Don't be afraid: 6 fears of pregnant women and how to deal with them

Fear has big eyes

“Fears live in us and are part of the work of intuition and self-defense,” says Yulia Plotnikova, lactation consultant, perinatal psychologist, doula and mother of four children.

Julia is sure: fears are born from ignorance.

A person is afraid when he does not feel his body, does not know the principles of its work.

— If we do not hear simple signals from the body to change the environment and rhythm of life, this will be followed by the body’s natural reaction to discomfort. Tension, a surge of adrenaline and, as a result, a mental disorder, its release from a balanced endorphin-oxytocin state.

Let's imagine: we sit at the computer all day in one position. The body becomes numb, tired, and the rhythm of its blood circulation is disrupted. The first, often unnoticeable signals are stabbing sensations, discomfort in the body, which we already feel when we straighten up and move away from the computer. Often we repeat the same thing for weeks until we are completely exhausted, and the body throws up mild unpleasant sensations. If we don’t stop and do exercises, jogging and other useful activities, then depression, disappointment, illness, and fears will follow in a logical chain.

It's the same with emotions. If we are in a negative emotion for a long time, this is fraught with the appearance of depression.

Fear helps save us from ourselves, it doesn't just appear. It is important to figure out why you need it and what part of yourself is important to develop so that the worries disappear.

Fear creates tension and a surge of adrenaline, it does not allow you to think calmly, it leads to dead end and numbness.

This is a vicious circle: the more we are afraid, the more tense we become and again we are afraid of unpleasant sensations in the body. As a result, the likelihood of stumbling upon what we fear increases. Isn't it easier to understand yourself? Therefore, it is important to develop carefully and evenly in all areas: physical, intellectual and emotional.

Fears that doctors stir up

They, of course, have power over us. Especially considering our situation and emotional state. But you must understand: a doctor is just a person who can both help and make mistakes.

I remember how I sobbed inconsolably when the doctor pronounced a verdict that perhaps one of the twins might have a serious pathology... It was terrible, especially her tone, which left no hope.

I refused the puncture, since the intervention could simply provoke a miscarriage, which meant the loss of both... The doctor was mistaken. No pathologies. But how much strength it took to endure and not think about it, to make your choice and forget until the next ultrasound.

Don't be influenced by others. Whatever happens, for the sake of the child, control yourself. This is very difficult, but it is very important.

"I'm afraid to give birth"

Perhaps one of the most common fears of an expectant mother. The situation is aggravated by detailed and emotional stories from friends, as well as numerous forums on the Internet, where mothers are happy to share their impressions and tell what the pain during childbirth can be roughly compared to.

Let's figure out why you shouldn't be afraid. Firstly, if it were so hellishly unbearable, not a single woman in the world would dare to give birth to a second child, you must agree. You are not the first and you are not the last: your mother, grandmother, older sister, friend and millions of other women around the world have gone through this. So you can do it too.

Secondly, during childbirth, a woman’s body actively produces endorphin hormones. They have a mild analgesic effect. If the pain becomes unbearable, doctors may recommend the use of anesthesia, which will alleviate the condition.

Third, don't forget that pain is your friend, not your enemy. It is pain that helps in the process of childbirth, it signals that everything is going according to plan, tells you how the process is going and what needs to be done at the moment.

Remember that this difficult task is difficult not only for you, but also for the baby. And your main task is to do everything so as not to harm the child.

Therefore, trust the advice of medical personnel and study the issue of childbirth in advance. You must know what is happening to you, then giving birth will be much easier. And when you see your long-awaited baby, believe me, all the memories of the painful process will disappear, because all this will no longer matter at all.

- If you are afraid to give birth, understand whether you know enough about this issue. Do you have enough knowledge about physiology, pregnancy psychology, perinatal psychology? If not, go to experts, body and breathing practices,” comments psychologist and mother of many children Yulia Plotnikova.

Fears are preserved

The second and most difficult thing is to visit the maternity hospital “on the way”, long before the birth, that is, to lie in care. The atmosphere itself is tense, not to mention the real (not like on forums) roommates who have...

This is where the whole mechanism starts in our head, already ready for fears. Stop. Let's immediately agree that at this stage we will keep the flow of our thoughts on the topic of pathologies under control, okay? After all, if you begin to develop them and day after day tell everyone around your “very scary” story, you yourself will believe in it. For now, this is your preliminary diagnosis.

