Unrequited love - what to do, how to survive unrequited love

Unrequited love - what to do?

What to do if you are overwhelmed by an unrequited feeling?
What should I do? What should you pay attention to? Try to see a powerful resource, and with it, the opportunity for change and development that one-sided love brings with it. The resource is as follows: unrequited love teaches you to love without demanding an answer. That is, not to suffer, not to feel sorry for yourself, not to appeal to universal justice, but to learn to live with it, while remaining open to a new feeling

The resource is as follows: unrequited love teaches you to love without demanding a response. That is, do not suffer, do not feel sorry for yourself, do not appeal to universal justice, but learn to live with it, while remaining open to a new feeling.

This is quite difficult, since you want only one thing - to be with the one you chose and not even think about the fact that reciprocity will not happen.

At the same time, it makes sense to try to live a full and rich life yourself. Do not close yourself off from potential partners: those who are ready to choose you and try to build relationships with them.

Over time, this will lead to the fact that you will be able to fill your life, make it interesting for yourself and for those around you, making it more likely that you will meet someone with whom you can share a common feeling and life.

Mutual love is real

What does a person who loves unrequitedly want? What will be the most desired gift for him? The answer is mutual love. One way to realize what you want is to find the courage to admit your feelings.

Namely, ask your loved one about what your chances of reciprocity are and how interesting you are as a relationship partner. Open recognition is an opportunity to escape the vicious circle of thoughts and feelings into a space of reciprocity. All you need to do is tell the person you love how much he means to you.

Of course, confession is scary. First of all, because there is a possibility of being rejected. And yet, confessing and hearing “no” is better than cherishing the dream of reciprocity for years and not making a single attempt to be together.

Ultimately, the experience of recognition can help you make an internal decision that you have “loved enough” unrequitedly, and that it is time to reach a new level of relationships with the opposite sex, where mutual love will become a reality, and not a dream.

Unrequited love or one-sided love?

Psychologists say that when a person is unilaterally in love, then most likely it is not about love, but about being in love. In this case, there is no long-term close communication between two people and the one who is in love, in fact, knows little about the subject of his passion. Rose-colored glasses are put on the eyes, which carefully mask all the shortcomings of the person to whom tender feelings are directed. Here they are attracted by external data or fantasized advantages, which in reality may not exist at all.

How to survive unrequited love if, for example, it broke out after one meeting, one stormy night, one romantic date, etc.? During these short moments, it was not difficult for one of the two to be on top; he demonstrated all the best qualities of his nature, tenderness, romance, passion and went out forever... The other side decided that he had met the ideal and was inflamed with a serious passion for the fictional image.

You will object that mutual love relationships always begin with the idealization of the image of the chosen one or the chosen one. And you will, of course, be right. But, mutual love makes people gradually get to know each other better and better. Gradually, illusions cannot withstand the merciless pressure of reality and over time, the first ardent feelings either develop into true love, agreeing to put up with all the shortcomings of the chosen one, or pass without a trace, like an acute respiratory disease.

The problem with unrequited love is that it can exist unbroken for many years, fueled by fantasies and hopes. It’s good to read novels and watch movies about such feelings, but in life it’s better to get rid of them quickly. Really, it’s so fleeting - our life, is it worth devoting it to endless suffering!

Unrequited love in adolescence

“In love, someone always kisses, and someone only turns their cheek” French proverb Almost every person has once fallen in love without an answer

It doesn’t matter at what age it happened - it’s always very exciting, but at the same time, a little sad. Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, it inspires a person, makes him do unthinkable things, pushes him to self-improvement.

This is a positive side, but there is also a negative side. If the feeling is unrequited, it hurts. A person has to face the collapse of hopes, be disappointed, experience self-doubt, try to do everything to forget unrequited love. Everyone reacts differently to this.

It is known that when falling in love, certain hormones are released into a person’s blood, which give reactions that cause strong feelings. When this happens for the first time, a person feels everything especially acutely. This can be compared to a viral disease. The disease is difficult to tolerate only the first time, then immunity is developed, which makes it much easier to transfer the same virus.

This is roughly what happens with falling in love. The teenager experiences an indescribable range of feelings in this situation. Of course, it seems to him that this is forever, that they will certainly become a family and will always be together. Time passes, a series of events occur, and the teenager in love realizes that his feelings are not mutual. Everyone behaves differently here. 1. Some try to make friends with their loved one, maintain his good attitude and be content with little. Unrequited love can accompany a person throughout his life. 2. The second - go ahead, achieve reciprocity at all costs, without worrying about how to get rid of unrequited love. 3. Still others withdraw into themselves, become isolated, lose interest in life, constantly asking why there are unrequited feelings. To put it figuratively, the former continue to burn evenly, trying to preserve the hearth, while the latter flare up and burn everything in their path. Still others go out, and this is the most dangerous option, from a psychological point of view. Teenage depression often leaves its mark on the psyche. Your whole life will then pass in a state of passive depression. But the main danger here is suicide attempts. This happens quite often, especially nowadays.

