Family crises of family relationships by year

Marriage is a long-term union of two independent individuals, each with their own needs, desires, values and views. For an ideal union, they do not have to coincide - it is enough to be able to negotiate and accept the partner for who he is. However, in the relationships of even the most patient and accommodating spouses, crises occur from time to time.

Crisis of six months of relations

The very first stage in the formation of a relationship is crossing the six-month mark. It is also called the “candy-bouquet” period. The irresistible physical attraction to each other, “rose-colored glasses,” the desire to see only positive aspects in a partner begin to fade into the background.

If we draw a parallel with the development of a child, we can remember that the first year of life is the oral-sensory (S. Freud) stage of development. The leading activity is direct emotional communication. The main thing during this period is the formation of a basic sense of security in relation to the world around us (the first stage), enjoyment of the feeding process, and the desire to taste the world. At about the age of six months, the child begins to move more actively, begins to crawl, and sit. Now he does not need outside help in order to move in the safe space allocated for him by his loving parents.

That is, in a marriage trust in a partner has been formed; physical intimacy implies some deeper process, a spiritual connection. “Falling in love lasts six months,” surely each of us has heard such folk wisdom. At the turn of six months, infatuation transforms into love.

Video: How the crisis works and how to get through it

CRISIS OF RELATIONS. REASONS AND HOW TO SURVIVE IT

Video: How a crisis works and how to get through it.

The period of crisis leaves its mark on the lives of both spouses. At this time, do not forget about yourself. It's even harmful. It’s worth remembering your interests and hobbies, going to the gym, learning something new, attending an interesting event. Positive emotions help you relax and put your soap in order. A crisis is not a disaster, but it is possible to take relationships to another level.

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Crisis of one year of married life

The crisis of one year of married life is the first difficult test for newlyweds.

If we draw a parallel with the development of a child, the crisis of one year marks the beginning of a new stage of personality development - anal-sadistic (S. Freud). We can say that this is the period of initial formation of certain character traits, which will largely constitute the “core of personality.” For example, pedantry. The same is true in married life.

The “candy-bouquet” period has passed, the spouses begin to realize and understand that each of them is the bearer of not only some everyday habits, preferences, traditions, but also beliefs, views, and worldviews. The spouses note that the quarrels that begin to occur during this period of relationship formation are more of a domestic nature. It turns out that the husband scatters socks around the apartment, and in the wife’s parental family it was customary to wash the dishes immediately after eating, rather than storing them in the kitchen sink.

Three years of marriage

Otherwise, this crisis is called the childbirth crisis. May occur earlier than in 3 years. Children are not only the flowers of life, but also a whole complex of problems and worries that a young couple simply cannot resolve.

The wife devotes less time to her husband, and he, in her opinion, does not help his wife at all; the nerve cells slowly begin to die. Everyone is confident that they know how to treat a child and will not give up their leadership to anyone. The only way out is to achieve mutual assistance, otherwise the marriage will collapse like a house of cards.

Crisis of three years of family relationships

Statistics show that a large number of divorces occur during this period of existence of a young family.

Let's draw a parallel with personality development. Crisis of three years. Parents who have experienced this stage of their child’s development know firsthand that this is an important period, this is a difficult period, and someone even remembering this time may choose the word “nightmare.” The baby becomes aware of his “I”, the child begins to “show character”: “I myself,” “I want.” Whims, tantrums in stores, protests, self-will, disobedience, aggression - this is a short list of signs that a child is beginning to find himself.

In married life, a desire and desire for personal space appears, the need for the spouse to respect his boundaries, the desire to have something “of his own,” untouchable and intimate; attempts by a partner to control this side of life cause negative emotions and aggression. During this period, dissatisfaction with the other half becomes especially acute:

“Our views on life do not coincide”
"We are different people"
"Do you understand me"

Surely you are familiar with the expression: “We ate a pound of salt together.” This means that people have lived together enough time to get to know each other and learn to live together.

Scientists have calculated that a pound of salt (just over 16 kg) is consumed by a married couple in about 3 years.

Some experts also believe that the crisis of three years of marriage is directly related to the birth of a child. The distribution of family roles, changes in the pace of life, and the emergence of responsibility for the health, development and upbringing of a child can cause a blow to marital relationships.

