"I'm afraid of sex." where does coitophobia come from and why is no one immune from it?

• Causes
• Types of fear
• Self-correction methods
• Working with a psychologist
• Conclusion

Some people have a fear of intimacy. Any mention of sex is disgusting. Initially, the disease manifests itself as a fear of engaging in sexual relations for the first time. Another case is when a person experiences fear of sex life in general.

Genophobia - fear of intimacy

Fear of intimacy is otherwise called genophobia. This is an irrational disease that is recognized as a deviation from the norm. Unconscious fear of intimacy prevents a person from living fully and enjoying every day. Interferes with building normal relationships with members of the opposite sex. But a psychologist will help correct the situation.

Causes

Women fear intimate relationships much more often than men. This is due to the characteristics of upbringing. From the age of 12, girls are taught by their parents that sex is an immoral act. They are convinced that losing your virginity before the age of 18 is shameful. Old-fashioned parents argue that intimate relationships are possible only after marriage. They believe that a wife should be given to her husband pure and virgin.

If a girl grew up in a family without a father, and her mother constantly changed boyfriends, she will have the opinion that men only need sex from women. There will be a fear of being used by a young man, so in the future he will begin to avoid intimate contacts. She will form an association that sex is a path to unhappiness and loneliness. A girl or an adult woman will be afraid of an unwanted pregnancy.

Other reasons that influence the development of fear of intimacy:

1. Rape. After this, the person will experience disgust towards the opposite sex. Girls usually succumb to rape. After such a traumatic event, they will perceive all men as a potential threat.
2. Low self-esteem. It is the root cause of the development of an inferiority complex. A person is afraid of disgracing himself during first sexual intercourse. This is especially true for men. They worry that they won't get an erection or won't be able to satisfy their partner. As a result, they completely refuse sexual relations.
3. Fear of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (HIV, AIDS, syphilis). Some media propagate that any kind of sex leads to infection with incurable diseases. Patients worry that even contraceptives will not be able to prevent them.
4. Personal negative experience. The first unsuccessful intimacy, several painful sexual acts with inexperienced or too persistent partners influence the development of genophobia. Unpleasant sensations experienced during intimate intimacy force a person to avoid any sexual contact in the future. For men, negative experiences may be associated with criticism of the penis. Being still inexperienced, he does not know how to give pleasure to his partner, which is why he suffers a fiasco. But if a woman is wise, she will not make such a remark.

Another reason is poor sex education for young people. They have to learn about sex life on their own with the help of information on the Internet. On women's forums, the first sexual intercourse is described as painful and very unpleasant. After which the girls experience fear and try to delay the moment of first sex as long as possible.

Men are stopped by the fear of the unreliability of contraceptives and the rapid onset of the first orgasm. Worried that the first sexual intimacy will last no more than 5–10 minutes, they are afraid of embarrassing themselves in front of the girl and seeming incompetent.

How it manifests itself

The phobia manifests itself in several ways:

• fear of women in general;
• pregnancy intolerance;
• fear of entering into an intimate relationship with a woman.

A gynecophobe is quite easy to recognize. When confronted with a lady, such a man’s anxiety increases. Nervousness appears. A gynecophobe avoids looking into the eyes of a representative of the fair half of humanity.

The individual is lost, feeling a sense of fear. It is difficult for him to start a conversation with a lady; he finds it difficult to find the right words. Behavior becomes funny, awkward, and ridiculous. If the conversation still manages to start, then the patient, regardless of his will, says nonsense and absurdity. Strong excitement makes a man sweat profusely and his heart pound furiously. He begins to feel dizzy, his skin becomes pale, or, conversely, the person blushes deeply. Possible uncontrolled urination and ejaculation.

With a pronounced phobia, the patient experiences a panic attack. It happens that the gentleman succumbs to such strong excitement that he faints. If a man finds himself in the company of a girl, then he has one desire - to run away.

It is worth distinguishing wariness towards a woman from an established phobia. A wary attitude excludes irrational behavior and avoidance of meetings with a lady

A cautious attitude presupposes some restraint, perhaps selectivity in contacts, endurance

A phobia gives rise to an irrational fear that is completely groundless. The patient realizes the absurdity of the situation, but every time in the presence of a woman he experiences frightening emotions. Sometimes his behavior reaches the point of absurdity. He refuses to buy goods in a store where the seller is a woman. If he grabbed the door handle that the girl had touched before, he hurries to wash his hands and treat them with an antiseptic.