As for the first and second scenarios, the best, of course, will be the first option. A person who realized that his feelings were not mutual, but decided to continue friendly communication with his lover, wins in all respects. He always has hope for something more, which means he does not give up feelings, he simply makes a decision: to wait. The second scenario will ultimately be a disappointment, because you won’t be nice by force.

A teenager, faced with an unrequited feeling, will experience a feeling of mental pain. His friends, loved ones and family should support him by talking to him about this, studying the question of how to stop suffering from unrequited love. The main thing to remember is that all feelings end sooner or later - this is human physiology, those chemicals that provoke falling in love cannot be released throughout your life

It is important to understand and remember this

Love without reciprocity through the eyes of psychologists

“The heart is not a tablecloth: you cannot make your bed in front of everyone” Russian folk proverb As psychologists say, all problems stem from deep childhood.
Those people who were disliked at a young age, or who received some kind of psychological trauma, “transfer” this model into adulthood. Imagine that, for example, your parents did not pay much attention to you, lived their own lives and did not pay attention to you at all. How difficult it will be for you in the future to experience complete and mutual love! After all, you are already accustomed to other relationships, which will be very difficult to get rid of. This can be compared to nutrition. Let's say a person is on a diet, and then he is offered a fatty piece of meat, seasoned with spices. He just won't digest it. Also with love. A child who did not receive parental love in childhood is unlikely to be able to experience the feeling of love in its full extent, because it will be difficult for him to understand that he can be loved like this, simply for the fact that he is.

As a rule, people prone to unrequited feelings grew up in dysfunctional families or suffered emotional trauma. • Some of them become aggressive in such a situation if they have fallen in love unrequitedly. • Someone is too shy and withdrawn, not knowing what to do with unrequited love. • And someone chooses the path called “love without reciprocity,” which repeats the difficult stage of his formation.

A person simply cannot get used to the fact that someone can love him with a sincere soul. Love for them is a psychological problem that is difficult to get rid of. As soon as love “comes” to such a person, all the old wounds will come to life and come to the surface. He will want to be given the love that he lacked in childhood. Moreover, you must love him completely, despite all the flaws. There is also often a fear that they will not understand him and will not appreciate his positive qualities. Simply put, problems from childhood will reappear as soon as similar feelings are affected.

According to psychologists, unrequited love is a beautiful picture that has little to do with reality. Often a person likes to fantasize about what kind of relationship he would have with the object of his desire, how they would have fun, and so on. However, in reality it turns out that in order to be closer to their dreams and goals, they do absolutely nothing. Thus, we can conclude that quite often, those who are secretly in love do not make any attempts because they like their rejected state and do not seriously think about how to survive unrequited love.

What signs should alert an unrequited lover and his loved ones?

• Understanding the hopelessness of the current situation leads to prolonged depression and persistent emotional decline: a person forgets or does not want to eat, feels unwilling to do usual things, and “withdraws into himself” for a long time.
• Obsession with the object of one's passion and obsessive thoughts cause the nervous system to constantly tense up, which can negatively affect the general condition of the body. Weakness, irritability, headache, and decreased immunity may appear.
• Manifestation of aggression, immunity to criticism. Sometimes hostility is directed at oneself, which is very dangerous, as it can lead to personality destruction and even suicide attempts. In this case, you need to contact a psychiatrist.

If everything is not so bad, and things have not gone to extremes, you can try to cope with the negative aspects on your own. Professional psychologists give some useful advice that you should listen to if unrequited love is causing you suffering and pain.

How to overcome suffering due to unrequited love

• For a moment, just “go with the flow”, let go of the situation, giving yourself time and the opportunity to understand and experience everything that is happening.
• Think that the subject of your feelings and experiences is absolutely not to blame for the current situation; no one asked his consent. And your hero is simply not able to reciprocate love for certain reasons, for example, the beloved is bound by any obligations, or at the moment starting a relationship is not part of his plans at all.
• Learn to see the positive sides in everything: character and fortitude are developed in such trials. And there is no need to consider your loved one as a hunting trophy, which simply must be obtained no matter what, you should respect the individual’s right to his own choice.
• Systematize your life: find an activity that interests you and evokes positive emotions - go in for sports, make more contact with friends. It might be worth trying to meet a new person. But don’t rush headlong into new acquaintances, thinking that this will help you quickly forget your unrequited love. This is wrong.

Unrequited love is nothing more than an illusion, a mirage. You fall in love not with an earthly person, but with a certain image, an inaccessible ideal, invented by your imagination and “convenient” for suffering. Love always involves two people, and if the object of your desire does not want to enter into a relationship, then this is not your soul mate and the love relationship you are dreaming about will happen with someone else, they are ahead. To overcome suffering and get rid of unrequited love, you need carefully analyze your feelings and find out why you are attracted to this particular person, and what objective reasons prevent you from being together.