During my visits to gynecologists long before all my pregnancies (and also in the intervals between them), I heard something like the following: tilted uterus, narrow pelvis, 3rd negative blood group, endometriosis, varicose veins, hormonal “distortion”, etc. That is, a completely suitable set for being scared and never giving birth, and if you do give birth, then “as if to bear at least one.” As a result, all four of my children were born peacefully. After all, they didn’t know everything that the doctors knew!

During my first pregnancy, I was “lucky” to get saved at about 32 weeks. I lay there for 10 days with increased tone and went home on my word of honor - to rest more, not to move the furniture and not to do general cleaning.

Of course, my bedmates and I talked about all the pressing topics, which did not instill optimism, and my world shrank to the size of a hospital ward. It was sad and for some reason I felt sorry for myself, so defenseless, not to mention the baby. But on one of the monotonous sick days, an episode occurred that not only cheered me up then, but also somehow left an imprint on my future life.

And this is what happened. One of the women, finishing a huge mug of tea and peacefully scratching her lower belly, said that she would be back soon, and somehow left unnoticed. And after 2 hours she really came back... Already without a belly! She came for things herself, in person, having just given birth to her fourth (!) child.

You can imagine my shock... I was sure that something incredible must happen to a woman before giving birth. And to return after a couple of hours alive and unharmed - as if she had gone out to the store to do some shopping - is too much! While the neighbor “moved” to the postpartum ward, we stood with our mouths open. If only we could do that! And 8 years later, I went to my third birth with about the same pride - to give birth to my twins. She returned almost as quickly, only probably more tired than that woman.

I give this whole long example in order to say: even in the pathology department you can find a positive , cling to it and not let go for as long as you like.

"I don't know how to deal with small children"

If a woman is expecting her first child, she will inevitably be bothered by many questions. The baby is so tiny, fragile, defenseless. What if I drop it? Am I going to accidentally break something for him? What will I do if I can’t calm my baby down or don’t understand what’s bothering him at the moment?

The main answer is: don't panic. Do you remember the first time you came to school, in first grade? It was very exciting, scary: you didn’t know what awaited you, whether you would like the new stage of life, whether you would make friends with your peers and teachers. But day after day you came to school, communicated, learned new things, made mistakes, made new acquaintances, were happy and disappointed. Everything turned out to be not so scary: I just needed to overcome my fear and gain experience.

The same is true in the situation with the appearance of a baby in the family. The experience that you will receive every day, the support of loved ones, the advice of specialists - all this will definitely help you.

— If you are afraid of not being able to cope with your baby, imagine yourself as a newborn: what were your needs, and still are, what would you really want, being on the changing table and with a pacifier in your mouth? Love, mother's warmth, breasts, security.

To this knowledge, it is important to add the physiological needs of the baby: the work and development of the brain, shallow sleep, during which the baby’s brain develops, reflexes, with the help of which the child’s emotional satisfaction is achieved. The prenatal and newborn baby has a strong sense of his mother's environment and world. They are very dependent on the “weather” in my mother’s head,” says Yulia Plotnikova.

Fears during pregnancy

Pregnancy does strange things to your conscious and subconscious minds. Even the most reasonable and adequate women, conceived with a couple of higher educations, during pregnancy begin to act weird and give out the most bizarre phobias and follow signs. Leaving aside the very archaic horror stories, let’s talk about what you really don’t have to be afraid of.

“Sex during pregnancy? Unacceptable!

Sometimes even the thought of sexual contact seems blasphemous to a woman: “How can you offer me this?” After all, our baby is there!

Firstly, the baby is not “there”, but in the womb. The aquarium of the fetal bladder does an excellent job of shock absorption, the cervix reliably blocks access to the holy of holies. Secondly, there are very specific situations when sexual relations during pregnancy are prohibited.

Obstetricians-gynecologists veto sex if:

• the woman has had several miscarriages in the past;
• right now the doctor sees circumstances that threaten the termination of this pregnancy;
• bloody discharge from the genital tract appeared;
• according to ultrasound, the placenta is low or previa (blocks the exit from the uterus);
• there are signs of isthmic-cervical insufficiency (sutures are applied or an obstetric pessary is inserted).

