The essence
The main reason is the discrepancy between social and everyday circumstances and the child’s changing needs. He wants to be an adult, he even feels like one. However, a huge number of restrictions, rules and demands from parents do not allow him to fully demonstrate independence. This causes an internal protest, which results in emotional and behavioral deviations that frighten parents so much.
The three-year crisis is characterized by the following mental neoplasms:
- primary independence;
- a new level of self-awareness;
- establishing interpersonal contacts, building new, more complex social relationships;
- volitional regulation of activity.
Developmental psychology helps to understand what is happening to a child during this period. It allows you to understand the factors that aggravate or alleviate the crisis, and gives recommendations on how parents should behave in order to prevent negative consequences.
Educational program. You can learn in detail about this period from special literature on psychology: Vygotsky “The Crisis of Three Years”, Guskova “Features of the Crisis of 3 Years in the Mental Development of a Child”, Vasilkina “What to Do if a Child Has a Crisis of Three Years?”, Abrosimova “The Age of Obstinacy. About the crisis of three years”, Filicheva “The baby is three years old”.
Related concepts
Negativism is one of the trio of manifestations of a child’s complex of protest behavior.
The second component is stubbornness, which can be considered a form of negativism, with the only amendment that stubbornness in any matter has its own specific reasons, while negativism is resistance that is not motivated by anything. What unites these phenomena is that both arise on the basis of purely subjective human sensations.
One of the closest phenomena to negativism (as a psychiatric term) is mutism. This is a condition in which a person avoids all communication, both through speech and gestures. But, unlike negativism, mutism is mainly the result of a strong shock.
The third component is obstinacy, the difference from stubbornness is that it is not directed at a specific person, but in general at the educational system, the development of events, and so on.
Causes
The main reason why children experience a crisis at age 3 is the desire for independence. By this age, they already speak well and can clearly and clearly express their desires and emotions verbally. It seems to them that this is enough to be the same as adults: eat what they eat, sit late at night watching TV, swear in bad words. Every action in this little domestic apocalypse will be aimed at achieving independence.
However, the 3-year-old crisis occurs differently for each child. Someone makes the existence of the family unbearable - endless hysterics, uncontrollable aggression, constant protests, complete depreciation of previous rules lead to serious problems. For others, the manifestations are not so vivid: isolated cases of obstinacy, sudden changes in mood, minor whims. It is noticeable that a crisis has arrived, but it is completely controllable. There are also children for whom everything goes smoothly and almost unnoticeably.
Psychologists identify a number of reasons for the intensity and brightness of the crisis of 3 years.
Authoritarian parenting style
If excessively strict norms are established in the family, unconditional submission is required, will and independence are suppressed, this results in prolonged hysterics.
Overprotection
Excessive parental care, like an authoritarian parenting style, suppresses will and independence. A child, even at 3 years old, is considered unintelligent, unviable and completely helpless. They do not allow him to take a single step without the permission of an adult. It is not surprising that the baby will prove the opposite, which will significantly complicate the problem period.
Society
The situation is often complicated due to the authoritarian parenting style or the elementary rudeness of the kindergarten teacher. The company of children with whom he plays in the yard or in kindergarten can have a bad influence on a child. Conflicts with other people force him to defend his independence even more zealously.
Intrafamily relations
The crisis is aggravated if there is a tense atmosphere within the family. Firstly, if the parents often fight or are in a state of divorce. The second psychotraumatic situation is that they are constantly busy at work and have no time to take care of the child. Problems may begin after the birth of the second baby. Childhood jealousy arises, which turns into uncontrollable outbursts of anger. In all these cases, there is a lack of attention.
But older children who participate in upbringing make the crisis easier.
Temperament
An unstable nervous system, excessive impressionability, choleric or melancholic type of temperament is another reason for the worsening crisis of 3 years.