The opposite reaction is possible in response to interaction with the female sex. A gynophobe, while experiencing fear, nevertheless does not show signs of timidity, anxiety, or despair. On the contrary, male behavior becomes harsh and rude. The patient shows aggression towards women. With his statements, he deliberately belittles the entire female gender, emphasizes male superiority in every possible way, despises the female gender, hates and does not trust.

A psychiatric examination conducted in one of the Russian psychiatric centers showed that approximately half of the maniacs studied had gynophobia. The gynophobic maniac controlled his fear by turning off his consciousness or killing women, and only then had sexual contact with them. In this case, the specific symptoms of gynophobia should be separated from misogyny. A phobia is driven by fear regardless of the emotion expressed, but misogyny is driven by other feelings.

Fear of the female sex has various variations:

• fear at the sight or memory of a lady;
• inability to be near the girl;
• fear of talking to a woman;
• inability to enter into intimate relationships, avoidance of hugs and kisses. At the same time, the possibility of normal communication remains;
• fear of pregnant women;
• fear of female bosses;
• fear of mature ladies, while with girls a man feels free;
• Kalifinophobia is a separate phobia - fear of beautiful women. The guy is deeply convinced that he is not worthy of having a romantic relationship with the beauty. She thinks that she looks like a freak compared to her;
• fear of virgins.

Gynecophobes avoid communication and intimacy with the fair sex. The consequences of such restrictive behavior are social isolation and inability to start a family. In some cases, a person experiences difficulties at work, which is why his opportunities for career advancement are sharply limited, he refuses to study in educational institutions, and is simply afraid to go out. Avoiding sexual contact with women can lead to impotence and homosexuality.

A gynophobic girl has no friends and is friends exclusively with men. She chooses male professions. Fear is so strong that it suppresses the feminine principle in a woman. This is such a powerful psychological attack that it can cause false infertility and provoke psychosis.

Types of fear

In psychology, there are 2 types of fear of intimacy – intimate and emotional. The first is usually formed in individuals with such qualities as sincerity, intimacy, sincerity, trust and personal depth.

Fear of intimacy takes two forms. The first is the complete absence of sexual relations. Formed for the following reasons:

1. Excessive shyness. Mention of sex makes people feel awkward. Outwardly, this is manifested by a shy smile, reddened cheeks and strange behavior.
2. Distortion of ideas about sex. The main sources of information are pornographic films, which do not always correctly depict the intimate process.
3. Physiological problems. It occurs when a person experiences unpleasant, painful sensations during the first and subsequent sexual intercourse.

Some people focus on the negative. Instead of enjoying intimacy, they think about their own shortcomings. As a result, sexual intercourse is truly unsuccessful.

Another form is short-term sexual relationships. Orientation towards open relationships, when partners are united only by sex. They also avoid communication on personal topics.

Emotional intimacy is the inability and unwillingness to build a trusting relationship with a partner. Such people prefer complete isolation. Incapable of taking responsibility for others and even for their own lives. Sexual emotions are felt like a drug, so partners often change. Deep relationships are scary, so people try to avoid them.

Read GoRabbit's collection about sex-related phobias.

Vaginismus

Vaginismus is a consequence of fear of sex. Women who suffer from vaginismus unconsciously contract the vaginal muscles, making penile penetration difficult or impossible. In addition, such women cannot use tampons or even visit a gynecologist.

Gymnophobia

Fear of being naked. Gymnophobes believe that nudity is unacceptable, and are embarrassed to undress not only in front of a partner, but also in front of a doctor. In addition, gymnophobia may be associated with low self-esteem and body image complexes. This disorder is often associated with anorexia or bulimia - eating disorders.

Genophobia

Fear or aversion to sex, which affects approximately 15% of the world's population. Genophobia arises as a consequence of post-traumatic stress disorder or is absorbed with the milk of a mother who raises her child in strictly puritanical rules.

4.Erotophobia

Panic fear not only of sexual intercourse, but also of any mention of sex: in conversations, movies, books. Due to erotophobia, people develop an aversion to sex.

