How to get out of depression after the death of a loved one

The death of a loved one makes you depressed for many reasons, which can affect a person’s emotional state at the same time. That is why it is especially difficult for her to experience. The specific “set” of reasons differs from one person to another. And therefore, depression after the death of a husband, son, mother or other person can be different. As well as ways to get rid of it.

Today we will look at its causes and provide recommendations on how to get out of depression after the death of a son, husband (or other loved one).

Causes of depression

Depression after death is caused by many factors, namely:

Dependence on the deceased.
Subjective feeling of destruction of prospects.
Resentment and guilt.
Inability to cope with stress.
A pessimistic view of the world.
Low volitional potential.

There are, in fact, much more reasons. These are just the most common ones. As a rule, they are closely intertwined with each other, and it is not clear which comes first. Let's look at each of these factors in more detail.

Dependence on a deceased person

If a person who has lost someone close was dependent on him, then death leads to the question: “How can I continue to live?” The problem here is not only that a loved one has passed away, but also a feeling of inability to adapt to future life. Before you get rid of depression, you first need to understand which of these types of addictions work specifically in your case.

Material dependence. For example, if depression occurs after the death of the husband, who was the breadwinner of the family. The problem can be solved simply - you need to learn how to make money. Of course, she will not resurrect a dead man, but the emotional burden will be significantly reduced.
Intellectual addiction. This is when the deceased was a bearer of some knowledge, acted as a teacher, and was in authority with loved ones. And when he dies, a person feels incapable of making decisions. The problem can be solved simply by replenishing intellectual capital. Read books, think, learn to make decisions on your own. It is worth remembering that any crisis situation is associated primarily with opportunities, which can only be taken advantage of through training. The saying “study, study and study again” works at all times, in all centuries.
Emotional dependence. This is when a person can only receive a feeling of satisfaction with life, happiness, and joy from other people. And when death comes to someone who evoked positive emotions, his dependent relative or friend loses his only source of joy. Naturally, hence the depression. The problem is solved by developing emotional intelligence, training skills to manage one’s own emotions, and self-motivation.

All ways to solve this problem are aimed at one thing - gaining independence. First, you need to seriously ask this question and actively try to find an answer to it. We, of course, will provide tips on gaining personal independence, but do not forget that each person is individual and so is his situation. You need to develop your own style of achieving goals that is convenient for you. But here are some recommendations:

Think often about how to achieve your desired goal. Try to look at yourself objectively from the outside. To be self-sufficient, you need to be your own educator.
Train your willpower. This is the main quality that characterizes a person as self-sufficient and independent. It is this that will help you implement the conclusions that you drew from the situation into life.
Constantly learn. A self-sufficient person is one who can do more than his immediate environment. And to expand the scope of your capabilities, you need to constantly learn something new.

Transforming sadness into art

Many psychologists recommend keeping a diary at a time when your soul is especially difficult. By talking to your diary, you can throw out all your feelings, try to understand your feelings and experiences, realize the loss, learn to live on without a loved one.

Read more: The role of the father in raising children or why you need a dad

After all, each of us understands that our parents will forever remain in our hearts, and their words and actions will warm us throughout our lives. You can also transform your feelings into creativity: write poetry, draw, sing, etc. A favorite activity really helps to get rid of negative emotions and also develops personality. You should definitely try to distract yourself from sad thoughts in this way, and peace of mind will certainly come for a certain time.

Feeling of prospects being destroyed

This feeling appears when the person who was irretrievably lost had goals and plans that could not be achieved. In this case, the best solution is to develop new perspectives. Your actions should proceed from a surplus approach - make the most of the existing unpleasant situation for personal growth and improve your life.

Of course, working out the prospects will take more than one day. But this needs to be done. And the more time you devote to this, the faster this cause will be eliminated.

You can work out the prospects like this:

Create a file in Evernote or any other application that supports automatic synchronization and write down ideas on how you can improve your life after this situation. Of course, you can work purely with a computer, but online notepads are better because you can immediately write down an idea if you have your phone at hand. This must be done throughout the transition period.
Start implementing the ideas that come to mind. It is clear that in depression the most difficult thing is to start doing something; volitional potential is reduced almost to zero (especially in deep depression). But if you regularly take small, feasible steps, over time you will get carried away and even enjoy transforming your life.