Health status
In healthy children, the crisis period proceeds within normal limits. He is noticeable, but is kept under control by his parents. If a child develops mental abnormalities and disorders by the age of 3, the situation worsens, the manifestations are uncontrollable, vivid and explosive. In the presence of chronic diseases, genetic pathologies, or physical disabilities from birth, children are usually strongly attached to their mother and do not rebel against her. Therefore, they most often do not cause much trouble.
Adaptation to kindergarten is often cited as one of the main reasons for the 3-year-old crisis. Indeed, it is at this age that parents usually send their child to this preschool institution. But there are also children who are assigned there much earlier (from 1.5 or 2 years old). There are kids who don’t go there at all; they stay at home with their mother or grandparents. According to research, in all these cases, by the age of 3, an age crisis occurs, regardless of whether the child attends kindergarten or not and from what age.
What are the features and phenomena of the crisis period?
By this age, the child begins to recognize himself as an individual .
Previously, his wishes were not taken seriously by adults. We are not talking about basic needs for food, drink, etc. If a child tried to do something that was not allowed, he was distracted with something interesting, bright, for example, a toy.
Now everything is different. He has desires that often contradict the wishes of his parents . And he tries to defend them, throwing tantrums, making scandals, or simply repeating “but I want” over and over again.
This desire for independence and independence complicates relationships with dad and mom. The latter sometimes do not understand what happened to their almost perfect child and try to insist on their own. But this method of influence is not effective.
Signs
Parents need to know how the 3-year-old crisis manifests itself in order to distinguish its symptoms from ordinary contextual situations. For example, if a child refuses to go to bed on time, this may be dictated by the fact that he was overexcited before bed, played too many noisy games, or sat in front of the TV for too long. Each case must be considered separately.
Psychologists call the complex of symptoms of a 3-year crisis “seven stars.”
Negativism - “I’m doing it out of spite!”
They give up their own desires that coincide with the demands of their parents. They don’t want to do something just because the initiative comes from an adult. A negative reaction is always targeted and directed not at the content of the request, but at a specific person. For example, a mother calls her child from the street for lunch. Despite the fact that he himself has been hungry for a long time and wants to go home, he refuses to do this just for the sake of confronting his mother.
Obstinacy - “I don’t want to obey!”
Unlike negativism, this manifestation of the crisis is impersonal. It is aimed at the everyday life and daily routine that parents try to accustom their baby to. He refuses to go to bed at the right time or put away his toys.
Stubbornness - “I decided so!”
"Don't want!" and I will not!" without any explanation - the most common signs of a 3-year crisis. Neither persuasion nor threats can overcome them.
Riot (protest) - “I’m tired of everything!”
Similar to previous manifestations of the crisis. However, rebellion is the most terrible of them. Firstly, it includes negativism, obstinacy, and stubbornness. Secondly, it is permanent. The child refuses breakfast or nap every day. Thirdly, it manifests itself most clearly. It comes to uncontrollable outbursts of anger and real hysteria. This is fraught with severe stress and auto-aggression.
Despotism - “Do as I want! I am the master and master!”
They try to manipulate parents with hysterics and tears. This especially affects mothers and grandmothers. They are capricious, scream and even roll demonstratively on the floor, just so that the desire is fulfilled (they bought a toy, let them go for a walk, gave them candy).
Devaluation - “I don’t love you! You are bad!
They are angry at what is dear to them, trying to get rid of addiction. A quiet, well-mannered child may start screaming and behave badly in front of strangers (in public transport, for example). They break their favorite toys. Mom becomes enemy No. 1, they stop listening to her and may even hit her.
Willfulness - “I can do it myself!”
This should not be confused with the desire for independence. It’s one thing when a child tries again and again to tie a shoelace or scramble an egg in a plate, but at the same time he listens to the advice of adults and does not refuse help. And it’s completely different when he gets angry, doesn’t listen to anyone, does everything wrong, pushes his parents’ hand away. This often ends in sad situations: household appliances are turned on without permission, valuables are damaged, a child goes far from home.