In other cases, sexual activity is quite acceptable. Of course, the special situation makes some adjustments. It makes sense to somewhat limit the depth of penetration, change positions accordingly as the partner's belly grows, and avoid excessive pressure on the abdomen. Given the existing risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections, it is necessary to protect all types of sexual contacts with condoms.

Libido plays its own strange games during pregnancy. Sometimes everything happens exactly the opposite: the woman enjoys new unusual sensations, and the partner, in a pre-heart attack state, is afraid to even touch his beloved, who has suddenly become so... big. In the last couple of months before giving birth, sex should really be limited. Well, the fact that “the firstborn must be shown the way” is well known in the East and southern regions. Indeed, sexual contact may well become an additional trigger for the birth process.

“Flying airplanes? Pregnant women are definitely not allowed!”

When it comes to air travel, we confuse tourism with emigration. Of course, female pilots and flight attendants are “written off” immediately as soon as the second line appears on the test. We, ordinary air passengers, are in a much more favorable situation. It is worth soberly assessing the situation and well-being if the pregnancy occurs with serious complications - you can only fly on board the air ambulance. If the pregnancy is progressing physiologically, you should obtain a certificate from an obstetrician-gynecologist about the duration and course of pregnancy, indicating the expected date of birth.

The flight will be more comfortable if you take a seat in the front part of the cabin, use a pillow under your neck and lower back, wear compression stockings, periodically walk around the cabin and stretch your legs. Be sure to drink plenty of still water.

Some fears are associated with the need to pass through metal detectors and body scanner booths. You can rant for a long time about where electromagnetic radiation is used and where x-rays are used. In general, both are quite safe, but if you wish, you have the right to ask for a manual search.

"To dye hair? It’s definitely not possible, it’s all chemicals!”

Firstly, in addition to dyes with “all chemistry,” there are still completely natural henna and basma. Again, if the desire for naturalness is great, and contact with 6% hydrogen peroxide is scary, it is quite possible to refresh the color and structure of your hair with your grandmother’s products.

Secondly, the greatest danger is the risk of getting an unpredictable hair color. For example, a little greenish. Hormonal storms, that's what they are. Be sure to tell the master about your interesting situation, even if the period is very short.

The right specialist will select the optimal combination and minimize contact of paint with skin. By the way, it is not safe to hide pregnancy from cosmetologists, nail technicians, fitness instructors, massage therapists and pharmacists.

In the morning hours in salons there is less chance of inhaling “delicious” hairdressing smells, but these fears, in my opinion, are completely unfounded. I remember in the late 80s, when I started wearing contact lenses, ophthalmologists categorically forbade removing lenses in hairdressers. Apparently they were also afraid that it would corrode. But these problems are already in the past.

“The baby needs to eat. The baby wants something tasty"

Eating for two is a very bad idea. Obstetricians and gynecologists strongly recommend abandoning “market” cottage cheese, giving preference to dairy and fermented milk products with low fat content. Remember that healthy and tasty fruits are, first of all, easily digestible carbohydrates, so you should not eat more than 500 grams of fruit per day. Hey, dear ladies, cherries and strawberries will very soon appetizingly occupy your food baskets. 500 grams per day is quite enough for both you and the baby. Ruthlessly limit your desire to eat chocolate, but you can easily afford one or two cups of coffee a day.

“Pregnant women have nothing to do in the gym!”

Of course, if you have never stressed your body in any way in your life, then starting active sports during pregnancy is at least strange. In any case, you should not make complaints to the body: your back hurts, your stomach is tight, your legs are cramped, it’s difficult to breathe, and so on. It's difficult for the body. In a very short time it increased in size, changed the center of gravity, increased the load on the joints, and pushed the kidneys and gastrointestinal tract into an uncomfortable position. Of course, your body is complaining to you. Who else should he tell about how the round ligaments of the uterus and the oblique abdominal muscles stretch?

In our progressive times, there are a huge number of exciting fitness programs for pregnant women: from yoga to water aerobics. If you like something or, it’s scary to say, like it, then you can maintain your love for physical exercise for many years and instill this habit in your children. What could be better?

