My wife cheated: is it possible to forgive, forget and move on? Psychologist's advice

• How to deal with feelings?
• Is it worth saving the family?
• Relationships after cheating
• After cheating, what should a man do?
• If you decide to break up...
• Let's start a new life
• Bottom line

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If a man finds out about his wife's infidelity, no one will envy him. Psychologists also cannot say that the feelings and experiences that overtake a man in such a situation will pass painlessly for him. If his wife’s betrayal is discovered, the man inevitably faces a choice: leave or stay? The men's magazine masculino.ru will look in more detail at how to live on after your wife's betrayal.

Cheating is one of the painful situations that a person can face. It is impossible to reliably say who suffers more, a man or a woman, when a loved one betrays him. We can say that everyone’s soul hurts when they find out that their significant other is cheating. Moreover, it adds even more to the understanding of the fact that betrayal did not happen just once and out of stupidity, but happens constantly, when sober.

A wife cheating is a severe blow to a man’s self-esteem and entire worldview. If before this he loved and trusted his wife, then we can say that after her betrayal he will no longer be able to experience such feelings. Cheating is an indicator that the other half is already dissatisfied with their partner. This means that the man is bad in some way, does not measure up, does not satisfy. The worst news may be that the husband is simply bad in bed, because this also affects his masculine pride.

Cheating on his wife causes many internal experiences that instantly overwhelm a man. However, this does not relieve him of the need to make a decision: to leave his wife in order to start a new life, or to remain in the family, while forgiving the cheater? Psychologists give the most important recommendation - when making a decision, think exclusively with your own head. It’s not your mothers or friends who should advise you on what to do in this situation, but you personally should understand your desires and readiness for how to live further.

How to deal with feelings?

The first thing a man will face after learning that his wife is cheating is his personal experiences. Feelings will overwhelm him so much that he will not be able to think about anything else, work or concentrate. This is a completely normal phenomenon, since this event is significant for a man. How to deal with your own feelings?

1. You should not fence yourself off from them. Of course, your feelings are unlikely to be full of love and desire to bring good to all people. However, suppressed aggression and hatred will not bring any benefit. It is better if a man can completely isolate himself from people for a couple of days, be alone and even move away from home in order to allow himself to worry, be with his thoughts and desires, and express all his aggression without harm to others.

You can take a two-day vacation to go to the sea or somewhere in nature, so that, if necessary, you can allow yourself to destroy, beat, and vent all your aggression. What else needs to be done during this time? Not only to throw out the emotions that have overwhelmed you, but also to come to your senses, hear your own desires and, based on them, decide what to do next with the relationship.

You should make a decision solely based on your own desires, and not the attitude of “What will other people think?” You live your life, not other people. Allow yourself to live the way you want and make other people respect your choices.

1. Do not take revenge on your lover or your wife. The lover is not to blame for anything. He might not know about your existence. He could simply not resist a beautiful woman. By and large, the situation was created by your wife, who, if she did not want to cheat on you, would not have slept with another man. The lover does not need to take revenge, since you could have been in his place.

As for your wife, you don’t need to waste your energy on her either. Your task is to decide: stay with her or break up? Don't waste your energy on anything else. Either you will stay with your wife, which will require forgiveness from you, not revenge. Or you will separate from your wife, which will require you to concentrate on other people in order to safely forget your wife.

A man can be understood, especially his feelings. It turns out that more than 15% of all marriages occur on the initiative of men, because their wives cheated on them. Can you imagine how many men have gone through the same thing that you are going through? Understand that you are not the only person on the planet who has gone through infidelity and solved this problem. You will have to spend some time on this; you will not eliminate all the unpleasant moments in one day. However, remember that it will soon become easier for you, no matter how you decide to live.

Does a Leftist Strengthen a Marriage?

Oddly enough, sometimes yes. At the expense of a third person, an additional emotional (and other) resource appears for some time. But for the time being.

However, betrayal does not always destroy everything. Much depends on the reason that pushed a person to cheat, as well as on the desire of the spouses not only to save the family after what happened, but also to make the necessary adjustments to the relationship. In this case, cheating may not be the end of the marriage, but a moment of re-evaluation and a chance to strengthen the family. For some people, it is this painful episode that becomes a kind of vaccination against future betrayals. But, of course, you will have to work for this.

Forgetting everything and forgiving everything are far from the same thing. Forgiveness is not an action, but a long process. And to forget means to devalue your experiences, to betray yourself. But you can forgive if you can understand why the person did this and what each of the couple can do to ensure that this does not happen again. If betrayal is not just an affair, which both spouses take lightly, but a real drama for both, then this difficult situation can be overcome together and even benefit from it.

We survive alone. Psychologist - about love, betrayal and family budget Read more

Is it worth saving the family?

A man inevitably faces a dilemma: should he save his family or should he divorce his wife? Each man will still have to make a decision on his own. Let's just turn to practice.

About 80% of families survive a woman’s infidelity, but within 5 years they still break up. At first, the family is preserved only because there are already common children. However, husbands soon realize that they cannot forgive, touch, trust, or generally see the women who deceived them.