These are the main symptoms of the 3-year crisis, which manifest themselves regularly, quite clearly, and most often in a complex manner. They may be accompanied by other emotional and behavioral abnormalities. The latter are not observed in everyone and not always, but they can aggravate and prolong the course of the crisis. These include:
- distance from parents who lose the child’s trust and may even cease to be an authority for him;
- greed: like adults, children want to have something of their own, and they fiercely guard their property;
- harmfulness is the basis of obstinacy, stubbornness and negativism, often due to a hereditary character trait;
- jealousy: the child demands the attention of a loved one 24/7 and does not want to share it with anyone else;
- unreasonable aggression: at 3 years old, the baby still does not understand what is happening to him, and blames others for all his troubles, which leads to fights, scratching, biting.
Parents must understand that for each child the crisis manifests itself differently, but it happens anyway. For some it is smoother and more calm, for others - with daily violent protests and hysterics. If symptoms are not observed before age 4, it is necessary to consult a psychotherapist because this may indicate a developmental delay.
This is interesting. In psychology, a child experiencing a crisis period of 3 years is compared to a novice driver. At first, after passing the exams and obtaining a license, the newly minted driver is careful, follows all the rules, does not exceed the speed limit, and consults with experienced drivers. But he soon gets used to it, which dulls the feeling of fear: he begins to drive recklessly, tests the capabilities of his car, and tries to express himself as boldly as possible behind the wheel. The baby behaves exactly the same way. Until the age of 3, he watches and gets used to it. And then he tries to realize himself and assert himself through protests and violation of all requirements and rules.
Consultation for parents “Children’s negativism”
Lyubov Yashkina
Consultation for parents “Children’s negativism”
Darling of the family
How to find a cure for permissiveness?
You yourself haven’t noticed how any “I want”
your child turned into an order?
Refusal to buy the twenty-fifth doll or replace lunch with candy results in a half-hour hysteria, and in the end you give up?
It's time to sound the alarm: your heir is showing obvious signs of being spoiled! And, paradoxically, the “disease”
provoked by boundless
parental love .
In fact, psychologists warn, education without “frameworks”
infects the child with the virus of permissiveness and turns him into a domestic tyrant.
Ultimately, the darling himself will begin to suffer from this, because outside the family the little egoist will not meet the worship that he is used to seeing from his household.
On the contrary, egocentrism makes a spoiled child an outcast among his peers. How can we restore the balance between the need to love and the need to educate?
Experts advise drawing a line between indulging momentary whims and caring.
Tears are not a reason to panic.
Often, parents . Well, how can you find the strength to say “no to the most beloved creature in the world?”
In this case, parents perceive refusal as stress for the child. But is this really so?
The children's psyche is quite excitable, but there is nothing unnatural about it. Tears are an expression of emotions inherent in age that the baby has not yet learned to restrain. Helping the baby develop the correct reaction to the world around him and figure out what is good and what is bad is the task of parents . To do this, they themselves need to learn to respond adequately to children's crying .
Experienced teachers say: in the matter of education, endurance is most important. That is, just ignore the loud roar. After all, your baby won’t cry forever! Sooner or later he will understand that tears and screaming will not achieve anything from you. Otherwise, the child will use hysterics as a form of manipulation of household members, and the disease of disobedience will enter a chronic stage.
And one more important point! If you once told your child a firm “no”
(for example, in response to a demand to watch a cartoon instead of a nap, do not cancel your decision under any circumstances (and do not allow someone close to you to do this! Otherwise, the child will never take your words seriously: just think - mom forbade! I I’ll shout and dad will allow it! This should under no circumstances be allowed.
Remember: in the family the main ones are the parents and their word is the law . And the child must learn this too.
Seven nannies have a child without brakes.
Alas, not every young family can afford their parents
However, even if you have your own living space, it is not so easy to get rid of the influence of grandparents.
On the one hand, there is no doubt that it is wonderful when a mother, who is still learning the basics of pedagogy, has experienced advisers.
On the other hand, the inconsistency of the educational positions of two generations is fraught with the collapse of any attempt to instill in a child the concept of certain measures of behavior.