Possible reasons

The birth of a child for which a man is not ready can lead to the development of a family crisis

Age crisis. A situation when one of the spouses experiences a breakdown, his values change, and there is a need to change something in his life and family.
Changing the usual way of life, for example, having children.
Sudden job loss. It can negatively affect the atmosphere in the house, frequent scandals will arise that can end in divorce.
Lack of normal relations with the spouse's relatives. It is not uncommon for a young couple, after formalizing their relationship, to begin living with the parents of one of the spouses, and this leads to a conflict between different generations, which cannot pass without leaving a mark on the young family.
Changes in financial situation. The situation is especially acute when a woman begins to receive more money than a man. Then the latter begins to feel his inadequacy.
Changing of the living place. It can lead to the development of serious stress, which, without timely intervention, negatively affects the climate in the family.
Lack of equality between spouses. Examples of situations when a woman sits at home, raises children, and a man reproaches her for doing nothing, while he earns money. This means that she owes him everything, he supports her.
A chronic disease that is severe in one of your close relatives. One of the spouses is forced to care for the sick, and this does not lead to normal family relationships.
Lack of emotional connection. A situation when one of the partners cannot rejoice at the successes and good fortune of the other.
The birth of a handicapped child in a family. It is extremely rare that the appearance of such a child is not accompanied by conflicts, scandals and reproaches.
Early marriage. According to statistics, such families break up quite quickly.
Having a workaholic in the family. A situation where a husband or wife spends almost all their time at work and does not devote enough time to communicating with their partner and children.

Crisis of seven years of family relationships

The 7-year crisis is dangerous for spouses because their relationships become predictable.

Differences in interests, lack of common hobbies, beliefs and views can alienate people from each other, especially since intimate sexual life becomes less intense and varied.

If we draw a parallel with the development of personality, we can remember that at the age of 7 a child begins to develop such new mental formations as: conscience, self-esteem, inner speech. Have you ever seen a seven-year-old child walking towards you on the street and talking to himself? If yes, then know that this child has begun to form a so-called inner world, the one in which we conduct a dialogue with ourselves.

Anniversary – 20 years

Children have grown up, retirement age is approaching, health problems begin - all this leaves a negative imprint on family well-being. Men experience this especially hard - it seems to them that their train is already leaving or is completely behind. It is worth looking from the other, more positive side - you have achieved success in your work, self-realization, the two of you have solved so many problems and troubles over 20 years, you have truly become family to each other.

Which year you choose, each has its own nuances. Family life is a kind of work, both on oneself and on personal relationships, as well as a school of life with difficult exams. The better you cope with difficulties, the easier it will be in the future.

Crisis of 13-14 years of family relationships

The crisis of 13-14 years is highlighted by researchers of family life due to the fact that it, as a rule, coincides with the natural age crisis of the spouses themselves.

It is easy to guess that in relation to the periods of human personality development, we are dealing with an adolescent crisis. A calm and docile teenager without any worries or internal conflicts is as incredible as an obedient three-year-old.

Looking back on the years lived with your spouse, especially if they cannot be called cloudless and happy, thoughts arise about “did I give the best years of my life to the right person?” Disappointment, unfulfilled expectations from living together with a partner, unrealized potential create fertile ground for thinking: “Or maybe I should give it all up? Time goes by, I’m not getting any younger.” And here, registry office workers are faced with an influx of divorces from married couples who have been married for two decades.

Eleven – thirteen years old

Periods of grinding in, lack of money, mutual dissatisfaction have been successfully overcome, and even monotony has been left behind. Having lived together for 11 years, nothing can surprise each other anymore. But no, new obstacles appear. And the first reason for discord is the midlife crisis. A person does not get any younger, he begins to think about what he has gone through, and a rethinking of values occurs. This crisis is often called the boring middle of life. Self-examination also affects the family - a dissatisfied appearance and eternal nagging simply drives them crazy. 13 years is also the peak moment for a child who breaks the blood of his beloved parents. The only thing worth recommending is to be patient and support each other.

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How to survive a crisis period

A universal and optimal option is to visit a qualified family psychologist, and working through the current situation will take more than one month.

But in the absence of such an opportunity, and perhaps in addition to it, you can use the following “life preservers”:

Frank conversations with your significant other. Not in a hurry, in a friendly atmosphere. You can feel free to write down your disturbing thoughts/questions on a piece of paper so that you don’t forget anything in your excitement. Moreover, listening is as important as speaking in person. You should not react to anything rashly. What is not understood needs to be clarified.
Family comes first. Even if at work they promise a career boost and a competition is approaching where you can show off your talent, all this should fade into the background. Timely attention and effort given to the family can prevent a catastrophe (breakdown of relationships) and lead the marriage to flourish.
Third wheel. In other words, relatives and friends should not be privy to every detail of the crisis life of the spouses and, moreover, cannot act as advisers with a decisive opinion, because strictly speaking, this is not their life.
Care. If it is especially difficult for one of the parties in a marriage, then the husband/wife should, in addition to moral teachings/practical help to solve problems, also show sympathy and support in such a way that it is clear to the other half: no matter what happens, love has not faded away and there is a person nearby , hand in hand with whom you can overcome everything in the world.

