Tips for parents
Here are some more psychological tips for comprehensive work with anxiety and fears in children:
The basis of everything will be work in these three areas:
1. Increased self-esteem:
- Call your child by name often and maintain eye contact when speaking.
- Increase the number of tactile contacts. Affectionate touches help restore trust in the world.
- Celebrate his successes often and preferably publicly (for example, at a family dinner). Remember that there is always a reason for praise. It is enough to notice the little things that your child does better than yesterday.
- Organize parties at home and invite your classmates to them. Even your presence in another room will have a beneficial effect on an anxious child. He will feel more confident than all alone at school, and this will gradually change the opinion of his peers about him. Believe me, this is extremely important for him, even if he doesn’t admit it.
- Practice heart-to-heart conversations. This should be the time when you completely belong to the child and listen to him with all your attention, without being distracted by the phone or other family members. The time when he can tell you everything that worries and excites him. Your undivided attention will show him how important his feelings and he are to you.
- Separate the child's actions from the child himself. Don't tell him that he is bad if he got a bad mark and offended his younger sister. Discuss and condemn the act itself: “ I love you, you are very good, but now you did something wrong
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2. Teaching a child coping methods:
- Set an example of positive expectations for the future and demonstrate confident behavior.
- Teach him the methods listed in Chapter. 6
- Discuss learning and communication difficulties with your child, and jointly develop a strategy for moving towards success.
- Teach him breathing techniques and mindfulness
3. Relieve muscle tension:
- Create rituals, for example, every Saturday we dance,
- Give your child a massage before bed - it will also strengthen your relationship
- Play sports with him - it helps relieve tension and get rid of stress, and in addition, brings him closer together.
- Hug and kiss as much as possible - children (and adults, too) need tactile contact
Anxiety disorder in school-age children (7 to 10 years)
Starting from school, the social interactions of the child himself are added to the main cause of increased anxiety - unfavorable family upbringing. If he has learned from his parents that he lacks confidence in his own abilities and in himself, he may begin to worry about a possible loss of respect from peers, teachers, fear of not meeting the expectations of adults and fear of punishment, conflicts with friends if he cannot meet their demands and desires.
At the same time, girls worry more about relationships with other people, while boys are more concerned about punishment and violence.
Girls, having done an “unseemly” act, worry that the teacher or mother will think badly of them, and their friends will stop playing with them. In the same situation, boys are likely to fear that adults will punish or beat them.
Test for parents “Child’s fears and anxiety”
Rudskaya Tatiana
Test for parents “Child’s fears and anxiety”
Are you provoking fears in your child with your behavior?
Children perceive the world around them completely differently than adults - they unconditionally believe adults and are afraid of fairy-tale heroes. Check whether you are provoking fears in your baby with your behavior?
Question 1
When you are going to punish a child for disobedience, you will say:
a) how are you behaving? Dad will come and he will give you a task!
b) you are a bad boy/girl, think in the corner about your behavior;
c) you did (a) very badly, sit on a chair and think about how you should behave.
Question 2
A child came running to you at night and told you that monsters were chasing him in a dream. How will you react?
a) I will reassure you that monsters only come to naughty children;
b) I will reassure you that this is just a dream, there are no monsters in reality;
c) I’ll ask what I saw in a dream and write a continuation in which my child was helped
in a difficult situation, kind fairy-tale heroes.
Question 3
Your child is sick, but does not want to take medicine. Your actions:
a) I’ll say that the doctor will come now and give him 10 sick injections;
b) I say that this is a very tasty and healthy medicine;
c) I suggest you choose: will you drink medicine from a red or yellow cup? And then I say: “Hurray! You will get better soon!”
Question 4
A child in kindergarten burst into tears and does not want to let you go. Your actions:
a) I promise that I won’t go anywhere, I’ll wait until he plays, and then I’ll leave unnoticed;
b) I’ll say that I’ll be gone for a very short time, he won’t have time to notice;
c) I’ll tell you what I need to go to work, and in the evening I’ll definitely come for him.
Question 5
Let's assume that you are afraid of insects (caterpillars, spiders, mice). How will you behave when meeting them if there is a child nearby?
a) I’ll scream, scream and honestly say that I’m afraid
b) in a sudden meeting I may not be able to control my emotions, but I will try to explain that these bugs
I just hate to see;
c) I will pull myself together and use a leaf (handkerchief, wrapper) to remove the caterpillar from myself or the child,
without showing that I'm afraid.
Question 6
The child was scared when an unfamiliar dog barked at you. After some time, you meet another cute dog. Your actions:
a) I’ll suggest moving away, otherwise he’ll suddenly rush at us;
b) I will suggest not to pretend that we are afraid of her - dogs feel fear;
c) I’ll say that a dog is a man’s friend, you shouldn’t be afraid of them, they bark to
Question 7
Do you ever tell a child, when all ways to make him obey have been exhausted, that you will send him to a boarding school, hand him over to the police, that Baba Yaga will take him away for disobedience?
a) yes, I say - it helps a lot;
b) sometimes I call on scary fairy-tale characters for help;
c) I don’t remember such cases.
Question 8
When you watch a thriller, detective or horror movie in the evening, where is your child at that time:
a) looks with us - in the most terrible moments we distract him;
b) is with me, but doesn’t look, just plays with his toys;
c) plays in his room.
Question 9
Your child was given a toy that scared him or her with its appearance or unpleasant sound. Your actions:
a) I’ll laugh and say: “I found what they’re afraid of!” Here, take a good look at her”;
b) I will show and tell that there is nothing scary in it;
c) I’ll put the toy away and wait until its time comes.
Question 10
Imagine that while visiting, your child picked up some fragile object and began to play with it. To protect her item, the owner warns that a monster lives there, and if it is disturbed, it will jump out and bite. The child is afraid. Your actions:
a) I’ll say that this is how it is, we need to quickly return the thing to its place;
b) I will be surprised, doubt and help return the thing to its original place;
c) I’ll hug you and say that I’ll never give offense, but the curious object needs to be put in its place
Results:
More answers a):
Out of powerlessness or lack of understanding of the consequences, you intimidate the child, causing with your behavior a feeling of persistent danger emanating from the world, cultivating a feeling of fear - it is more convenient for you to achieve obedience. A small child is not able to say: “Mommy, I’m scared and in pain.” He simply obeys in fear. And mom only sees that this method works, but does not see at what cost. It is impossible for a child to do anything just out of fear - it is necessary to explain, support and protect your child. Children's fears can manifest themselves in adulthood, so you need to help the child, and not aggravate the situation. In the absence of adequate help from parents, psychologists, and teachers, children's fears can transform into phobias. Intimidation simply clearly describes what not to do. The child does not receive options for acceptable behavior. Your primary task is to offer your child options for correct behavior.
More answers b):
You do not try to support the child, you leave him to cope with the situation on his own. Children are incredibly sensitive to their parents' reactions, so if you want your child not to experience fear in ordinary, ordinary situations, then analyze your behavior. The basis of fear is a reaction similar to anxiety of loneliness and separation. Try to understand children's anxiety and support your baby so that he feels safe. Spend more time with him, draw, read, sculpt together - show that you love and value your child.
More answers in):
You understand the child, and he does not hide his feelings, which allows you to work through alarming situations in a timely manner. The main thing is that you leave no room for fears, and your child is sure that you are for him.
