A man is a manipulator in a relationship and his signs

How to understand that you are in a relationship with a manipulative man

Everyone has the art of manipulation in one way or another. People learn this at an early stage of development, when they learn about the world. The baby begins to cry so that they buy him a toy, gets offended so that he can be held or hugged, “gets sick” so that he can get tasty food or not go to kindergarten... This is not bad, this is our development, knowing ourselves and others, getting to know each other with the reactions of people around. It’s bad when this baby grows into a dangerous partner, for whom a manipulative attitude, unfortunately, becomes the norm when dealing with women. And representatives of the fair sex have a reasonable question: how to behave with a manipulator? How to recognize it? What should you focus on? How to resist manipulation?

What happens to the female victim?

Why do many women become victims of such men? How to recognize a manipulator in a man ? Yes, probably not. Absolutely any girl or woman can get into such a relationship. Such a man does not immediately begin to manipulate, but over time. When a relationship becomes strong, it becomes more difficult to leave it.

Many women have the feeling that she is doing everything wrong. A feeling of guilt appears. Women begin to think about their actions, how they will act in order to please him. Constantly make excuses, get through so that he understands you correctly and is not offended. Even if you do the right thing.

The woman gradually turns into a dull shadow of a manipulator. She is constantly in tension. Depression sets in, it’s just pure stress. Many women have the feeling that there is no other life.

The main psychological reasons for manipulation

To understand what exactly a manipulator needs from a woman, I suggest you first look into him. What are his real reasons for this behavior?

Avoidance of intimacy. Fear of involvement. E. Bern has a wonderful book that perfectly reveals the essence of this statement. People play games all their lives to avoid possible intimacy, thereby managing their own emotional sphere. Typically, this fear of getting close to people stems from childhood, where the child’s feelings were rejected, ridiculed or ignored.
Control over others = self-confidence. When a person does not believe in himself, he instinctively cannot believe in other people. This fear pushes a man to manipulate a woman through total control over her.
Energy vampires. After socializing, women usually feel exhausted, apathetic, nervous or empty. A manipulator simply compensates (replenishes) self-esteem at the expense of the energy of other people.
A man can enjoy playing with a woman. Either let them in, then push them away, or make them angry or happy. The true reason for this behavior may lie in copying the parental script or emotional coldness towards him in childhood.

As soon as you realize that you are not doing what you want to do, and in a relationship with your beloved man you feel powerless and exhausted, you are being manipulated.

These are the most basic psychological reasons for manipulation, which were once identified by leading psychotherapists. But it is not enough to have knowledge about hidden motives; you also need to be able to identify a manipulator in a relationship.

He/she belittles you

The manipulator strives to tie the victim to himself in every possible way, therefore he belittles the dignity of his partner in every possible way. “You couldn’t have done this without me,” “Well, who besides me needs you like that?” Over time, the victim begins to believe that only one person is needed, and will not even make attempts to end this toxic relationship.

What is benching: how to understand that you are a “backup option” and your partner is already looking for a replacement for you

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Signs of a manipulative man: how to recognize him

At the first stages, manipulative men in relationships resemble knights who are ready to conquer their chosen one with beautiful gestures, words, and breathtaking courtship. They fight for the beauty's heart so sincerely and seriously that they seem to be ideal partners for life. But don’t rush to rejoice at your luck; take a closer look at your boyfriend.

