Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance - 5 main ones. In the article we will tell you what the stages of accepting a situation are, universal rules, and how to apply knowledge from the “Stages of Growth in Awareness” system to reduce the time from stages 1 to 5.
Life is full of emergency situations, everyday and family problems, and financial difficulties. If it is possible to solve them yourself, they are regarded as necessary experience. Over time, they are completely erased from memory. However, how will a person behave if he is faced with a situation that in no way depends on him?
For each individual situation of personal loss or serious stress, there is a general algorithm: from such a person does not believe, then gets lost, and then moves on to acceptance.
Crises and emotional response. This is where it all begins
Unforeseen circumstances also arise, for example, serious illness, death of a relative, betrayal of a loved one, planned layoffs in the company. Such significant events are called “crises.”
Depending on their severity, the flurry of emotions they evoke varies. But the sequence of the human condition remains unchanged: from disbelief that this could happen to him to the decision to radically change something.
“Crises” are neutral; they are neither good nor bad. But if you are not prepared, you can make losses:
- loss of control over the current situation. Living with learned helplessness. Problems are not worth attention, but they cannot be solved;
- loss of social connections. The victim behaves repulsively, loses friends and acquaintances;
- finance. You can get into trouble with your spending, waste all your leftovers, and not control your expenses;
- career growth. Occupational stress arises and interferes with the development of work skills;
- workplace.
With them, some protective mechanisms are activated in the human psyche, which manifest themselves in the same way in most people.
Five stages of accepting the inevitable
Since December, the world has ceased to be the same. Everything was divided into before and after the arrival of COVID-19. It even sounds strange. Why just 19? So before that it was 18, but on the 19th something went wrong? Not logical. No, well, if the virus was called COVID-20, it’s an anniversary, you know, you can play pranks... Although it’s not funny.
By the way, do you know who E. Kubler-Ross is? I didn’t know either until I started looking at who came up with the five stages of accepting the inevitable. And this is a psychologist, and actually she. It’s immediately obvious that she’s a woman. Only a woman can come up with as many as five stages to accept the fact of a broken nail or burnt lunch. Well, okay, okay, breaking up with a man can also be considered a nuisance. So, I also decided to divide the situation with the virus into stages. Read it, maybe you recognize yourself? Hello my friend!
The first stage is denial. December 2021. For the first time I heard about the virus on one of the channels. Somewhere there, in distant China, in the city of Wuhan (what kind of city is this?) one person had a bad meal - and away we go. I thought then that China was far away. They will get sick for a couple of weeks and calm down. The Chinese are great, they have medicine and all sorts of technologies. They will break through. And here the New Year is just around the corner: no gifts have been bought, no menu has been drawn up, no dress has been chosen...
The second stage is anger. January 2021. I'm rage. Everyone talks about it, even my beloved doctor Komarovsky - and he is not far behind. Previously, it was only about complementary feeding and baby chair/sleeping, but now it’s all about that. “Are there sanitizers?” “No, we’re finished.” God, who bought them before? I definitely don’t, and you can’t buy it now. It's annoying. And then she advised her husband to buy foreign shares, motherfucker. Who goes to the amusement park of the same name? That's right, now no one! As a result, quotes fell by 25%. Who am I after this, according to my relative?! Well, you know, it’s my own fault, I shouldn’t have listened to the young lady.
The third stage is bargaining. February 2020. I like to bargain, he's such a jerk. Yes, it’s a virus, but the government has a clear rescue plan, everything will be fine. May be. Okay, but if we wash our hands and stay at home, will it work out?
The fourth stage is depression. March 2020. I'm crying. I cry every day. The depression that has gripped me constantly reminds me of itself. I love spring, I love to breathe spring air. I love my rubber boots, I love walking in them through the mud and stepping in puddles. The moment I take them out of the dusty box means the arrival of spring for me. But this spring is different. You drive around the city and see empty streets, children's slides, elegantly surrounded by a red ribbon. In a row. Red tape is a prohibition sign. Sign of danger, alarm and prohibition. I don’t want to forbid my child to go for walks, but I have to. I watch the news and cry. Quietly, so that no one sees. But my son notices this, he smiles and strokes my hand. Oh God, this makes the tears flow even more, but from love. I smile back and start having pillow fights. He cackles and cheers me up. My task is to “wind him up” so that he gets tired and goes to bed on time. There should always be room for something permanent in life.
I think about my parents. They are aged and this virus can affect them. Unfortunately, now they are far away, and concern for them is growing. Everyday thoughts flash through my head. If something happens, how to leave? Are there any trains? How quickly can I do this? I'm driving them away. I mean, thoughts. I call my parents and calm down.
The fifth stage is acceptance. April 2021. I accepted you. Good for you, COVID-19, you are walking around the world. But not me. But now I can say that I wanted to go to Japan this spring to admire the cherry blossoms, but the situation doesn’t allow it, you know...
I also started a useful habit. I’m not standing in the plank, no. But also useful. We got together with friends on Friday and sat on Skype, drank tea with smoked cheese together. If you know what I mean.
True, up close I find myself with more and more wrinkles. In this matter, I am still at the first stage of accepting the problem. Something seems to me, COVID, that you and I will not part yet. Don’t think that you’re tired, but it’s time to know your honor. It’s a pity that you are not a Tatar, otherwise we would have agreed - fellow countrymen. I ordered a sanitizer, but the delivery was delayed. The guys have a lot of work...