Imagine two options for developing your future with the subject of your passion. The prospect of living your whole life with a person who doesn’t love you can hardly bring delight, can it? Once you understand this, it will become easier. The pain will go away gradually, giving way to pleasant memories that do not bring suffering, perhaps with a tinge of light sadness. Only by feeling like a free, fulfilled person can you enjoy life, making those around you happy. There will be no more torment of unrequited love and there will definitely be the one who wants to be next to you!

Video on the topic of unrequited love. Psychologist Natalya Tolstaya will tell you what to do for someone who loves and cannot pull themselves together.

“Not to be loved is only failure.
Misfortune is not to love! Albert Camus
Some people consider love to be their life's work. Others treat it coolly, believing that it is a “fad” that does not lead to anything good. What is unrequited love? It has always existed and was the “engine” for the creation of new immortal works of art, and sometimes it even became the cause of real crimes. This is what we would like to talk to you about today, to consider how to experience unrequited love.

How to Get Over Unrequited Love: 5 Basic Steps

First you need to understand: love is a feeling that gives joy. If it is unrequited, then such love is more like a psychological dependence against the background of adrenaline withdrawal. After all, when you fall in love, hormones are constantly released into the blood. Plus, you tend to idealize the object of your affection, and your self-esteem drops.

The instructions below will help you get rid of unrequited love step by step:

• Live through your emotions and think about the situation soberly.

In the soul of a girl unrequitedly in love, real passions are boiling: anger, resentment, self-pity, melancholy. It is necessary to release them into the wild - talk to a friend or write a letter to your loved one, and then break up. Just write an angry letter, show how angry you are at him for rejecting you. Then look at your suffering from the outside. For example, imagine switching places with a friend. How does she see all this? Where does this kind of love lead? Is there any point in killing yourself for years? Next, think about why you love unrequitedly. To do this, go to the next point.

• Find reasons.

They can hide in childhood. For example, parents were too strict and cruel, they demanded a lot. Now the girl does not believe that she can be loved just like that, she considers herself unworthy. And unknowingly chooses men who cannot reciprocate.

Other possible reasons:

• you don't love yourself;
• you want to get a man out of principle;
• the position of a sufferer is somehow beneficial to you;
• you are afraid of real relationships, live only in unrealistic dreams, love to build castles in the air.

Think carefully and find your reason.

• Break the negative script.

If you constantly choose unavailable men, then you need to reconsider your beliefs, illusory ideals, and look your fears and desires in the eye. You can break the vicious circle once you find the cause. Learn to love and respect yourself, to be happy regardless of whether there is a man next to you or not.

• Shift your focus to other men.

Now look around: are there any nice guys around you who show interest in you? Surely there is. Understand: you deserve reciprocity and if the chosen one does not respond, then this is definitely not your hero. If there are no fans offline, look for them on dating sites.

It is not necessary to start a new relationship right now, just enjoy the compliments, signs of attention, and feel your attractiveness. By the way, if you are afraid to meet men in real life, be sure to read how to do it easily and naturally. And continue to take care of yourself.

• Contact a psychologist.

If strong feelings do not allow you to live normally, your self-esteem has dropped below the baseboard, and you do not have the strength to change anything, then everything has gone too far. Depression and despair require work with a psychologist. Sign up for a consultation and ask your loved ones to help you.

Why does unrequited love happen?

Psychological analysis of this phenomenon helps to identify its origins. The reasons for unrequited love can be the following:

1. Low personal self-esteem. It prevents you from showing the real essence of a person.
2. Selfishness. A person focuses on personal emotional pain, turning a blind eye to the needs of the soul of another.
3. Psychological attitude of the victim. In such a state, suffering subconsciously brings satisfaction.
4. Lack of skills in dealing with the opposite sex. Pushkin described it this way: “but I, loving, was deaf and dumb.”
5. Lack of common interests. This is one of the manifestations of selfishness. It's always interesting to be with your loved one.
6. Mismatch of goals in life, life principles. Unrequited love will become mutual if the one who loves is able to change his life paradigm in favor of the loved one.

Signs of unrequited love

Assessing an unrequited love feeling, experts note that the principle of relativity fully applies to this characteristic. Non-reciprocal love today can be reciprocated tomorrow. Its signs can also be considered relative:

• the partner is burdened by society or is indifferent to the presence of the lover;
• he has no desire to introduce him to his friends and relatives;
• the status of the relationship is in “suspense”;
• friendly relations are emphasized by all means;
• he himself does not strive for and avoids closer contact between the sexes;
• When communicating, he maintains neutral behavior without displays of tenderness or affection.

Reasons for unrequited love

Before you begin to study the steps to get rid of non-reciprocal love, you need to have a good understanding of what kind of feeling this is and what are the reasons for its occurrence in you. Despite the fact that this problem happens to almost everyone, each specific case has its own characteristics.

If this is school love, which turned out to be non-reciprocal and went away after a month or two, this is absolutely normal. There is nothing to do here. We can only congratulate you - you know how to cope with such situations!