In the next video you will find recommendations from psychologists on how to survive a crisis in a relationship.

How to get out of a crisis in a relationship to preserve your feelings

Of course, a crisis in a relationship is an extremely undesirable occurrence for any couple. Each partner begins to question their choice and sees it in a completely different light than it was originally. However, remember that this is not a situation where you should rush to conclusions. The most important thing in such moments is to remain patient and also remember to look at yourself and your actions from the outside. It is possible that you yourself provoke your chosen one to actions that ultimately do not satisfy you. It is important to listen to his point of view on this matter and take it into account.

During a crisis in a relationship, patience is the most important condition for maintaining harmony and overcoming difficulties. By demonstrating this quality at critical moments, you will protect yourself from words and actions that can only aggravate the situation in the future.

Having realized that conflict situations have begun to occur more and more often in your couple, do not fall into despair and do not blame your partner for this - any difficulty can be overcome. Don't rush into rash and radical decisions and maintain restraint in the most peak moments.

Features, types of crises

One of the main characteristics of any crisis year of family life is the fading, weakening of partners’ interest in each other (less often, this affects only one).
This can be expressed in a weakening of sexual desire, less expression of romantic feelings (a morning kiss, holding hands on a walk, giving a compliment), a lack of desire to share feelings, or ask for advice. There may also be a desire to do everything contrary, which is often explained by a subconscious desire to attract attention, to demonstrate to the partner that not everything is in order.

Also common features of crises include:

frequent expression of reproaches and demands where there could be a gentle request;
accusations of what was previously perceived neutrally;
a deliberate demonstration of indifference to punish the partner and in order to push him to solve problems (which, by the way, he may be asked to simply guess, not wanting to speak frankly for fear of not finding understanding).

In the world of practical psychology of family relations between husband and wife, crises are usually divided into two categories:

Regulatory ones that almost all families experience. This is the beginning of life together after marriage, the birth of a child, the child leaving his parents at home, the onset of old age of the spouses.
Non-normative ones that not all couples face. These include financial difficulties, adultery, the test of relationships by distance (for example, during a long business trip), the distribution of roles in the family (who is the breadwinner and who keeps the hearth) and much more.

How to know what you love

Do you wake up at dawn with a smile on your lips just thinking that you will see Him today?

It’s not so important to you whether He speaks to you, invites you somewhere, and generally whether He deigns to look at you, the main thing is that you will see the object of your dreams even in passing (for example, at a morning meeting in the boss’s office or in the common dining room at lunch ). Congratulations - you are in love! Signs of a “pathological condition” are:

Congratulations - you are in love! Signs of a “pathological condition” are:

an inexplicable need to admire the object of desire again and again;
trembling in the knees when he approaches;
sudden shyness when trying to approach him.

Let's remember Pushkin - it would seem difficult to find a more experienced heartthrob! And he admitted to his friends that he was instantly lost and could not find words to talk as soon as he met his friend in society.

It all begins with her. 7 or 5 stages of love in psychology have been identified today. Why are the numbers different? It’s just that sometimes scientists combine the last three stages into one, so instead of seven you get five.

Each period in a couple’s relationship has its own characteristics. Let's see what they are.

Every couple experiences a difficult period in a relationship.

It is important to realize that similar problems happen to many couples. At first, a crisis can even bring partners together, but if it cannot be overcome within a year, then this most often turns into even more serious problems - spouses begin to associate relationships with difficulties, survival, struggle and ultimately cause feelings of rejection and negative emotions .

Many psychologists point out that if partners do not have common values for which they can unite, then, most likely, they will separate - it is easier for them to break the union, since it turns out that solving difficulties together is harder than one at a time.

A crisis in a relationship often turns out to be a kind of test for any couple - if the spouses do not pass this test, then this is not always a bad thing. Often, after breaking up, they reevaluate their attitude towards their partner and get back together again, taking into account all their past mistakes. It may also be that breaking the relationship benefits both parties - they are still convinced that they are better off alone than together. However, if the family managed to cope with the problem, then in the future this, as a rule, has a positive effect on the relationship.