For a month you have been struggling with your child’s demand to enjoy dessert before soup, and the compassionate grandmother, having treated the “hungry child”
a chocolate before lunch will ruin your efforts.
Feeling the protection of older family members, the baby will quickly figure out who to look for protection from the “bad” ones.
mom and dad.
Of course, discussing educational methods with all-knowing grandparents is not a pleasant experience. However, parents need to be firm.
Ultimately, it is you who are responsible for your heir.
To prevent a “swan, crayfish and pike”
, it wouldn’t hurt for all educators to gather at a round table and discuss pedagogical strategy and tactics. Only by reaching an agreement among themselves can adults find a common language with the child.
Authority is more effective than dictate.
Some parents , allowing their child any whim, refer to the Japanese experience, where the word “impossible”
It is practically not used for educational purposes.
However, not everyone interprets the nuances of this “permissive”
tactic correctly.
In the Land of the Rising Sun, sharp turns of speech in communication with a child and physical punishment of naughty girls are truly taboo. However, this does not mean the absence of any upbringing. The Japanese regulate the child's behavior by influencing his sensory perception of the surrounding reality. From the lips of his mother, grandmother, sister, the baby hears not prohibitions, but warnings: dangerous, dirty, painful, etc.
The essence of the Japanese method of education is not to mechanically put barriers in the way of children’s knowledge of the outside world, but to clearly explain the consequences of unwanted actions.
The personal example of family and friends is of particular importance in the Japanese value system.
Looking at the mother and imitating her, the baby learns to behave with dignity. "From a young age"
The Japanese are taught: it’s a shame to be bad.
As a result, the child avoids bad deeds not out of fear of punishment, but out of fear of “losing face.”
.
The main result of “education the Japanese way”
: children who grow up in greenhouse conditions, from our point of view, do not turn into spoiled monsters, but grow up to be collected and disciplined people.
And one more conclusion: the Japanese see the successors of the family as individuals. And we often try to “carve out”
heirs using a stencil, turning your daughter or son into your own showcase.
Expensive clothes, a specialized school, a prestigious sport are standard attributes of success that parents try to surround their children with.
But let's not forget that love and attention, which our children need much more urgently, have no material equivalent.
Three-year crisis: favorite word is “no”
!
How to deal with childhood negativism
Our son will turn 4 years old in a month. Vanya is a real ball of stubbornness and contradictions. For example, he says: “There will be no New Year”
.I answer him:
“Why it will be!”
And it begins: “It won’t, it won’t,” and so on twenty times with tears and screams.
Moreover, our grandmother, unable to withstand her grandson’s hysterics, “gives up”
:
“Okay, it won’t happen, it won’t happen
.
We, parents , cannot and do not want to agree that white is black.
In general, over the last year Vanya has become very stubborn. He does not recognize any authorities. In kindergarten, the teachers complain that he doesn’t want to do anything: he doesn’t want to sculpt - he doesn’t sculpt, he’s not in the mood to draw - he doesn’t draw, doesn’t dress himself - and they often don’t take him for a walk. I’m terrified: what should I do? The age of the child and the description of his behavior suggest that this is a manifestation of the “three-year crisis”
(of course, this is a conditional name: like all age-related crises, its timing may vary depending on the individual characteristics of the person).
The so-called “ negativism ”
, which the child has now entered - this is one of the stages of FORMATION OF HIS PERSONALITY. At this stage of development, it seems to the child that denying every word of an adult is a manifestation of independence. Judge for yourself: mom and dad always decide everything for the little man, but one day the moment comes when he really wants to express his own opinion. And the simplest and most obvious way to do this is to start denying everything that adults impose.
We cannot and do not want to agree that white is black. In fact, your child knows perfectly well that white is white, but now he needs to defend the right to his opinion, even if it is erroneous.
You waste time repeating “yes, yes, yes” a hundred times.
in response to his
“no, no, no.”
, as if the actual course of events depends on the child’s words.