Liliya KHOMENKO (Karimova) , photo by the author
Published only in the electronic version of Navigator.
Decision making skills
Making decisions is often not easy. At the same time, you should never despair. You must understand that the topic of decision making will go hand in hand with us throughout our lives. Therefore, it is important to develop this skill, which will help in self-realization, adaptation, and even survival.
Learn to ask yourself questions and look for answers. When you understand your own emotions and learn to manage them, you will be able to make various decisions more consciously, judiciously, and reasoned - you will master the skill of decision-making.
Remember that every decision will have certain consequences, and which ones depend on the choice itself. The main thing is to realize that there is always the possibility of error. We are not machines, we are people, and, therefore, we have the right to make mistakes. Don't be afraid to make decisions, because they will bring you invaluable experience and impetus for development.
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Negation
The most amusing and at the same time annoying stage is when, for every argument regarding the uselessness of Vladimir Zelensky as head of state, you receive the answer that “he needs to be given time.” For example, from April 21 to May 19, the prefix to this was “he didn’t even take office,” and later – “he has no support in parliament,” “his predecessors are hindering him,” etc.
At the same time, no one paid and is not paying attention to the fact that in those rare cases when Zelensky speaks himself, and not through heralds, real, constructive proposals are simply not heard behind the populism. All this beautiful 20 billion for infrastructure and 5-7% economic growth per year faces many obstacles, and the first is the environment of the guarantor.
This entire gathering of “servants of the people” came to power for the sake of self-affirmation and self-enrichment. Some of them will obediently press buttons when required from above, while receiving a salary and a “bonus” in an envelope. More risky personnel will look for a “part-time job”, however, we must assume that there will be few of them.
Five years ago, Ukrainians believed that Petro Poroshenko with his then capital would not rob the country. Like, there’s already enough money. Now, for some reason, the Ukrainians decided that those same “new faces” would not rob. However, trying to prove this often resembles trying to quote Nietzsche’s famous expression to an overly religious person.
Bargain
Not everyone reaches this stage; many get stuck at the previous one. Those who have crossed the threshold no longer just see a furry and overly well-fed polar animal in front of them, but also realize that they must somehow fight it. Understanding that there is no point in relying on “new faces” in politics will seriously encourage Ukrainian individuals, giving them the desire to take a more advantageous position in the current situation.
Perhaps such people would be perfect for real, rather than ostentatious, rallies, but they have no time for that anymore. For many, “bargaining” comes down to the maximum arbeiten. Some will leave the country for this, joining the ranks of migrant workers. Hello, demographic crisis!
If someone succeeds at this stage, well done. There will, however, be few of them. Those who lose this stage move on to the next.
Human psychology in decision making
So, the main thing that is definitely worth considering when we study the topic of making the right decision is human psychology or, in other words, what guides us in the decision-making process.
The first thing worth talking about is human belief in the correctness of their decision. If we are sure that this particular choice is the right one, we do not listen to the opinions of others. It doesn’t matter whether we took into account all the factors that were possible when making a decision, or whether we missed something. Now we are guided by our ego, which plays an important role in human psychology, but can blind us when making decisions.
The second factor that influences us in the decision-making process is time. The less time we are given, the stronger our panic and fear. I think that many people know this feeling when you constantly look at the clock, worrying that there is very little time left. Then emotions cloud our eyes. We are ready to make any decision, even if we are not sure about it, just to be on time. And what consequences will there be after making a decision if we, in a hurry, have not weighed all the pros and cons? It remains to rely on the will of fate, no matter how unscientific it may sound.
Also, the amount of information influences a person’s decision-making. If it is small, then the probability of a qualitative assessment of all risks in case of making the wrong decision is low. At the same time, having too much information can confuse us. We can simply get confused in our own thoughts and conclusions, which can also lead to bad consequences. Therefore, it is important that there is enough material.
In turn, certain stages of decision-making are known, which we will talk about later.
Anger
Perhaps the longest stage. You can probably imagine demonstrators smashing everything in their path and setting tires on fire. To some extent, yes, but more on that later.
Our anger is more like resentment, an obviously futile attempt to refuse to accept the inevitable. All this results in complaints, accusations and criticism. Such anger has an object, and here it is power. I think everyone has experienced this type of dissatisfaction. His favorite habitat is the market and public transport.
At a certain moment, the rose-colored, or in our case, green glasses will burst inwards, and Ukrainians will see all the hopelessness, they will see that there are no real changes and are not expected, and they have been deceived. However, this is not the first time.
Actually, returning to the protests, it is precisely these offended citizens who are easiest to manipulate. It is easy to convince them, to give them hope, by directing their anger in a certain direction that someone needs. And this is where resentment and discontent spills over into burning tires and riots. True, the outcome of this action is well known to us.
Depression
Maximum negativity and apathy are signs of the fourth stage. That is, in some ways all this is similar to the stage of anger, but without aggression. Simply put, an existence without goals or hopes.
It was precisely in the stage of depression that Ukrainians have been living lately, helplessly watching the dissection of the country, the outrages of the Nazis, reprisals against the unwanted and other delights of the Maidan era. A depressed society is a godsend for bureaucrats hungry for self-enrichment, so it is not surprising that instead of a bright European future, Ukrainians were given the grayness of a hopeless crisis.