“Giving birth is scary”

It's true. Giving birth is really scary. Early birth or late birth - it doesn’t matter: it’s scary to give birth to both the first and the fifth. Obstetricians and gynecologists know this enemy well by sight. Fear paralyzes the will. No matter what anyone says, childbirth is work. This is a benefit performance and a premiere. This is a solo performance by a woman. We, doctors and midwives, are just extras at this celebration of life. And the walls of the most pretentious maternity hospital are just decorations. Of course, if the “prima” clearly fails the performance, we have to play supporting roles and even solo. Fortunately, in most cases, women manage to cope brilliantly with the task to our thunderous applause.

Back in the 60s of the twentieth century, a method of psychoprophylactic preparation for childbirth

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It is successfully used all over the world; it is being revived in modern Russia along with the cult of motherhood. The essence of the method is to tell the woman in detail how childbirth proceeds, how to behave at each stage and how to minimize all unpleasant sensations using breathing or movements
.

In my opinion, there is one more important point that is worth realizing before entering the maternity hospital: you will not be able to escape. Pregnancy is a final process, one way or another, but you will have to let go of the burden. Give up the hope that “if anything” they will kill you. In the period of pushing, it’s too late to have a Caesarean section; you’ll have to work—push and breathe. Not only the life and fate of your child depends on how much you are able to gather strength and spirit: in these 15-45 minutes you ensure the future of your entire family. It's worth the effort.

I strongly recommend to my patients the great psycho-prophylactic cartoon about the adventures of everyone’s favorite Masyanya in the maternity hospital. Everything about him is beautiful: the precursor contractions, the desire for everything to be “natural,” the urgent demand for anesthesia, and even the obviously prohibited obstetric aids. Watch this cartoon every week from the 35th week of pregnancy and discover something new every time you watch it.

Be strong and brave. You will definitely overcome everything: how to choose a maternity hospital, the birth itself, the marriage of your daughter, and the birth of a grandson. Congratulations to you, women!

Oksana Bogdashevskaya

Photo thinkstockphotos.com

“I will become uninteresting to my husband as a woman. We won’t have any time for ourselves at all.”

Having a baby inevitably comes with changes. The usual way of life of the spouses is changing. If earlier you could break away and go to a neighboring city for the weekend, watch movies in the evenings, serenely drinking wine, now you have to change everything.

The baby is now the center of your little universe, and this is absolutely normal.

Some parents are not ready for such drastic changes. Selfishness takes over, and a young mother can be seriously worried about this. “I will always be tired and exhausted, my husband will definitely start cheating. We will no longer be able to go to the cinema together or have luxurious romantic evenings,” such thoughts can torment a pregnant woman.

- The development of this fear can be prevented if you overcome the previous fear: the fear of not being able to cope with the baby. Having established a warm relationship with your baby, it will be easy for you to lead everyday life and raise your child in a calm atmosphere. The baby’s calmness directly depends on the mother’s psycho-emotional state. Here, specialists in the field of breastfeeding and motherhood, doulas who accompany during childbirth and postpartum techniques for self-recovery are here to help mothers.

The long-awaited baby unites the whole family with the most joyful emotions. He is a continuation of his parents, who, with the arrival of their first child, feel like a “real family.” And often, in order to devote time to your loved one - to show that you love and appreciate him - it is not at all necessary to cook a lot of dishes, for example. Believe me, men value in their wife the woman herself with the ability to be affectionate, kind, and sensitive,” says the psychologist. Yes, your life will change, but getting out of your comfort zone is simply necessary for every person to develop and succeed.

Think positively: you will soon be a real full-fledged family, you will see a small copy of yourself and your loved one, give the gift of life and experience the joy of motherhood.

And there will definitely still be joint trips to the movies and karaoke clubs. Firstly, the baby has grandparents who will be happy to sit with him. And secondly, you yourself will not notice how the baby grows up and becomes more independent. You will also miss those times when the little one snored peacefully under his side and did not allow you to leave him for a minute.

— Travel, constantly learn, develop. Now there are so many interesting events for young mothers - just choose, recommends psychologist Yulia Plotnikova.