But what about those who are literally stuck in feelings and cannot get out of them for months, or even years? What if you don't fall in love with each other all the time? And each time the situation becomes more and more complicated, and the problem does not go away, only the objects of love change? Here it’s worth thinking about whether this is love at all and why this is happening to you.

What to do if you love without reciprocation?

Suffering from unrequited feelings brings mental pain, which is sometimes harder to bear than physical pain. Don’t get discouraged, lie down on your bed and think about your unfortunate lot while looking at the ceiling. Only you yourself can help yourself get out of this situation and reduce the negative impact of pathological feelings on the body. How to overcome destructive non-reciprocal love in yourself:

Don't deny your feelings. The more you try not to think about them, the more violently thoughts about non-reciprocity in love will creep into your head. Of course, you don't need constant suffering at all. Therefore, give yourself only half an hour a day to think about the current situation, and the rest of the time, try to throw negative thoughts and images out of your head. You need to get through the situation, but with minimal losses.

Continue with your daily life. Don't give yourself any slack or time to suffer. Physical activity can help you cope with the pain of unreciprocated love

Take care of household chores, for example, do some spring cleaning, help your family and friends with some important matter. You can overcome your addiction if you continue to live despite the mental anguish.

Sooner or later you will come to terms with your fate, then you will see some positive aspects and finally free yourself from the shackles of unrequited love.

If the feelings persist, consult a psychotherapist. Not everyone can independently cope with moral torment due to unrequited love. If you continue to suffer despite your best efforts, and the future seems only bleak, do not sit idly by, but make an appointment with a psychotherapist. A specialist will help you find the roots of your problem, sort through what is happening and look at the situation from an outside perspective.

Don't let yourself break, educate yourself. There are still many difficult trials ahead in life, much more difficult than non-reciprocal love. Rest as much as possible and distract yourself from sad thoughts as much as possible, please and pamper yourself, look for the positive around you.

How to forget an unrequited loved one

An unrequited feeling causes a feeling of hopelessness, turning life into a series of dreary and joyless days. What can be done to make the obsession go away and life to sparkle with bright colors again?

Minimize contact

There is no need to change your place of work or residence; it is enough to ensure that your meetings are as rare as possible, without close contact. Remove the man from your social network contacts and erase his phone number.

Take a break

If you are overtaken by unrequited love, what to do with it? Force your mind to switch to other thoughts. Find an interesting activity that will completely absorb you and leave no time to think about the object of your affection.

Lead an active life

Start going to a club, attend concerts, appear in crowded places more often. Perhaps very soon you will meet a gentleman worthy of your love, who will be able to reciprocate the reverent feeling.

Don't blame yourself

The fact that a man is not inflamed with passion is absolutely not your fault. This is just not your person. Think about the fact that he couldn’t make you happy, the constant struggle for his feelings would quickly get boring, and you would start thinking about a painless separation. Shake yourself up, let go of the obsession and get ready to meet true love.

Don't accumulate negativity

Many ladies ask: “I suffer from unrequited love, how can I get rid of my worries?” Experts recommend not accumulating negative emotions caused by an unpleasant situation, but finding a place to throw them out. Sport has a positive impact. Do fitness, join a gym, run in the fresh air. Sports exercises release huge amounts of endorphin, the hormone of happiness. After classes, your mood will improve and bad thoughts will disappear.

The problem of unrequited love will never lose its relevance, because the heart cannot tell who to love and who not. Every woman finds herself in a similar situation at least once in her life. To get out of the bonds of unrequited love, you need to gather all your inner strength and act without delay.

You may be interested in: How to forget a loved one: advice from a psychologist Manipulator man in a relationship: how to recognize an inferiority complex in a man

Psychotype of people who tend to fall in love unrequitedly

If you look at the lives of certain individuals impartially, you will notice one interesting pattern. They always fall in love without reciprocation. The situation in advance is such that one cannot even hope for a positive answer. Relationship experts say this happens for a reason. People themselves attract cold and reserved partners.

Such manifestations may be the result of improper upbringing or a traumatic event in the past. It has been proven that a person with obviously low self-esteem is unable to attract the attention of the desired partner. He will constantly confirm his idea that he cannot be loved. After several unsuccessful attempts to build relationships, people become disappointed and withdraw into themselves.