For what reasons does preserving a family not lead to its longevity?

• The wife continues to cheat because she sees that her husband will forgive her.
• The wife refuses to have new children with her husband, which further strengthens his doubts.
• The wife becomes pregnant from her lover.
• The child of the spouses will take the position of the father, which helps the husband to divorce his wife.
• The opinion of the man’s relatives and friends, who will begin to accuse him of being soft.
• Increasing frequency of family scandals, husband's passion for alcohol, inability to forget about the past and the emergence of new reproaches.
• A decrease in the husband’s material income or an improvement in the wife’s financial position.
• The betrayal of her husband, who also wanted to take a walk to the left.

If a man decides to save his family, then this is not about resigning himself to his wife’s infidelities, but to the upcoming work that both spouses must carry out. If the wife does not apologize, does not repent, does not try to return to the family, then the man should not save the family either. You shouldn’t humiliate yourself and lose even more self-respect.

How to forgive your wife

First of all, you need to listen to your spouse. If you want to save your family or, at a minimum, get rid of anger, you need to understand what motivated the woman. It is important to obtain information and analyze it as if from the outside. You cannot give in to emotions, evaluate events and behavior. The main thing is to hear the person, understand what the wife is saying, without switching to her own experiences.

You need to remember that you need to talk only with a woman. There is no point in sorting out the situation with your lover. It was the wife who was able to undermine trust by getting close to another man. The problem must be resolved within the family. You will have to get rid of the extra third ones once and for all. Especially if there is a desire to save the marriage.

A woman's behavior is of great importance. If she really loves and wants to restore feelings, she admits to betrayal:

• She will not refuse if her husband accuses her of cheating;
• She will immediately agree that she is guilty, repent, and ask for forgiveness;
• The wife will agree to change her behavior and lifestyle so as to no longer arouse suspicion.

Women do not always immediately understand the pain they cause when they cheat on their husbands, what they go to, taking them back, trying to pretend that nothing happened and life goes on as usual. Only after realizing all the pain and tragedy of what happened can a woman sincerely ask for forgiveness. In this case, you will no longer have to discuss the difficult situation, it will become easier for both. It is important that a man is confident in his abilities, that betrayal will not break his love, and he is ready not to remember it. He must forgive sincerely, without deceiving his wife, and, more importantly, himself.

To understand whether there is a chance to restore happiness and trust in family life, you need to assess the importance of a person in your own destiny:

• Remember the best moments, romantic encounters, dates;
• Do not forget about the difficulties that we had to overcome together, the support provided by the woman;
• To understand whether it will be possible to find another companion and, most importantly, whether you want to do it.

If the positive aspects of your past life outweigh, then you should think about saving the marriage. The main thing is that the woman agrees with this, she repents and is ready to forget about her mistakes, stepping hand in hand into a new life.

When it is impossible not to remember the betrayal, and there is a constant desire to discuss it or find out the details, then it is unlikely that it will be possible to restore love and trust. If you don’t have the strength to erase what happened, then you shouldn’t torture yourself and your wife. You cannot build a relationship on guilt and live, constantly suspecting that this could happen again.

Relationships after cheating

If a man decides to stay in the family, then he should not expect that he can instantly forgive his wife. He will continue to suspect her for a long time, not trust her, and hate her for what she has done. However, if both spouses decide to live together after cheating, then certain adjustments should be made to their relationship:

1. Never remember the past.
2. Solve all problems that arise in the family. Everyone expresses their opinion, has the right to express their attitude to what their partner says or does, and remain heard.
3. Add more humor, positivity, romance, understanding and support to your relationship. Try to smooth out conflicts and improve the lives of all family members.

A man should not expect to forgive his wife quickly. This will take a lot of time. However, you should remain honest all this time. If you have not yet forgiven your wife, then tell her so directly. However, do not say this so that she will atone for your sins. Just state the fact, but do not expect anything from your wife, but simply say that time must pass.

After cheating, what should a man do?

1. Don't show your wife's importance to you. Let her show her attitude towards you. If she wants to be with you, then let her come to you to make peace and ask you to stay with her. If she doesn't, then maybe it's time to break up.
2. Be categorical. If the argument has reached a dead end, you have stopped hearing each other, then you need to get up and leave, and not continue the conflict.
3. You can make your wife jealous. However, this advice should not always be used. If a woman, after being jealous of you, becomes inflamed with the desire to be with you again, then you can act accordingly. However, if jealousy will lead to exactly the opposite result, then it should not be caused.

If you decide to separate from your wife, then remain consistent with your opinion, no matter what your wife says or does. And she will try to get you back, because she sees that you have decided to break up with her.

How to react to your wife's cheating

When the fact of treason has been established, you cannot immediately rush to clarify the circumstances. A conversation based on emotions will not lead to results; it will only result in a scandal and quarrel. Once close people will distance themselves even more from each other, perhaps even hating each other.