Phallophobia

As the name suggests, this phobia stems from a real fear of the penis. Men can suffer from this phobia just like women. Men are afraid of erections, and women are afraid to touch or even see the penis. For those who suffer from this phobia, sexual intercourse can become almost impossible.

Medomalacuphobia

This fancy name translates simply: fear of losing an erection. Men suffering from this disorder prefer not to have sexual contact at all, so as not to get upset again.

Agraphobia

This is the fear of sexual harassment. Some people with this phobia experience fear all the time. For others, fear arises from various stimuli, including reminders of the event that triggered the development of agraphobia.

Venustraphobia

Venustraphobia is the fear of beautiful women. Only men suffer from it: they believe that they are unworthy of beautiful women. They idealize female beauty so much that it prevents them from having relationships. Those affected by this phobia worry that they will never reach the same level as the “goddess.”

Androphobia

And this is a fear of men, which can be observed in both women and men. Usually the cause of this phobia is a certain man who provoked some traumatic event in the victim's childhood.

Self-correction methods

The nature of the help depends on the cause of the phobia. If this is poor information, you should contact a qualified

For those who have low self-esteem, working on themselves is suitable. Remember in what situations you felt confident. Instead of self-criticism, a sexologist. Now there are many possibilities for this. You can contact the doctor using social networks and get a consultation online. Another option is to take a webinar on sexology, choosing a topic that interests you. Try to analyze your positive qualities and external attractiveness. You should not rely on model parameters. You need to be able to find the positives in yourself and present them correctly. A beautiful hairstyle, sexy lingerie and makeup help girls feel more confident. For men - stylish clothes, chosen to highlight their assets.

Other tips:

1. Try to get closer to your partner on a spiritual level before having sex if you are afraid of being used. Spend more time together. Experts advise practicing with exercises to test your level of trust. Remember, a loving person will not cause harm. And previously painful sex will turn into tender lovemaking.
2. Engage in sexual relations only when both intimate partners are ready for it. Before the first time, you should not abuse alcohol. Be sure to use contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy.
3. Talk to your partner about sex. Do not remain silent about discomfort, but talk about it immediately in the process of intimate rapprochement. This will help the partner, especially the male one, take action and better understand the other half. Overcoming fear through joint efforts is a great solution.

If a woman develops coitophobia due to pain in the genital area, she should consult a gynecologist. He will help you find out the true cause of the discomfort and prescribe appropriate treatment.

A condom is essential for a safe relationship.

Types of sexual behavior disorders

Sexual behavior disorders are divided into organic and inorganic disorders of sexual intercourse. If we divide sexual intercourse into four stages, then for each of them we can distinguish separate disorders of sexual behavior. The first stage is preparation for sexual intercourse, when there is no sexual desire for a woman or a man. The second is the presence of problems with potency. At the third stage, pain in the genital organ may be present, and at the fourth stage, premature ejaculation is possible. According to these stages, certain sexual dysfunctions may appear. For disorders of each stage, special psychotherapy is prescribed.

Working with a psychologist

Those who have developed a fear of intimacy as a result of violence should definitely consult a psychologist. Because these people will not be able to help themselves. But other patients with fear of intimacy also need to consult a psychotherapist.

He will prescribe cognitive behavioral therapy. It consists of 2 parts - individual lessons and homework.

During the first session, the client will need to answer the following requests:

• why am I afraid of sex;
• what will happen if I engage in intimate sexual relationships;
• why am I embarrassed about losing my virginity early;
• who said that you can only have sex after marriage;
• why I find it difficult to trust my partner;
• why any thoughts about sex make me disgusted;
• who said that the first sexual experience is always painful, etc.

Talking about this will help the doctor understand the patient’s negative attitudes. His task is to change the client’s type of thinking and behavior pattern. Explain that sex is an integral part of relationships between adults and there is nothing shameful about it.

Homework may include:

• reading professional literature about sex, sexology;
• checking the level of trust in a partner using special exercises;
• visiting museums of erotica and sex;
• listening to lectures in the field of sexology and relationship psychology;
• studying the Kama Sutra and other encyclopedias about sex, etc.

Hypnosis techniques will help girls who have experienced rape overcome genophobia. Since it is very problematic for such patients to change negative attitudes. This will allow you to get rid of the traumatic past and set yourself up for a happy future.