The impression is that parents, just like their sons, care not about reality, but about the statement of their OWN opinion.
This means that the child imposed his own form of behavior on you and began to control you. Without knowing it, you have entered into a meaningless game called “Who will outmaneuver whom?”
.
However, not only you, but also the majority of parents , faced with the first manifestation of their own “I”
, fall into a stupor and do not know what to do about it. And the way out of the situation is quite simple: you need to PLAY!
Make the word "no"
entertainment - so it will lose its danger.
For example, ask your son: “Do you want to go for a walk?”
and, without allowing him to answer, immediately grimace a little yourself, making a funny face:
“No, no, no!”
.
The baby will laugh, and the word “no”
from
a “formidable weapon”
into fun.
Or, for example, play the game “Everything is the other way around”
: With a serious look, explain to your child that he doesn’t want cutlets at all, the New Year will not come, and the grass is not green at all. The stubborn little guy will immediately try to convince you otherwise!
But there is one thing: in really important issues concerning the safety of the baby, you need to be firm.
And finally, the most important thing. You must understand: just as an athlete trains before important competitions, so a person must train to become a person. And if you treat your child’s first crisis of self-awareness with prudence and a dose of humor, then you will never find yourself on opposite sides of the “barricades”
, erected by his maturing consciousness.
Deadlines
Parents faced with a 3-year crisis are primarily interested in how long it lasts and when it should normally end. However, this question is too individual to have a clear answer.
Firstly, it can begin at 2.5 years or at 3.5. Psychologists say that the sooner a child is sent to kindergarten, the sooner a crisis occurs. The main thing is that this happens before the age of 4 - then we can talk about the norm of mental development.
Secondly, it can end within 3 months, or it can last up to one year. This depends on the stability of the nervous system, the child’s temperament, the behavior of the parents and outside psychological help.
Thirdly, a short-term crisis period is most often accompanied by bright appearances, while a protracted period is accompanied by calmer ones. This is the norm. But if it lasts more than six months and uncontrollable hysterics occur annually, a consultation with a psychotherapist is mandatory.
Types of negativism
Negative perception can manifest itself in both active and passive form. Active negativism is characterized by open rejection of requests; such people do the opposite, no matter what they are asked for. It is typical for children three years old. Speech negativism occurs quite often at this time.
Little stubborn people refuse to fulfill any requests from adults and do the opposite. In adults, this type of pathology manifests itself in schizophrenia, so patients are asked to turn their face, they turn in the opposite direction.
At the same time, negativism must be distinguished from stubbornness, since stubbornness has certain reasons, and negativism is unmotivated resistance.
Passive negativism is characterized by complete disregard for demands and requests. It is usually present in the catatonic form of schizophrenia. When trying to change the position of the patient's body, he encounters strong resistance, which arises as a result of increased muscle tone.
In addition, behavioral, communicative and deep negativism are distinguished. Behavioral is characterized by refusal to fulfill requests or acting contrary. Communicative or superficial is manifested in the outward manifestation of rejection of someone's position, but when it comes to a specific matter, such people are quite constructive, sociable and positive.
Deep negativism is an internal rejection of demands without external manifestations, which is characterized by the fact that no matter how a person behaves externally, he has a negative prejudice inside
What to do
Advice from a psychologist will help parents cope with the 3-year-old crisis.
The most important recommendation is to respect the child’s independence. Allow him to perform some basic actions himself. At the same time, prohibitions must also work, which are strictly forbidden to be violated (possing something into a socket, turning on the iron, taking money, biting). By the age of 3, he should already have feasible household responsibilities. He can clean up toys after himself, wipe off dust, and set the table. Yes, his participation will slow down the process, but believe me: it's worth it. This will make him feel independent and needed. This means that the need to prove your adulthood and independence will automatically disappear.
Additional recommendations:
- Keep calm. Be patient.
- At the moment of whims, switch attention to something else, interesting: watch your favorite cartoon, take a walk, treat yourself to candy. Use gaming techniques.