One business coach essentially did just that. After the death of his wife, he began to work more actively, which contributed to the growth of his professionalism, the number of clients, and earnings. But the main thing here is not to go to the other extreme - try to go to work so as not to think about the loss. In this case, we are essentially replacing one dependency with another. Our task is to become self-sufficient people. You can use work to take your mind off your grief, but only if it helps you become stronger and actually overcome depression, not drown it out.

Help from a psychologist

However, not every teenager can overcome their fears and sadness on their own. This is quite natural; the warmer and closer the relationship with the deceased parent was, the harder it is to “let go” of him. Accordingly, deep sadness develops into depression, and sometimes thoughts of suicide occur. In this case, you must definitely seek help from a good psychologist.

A qualified specialist will help you fight negative thoughts, answer pressing questions, and “sort out” your thoughts. Perhaps joining a religion or simply talking with a representative of a religious cult will help someone. Sometimes a religious vision of death helps one come to terms with the loss and believe in eternal life.

The main thing is to understand that life goes on, and your own father (mother), even after death, will forever remain in your memory. Every person is a piece of his parents, which means we carry within us the continuation of the family, the hope for the fulfillment of desires. It is necessary to live every day to the fullest and believe that parents are always proud of their children, even if they cannot be there.

Understanding death is quite difficult even for adults, especially for teenagers. Therefore, it is recommended to look for answers in the literature, turn to philosophical, psychological, and religious books. It is possible that you will not find a definite answer to a specific question. However, some phrases will make you think, and often tell you how to accept the pain of loss and learn to live with it.

Resentment and guilt

It happens that depression is caused by resentment towards another person that he has died. Yes, this happens in psychological practice, and quite often. This, of course, is irrational, but only irrational beliefs can plunge you into depression.

Another common reason is guilt. A person may feel that if he had done or not done something, the other person would not have died. As a rule, this is an irrational feeling (since he is only so smart now, and then he objectively did not know that this action could lead to death. Or, in general, there is no connection between that action, which may or may not have happened, and death relative).

Here you need to constantly remind yourself that you then acted in the best way available to you. Well, you didn’t know what to do then. And every time you feel irrational guilt, remember this.

Of course, it also happens that a person is really to blame. In this case, it is not necessary to eliminate emotions, but to draw conclusions. Yes, you made a mistake. Sometimes mistakes are costly. But this is the price that had to be paid for a very important lesson that will not be written in any book.

So in this case, you need to think about what conclusions you need to draw. There is nothing you can do; you won’t be able to correct the error. But it is very important to use the findings in real life.

Take a break

Try to get back to school as quickly as possible, no matter how difficult it may be. As a last resort, if you don’t want to part with your remaining parents, allow yourself unscheduled vacations. At school and at home your wishes will be treated with understanding.

Try to finish your parenting work. For example, if mom grew flowers and did not have time to plant a garden. Or maybe dad never cleaned up the garage. Firstly, the activity will distract you, and secondly, the result will remind you of a loved one.

If you are offered to take part in an event, a new school or student project, agree. This will distract you from sad thoughts. Nobody wants you to forget about your parent. But he definitely didn’t want you to be alone.

Inability to cope with stress

Stress resistance is an extremely important quality that helps to endure even the most difficult situations. If a person does not have it, the likelihood of depression increases several times. This is because there is no inner confidence that he will cope and be able to survive the situation.

Depression in this case is often triggered by learned helplessness. This is when a person does not even try to improve his situation, although he has opportunities. He admits to his own powerlessness in almost any situation.

Some tips for developing stress resistance:

Solve problems, don’t try to avoid them or pretend they don’t exist.
Meditate and learn relaxation techniques.
Actively maintain social connections. Of course, you absolutely don’t want to do this when you’re depressed. It even seems that there is no need to communicate with people, and this will only do harm. In fact, this is an illusion. A socially active person is less likely to fall into depression and recovers from it more easily.