"Hero of our time"

1. Does love always make a person happy
   ? In the novel by M.Yu. Lermontov “Hero of Our Time” Grigory Pechorin is a person disappointed in life, often bringing pain and disappointment to others. Pechorin is tired of everything, he doesn’t see the meaning in anything, and treats life like a memorized book - everyone knows what will happen in the end. And sometimes it seems that he is bringing this finale closer. Pechorin has success with women, but it also brings him only short-term pleasure. Most often, at the end of any relationship, Gregory experiences disappointment and brings pain to others. But Pechorin is by no means a villain; one can only sympathize with him, like Onegin. After all, the pain that he causes to others hurts him too: it is the awareness that he has made someone unhappy that makes Pechorin believe in the depravity of his own nature. And if you consider yourself evil, then doing evil is natural for you. When you cause pain repeatedly, you stop being surprised by it, it becomes a normal state for you.
2. Unrequited love
   . One of the girls described in the novel “A Hero of Our Time” was Bela. Seeing her, Pechorin wanted to gain the affection of the beautiful Circassian woman. Bela, an unapproachable, unusually beautiful girl, did not react to Pechorin’s gifts for a long time and ignored all his attempts to establish contact. She was brought up according to completely different laws, in a different culture, and this also captivated Gregory. He even learned the Tatar language in order to communicate with her. Gradually Bela fell in love with Pechorin. She fell in love exactly as much as she was unapproachable. She became very attached to Gregory. Their happiness lasted only four months. After this, Pechorin got tired of such affection. And he no longer needed Bela. It was hard to look at the girl wounded and crushed by love, and Maxim Maksimych felt very sorry for her. The heroine was painfully worried about her uselessness and, it seems, was even glad of death as a deliverance.

Unrequited love - how to live with it

Of course, it’s easy to say - forget about love and get carried away by another. But in life everything is not so simple. They say correctly: “You can’t order your heart!” If it were possible to cope with strong feelings at will, then there would not be a single sad love story in the world. And so, every now and then we are faced with grief and problems caused by unrequited love.

What to do? To live on! The saying “Time heals” applies specifically to the issue we are studying. Dear older readers, let's remember how we suffered, cried and suffered because someone did not respond to our pure and strong feelings. And now we think - “What a fool I was!”, or “What a fool I was!”

Yes, from the height of adulthood it is easier to look back and look at the past with a smile and irony. It is much worse for those who are captive of unrequited feelings. It seems that life has lost its meaning and there is no longer any need to continue to exist on this Earth. Stop, don't even think about it! Believe me, just a couple of weeks will pass and you will be able to look at the world with different eyes. The main thing is to control yourself and listen to the recommendations described above. And time will do its job - you will gradually begin to forget about your suffering. And most likely, you will meet and get to know someone who will share your feelings and make you a happy person.

How to get rid of unrequited love

Whatever the reason for not mutual love, it is necessary to work and fight with it. And often, advice alone is not enough. There are a lot of hackneyed recommendations in books and on the Internet, which, alas, very often do not help or provide only partial relief. By and large, science has not yet come up with a universal pill for unrequited love. Each case is individual. And in almost all cases it takes time. For some it’s not enough, for others it’s a lot. However, there are several ways to significantly improve your condition and speed up the process of recovery from difficult feelings.

The most effective ways to get rid of unreciprocated love:

1. “An end to false hopes.”

Often, hopeless love continues if there is even the slightest hope of reciprocity. If you can find out for sure, it is better to do so.

a) talk to the person, or write him a letter, as Tatyana, the heroine of Pushkin’s “Eugene Onegin,” did. You can somehow hint to the subject of your feelings about your feelings, and you don’t have to do it directly, as you might embarrass him. There are cases when, as a result of such a conversation, it turns out that love has been mutual for a long time, but each of the partners carried it within themselves and was afraid to open up. But such situations are in the minority. Therefore, most often, such a bold step will simply be a springboard to the final liberation from the shackles of unrequited feelings. You will know for sure that there is no chance, and for many this can be a powerful method of getting rid of unrequited love when other methods are no longer needed.

b) if for some reason you cannot talk to your beloved guy or girl, conduct a critical analysis of the situation. Call your friends and loved ones for help - those you can trust. Try to look at the situation objectively, and not the way you would like. Is there really still hope in it? Or has everything been clear for a long time? If this does not help, then proceed further:

2. Away with all thoughts about the object of love.

Your task is to throw out of your head all feelings and thoughts about the subject of your dreams, since it did not live up to your hopes and will never live up to it. Let him go in peace. To do this, you need to stop feeding your feelings and thoughts towards him with your attention and energy. What does it mean? When we often think about someone or something, certain neural connections are formed in our brain, which are activated every time we do it. And the more often thoughts about this come up. It's like we're trampling a path in a clearing. In order for this path to become overgrown again, you need to stop walking along it. So in our case - stop thinking about the person and your suffering, and the neural pathways will begin to weaken. You will remember this less and less. Your thoughts will stop feeding your suffering and unrequited love. And she'll just die. Although this will take some time. You can significantly speed up this process.

Remember - you need to learn to block all thoughts and feelings towards the object of love as soon as they arise. Chop at the root instantly. Not letting them grow. At first it won't work. But the skill will gradually develop. Tell yourself – Stop! And replace thoughts about him with others - positive, distracting, pleasing ones. Think about pleasant things. Read! Watch the movie. Call your friends! Or just imagine, for example, a brick, instead of an object of love. And do it constantly! Get it out of your head. And by the way, creativity helps a lot. First, you will be distracted and occupy your feelings and thoughts with more constructive things. Secondly, you sublimate the frustrated energy of unrequited love into a creative channel.