- Sometimes give the right to choose in minor everyday situations: which cartoon to watch, which fairy tale to read, which juice to drink.
- Scold and punish for some specific action done here and now.
- Analyze what happened. Talk to your child about what he did wrong and why it was bad.
- Adhere to a single parenting style. If mom doesn’t allow you to eat chocolate before dinner, but dad spoils his daughter and allows her to do it, negativity will manifest itself as clearly as possible.
- Show correct behavior by example. Children aged 3 are prone to blind copying. You will achieve nothing if you yourself do what you forbid them to do.
- Spend as much time together as possible.
“10 is not allowed”: a reminder for parents
- You cannot insist on immediate fulfillment of a requirement (request). It is better to let the baby cool down and try again after some time.
- You can't give in to manipulation. Don’t satisfy your child’s every whim just because he’s throwing tantrums—just ignore them.
- You can’t hang “labels”: greedy, boring, harmful.
- You can't physically punish.
- You can't shout.
- You cannot force your help.
- You cannot compare a child with other children.
- You can't give orders.
- You cannot enter into arguments or bickering.
- You cannot use complex terms and categories in a conversation that the child does not understand. For example, appeal to conscience or honor.
There is information about the 3-year crisis in the works of L. S. Vygotsky. But they are more scientific in nature, contain many terms and explain all phenomena from a purely psychological point of view. This period is presented more accessible by Dr. Komarovsky. His thematic videos can help parents overcome children's protests.
3 tips from Dr. Komarovsky
Minimum prohibitions
If a child hears the words “no” and “no” from adults too often, this greatly outrages him, and protest grows inside. He needs at least some partial freedom. Constant prohibitions from all sides infringe on him during such an important period of primary maturation and cause psychological trauma. “You can’t” should be said extremely rarely, but at the same time demand unquestioning compliance. This should be a safe word, a danger signal. This is the only way the baby will realize its importance.
Unified parenting style
Komarovsky pays close attention to this. "No!" All family members should tell the child about the same action: parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, older children. Otherwise, there will be no awareness of the ban, which will aggravate the crisis.
Persistence of prohibitions
The list of prohibitions should be permanent and not change. If today a child is allowed to stay out late, it is useless to demand that he go home on time tomorrow, according to the schedule.
Corrective role-playing games
"Shop"
The child is in the role of a seller. The parent controls the favorite doll, which in this situation is the buyer. She is capricious, throws everything around, cries, screams, rolls on the floor, demands to give her the goods without money. The child must not only see from the outside how terrible this behavior looks, but also recognize himself in the toy. It is allowed to conclude at the end of the game: “You behave the same way. Do you really think that's good?".
"Family"
Any number of people can play. The child is in the role of one of the parents. His task is to put his baby (this can be any toy or one of the adults) to sleep or feed him. If the game is played in the first half of the day, you can play out the same situation as in the “store”: whims, hysterics, tears. If it’s already late afternoon, everything should be quiet, peaceful, calm. Let him sing a lullaby, tell a fairy tale, shelter him, talk tenderly. As a result, this will have a calming effect on him. He himself will fall asleep faster when the time comes.
"Storytellers"
Parents and their children compose fairy tales, the plot of which is similar to what they live every day. For example, the princess refused to eat semolina porridge in the morning. Because of this, she quarreled with her father-king, he got angry and locked her in a high tower, in which she had to languish without walks and her favorite toys. Or a naughty bunny who ran far into the forest from his mother, got lost, and was almost eaten by a gray wolf. There is no need to draw specific analogies with the child; conclusions, as in the “shop” game, are not drawn. He himself must understand the meaning of the fairy tale and say why such misfortunes happened to its heroes.
What is negativism?
Negativism in psychology is resistance to influence. From lat. “negativus” - denial - was originally used to designate pathological psychiatric conditions, gradually the term moved into the context of behavioral characteristics with a normal psychiatric status, and is also used in a pedagogical context.
