quarrel will never cause feelings to cool down. But if this happens every day, and the resentment only accumulates, then the next major scandal can put an end to the relationship.

After the baby is born

When a couple has a child, the marriage faces a major test. In this case, it does not matter at all whether the spouses have been together for one year or ten. A baby is happiness, but the joy of his birth is often overshadowed by everyday difficulties and growing expenses of the family budget.

READ How to properly apologize to your husband: psychological techniques and feminine tricks

In addition, the child requires constant attention, especially from a woman, gradually displacing the husband into the background. Frequent illnesses of the baby, sleepless nights, educational games, walks for the mother turn into a real test, her only task is to ensure maximum comfort for the offspring. Feelings for her husband gradually cool down, because there is almost no time left for him, the spouses are increasingly moving away from each other.

Men rarely take an active part in raising children, so women often blame them for lack of help and lack of attention.

The wife constantly feels tired if her husband does not provide enough support. It begins to seem to her that he has fallen out of love, resentment arises, and, as a result, love begins to fade.

Other options

Different couples have different reasons for cooling their feelings.

Among other options why love passes, the following can be noted:

1. Lack of romance, monotonous relationships, boredom. Marriage turns into living together in one apartment. The spouses no longer have the desire to get to know each other, and spiritual distance occurs. There is no point in staying together.
2. Outside interference in the lives of spouses. “Caring” parents of a husband or wife constantly strive to help with advice, make comments on how to live correctly, raise children, and build relationships. Yes, they have experience, but it applies to their relationship, and a family of children is a completely different battlefield, different rules apply here. It’s good if parents live separately, then there is an opportunity to protect yourself from their annoying attention. Spouses who live with the older generation in the same living space are doomed, because over time such increased attention will become simply unbearable and will provoke insoluble conflicts.
3. "Dictatorship" of the husband. If a man is powerful, especially when he occupies a leadership position, he often transfers this model of behavior into the family. This is manifested in a commanding tone, a disdainful attitude towards his wife, constant demands without the desire to give something in return. This type of behavior is disrespectful to your spouse. Gradually she begins to despise her betrothed, eternal grievances accumulate. One day the moment comes when a woman realizes that this person is not her beloved. Instead of love, hatred appears.
4. Treason. When a man cheats, it hurts a woman’s self-esteem. The wife receives a treacherous blow from the person she loves most, after which she subconsciously ceases to perceive him as such. If a woman starts a relationship on the side, most often this indicates that her feelings for her husband have already cooled down, living together has become a habit and does not bring joy.

Advice from a psychologist on getting your spouse back and building relationships

The main assistant in matters of maintaining relationships is a psychologist. He has all the information about what reasons ruin marriages, what causes feelings to pass, and what ways they can be renewed. Tips for getting your wife back and building relationships will be as follows:

• change everything - if before you paid little attention to your wife, now show her the opposite attitude, give her compliments, help, show concern;
• give up accusations - any reproaches lead to disputes, scandals, because of which cooled feelings go away even more; on the contrary, praise your wife for any even insignificant act, support any decisions;
• revive romance and flirting - arrange dates, pleasant surprises for her, arrange such meetings with which you once won her heart at the stage of courtship;
• don’t let the bed get cold - surprise her as much as you can, show how good she can be with you in sex, take the initiative;
• establish trusting communication - only in this case you will always be able to express dissatisfaction and complaints without scandals, and also learn from her in a timely manner what you can do to offend or upset your companion.

Love for my husband has passed: VIDEO advice from a psychologist!

What to do if you have lost feelings for your husband? In this situation, psychologists offer only two options for the development of events:

1. Stay and try to revive faded feelings.
2. Get a divorce.

What decision a woman makes depends on the specific situation. This can be influenced by many factors, including marital history, the presence of children and other limiting reasons. When you are not sure, you need to listen to the advice of psychologists:

1. Change your surroundings - go on vacation to the sea coast or a country you have long wanted to visit, relax in nature, or buy a ticket to a sanatorium. Spending time together in an unusual environment will give feelings another chance.
2. Develop yourself. Find a new hobby or develop your new look.
3. Live separately. The absence of a spouse nearby will give you the opportunity to understand whether it is bad or good without your spouse. Moreover, this applies not only to financial issues, but also to raising children.