In the process of a hypnotic trance, the doctor relieves a person of destructive qualities: resentment, self-criticism, guilt, and lack of self-acceptance. Helps to gain a feeling of freedom, independence, lightness and security. As a result, the patient ceases to be afraid of intimacy and learns to appreciate every lovemaking session with a partner. He will begin to perceive sex not as a painful injury, but as a way to get pleasure.

How to overcome fear of intimacy

In the case of combating intimate phobia, there is no single list of recommendations that could guarantee one hundred percent success.
To overcome this pathology, you will have to literally try all available methods in the hope that one of them will be effective. You can, of course, immediately turn to a psychologist for help, but people often do not look for easy ways, and even more so, rarely is anyone ready to open up to a stranger. In this case, you should try starting with relaxation exercises. First of all, you have to get rid of excessive stress in the psycho-emotional sphere and learn to stabilize your mood. After mastering such exercises, you should tune in to eliminate negative thoughts towards the opposite sex.

If meditation and gymnastics do not bring the expected result, then you can occupy your free time by watching films or reading books that tell about great and pure love or biographies of worthy historical figures. Alternatively, this can be very useful in gradually coming to the conclusion that somewhere there is definitely a person created just for you.

Again, it’s worth remembering what exactly you want to achieve when working on yourself. Learn to set specific goals and make adequate demands on your potential partner. Remember that ideal people do not exist, everyone can make mistakes and should have a chance to correct their mistake.

If you cannot change your attitude towards representatives of the other sex on your own, then you should not torture yourself. Seek help from a specialist. A competent psychotherapist, after conducting a diagnosis, will be able to recommend you such successful practices as cognitive behavioral psychotherapy or gestalt therapy. They are aimed not only at getting rid of fear itself, but also at finding the right way to replace it.

How to understand that it is a matter of psychology

The main sign that erectile dysfunction is caused by psychology is the absence of problems with spontaneous erection day and night. Other signs include the following:

• complete absence of erection or its weak manifestation against the background of the presence of spontaneous erection;
• delayed ejaculation for no apparent reason;
• decreased libido (no desire for intimacy);
• sudden onset of erectile dysfunction;
• difficulty achieving orgasm;
• lack of erection even with strong arousal and desire.

You always turn your attention to your interlocutor

Do you often listen to other people when they talk about their wants and needs? And if they try to find out something about you, do you quickly change the topic so that the conversation is not about you, but about the interlocutor?

By doing this over and over again, with different people, over time you developed the habit of averting attention from yourself and became a good listener. You may even be considered a good friend because you know how to listen to someone and help them feel important and significant.

But deep down, you feel terribly alone. Your constant focus on other people's problems is used by you as a shield behind which you hide. And you don't realize how this shield makes you lonely.

You are always active

You're always busy. You live to the maximum.

And if you have a free minute, do you immediately think about how you can fill it?

Or maybe you are a workaholic?

The trick with fear of intimacy is that behind its guise lies the fear of facing yourself as you are, with all your perceived weaknesses.

And by projecting this fear onto others, you are afraid to get close to them, because you are afraid that they will see these “shortcomings”. Flaws are anything that you associate with deep feelings of shame, anger, regret and resentment.

How to avoid identifying weaknesses? It's enough to be constantly busy. This allows you to avoid confronting the negativity in yourself, deny the very fact of the presence of this negativity, and even avoid contact with people who will inevitably see these shortcomings over time.

Your life is filled with all kinds of activity from morning to evening, and people don’t let you in on this life.

You know what he is like, an ideal partner. I just haven't found it yet

Do you have a list of things you want in your lover?

This is a type of perfectionism. List of what should be in an ideal boyfriend/husband/boyfriend/etc. - this is, as a rule, something completely unrealistic, and this is a very convenient way to brush aside potential people who want to get closer.

I know what I need, and you are not it.

The tragedy of this apiary is that even if by some miracle you come across “the one,” you will not choose him. Because in reality, your search for ideal is an ego game in an attempt to avoid pain, disappointment and resentment.

And if you choose someone for yourself, then for this purpose, you choose someone who is emotionally unavailable. The one who is married, the one who does not want love, the one who is still clinging to the old relationship, etc.

Or another option is to find someone codependent - someone who wants to find happiness through you and is ready to manipulate for this. And you can be cold and unapproachable with him.