Negativism is a symptom of crisis. A characteristic feature of this phenomenon is called unreasonableness and groundlessness, the absence of obvious reasons. Everyday, negativism manifests itself when faced with an influence (verbal, non-verbal, physical, contextual) that contradicts the subject. In some situations, this is a defensive behavior to avoid direct confrontation.
By analogy with its original use, negativism is presented in two forms - active and passive.
The active form of negativism is expressed in actions opposite to those expected, the passive form is a refusal to perform an action at all. Negativism is usually considered a situational manifestation of an episodic nature, but when reinforced, this form of behavior can acquire a stable character and become a personality trait. Then they talk about a negative attitude towards the world, a negative assessment of people, events, constant confrontation even with damage to personal interests.
Negativism can be a sign of age-related crises, depression, the onset of mental illness, age-related changes, and addictions.
How a manifestation of a negative attitude can be transmitted at the verbal, behavioral or intrapersonal levels. Communicatively – verbal expression of aggression and disagreement, refusal to do the required or demonstrative doing of the opposite, in the case of a behavioral form. In the deep version, there is resistance that is not transmitted externally, when, for objective or subjective reasons, the protest is limited to internal experiences, for example, if a person is dependent on the object exerting the influence. This form can sometimes be expressed in demonstrative silence. Manifestations can relate to society in general, a separate group or individuals. It seems to a person that they suppress individuality and there is a desire to do the opposite.
Negativism is also possible in relation to the perception of life. The personality perceives life itself, its organization as such, as forcing the individual to obey its laws, to become a “typical representative.” Existence itself is characterized as a problem, a conflict, a lack. This manifests itself as a constant criticism of the world order at different levels from the global to everyday situations. In extreme terms, a complete rejection of social realization is possible as a way of resisting suppression.
Professional help
If parents are unable to cope with the manifestations of the crisis on their own, they should seek help from a specialized specialist. For starters, it could be a child psychologist. What warning signs indicate such a need:
- fear of independence and refusal of it;
- detachment from parents;
- tendency towards sadism;
- too frequent and prolonged tantrums;
- emotional and behavioral deviations characteristic of the 3-year-old crisis affect the physical condition.
In case of intense, frequently recurring hypobulic seizures (hysterics or convulsions), the child is referred to a neurologist who conducts a physical examination. It evaluates reflexes, sensitivity, coordination, muscle strength and tone. This is necessary for the differential diagnosis of a crisis with neurological diseases.
If a neurological or mental disorder is diagnosed, a course of treatment is prescribed with the use of pediatric sedatives and other treatment methods. In their absence, a psychocorrection program is implemented to overcome the crisis. It usually consists of the following steps:
- Working with parents: explaining to them the essence of the 3-year-old crisis and recommendations on how to behave.
- Working with factors that aggravate and alleviate the crisis. The former are eliminated whenever possible, and emphasis is placed on the latter.
- Working directly with the child. This can be fairy tale therapy, dance movement therapy, isotherapy, symbol drama, role-playing games, etc.
Usually the matter is limited to 5-6 sessions, as a result of which the child becomes calmer, and parents acquire knowledge of how to behave correctly in critical situations.
In children
In children, negativism is a symptom of the three-year-old crisis, which is usually associated with the need to defend one’s own “I”. It begins with the baby’s refusal to comply with the demands of caregivers and to acquire such basic skills as independent feeding, dressing, and toilet training. However, the stage of entering the crisis of three years is usually caused by real difficulties in trying to concentrate and imitate, as well as parallel feelings of discomfort and fear. In this case, only a patient and careful approach to finding a way to teach and provide assistance, instilling confidence that the child will cope with the tasks can help.
Parents should not be upset about disobedience, stubbornness, hysterics, because the child just needs time to learn how to find a way out of conflict situations and manage himself, to know the boundaries of what is permitted. The reason for the development of negativism in children can also be the direct influence of the surrounding sensory field - the development of a special dependence and the inability to “break away” from some unfinished action or impressive phenomenon, for example, television. However, children's perception of the world and interactions with the outside world are very complex and extremely dynamic. All the experience gained in the future becomes the basis of emotional, social, personal and intellectual development, therefore, going through all stages of development and gaining experience under the influence of various factors and requirements is of great importance.