What are the dangers of unrequited feelings?

At the same time, many people do not find the strength to give up their own suffering. At first, they simply experience their emotions, and then they get used to the role of the victim and already get their own special “high” from such destructive feelings. Those with weak personalities completely focus their lives on an unattainable chosen one, turning every minute of it into moments of memories or making unrealistic plans for a joint idyll and suffering from unrequited love. Many of these completely forget about their own interests, they may begin to look for ways to forget love in alcohol or drugs They rarely appear in companies, and if they do, they stay there only on condition that they are listened to and empathized with. Any attempts to open their eyes and reach their minds end in quarrels and alienation. Next comes depression, from which it is even more difficult to get out of it on your own. There are also frequent cases of suicide due to unrequited love, especially in adolescence and young adulthood.

Why doesn't he love?

Situations in which unrequited love arises in a woman’s life:

1. 1. The man is married and the relationship with the woman was entertainment for him or occurred in a state of alcoholic or drug intoxication.
2. 2. The feelings subsided over time, the girl either ceased to attract and interest the guy, or he met someone else who he liked better.
3. 3. A woman is initially not to a man’s taste.
4. 4. The chosen one has mental disorders in which the feeling of love is alien to him.

Psychologists and psychotherapists associate the reasons why people love unrequitedly with mental characteristics. These can be either pathological conditions or a peculiar emotional sphere. Mental disorders characterized by a tendency to experience non-reciprocal feelings include:

1. 1. Limerence - manifests itself in an obsessive attraction to a person, regardless of feedback. This happens because the person emotionally remains at the initial stage of the relationship. For 3-5 years he concentrates on a certain object, then changes it.
2. 2. Erotomania - manifests itself as an unfounded confidence that others are showing interest and attention to a person. He is sincerely convinced that he evokes sympathy and sees signs of this in everything and invents them in his imagination. Based on his delusions, he endows the relationship with the object of love with non-existent features, causing discomfort to his partner.
3. 3. Low self-esteem - people who lack self-confidence can love secretly all their lives, considering themselves unworthy of the object of love. Or, due to complexes and self-dislike, a woman begins to behave unworthily, suppressing or not demonstrating her strong qualities, she ceases to arouse interest.

Experts are unanimous in the opinion that all these conditions can be corrected with the help of sessions with a psychologist or psychotherapist, depending on the stage of development.

There are people who in their imagination tend to endow their loved one with non-existent positive qualities and love a created image that has nothing to do with the person’s real personality. This often happens in adolescence or young adulthood, and the object of love becomes an artist, singer or other public figure.

Unrequited love - essay

Love is the most beautiful feeling that can arise in a person’s soul. However, unfortunately, sometimes one person can have strong feelings towards another, but do not receive reciprocation. It is in this case that they say that love is “unrequited”

It seems to me that love is a very complex and contradictory feeling that can bring not only happiness, but also suffering. Unrequited love forces a person to suffer and suffer, does not allow him to openly express his feelings and even hope for reciprocity. Many writers and poets have written about the tragedy of unrequited love.

Thus, in the work of the famous Russian writer A.I. Kuprin, the theme of love occupied a key place, therefore in most of his stories the writer touchingly talks about real deep feelings and strong emotions.

In the story “The Garnet Bracelet” the main characters are the “cold” and sensible Princess Vera and the ardent Zheltkov, who knows how to devotedly love. He is the embodiment of a man who is ready to sacrifice himself and devote his life to the hope of reciprocity from the woman he loves.

Zheltkov, having completely surrendered to the feeling of love for Vera and having lost the meaning of his future life, decides to commit suicide. Using the example of his tragic fate, we see that a strong feeling turned out to be stronger than common sense and the desire to live, which is the whole tragedy of unrequited love.

A.I. Kuprin brings us to the conclusion that unrequited love is dangerous, it makes a person suffer and can even lead to terrible, tragic consequences.

In addition, the famous Russian poet A.S. Pushkin also wrote about the bitterness of unrequited love. Let us turn to his poem “I loved you...” The lyrical hero of this work is in love “sincerely, so tenderly,” but his strong feelings do not find an answer. He is tormented by mental anguish, but does not want to “disturb” his beloved.

The hero gives his beloved girl freedom, makes a real self-sacrifice. A. S. Pushkin proves to readers that unrequited love is associated with sadness and sadness, but a person will never intentionally cause pain to the object of his love and will try to maintain self-esteem even in such a difficult life situation.

Thus, love is the most valuable reward, because it fills a person with warmth and gives meaning to life.

However, unfortunately, love is not always happy and carefree, so it is so important not to miss true love, which brings happiness, and to carefully preserve this wonderful feeling

Unrequited love must be bravely experienced, internal pain, sadness and grief must be overcome.