A man needs to cool down in order to think with his head, and not talk from the heart, based on mental trauma and resentment. To do this, you will need to abstract yourself, move away from the situation that happened:

• Throw yourself into work;
• Meet old friends;
• Attend an interesting event;
• Leave for another city.

In any case, it is better to avoid contact with your wife for several days in order to reduce the emotional intensity and calmly think about what happened, and be ready for dialogue.

If you decide to break up...

Your wife cheated, after which you decided to leave. Now begins a new life that you should stick to if you want to forget everything and start a new love relationship with a woman who will interest you. To do this, do:

1. Work or hobbies. Immerse yourself in something completely with your head.
2. Shaping your environment. If you need to break up with some people, break up with them. If you need to connect with someone, do it. Don't avoid meeting new people with both men and women. All this will allow you to enter a new life.
3. With your feelings. At first, don’t block anything in yourself. If you remember your ex, get angry, worry, then allow yourself these feelings. Over time, you will become tired and begin to feel different emotions.
4. With money. A man's self-confidence increases if he has finances that he can spend on whatever he wants. This can be done while you are single and while you are just changing your life.

How does a wife feel when her husband cheats on her?

A wife who finds out about her husband's infidelity will probably change her attitude towards him. She loved him, trusted him, appreciated him. And now he showed his insulting attitude towards her. The first thing that will change in her is that she will lose trust in the man and confidence in the strength of their relationship. She will be stressed, shocked, in pain, disappointed and suffering.

When getting married, a woman believed that she was behind her husband “like behind a stone wall.” She completely trusted her husband, gave him freedom, and devoted herself to him. But he didn’t appreciate it. He destroyed the confidence his wife had placed in him. Their family has turned from a former fortress into quicksand.

Often women love their husbands very much. They dedicate themselves to them. And when they find out about the betrayal, they become depressed or become so cynical that they reject any possibility of a love relationship. It is on this basis that feminism is born - a direction against men, and not freedom from them.

Among other things, the woman begins to feel unsure of herself. Her husband devalued her by starting to date another woman. It seems to the wife that the reason lies in her unattractiveness and shortcomings, which come to the fore for her, because of which self-esteem and self-doubt fall even more.

Let's start a new life

Men don't have much patience. I want to immediately forget about my ex-wife and her betrayal as soon as the man broke up with her and started a new life. However, not everything is so smooth. You will have to live with your negative experiences and feelings for some time. However, you can help them pass as quickly as possible.

Write a letter to your wife. Express in it everything you think about her, how you remember her, what worries you. Write everything that comes to mind. Don't limit yourself in expressions and emotions. Then burn the letter. You can also write letters in the following days, setting out in them everything that you would like to say to your ex-wife. Do this until your emotions let you go.

Your task in your new life should be to let go of all grievances and complaints against your wife. You should generally forgive your wife so that any memories of her do not bother you. Forgiveness does not mean wanting to return to your wife. To forgive means to stop blaming her for anything and generally being interested in her personality.

What are the reasons for cheating?

Each betrayal has its own individual reason. Someone cheats for fun, someone escapes from the ordinariness of family life, someone responds to an insult in this way, and someone is no longer able to endure endless squabbles. Some people, when getting married, know in advance that they will not remain faithful to their significant other, and some are pushed to take such a step by false suspicions and the constant jealousy of their partner.

In fact, the reason for betrayal is usually one - dependence on positive emotions

, which every healthy person has, which is discussed in detail in the article about the reasons for betrayal.

Why does the fact of betrayal hurt?

Where does this suffering come from? And why is it necessary to “experience betrayal”?

Logic dictates that if one person truly loves another and wishes him only happiness, then he is obliged to give him complete freedom of action. It would seem that the other half has the right to decide for itself who to be with. And why is it so difficult to give your loved one the right to be with someone with whom he is happy?

So where does this pain come from?

Firstly, treason is essentially deception. And this deception is not even on the part of the partner, but first of all, deception of oneself.

When your loved one is part of your cozy little world, in which everything is ideal, reliable, understandable and filled with happiness, when an ideal image of your loved one is created, then even the very thought that he may see this world around him a little differently, may not respond to you as strongly is unacceptable. affection. Moreover, look in the direction of someone else. And suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, betrayal. The whole world turns upside down in your mind and breaks into pieces.

You begin to understand that you lived in illusions, and your family relationships only superficially resembled ideal ones. It becomes painful from the cruel reality. And this pain is very difficult to cope with.

Secondly, in the case of betrayal, the pain can also come from the realization that you did not give something to your partner.

Your feelings about this are very strong; you are sure that if your loved one left, it means that he was missing something. Therefore, it is your fault. If you delve into the essence of the origin of the word “treason” itself, then you should pay special attention to its root “men”, which means to change, replace. That is, changed, which means replaced. Understanding this greatly hurts one’s self-esteem. But this also needs to be experienced.

The third reason for pain

This is explained by the fact that once you are deceived by your loved one, you stop trusting absolutely all men. Because of this, a person who has experienced the betrayal of a loved one may not develop relationships with the opposite sex for a long time; he closes his heart to others.