It is important to understand that negativism manifests itself in a completely different way in autistic children. They do not protest against the suppression of independence, but strive to preserve the immutability of the environment and the limited forms of interaction that are so necessary for them. Defending one’s own “I” occurs later and is caused by a pronounced delay and difficulties in forming ideas about oneself.
Gender characteristics
When overcoming the crisis period of this age, parents should take into account the gender characteristics of their children.
Girls
By the age of 3, they speak much better than boys, so during a crisis they use their verbal abilities for manipulation. In this they must be immediately limited: clearly define what is permissible to say and what is not.
Girls have well-developed auditory perception, so she needs to say all requests loudly and clearly.
Girls are more emotional, which is why they are the ones who most often throw tantrums and act up during a crisis. Given this psychological feature, parents need to direct their overwhelming emotions in the right direction. For example, delegate some of the household chores, get involved in modeling or drawing.
Boys
By the age of 3, boys cannot always express their overwhelming emotions in words. Therefore, they result in aggression and isolation. To prevent this, talk to your baby every day about what happened, what he feels and what he wants.
Boys have well-developed visual perception, and they ignore half the information. Therefore, it is better to show him everything clearly. Don’t waste time saying “Put the toys away!”, but bring them to them and show them where to put them.
By the age of 3, boys already develop a need to explore the world around them. Therefore, they run around a lot, look into every basement and open hatch, climb trees and fences, put something in sockets, disassemble (= break) household appliances. To avoid injury, parents must clearly define territorial restrictions for them.
Reasons for negativism
According to psychologists, protest and negativism are external armor that covers deep personal problems. To correct the situation, it is important to correct precisely those attitudes that provoke rudeness and harshness in communication, and the desire to act contrary. Among the reasons for a negative attitude towards the outside world are the following:
- timidity and self-doubt,
- complexes regarding appearance or financial situation,
- inability to be independent,
- weakness of will,
- guilt. [2]
Consequences
According to the famous psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, the crisis of 3 years contributes to the formation of independence and strong-willed qualities. And these are not the only positive consequences, among which can also be noted:
- primary independence;
- adequate self-esteem;
- ability of self-analysis;
- social adaptation.
However, with insufficient attention and incorrect behavior of parents, as well as due to the psychological problems of the child himself, the crisis can have negative consequences. Firstly, frequent and too impulsive tantrums can result in injury and cause quite deep stress. Secondly, due to internal experiences and excessive emotional stress, the following often develop:
- neurotic reactions;
- enuresis;
- internal complexes;
- night terrors, nightmares;
- stuttering.
A protracted childhood crisis leads to the formation of a hysterical personality type. Its characteristic symptoms become permanent patterns of behavior.
The age crisis of 3 years is a mandatory stage in the development and formation of a full-fledged personality. It cannot be avoided or cured like any disease. But parents are able to smooth out and minimize the negative consequences. To do this, you will have to be patient and understand child psychology.
Complex of reasons and factors
As a psychiatric diagnosis, negativism is most often observed with the development of catatonic syndrome (schizophrenia, agitation and stupor), autism, dementia (including senile) and some types of depression.
When negativism is meant in a broader context, then among the reasons for its occurrence, it is customary to primarily name frustration caused by long-term and very strong dissatisfaction with life circumstances and the environment surrounding a person. In turn, this frustration creates severe psychological discomfort, to compensate for which the person resorts to negativistic behavior.
Another possible reason for resistance may be difficulties with communication in a person. In this case, such a state arises as a hypercompensatory reaction to one’s own communication problems.
In the form of violent stubbornness, negativism arises as a response to attempts at external influence that are at odds with the person’s personal needs and desires. This reaction is due to a person’s need for his own opinion, self-expression, and control over his own life.
