How to help your loved one get out of depression

Updated: 05/12/2021 12:32:13

Expert: Tatyana Sergeevna Stepicheva

Bad mood, depression, constant, persistent fatigue, sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating and reluctance to do even the things you love – this is what a patient with depression faces every day. For many, despair reaches such a level that they lose the meaning of further life and attempt suicide.

The burden of depressive experiences weighs not only on the patient himself, but also on his loved ones. Every day they see how their loved one loses interest in life and withdraws into himself.

This article is for those who want to help their loved ones return to normal life. It's hard to believe, but you are capable of doing much more than you might think. For example, fact sheets from the US National Institute of Mental Health say that a support team of family and friends can significantly reduce the intensity of depressive disorder experienced.

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How to understand that a loved one needs help?

You can suspect depression in a loved one based on the following signs:

1. became more silent than usual, avoids conversations, is self-absorbed;
2. stopped doing some things that previously brought him joy (jogging in the mornings or evenings, reading books, playing with children);
3. does his job poorly;
4. began to eat less or, on the contrary, suffers from increased appetite and overeats;
5. suffers from insomnia or sleeps more than usual;
6. looks tired;
7. avoids meeting friends;
8. abuses alcohol;
9. complains of deterioration in physical condition: headaches, back pain, high blood pressure, etc.;
10. became lethargic and apathetic or, on the contrary, overly excited (sometimes one state is sharply replaced by the opposite);
11. often cries for any reason;
12. speaks slower than usual and moves slowly.

All of these symptoms, observed for more than 2 weeks, may indicate that the person is suffering from depression and needs help.

Causes of male depression

Depression in men does not occur without a reason. Often, the same external factor can affect a person’s psyche in different ways. But there are a number of external reasons that influence a man’s emotional background to varying degrees. These include:

• psychological trauma of childhood (peer resentment, violence);
• low academic performance (constant pressure from teachers);
• unsuccessful intimate experience (mockery of a sexual partner);
• army years (bullying by colleagues);
• dismissal from work;
• loss of loved ones (departure of relatives);
• financial problems (constant lack of finances);
• problems in family life (frequent scandals, divorce, division of property);
• ridicule of the environment;
• impotence;
• retirement.

The onset of depression begins long before the onset of pronounced symptoms of depression.

How can you significantly change the situation?

There are many methods and recommendations for getting rid of depression.

Before you propose a plan of action to your loved one, you need to try to understand what is causing his disorder.

There are many causes of depression, and in each individual case, recommendations for getting rid of it will be different. A person can cope with some of them on his own, but in most cases, the help of a specialist will be required. Here are the most common:

1. External stress factors.

   Changing unfavorable living conditions will help.

2. Psychological factors

   , for example, a feeling of loneliness. Psychotherapy and mental techniques.

3. Low activity level

   - increased physical activity.

4. Disruption of neurotransmitters

   - drug treatment with antidepressants.

5. Depression may be caused by deficiency or excess of microelements

   (for example vitamin B12). In this case, changing your diet will help.

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6. Some illnesses can trigger depression, e.g. disorders of cellular metabolism

   for injuries of the cervical spine, inflammatory processes, etc. It is necessary to identify and treat the disease that led to depressive disorder.

A depressed person is too ineffective to seek help on their own. Therefore, the best thing you can do is to advise him to see a specialist. And this is not necessarily a psychiatrist. You can start with a general practitioner who uses a holistic (integrated, holistic) approach to his work, or at least with a therapist in a clinic. He will order a medical examination. If it turns out that the source of depression is biological, he will offer appropriate treatment or give recommendations for changing lifestyle and diet.

If the examination does not reveal somatic causes, he will refer you to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

Negation

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Be prepared for the fact that your loved one will react to such a proposal with resistance. Most likely, he will refuse the help of a specialist and deny the symptoms, brushing aside all arguments. His arsenal may include phrases like: “What are you talking about, I’m fine! Don't worry about me! or “Nonsense. It will pass."

In this case, you can offer him to take a test to identify a depressive state. The results will help him clearly see the presence of a problem, and you will understand whether your concerns are truly grounded and whether medical help is necessary.

The Burns Questionnaire, suitable for self-diagnosis, can be found online. There are fully automated options where you are not required to count points - the system itself will calculate everything and give the result:

1. From 0 to 5. No depression
2. From 6 to 10. Normal but unhappy state
3. From 11 to 25. Mild depression
4. From 26 to 50. Moderate depression
5. From 51 to 75. Severe depression
6. From 76 to 100. Extreme depression

Specialist help is necessary if the total score is significantly higher than 10.

Even if the score on this questionnaire is very high and a psychotherapist gets involved in the work, psychotherapy itself cannot be the only treatment. After all, in the best case, these will be meetings with a specialist 1-2 times a week. A person suffering from depression needs support every day.

Sometimes, in order to bring a patient out of a state of mental decline step by step, you have to work very hard and for a long time. And this work for the most part should be carried out not by psychotherapists, but by friends and relatives of the sick person.

What methods exist to help a loved one get back on their feet:

1. First of all, you should unobtrusively show interest in the well-being of your loved one. Start with questions and listen carefully to the answers. Do not devalue his experiences and do not deny bad feelings. Gently express concerns, because... you see how he has changed.
2. Offer your help and be there. Show care, starting with everyday moments (wash the dishes, go to the store, walk the dog), and it’s better to do it together. Sometimes doing some simple chores helps start to change things.
3. Support the depressed person in all their endeavors, encouraging even the smallest steps they may take. A depressed person thinks about himself, his surroundings and his future in a negative way, so the task of those close to him is to support him with good thoughts about himself: to praise more often, to notice even small successes and achievements.
4. Make him recall the good moments of his life as often as possible.

