Victim psychology: causes, symptoms and how to get rid of it

Do you constantly feel like you have no control over the situation or that other people are out to get you? Or do you feel like bad things keep happening to you no matter what you do? If you find yourself blaming other people for events or situations in your life, you may have what is called a victim mentality.

People with a victim mentality feel like bad things keep happening and the world is against them. You may feel like everyone is against you, whether it's your partner, your colleagues, or even your family or friends. Even if you can do something to improve the situation, you never take responsibility for anything and feel like everything is out of your control.

You can take things personally, even if they are not directed at you. You may be thinking, “What did I do to deserve this?” You may also often feel resentful.

Chances are you've been through a difficult time in your life or experienced trauma, but at the time you didn't have coping strategies and you developed a negative perspective or victim mentality. It made you believe that life just happens to you and that you are not responsible for what happens in your life.

Even when people come and try to offer you solutions, you're likely to come up with a list of reasons why those solutions don't work and leave those who offer help frustrated or wondering what went wrong.

You may even question why you continue to behave this way. In fact, there are probably some additional benefits to not changing the victim's mindset. You may receive sympathy or attention for your suffering because of what happened to you. You may feel relieved that others are offering you help or encouragement. You probably never want to feel vulnerable again, so it's easier to play it safe.

This article discusses what victim mentality is, the signs and symptoms of this mindset, and how you can learn to eliminate some negative thought patterns.

What is victim psychology?

Although victim psychology is not a recognized diagnosable condition, it is a common term and has other alternative names such as victim syndrome and victim complex.

People with a victim mentality have three beliefs:

Bad things have happened in the past and will continue to happen to you.
Others are to blame for your misfortune.
There's no point in trying to make changes because it won't work.

People who have a victim mentality find it easier to wallow in negativity than to try to save themselves, and you may even impose this mindset on other people.

At its core, the victim mentality is rooted in trauma, suffering, and pain most of the time. When you experience a traumatic situation, usually at the hands of other people, you may learn that you are helpless and that nothing you do in the future will change the situation.

It makes you feel vulnerable and scared. You decide not to take responsibility, even if there are some actions you could take.

What is the benefit for the victim?

Today, many adults find it profitable and convenient to live this way. The victim position always provides a number of advantages: it helps to manipulate other people’s feelings of guilt; helps not to do anything on your own, shifting responsibility to others. In principle, this position is no worse than other roles that we play in life. But it has one specific feature - it gives rise to a feeling of powerlessness, worthlessness, and, as a result, hatred and envy of others.

The victim position in a relationship provides a number of psychological benefits. As a rule, a woman plays this role; she derives certain benefits from this position: she receives the attention of others, sympathy, support, and help. And no one demands anything from her in return. To leave this role means to lose help, support, and pity, and therefore she again and again chooses the position of the victim. A person who is pitied by society is forgiven and allowed a lot. The victim does not need to strive for anything. She is forgiven for her mistakes at work because she has problems at home, and at home they forgive her for missing dinner. She does what she wants, and she has no obligations to anyone. That is, the role of the victim has its own psychological “advantages”. Therefore, it is very difficult to get out of this psychological game.

Victims are great manipulators. It would seem to be a common story - a mother forces her son to do what she needs: “I didn’t sleep at night for you, but you don’t love me! You don’t need me at all!” She is a victim, her goal is to cause a feeling of shame, to appeal to conscience, making her son a tyrant. Surely, everyone can remember similar stories when similar feelings forced them to do for others what was inconvenient and/or unnecessary.

Plus, numerous problems are a great excuse

for all occasions.
As a rule, the speech of people susceptible to victim syndrome is structured according to the model: “I have a bad job because I didn’t get an education, because ...” (insert the desired reason), or “I don’t have time to think about my personal life, since I have ...”, or “I would have achieved everything if not for...”. Shifting responsibility for one's failures
onto others is a characteristic feature of victims and a very convenient position.

Is the victim mentality constant?

It's understandable that you might feel this way after a series of traumatic events, but the truth is that there are always several factors involved in any bad situation. While you may not have been able to control what happened to you in the past, it is likely that you have some degree of control over what happens to you in the future.