Methods of work of a perinatal psychologist

We will list the most common methods of work of a perinatal psychologist. The choice of one method or another depends on what specific problems the expectant mother needs to solve and what points she needs to pay attention to:

• answers to troubling questions - thus, the psychologist examines the woman’s personal history and helps to cope with her experiences;
• drawing up a family genogram (“family” tree) - a specialist finds out exactly what scenarios of motherhood were in the family, what parental attitudes go from generation to generation;
• art therapy, role-playing exercises;
• teaches relaxation techniques and breathing exercises;
• recommends floating and similar methods.

“I’m afraid of toxicosis, back pain and other changes in my body”

Psychologists advise: it is important to learn to feel and understand yourself. Of course, there will be changes in the body: a new life is born in you! But there are different ways to deal with mild morning nausea, increased appetite and weight gain.

- Toxicosis is given to gradually prepare a woman for changes in her life - motherhood. And in many ways it is giving, receiving, flexible, sensitive. Toxicosis helps a woman develop humility and the ability to adapt to illness. To understand how her body will be more comfortable, despite the unpleasant sensations: what and when to eat, when to lie down, ask for help or lie down next to her husband. This is the development of sensitivity.

During pregnancy, wonderful changes occur in a woman’s psyche and body. This is the state of a “growing mother”. And if a woman accepts this, she blossoms and radiates. Such a woman knows how to see herself as beautiful, she is happy, and everything comes relatively easily to her. She does not stand still and develops: she does yoga, gymnastics or goes to the pool, eats right and therefore does everything to be in good shape. She does not reproach herself for the fact that some changes in her body are inevitable, but this will not make her feel less beautiful, says the psychologist.

Frozen pregnancy in the early stages

According to statistics, a frozen pregnancy occurs in every second pregnant woman. Often, freezing and spontaneous miscarriage occur before the woman finds out about her “interesting situation.”

At the time when pregnancy is determined, the risk of fading is 20%. It is quite easy to determine pathology in a medical setting, so at the first suspicious symptoms it is recommended to immediately consult a doctor.

The causes of frozen pregnancy in the early stages can be:

• Chromosomal, genetic abnormalities that lead to the development of various defects that are incompatible with life.
• Infection. These could be STIs, rubella, herpes, toxoplasmosis, and colds. In the first trimester, infection poses a particular danger to the fetus. Viruses, penetrating the placenta, interfere with the normal nutrition of the embryo and prevent normal implantation.
• Hormonal disorders. Progesterone deficiency leads to freezing.
• Autoimmune diseases. Pathologies lead to the production of antibodies, which begin to fight against their own cells, and since the fetus inherits 50% of the gene from the mother, they kill it.
• Teratozoospermia. The father, who suffers from infertility, may be to blame for the freezing. When conceived in this state, the embryo does not survive and stops developing in the early stages.

Also, sudden spontaneous termination of pregnancy is influenced by bad habits, poor lifestyle, and uncontrolled use of certain medications.

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“I’m afraid that I will have a sick child”

This is a serious and sometimes not unfounded fear. However, it is one thing to wish with all your heart the birth of a healthy child and do everything so that the baby develops well. And another thing is to worry day and night to the point of hysterics and tears, without having any reason for it.

Of course, this may sound corny, but think optimistically. No one will be better off because of your depression, especially your child. Give up bad habits, go for walks and go to the pool, watch good and funny films, and, most importantly, follow all the doctor’s instructions. Everything will definitely be fine!

— The fear of having a sick child is justified, but it is worth remembering that the nascent life is built even before the birth of the baby, the first growing cells of the baby at the morphogenetic level record all the events, feelings, and emotions of the mother. Therefore, I encourage women to be more conscious and work on themselves. Those who understand how important positive emotions and joy are in the development of a new life.

Problems with conception

When both partners are healthy, but pregnancy still does not occur, perhaps the problem lies in psychological health.

If you have problems conceiving, many doctors advise you to “let go of the situation,” believing that the problem is in your head. A perinatal psychologist helps to identify negative psychological factors: stress, internal conflict, depressive feelings and work through them.

He does this with the help of psychodiagnostics: a woman’s relationship with her own body is examined, the type of psychosomatic response is established, internal conflicts are examined, the level of stress is diagnosed, the motivation for pregnancy is examined, and much more.

And based on the diagnostic results, you can see what problem will need to be worked on.

Specialist help may also be needed in case of perinatal loss, as well as when using IVF.