12 signs that a man is a manipulator:

Complains about previous girlfriends (spouse). Firstly, a mature man will never discuss his past relationships, it doesn’t make them look good. Secondly, adults understand that both partners are to blame (to some extent) for a breakup, so the manipulator’s complaints about not being appreciated, not loved, or simply not worthy of him are ridiculous. His goal is for you to rush to prove that you are not like the previous “sub-women”!
Total control. At the initial stage of the relationship, this may seem funny and sweet, but you should know that over time everything will worsen so much that it can end in violent scandals with assault. Think about it.
A manipulative man distorts your feelings or undermines your confidence in any action. For example: “You imagined it! You misunderstood! This didn't even happen! What have you come up with?” The goal is to make you seem narrow-minded, make you doubt, distort/block your true emotions and thoughts.
Inconsistency of actions. A man can win you over in a very short time, convince you that you are the most unique and ideal for a relationship. But as soon as you relax, a man may disappear, neglect you, ignore you, and show coldness.
The manipulator protects you from the outside world. No relatives, meetings with friends, corporate events with colleagues. Why do you need this? After all, you have HIM. If you insist on your own, you risk running into a scandal or mortal offense on his part.
Lots of words, little action. Manipulator men are excellent with words and their goal is to make you wait, anticipate, fantasize, and emotionally depend on him. Sometimes such people seem inadequate - they can swear their love to the grave, and on the second date they persistently demand to marry them.
The art of using NLP. In order for women to act according to their ideas, men shower themselves with praise, nod approvingly, and even pat them on the shoulder. They “anchor” you and set you in their own way. This is not so bad, but if you feel anxious, experiencing an internal conflict, your consciousness violently protests, which means it feels a hidden threat!
If you disobey, you are punished. In word, deed, action. If you are a romantic person who has seen enough of “50 Shades of Grey,” take off your rose-colored glasses already. Further, the tyranny on the part of the manipulator will only grow, and at some point you risk being punished cruelly and truly.
Constantly lies. In any matter, even if you know the truth, the chosen one will never deviate from his point of view. Manipulative men are pathological liars. At first, this may seem like an easy game to you, but in later life, eternal fables and lies only bring disappointment and misunderstanding!
Inadequate self-esteem. Any remark from a woman (fair, adequate) can hurt him to the core, which will be accompanied by aggression, screaming, and resentment. It always seems to him that the chosen one wants to jump above his head.
A manipulative man adjusts his partner to suit himself. One day a woman will definitely hear that her habits/appearance/social circle/statements are interfering with their relationship. A man does not give you ultimatums, he comes from the other side - he describes a rosy future in exchange for getting rid of the interfering factor. Sects build the same strategy to cloud the consciousness of adherents.
Pathological jealousy.

All people are a little manipulators - we can do this unconsciously or when we want to protect ourselves from irritating external factors. But if manipulations have grown into your relationship with strong roots, it becomes almost impossible to build them normal, positively dynamic and strong.

Manipulative relationships are only destructive in nature - they break personalities, bring mistrust and fear, disrupt harmony and internal balance, and exhaust internal resources.

Types of manipulators

Depending on the young man’s temperament, as well as your character, one of five types of manipulators may be nearby.

Prosecutor. Such a person tries to penetrate deep into your subconscious, finds out all the dark sides and sins. Subsequently uses the information received. It will humiliate you. Constantly point out that you are very lucky to be next to him; no one else would pay attention to such a person.
A little boy. He behaves thoughtlessly and makes mistakes. At the same time, he does not try to make excuses in any way, but asks to accept him as he is.
Tyrant. People are drawn to such a person; they see him as a protector. However, then excessive jealousy appears, intimidation of the victim begins, control over his every step begins.
Player. Uses manipulation to obtain pleasure. Your relationship is like another adventure for him. He can boast about his former victories over weak women. If you are wondering whether it is possible to make such a person fall in love with you, then the answer is no. He lives only for himself, he does not need serious meetings. Even if he behaves like a person in love, gives you gifts and showers you with compliments, this is just a game, his words mean nothing.
Pretender. When starting a relationship with a woman, such a person will do everything to completely conquer her heart. As soon as a girl falls in love with him, everything will change dramatically. He will become completely different and will demand satisfaction of his needs; he will no longer extol her.

Manipulative relationships: what to watch out for

So, the time comes when the partners have studied each other enough to begin to live in mutual understanding. But suddenly you feel that the further the relationship goes, the more difficult it is to interact with your own man. Is it getting harder and harder to find a common language? Are you becoming more irritable and emotionally unhinged? This means they are trying to manipulate you!