You can follow these recommendations at any age.

PETS

The death of a pet is sometimes extremely painful, and owners go through similar stages of grief. It is especially difficult when they have to make the decision themselves that their pet should be euthanized. Owners who have made a difficult decision and are experiencing it need to think that perhaps if the animal could speak, it itself would ask you about it.

Apparently, it lived a happy life next to you; euthanasia in this case was not a betrayal, but only a release from torment. It found a quick, painless death, the best of deaths, given the diagnosis. Experiences indicate that you made this difficult decision with love for your pet, wanting to save him from suffering. Now, to help ease the pain, do something in memory of the animal. You can, for example, buy something for a dog shelter.

Pessimistic view of the world

Pessimists do not get depressed, they only sometimes get out of it. Moreover, they very often say: “So this is reality. There is no need to look at the world through rose-colored glasses." Let's start with the fact that optimism and pessimism are illusions. The important thing here is not how realistic you look at things, but whether such a worldview helps you.

And, as a rule, an optimistic outlook often inspires, forces a person to act, actively overcome depression, and establish new interesting social connections. In addition, optimism helps to cope with absolutely any difficulties.

Low volitional potential

Weak will is very closely related to learned helplessness. In addition, the lack of self-control skills prevents you from introducing something new into your life and actively getting out of depression. A weak-willed person will not follow any of the recommendations on how to get out of depression after the death of a mother, wife or someone close. Moreover, not because I don’t agree with the recommendations, but because I’m simply lazy.

A weak-willed person can go to great lengths: binge drinking, overeating and other consequences of weak will, which will only aggravate the manifestations of depression. In general, in order to cope with depression after the loss of a loved one, train your willpower.

Meditation trains willpower very well. Volitional potential is closely related to the ability to concentrate on a task. Meditation trains this ability. In addition, it relaxes, and in itself can significantly reduce the symptoms of depression.

Don't isolate yourself

Participate in funeral preparations. This is the last opportunity to see your loved one, and maybe to tell him what you didn’t have time to do. You will not be so lonely among people who are experiencing the same grief and suffering with you.

It happens that people are afraid to voice their thoughts. Then a diary will be a good helper. Take any notebook, notepad, album and write about everything that comes to mind in any order and sequence. Write only for yourself. They say that paper can endure a lot, and it's true. This technique will help you leave all the most exciting memories in your diary, and it will be easier for your inner self to return to reality and move on with life.

Keep a diary. Write down all your memories of your loved one - this will make it easier to cope with grief.

conclusions

We looked at the causes of depression after the death of a very close person. How to get out of it? In fact, everything is not as complicated as it might seem at first glance. Anything large can be broken down into small parts. It’s the same with complex actions. You will still have to follow simple steps. But you have to force yourself to do them. This is the hardest thing to do in depression. But only you yourself can get out of this state and recover after the death of your spouse, father, boyfriend, elderly relative, and even an animal (a cat, for example).

It makes no difference whose loss you experienced. In general, advice on how to overcome depression is universal. In most cases, medications and expensive treatment will not even be required. You can free yourself from depression and remove the cause, not the symptom, on your own.

People often ask how long does depression last, how long does it take to treat it? It all depends on the person himself and the circumstances in which he finds himself. Some people will be able to overcome despondency and depression in a week, others in a month. And some will stay there for years. Yes, your beloved child, dad, wife are gone, but there is a way out of the state that oppresses you. The main thing is not to worry and help yourself. Unfortunately, many do not do this after their parents or other relatives die. As a result, they remain depressed for years.

Bad habits will increase mental anguish

Quite often, after the death of one of their parents, teenagers try to find solace in alcohol or drugs. The use of such substances turns off the brain and promotes temporary forgetfulness. No matter how trite it sounds, such remedies are not a way out of the situation: they only temporarily dull the pain. Aggression is also quite natural for young people - it is a kind of defensive reaction of the body.

Alas, a bad habit cannot heal a mental wound, since every person sooner or later has to return to reality

In such a case, it is important to realize that the deceased parent would never approve of such behavior. After all, he would like to see his child happy and strong, despite any emotional experiences