“I’m afraid of harming my unborn baby by doing something wrong”

“The fear of harming the intrauterine baby is a good fear,” some experts believe. Worried about the baby, a pregnant woman takes care of herself and strives not to harm the future baby. But a sense of proportion is important in everything: you shouldn’t be too careful. Pregnancy is not a disease, so you can lead your usual lifestyle, with only some restrictions.

In addition, the baby is reliably protected by the placenta and amniotic fluid. Nature has done everything to make sure that it is not so easy for the baby to be seriously harmed.

— It is important during pregnancy not to be afraid of activity and vigor. Of course, being pregnant is a burden. It is often physically difficult. You need to correctly distribute the load and be able to feel what your body needs and when to stop.

Again, a positive attitude is very important. Thanks to it, many ailments, fears and even complications can be avoided. A healthy mind means a healthy body. Rejoice, believe, engage in self-development and love. Take care of yourself and your loved ones, and everything will be fine, I promise you this,” says psychologist Yulia Plotnikova.

Let’s add to the specialist’s words: remain optimistic, live a rich and active life, don’t withdraw into yourself and smile more often. Then you won’t be afraid of any phobias.

Cover illustration: Nikolai Korolev.

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Experts: Yulia Plotnikova

Frozen pregnancy in late stages

Late fetal fading occurs between 13 and 36 weeks. During this period, the fetus begins to fully form, acquiring the outlines and characteristics of a person. The death of an embryo in the second or third trimester occurs for a number of reasons, one of them being a lack of the hormone progesterone.

The interruption of the baby’s development during this period is not affected by hypothalamic-pituitary disorders, but by serious diseases that are in acute or chronic form: diabetes mellitus, diseases of the thyroid gland, and the cardiovascular system.

If a woman is initially at risk, then it is necessary to take care of her health at the stage of pregnancy planning. Before conception, it is recommended to undergo serious examination and therapy. It is important to exclude sexually transmitted infections, genetic, and psychiatric disorders.

Treatment after a frozen pregnancy

After carrying out procedures to eliminate the consequences of a frozen pregnancy, the patient is prescribed antibacterial agents, antibiotics, hormonal drugs, and vitamins.

It is also recommended that a woman follow the pastel regime for some time and refuse intimate relationships.

For several days, in order not to cause bleeding and complications, you should not lift heavy objects or expose yourself to heavy loads.

After cleansing, the woman experiences intense discharge. During this period, it is strictly not recommended to use tampons; it is better to use standard hygiene products designed for heavy menstruation.

There is no specific treatment regimen after a frozen pregnancy. Each therapy is individual and depends on the method of aspiration, the patient’s condition, and the complexity of the situation. It is important to take precautions for some time after fading, since subsequent conception requires time for rehabilitation and recovery.

Where to go with a frozen pregnancy

Our clinic offers gynecological care, which is provided at the patient’s home and in an inpatient setting. The medical center is distinguished by modern equipment, an individual approach, and highly qualified staff.

We have created all the conditions, including providing professional psychological assistance at all stages of the procedure from diagnosing a frozen pregnancy to rehabilitation after the removal of a dead ovum.

Excellent service, correct attitude, rich diagnostic base, cozy atmosphere - all this will help to quickly diagnose the problem and remove the embryo with minimal risk of complications and negative, dangerous consequences.

Useful information on the topic:

• Calling a gynecologist to your home
• Consultation with a gynecologist
• HCG tests
• Ultrasound during pregnancy
• Diagnosis of sexually transmitted diseases
• Fetal ultrasound
• Pelvic ultrasound
• Ultrasound during pregnancy
• Transvaginal ultrasound
• Discharge in women

How to terminate a frozen pregnancy

The death of the fetus requires immediate medical intervention, since after a short period of time after death the embryo begins to decompose, which can lead to an abscess, blood poisoning and other negative consequences, including death.

First of all, it is necessary to remove the fetus from the uterine cavity.

In the first trimester, aspiration is carried out using special abortive medications that cause contractions, and the body independently gets rid of the fertilized egg.

In early and late stages, surgical intervention is also used, which consists of curettage or vacuum aspiration. During a mini-abortion, the fertilized egg is sucked out using a special device. When pregnancy falters in the second trimester, the dead embryo is removed by inducing artificial labor.