Male manipulator: what should you pay special attention to?

He is aggressive in trying to prove that he is right. Constructive dialogue is not for him - a man simply does not accept differences of opinion. This manifests itself in different ways - from screaming, threats and assault to insults, leaving home or refusing to eat.
A man always tries to belittle his chosen one. “What would you do if it weren’t for me! Where are you and where am I! Be glad that I met you on the way! I let you not work! With me you have everything! etc. These manipulative men are real narcissists who always put themselves one step above others.
Change of mood. A man manipulates his unpredictability. Today he responded to your action with approval, and a week later with a flash of anger or irritation. Its purpose is to create tension and anxiety in order to prevent you from relaxing and using your own initiative.
Requires gratitude. His help is expensive - at every opportunity the man reminds you of this, appealing to your feelings of being owed. People with a destructive attitude cannot do good for free - they demand something in return.
He gets what he wants through flattery. In a normal relationship, encouragement and praise energize a partner, giving him a feeling of importance, inspiring him to do new things. If you live with a manipulator, then his praise always ends with the phrase “that’s why you should...”. “You are so beautiful today, so you should go to a business meeting with me (it doesn’t matter whether you want it or not). You make this pie so deliciously, that’s why you have to cook it for me every morning.”
Manipulation under a caring mask. “Why did you buy this dress - it doesn’t match the color of your eyes at all! What were you thinking when you bought this vulgar lipstick! I don’t want people to look at you like a prostitute, and in this sweater you look like that.” As a result, the woman begins to doubt herself and becomes completely dependent on the man.
Makes you feel guilty. Any conflicts will be accompanied by phrases that you don’t love him enough, respect him, appreciate him, etc. As a result, the man turns everything around so that the woman is the first to reconcile.
A manipulative man infringes and ignores your interests, desires and feelings. It's simple - such a person needs a companion to achieve his own comfort and satisfy his goals, so be prepared to fade into the background with your inner world.
A man in the role of a victim. He is never to blame for anything - circumstances, relatives, traffic jams, other people's stupidity, etc. are to blame. The manipulator always pretends that he has some kind of mission in the fight against an unjust world, where he has to act as a great martyr.

How and when to leave a relationship

It’s easy to leave a relationship – just tell your boyfriend or husband about it. Everyone has the right to do this, but not every situation needs to be done. Some signs to look out for:

A man only respects his own opinion.
The girl only respects her own opinion. It makes no difference what gender a person is. In a relationship, everyone should respect each other's opinions.
Both sides do not see any prospects in such relations.
The man uses physical violence. As soon as verbal rudeness turns into physical rudeness, you need to get a divorce or break off the relationship immediately.
The man abuses alcohol. Often this is a means of manipulation. The husband threatens to go on a drinking binge if his wife does not do this.

Important! Each case is individual. Many young couples seem hopeless, but over time the relationship strengthens.

Favorite phrases of a manipulator

Communicating with a manipulator is not easy, since a man always knows what, how and when to say:

“no one understands/loves/appreciates/hears me”;
phrases beginning with the words “you”;
sentences starting with the words “if you”;
false confessions - “yes, you’re right, I shouldn’t have/I didn’t know/I’m bad/I’m an idiot”;
“and my neighbor Lucy does it better/never grumbles/always cooks an omelette for breakfast”, etc.;
phrases where promises flow in a continuous stream (not backed up by actual actions);
jokes that touch on a woman’s external characteristics;
“Are we arguing? Are you weak? Prove that."

Also, if a man often uses the words “every, all the time, never, all” in sentences, he is trying to control your feelings, actions and thoughts.

Listen to your own inner voice - women's intuition rarely fails. If you feel uncomfortable, have a hard time, feel guilty or are on the verge of hysteria after communicating with a man, distance yourself from him, it is better to sublimate your energy into positive communication or business.