Activating positive memories is beneficial not only for depression; this method helps to quickly restore lost psycho-emotional balance in everyday stressful situations.

Invite your loved one who suffers from depression to collect different “activators” of pleasant feelings in one place. Remember if there was anything that made him feel good in the past that could help now. Use any means that will revive pleasant moments in your memory.

These should be things that will affect different senses:

1. Aurally

   : favorite musical compositions, sounds of the sea surf, crackling of wood in a fire (if some joyful memory is associated with these natural sounds).

2. Taste

   : a product or dish that evokes positive emotions; often pleasant memories are associated with some dish or drink. Prepare it and talk about this pleasant memory over a meal together.

3. For smell:

   spirits that are associated with something positive, a specific person or event.

4. For vision:

   Viewing photographs or home video archives will help with this.

5. For touch:

   touching some fabrics or textures can provoke pleasant sensations and help you remember something good, for example, the bark of a tree will remind you of a trip to the forest, and linen fabric will remind you of a vacation in the village with your grandmother.

All this needs to be put in one place and resorted to in the most difficult moments.

At the same time, the very search for such things is already healing, because... changes the focus of attention from constantly thinking about why it is so bad, to searching for a source of pleasant sensations. This results in significantly reduced depressive symptoms.

What signs indicate that your husband is depressed?

Among the physiological manifestations, you may notice:

• sleep disturbance;
• lack of appetite;
• impartial attitude towards food (food partially loses its taste);
• drowsiness;
• apathy.

In the features of thinking you can observe:

• passive daydreaming, which is aimed at experiencing failures and generalizing “everything is bad”;
• thoughts of suicide as a way to alleviate your emotional state;
• thoughts that contribute to even greater oppression of oneself - “nobody needs me”, “it would be better if I didn’t exist”, “everything is pointless”, “why try to do anything, it won’t work anyway”, “I’m tired, I don’t have strength, everything is still bad...", "I am weak, feeble...";
• fixation on a negative way of perception and replaying it in the head as an obsession.

Regarding the emotional sphere, here you can notice:

• lack of concentration on work and household chores/constant switching of attention;
• isolation;
• loss of interest in friends, entertainment and life in general.

In general, very often the experience of depression in men is accompanied by a lack of interest in everything new and an endless analysis of the past. You may notice that he does not seem to see any prospects for the future, relying on the fact that he has made many mistakes in the past.

Men are less likely to express emotions that may be associated with sadness. Instead, they tend to become involved in extreme sports and engage in dangerous or risky behavior.

In men, depression often spills out in the form of anger, so that they lose control of their rage attacks. It often turns out that a man who is emotionally or physically abusive is actually suffering from depression. This, of course, does not justify abusive behavior, but negative emotions are difficult to control until the underlying problem behind them is addressed.

Depressed men tend to turn to alcohol and drugs as a means to numb their emotional pain. Such methods of “self-medication” temporarily eliminate symptoms, but the general condition worsens.

Do no harm

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When trying to help a loved one, remember that the main principle you must follow is do no harm. A depressed person is very vulnerable and sensitive. In addition, he is inclined to distort any words and interpret them not in his favor (but in order to maintain his painful state). Therefore, be careful about everything you say and avoid the following behavior patterns.

1. Don't try to encourage the person to pull themselves together.

   Relying on willpower in the fight against depression is useless. After all, we are not trying to get rid of other diseases (for example, heart failure) by using this resource. Therefore, a call like “Just stop thinking badly about yourself” or “Stop whining, get yourself together” will only make the depressed person’s condition worse. The problem is that a person already thinks poorly of himself, when he is depressed, he most likely sees himself only in black terms, and statements from the series “Get it together, you rag” will further worsen his opinion of himself.

2. Don't shame

   . Depression is not madness. In addition, the person is not to blame for his disorder. Society has accepted stigmatization of such patients, and this is confirmed by survey results. It’s better to remain silent sympathetically than to insist that everything will be fine. A depressed person still won't believe you, but may perceive these words as an attempt to brush off their suffering.

Don't hurt yourself

A person with a depressed loved one also faces many emotional problems. In particular, they feel confused and lonely, and experience feelings of guilt or shame. Therefore, in order not to burn out in a fit of dedication or fall into depression, remember:

1. do not neglect your own needs even for the sake of a loved one; if you get sick, you will no longer be able to help him;
2. communicate and meet with friends more often, this will help you get distracted and get support;
3. go beyond the situation and live your life without making it dependent on the illness of your loved one;
4. find time for your interests and hobbies to replenish your energy resources;
5. take care of your health and proper routine;
6. relax.

No matter how difficult the situation is now, remember that depression is treatable and together you will overcome this disease. Your loved one, with your help and with the help of qualified specialists, will regain the joy of life.

Sources.

1. M. Golant, S. Golant “What to do when the one you love is depressed. Help yourself - help others"
2. Klaus Bernhardt, Depression and Burnout. How to understand the true causes of bad mood and get rid of them"
3. David Burns, Mood Therapy. Clinically proven way to beat depression without pills"