Characteristics and features of unrequited love

Love without reciprocity can't help but upset. It devastates from the inside, suppresses the best desires, and contributes to the formation of suspicion. A distrustful attitude towards life, self-doubt and apathy appear. In some cases, you even have to resort to the help of a psychologist. Specialists regularly work with those who are confused, confused, and have lost their main life guidelines. Getting rid of unhappy love is not so easy. You have to make incredible efforts to cope with despair and hopelessness. It’s good if the person is fully aware of what is happening. Then there is a good chance to be rehabilitated.

READ What is love: signs, types and 3 components

How to deal with unrequited love?

The guy we're in love with loves another girl or doesn't love anyone at all. The situation is quite banal. And not only young ladies with ordinary appearance fell into it, but also beautiful women, at the sight of which many men lose their heads. Well, the one for whom the heart yearns doesn’t love us, and that’s all! But, as you know, you can’t order your heart. It aches, groans, hurts, and thoughts persistently revolve around the image of a loved one, whom it is impossible to forget.

Almost all women experienced such a period of life, and, unfortunately, not every one of them was able to pass it with dignity, with minimal losses for themselves. After all, we usually don’t know how to cope with unrequited love, and, being in complete confusion, we either do stupid things or withdraw into ourselves, provoking the appearance of long-term deep depression.

What to do if love is unrequited? How to stop loving a guy if all your thoughts are only about him? I must say that this will require a lot of effort. However, it is necessary to apply them, otherwise unrequited love can seriously affect the psyche and leave a wound in the soul that will not heal for many years. No, perhaps someone likes to suffer and tell sad stories about unrequited love over the years. But most girls still strive for happiness, and it is unthinkable without mutual love. Therefore, we must try with all our might to get rid of a feeling that brings nothing but suffering. Here are some tips to help you do this.

conclusions

If you don’t know how to deal with unrequited love and avoid its persecution, refer to the most effective ways to get rid of it:

• 1. Clarify the situation to deprive yourself of false hopes of reciprocity.
• 2. Block all thoughts about your loved one and replace them with others that distract you.
• 3. Focus on the shortcomings of your loved one and the cons of your relationship by writing them down on paper.
• 4. Find out the true reason for your feelings by writing down on paper all the benefits that you receive from unrequited love. Realize that this “benefit” is imaginary and write a happy model of a relationship where there is room for mutual feelings.
• 5. Contact a specialist.

Unrequited love can be tragic and lead to a sad ending. But to prevent this from happening, do not be its victim. Take control of your life and learn to manage your feelings.

Signs of liberation from unrequited love

1. You began to be repulsed by the person’s shortcomings (even though you had previously noticed them but accepted them).
2. The desire to constantly look at a person and be near him has disappeared. Perhaps sometimes you don’t even notice his presence anymore.
3. There is no interest in the person, his words, actions and everything connected with his life.
4. You can calmly watch or imagine a person with someone else without experiencing burning jealousy and pain.
5. You no longer think about the person immediately after waking up and right before going to bed.
6. He comes to you less and less in dreams, and if he does, they do not evoke any special emotions.

The more of these signs you notice in yourself, the closer you are to healing from unrequited love.

Article navigation: “Unrequited love - how to survive and move on?”

• One-sided love - reasons and inclination towards it
• Why love is not reciprocated or secondary benefits of unrequited love
• Unrequited love - what to do?
• Mutual love is real
• Unrequited love - what is important to understand first?
• How to survive unrequited love?

One-sided love - reasons and inclination towards it

So what is the reason that a person can experience a one-sided feeling for years and not be able to get out of this state?
The reason is that there is a kind of tendency towards unrequited feelings.

This tendency is most often formed in people who are not entirely confident in themselves, in their strengths and capabilities, namely:

• For those who failed to move to a new stage of relationships with themselves and with others. Who could not survive some painful memory or event and therefore “stuck” in one of the life periods. And unrequited love is a natural consequence of such stuckness.
• People with fairly low levels of self-worth and self-esteem. Those who were not told in childhood that the very fact of their presence in this world is already a joyful event, that they are loved and appreciated for what they are, which means they have every reason for self-respect.
• People who are afraid of real life with its danger and unpredictability, and therefore prefer to experience relationships with the opposite sex in thoughts and words rather than in reality.
• People who have not received a model of a happy family are also prone to unrequited love. Those to whom their parents did not show a personal example of close and trusting relationships. Therefore, even if such people can imagine that reciprocity exists, it is quite difficult for them to try it on themselves. As a result, they do not allow themselves real relationships and either completely close themselves off from love, or “choose” an unrequited feeling.
• People who are frightened by any drastic changes are prone to experience unrequited love. These are a kind of conservatives, ready to do anything so as not to disrupt their usual way of life and not change their once-made decision. Including the decision to love unilaterally. For them, one-sided feeling is one of the ways to maintain the existing state of affairs and being true to themselves, as they imagine it.
• People who do not understand themselves well, their desires, feelings and their role in life. Those who have not decided on themselves cannot choose a partner. And if they choose, then it is a person who, for a variety of reasons, is not ready to reciprocate.