Do you notice foot-in-the-door or door-in-the-face techniques?

Manipulators often use these emotional abuse tactics against their victims. “The first technique was called foot-in-the-door,” says Jay Olson. - what is its essence? Your partner can start with a neutral and completely harmless question, for example, do you have time, how was your day, etc. Then he will move on to something more serious, say, asking you for money for a business project or your expensive car for a ride with friends. By the way, street scammers like to use this technique. The “door in the face” technique is the opposite: the manipulator first makes a large request, then rejects it and makes a more modest request. For example, your date may ask you to go on vacation with a friend, and then, after you refuse, offer a lesser deal - to go on vacation alone for the weekend. This works because after a larger request, a smaller appeal seems comparatively reasonable.”

How to properly communicate with manipulative men

What can a woman do in response if she feels outright manipulation directed at her? Of course, learn to adequately resist it!

So, a manipulator in a relationship: how to beat him?

Give in to a man consciously. If his goal is to capture you, go ahead, surrender, just do it with a sober mind. If you surrender to your feelings without a trace, you are a victim; if you are a rational thinker, then he will be in your power!
Watch, wait. Such partners tend to disappear and ignore their chosen one. Understand that writing to him and looking for meetings with him is the wrong path. Don’t be afraid to lose him - manipulative men always come back as soon as they realize that they are losing interest in them.
Ignore him if the manipulator increases his own self-esteem at your expense. Once you deprive him of the opportunity to make fun of (humiliate) himself, he will begin to look for ways to saturate himself with feelings elsewhere. Indifference and calm are your main ally!
Speak directly! Disarming a manipulator with the truth - what could be more interesting! If you see outright manipulation, say “You are trying to hurt/offend/anger me! I see it, Lord, it’s so obvious!” or “You're getting boring with your attempts at manipulation! Do you think I can't see what you're trying to do? You've become too predictable! Don't be afraid to throw him off track! The main secret is that you must be calm and in a good mood, otherwise nothing will work out.
Don't let yourself go. No matter how strong your feelings are, develop the habit of putting yourself first. You suffer from it - you got yourself a manicure, it offends you - you went for a walk in the park with your girlfriend. No soul-searching, learn to put your interests and feelings to the fore! Then the man will see you as a person!
Surprise is disarming! It’s easy to resist a manipulator if you become unpredictable. When your companion is sure that you are about to burst into tears, smile and agree. Or, during a quiet dinner, become an emotional whirlwind. This arouses interest and attracts even the most cold-blooded man.
Involve a manipulator in his own game, change your attitude towards him! Take his attempts to control you as some kind of flirting, fun, or a manifestation of sympathy. Or why does he spend so much energy and emotions on you? Twist him further, let him try, and you will be surprised to find that he likes to pursue you.

If a colleague plays the role of an aggressive male manipulator, use the “majority opinion” technique. Answer each sarcastic joke in the plural (say that the majority of the team thinks the same). You can even support your point with a famous quote or aphorism.

Advice from psychologists

There is no need to be afraid of manipulation. If a girl can understand the motives behind her husband’s words and actions, she automatically receives immunity. No matter how psychopathic or manipulative a man is, it is necessary to keep a cool head and make wise decisions.
It is not recommended to respond to manipulation with manipulation. This clearly does not contribute to the development of trusting relationships - this is the main vector towards which all the efforts of family members should be directed.
It is impossible to change another person, you can only change yourself. Therefore, it is highly recommended to adapt your behavior by not allowing someone to invade someone else's personal space. You need to properly build a defense without attacking. You should not try to punish your husband for manipulation, or resort to various tricks to change his behavior. All people are adults. If the relationship is not satisfactory, you need to break up or replay it by mutual consent. You can take a break, then come back after a week or two and change your behavior pattern with a fresh mind.
Manipulation cannot be completely ignored. If you do not pay attention to them for a long time, a man will simply rebel due to unfulfilled needs. You can let him manipulate in a situation that is safe for the girl.
Breaking off the relationship is also one of the options for solving the problem. Sometimes so many mistakes have already been made with a man (or lover) that parting is a matter of time. It is better not to delay this process and try to make another man fall in love with you, with whom these mistakes will not be made.

As unpleasant as it may be, manipulation in relationships is commonplace. There is no need to make a tragedy out of this. You just have to learn to react to manipulation in the right way so that everyone can be at peace with each other.

It is advisable to do everything possible to maintain an ongoing relationship with one person. This idea is used not only in religion, but official psychology also says so. This is the only way to recognize all the strengths and weaknesses of each other and learn to interact in a relationship. The main idea of this article is that you need to learn to adapt to manipulation so as not to lose yourself.

How to resist manipulation

In a love relationship, you should behave wisely with a manipulative man and not succumb to his tricks. How it's done?

know your strengths and don’t let yourself be misled;
there must be people in your life for whom you are important and loved;
increase your own self-esteem;
know your weak points so that you can be aware of them and work on them;
interrupt the conversation if you see that you are being manipulated;
do not be afraid to seek qualified help - psychology and self-development allow you to painlessly resolve your own intrapersonal conflicts;
defend your point of view to the end, a firm position disarms manipulative men;
mirror the behavior of the manipulator, use the same phrases and manner of behavior;
do not make decisions “here and now”, always take time to think if you feel pressure from a man.

It’s difficult to be around manipulators. The more time a woman is in the power of such a man, the less happy she is. Her soul becomes more and more vulnerable, vulnerable and devastated. If you feel that you are being suppressed, controlled, tested, put in your place and constantly reproached for something, it is time to think about breaking up.

Think twice, do you really need to fight a manipulative man? Should relationships consist of eternal confrontation? What drives your behavior and can you both be called victims, hostages of the situation? If you answered affirmatively to these questions, and real feelings are burning between you, then you have a lot of work to do on your relationship. Do not try to change a man on your own, save your strength and nerves. Seek help from a psychologist - if love reigns in the union, then everything will definitely work out for you! Be happy!

We recommend watching a useful video from a psychology expert:

Which women are susceptible to manipulation?

Without conscious goals, desires and aspirations.
Infantile individuals who want to shift responsibility for their lives to someone else. Such girls often pretend to be a victim, even when this is not the case.
Girls who are lazy to develop critical thinking.
Women who have insufficiently developed willpower. Even if they understand that they are being manipulated, they will not have the courage to resist the tricks on the part of the man. They will not do anything to get rid of manipulation or deal with their shortcomings. Even after repeated attempts to resist negative influences, they will be vulnerable to them.
Girls raised in a patriarchal society. They tend to obey their husband or boyfriend by default. No matter how much a womanizer a man is, no matter how long he disappears, no matter how strong a tyrant and selfish he is, such girls will remain silent and not try to defeat him or leave.

Options for influencing the victim

To attract a girl’s attention, a man follows a proven pattern. He prefers to be guided by his own views, which are difficult to understand. Usually the main task is to charm the chosen one and win her over in every possible way. After this, the only thing left to do is to instill in her your goals and values, accuse her in every possible way, but do it extremely skillfully.

Persuasion

A common male method that allows you to achieve everything you need to achieve at a certain moment. To begin with, the guy begins to act gently, trying to persuade, offer something, advise. When a woman gets used to such pressure, other, more aggressive methods are used.

Guilt

A husband may tell his wife that she is ugly and unattractive. Sometimes he tends to give unnecessary advice and intelligently calculates his every word. Guilt can destroy you from within: it does not allow you to change, but only points to existing shortcomings. Its signs can be read in a reproachful look, intonation, and voice.

Friendship and constant “debts”

A manipulative friend strives to give out “valuable” recommendations. This happens as often as it suits the guy himself. In communication, he constantly emphasizes that it was impossible to cope without him. As a result, the girl feels indebted and even obliged to her “benefactor.”

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