To summarize, I would like to emphasize once again: there is a tendency to fall in love and continue to experience an unrequited feeling for years. This tendency is not innate. Quite the contrary - it was acquired in the process of education and socialization.

And if so, then with targeted psychological work there is every chance to change the existing perception of oneself and the world. Thanks to this, you can start building relationships with partners who will be ready to reciprocate.

Why love is not reciprocated or secondary benefits of unrequited love

Apart from the tendency described above, unrequited love has advantages that a person in most cases does not realize. He evaluates this situation negatively, suffers, and often does not even realize that he receives certain benefits by being in unrequited love.

You can realize these benefits and get an answer to the question “ why is love not mutual?” and understand what exactly you are holding on to while continuing to be unrequitedly in love. There are also several such benefits:

• First of all, with a one-sided feeling, there is no need to live with a living person, and therefore with all his habits and characteristics. With everything that can irritate, anger, frighten and disgust. A virtual partner is devoid of all these disadvantages, which is why it is attractive.

Moreover, such a partner can be “added” with some qualities, which will result in a person who is perfect in every sense. It will be much easier and more pleasant to love such a person than someone who is earthly - made of “flesh and blood”.

• One-sided love is a way to hide not only from life, but also from yourself. Avoid facing your doubts, complexes and fears. In “live” relationships, when people are in constant dialogue, this is not possible. Your partner, sometimes without meaning to, steps on painful and vulnerable points, saying and doing things that you are not ready for.

But in the case of unrequited love, the risk of receiving such feedback is minimal. If a person is more afraid of meeting himself than of being alone, he will unconsciously choose an unrequited feeling.

• It happens that for personal reasons a person has no desire to be in a relationship as such. Either a person has not yet matured enough to live with a partner, or is afraid of something that he cannot understand, or simply does not understand what he wants in general from himself and from life.

The reasons may be different, but the result is the same: such a person does not want a real relationship. But since it is difficult to live without love at all, a person chooses this form: loving unrequitedly. In this case, one-sided love acts as a screen behind which you can hide from the relationship.

• Another benefit is that unrequited love helps draw others' attention to your situation. A person who loves unrequitedly always shares his story with someone. He talks about his experiences, sincerely tries to get advice on what to do, and even takes some action.

But in fact, it remains in place, without changing the situation in any way and without revising the feeling experienced. And he does this for one simple reason: this way he satisfies his main need for attention. The fact that he receives advice, sympathy, empathy, which his loved ones share with him.

• Unrequited love creates the illusion of an emotionally fulfilling life. The world in which a lover lives is filled with internal events, hopes, vivid emotions, and the feeling that everything is about to happen.

Thanks to this, a person experiencing a one-sided feeling is quite sure that he lives a rich emotional life. And he doesn’t want to go out into the “dry” reality, where there is no place for such hopes and experiences.

The above benefits “help” not to think about what is happening, not to change anything in one’s own life, not to see the problem, but to continue to love long and languidly, sincerely hoping for reciprocity that will come in some “magical way.”

Does unrequited love have a chance?

All people, without exception, are susceptible to unrequited love; age or gender do not play any role, but character and temperament play a key role. Sometimes it happens that, experiencing his love, a person crosses a certain emotional barrier, breaks down and goes to confess his love.

Recognition in itself is already a significant stress for a person in love, and if it turns out that his feelings are mutual, then he may experience a shock, because he did not even think that he had a chance for this relationship.

Often in such situations it turns out that unrequited love was simply far-fetched, the person in love simply loved the very feeling of unrequitedness, it provided him with the much-needed intensity of emotions.

It is generally accepted that unrequited love lasts less than a year and gradually fades due to various circumstances. For example, the object of passion found out about the interest in his person and harshly rejected the lover or changed his place of residence. In rare cases, unrequited love can last more than one year, but this rather indicates a person’s unpreparedness to build a relationship than the strength of love.

How to help a teenager? Advice from a psychologist for parents

1. Be as tactful as possible when talking to your child about his feelings. Otherwise, the teenager will withdraw and will no longer share his experiences with you.

2. Don’t give advice that is suitable for adults (change your hairstyle, start doing fitness, etc.) Better try to explain that his feelings remained unrequited not because he is bad (not handsome enough, smart enough, etc.) It’s just that people’s feelings do not always coincide, because we are all different and this is absolutely normal.

3. Try sharing memories of your first love. Tell us that once you, too, did not understand how to survive unrequited love. Be candid when talking about your experience and the lessons you learned from it.

4. If you understand that your personal experience is not interesting to your son or daughter, then switch to stories about the fate of the “stars” in whom he is interested.

5. If you feel that your teenager has almost overcome his inner loneliness, try to get him interested in some new activity, sport, or creativity. You can go on a trip together.

If parents see that they cannot help their child on their own and he is immersed deeper and deeper into experiences, then it is better to turn to a professional psychologist and together with him look for ways out of the current situation.

In general, teenage love is a very broad topic and requires separate study. In this article, we have given only general brief recommendations. Further information presented in the article highlights the problems and relationships of adults.