For example, if you have been unsuccessfully trying to find a job, there is an opportunity to learn from what didn't work so that you can try to make some changes in the future. In contrast, a person with a victim mindset will have little interest in taking actions that can lead to improvement.

Additionally, when other people try to help you, you may fall into self-pity and argue that it won't work. In other words, what you really want to do is just feel sorry for yourself rather than strive for any meaningful change.

Although it is normal to feel bad about what happened to you and to try to cope with difficult emotions. Anyone with a victim mentality must find an end to self-pity and work toward change and healing. Otherwise, your feeling of victimhood and powerlessness will accompany you for the rest of your life.

The truth is that life will never stop challenging you, and if you feel like nothing you do makes a difference, then you will go through difficult times for the rest of your life.

One of the most common signs of victim psychology is ongoing sabotage and negative thinking. The good news is that this is not a hereditary trait; rather, you have learned to behave this way. You were probably a victim at one time, but you don't have to remain a victim.

The victim blames others for his current situation, even if others had nothing to do with it and are themselves to blame (or at least partially).

Yes, your rights were violated and you did not deserve what happened to you. You deserve empathy and compassion—and understanding. And you can give these things to yourself without waiting for someone else to give them to you.

Types of victims

People in the role of Victim try to deserve and earn love and approval, choosing different ways to do this. All these methods are losing and destructive for relationships and the person playing the role of the Victim. All of them lead to unhappiness, disappointment and severe suffering, since love cannot be earned or earned, begged or begged. I will give several frequently encountered varieties of the role of the Victim, depending on the method of receiving love. Of course, this is not the entire list.

Complaints about life, health, government

This is a “classic of the genre”. As soon as you notice that you are complaining, realize that the victim is speaking in you. Ask yourself: What have I NOT done for myself or don’t want to do to improve my condition? Dissatisfied with government decisions - What can I do in the current conditions? How can I use these circumstances to my advantage?

State of insignificance (I am not worthy, I am “small”)

The state of insignificance fetters, drives into frameworks that limit everything. At this moment, you believe that you really are not worthy of anything good, and you compare yourself with others to a disadvantage. Remember that your spiritual guides, angels, and your entire family are behind you. They are already with you all the time, but at such moments you especially need their support. Try to feel their presence or imagine that they are standing next to you right now, hugging you, enveloping you in the divine energy of love. No matter what happens, they are there. Just don't forget about it.

One more trick. Imagine that you have a beautiful golden crown studded with precious stones on your head. Walk with this feeling, especially in those moments when you feel insecure. The state of insignificance will be replaced by awareness of one's own dignity. The queen cannot be insignificant and unworthy.

Hostile attitude towards the world

A person sees enemies in everyone and is in tension because he is constantly waiting for an attack. This consumes a huge amount of energy. For some people, this behavior becomes a habit and becomes a way of life. If this is not stopped, a person risks his resource, health and well-being.

Concentrate on your heart and imagine a smile there. Hold it for a while. Practice when you are alone, and then go out in public with the awareness of that smile. If you regularly practice this practice, you will feel relaxed, hostility on your part will go away, and you will notice that people have become more favorable towards you.

Judging yourself and others

When you judge someone or yourself, you move from vertical to horizontal. You are setting yourself back in your development. Judging others is easier than getting up and doing something positive for yourself. If you find yourself judging yourself, stop and think about why you are judging yourself, what problem you are running from. Your favorite leisure activity is washing bones of everyone.

You are extremely appreciative of the bad people who appear in your life - that is why they stick to you as if you were smeared with butter. You experience puppyish delight when someone in your circle finally makes a mistake or simply acts horribly. Then your holiday begins! You enjoy discussing this person's weaknesses all day long. And if he also hurt you with his behavior...

Powerlessness (I can’t do anything, everything is useless, I don’t have enough strength)

Powerlessness can be expressed both as despair and as an outburst of aggression. Outbursts of anger when you lash out at your loved ones are due to powerlessness. Because you don’t see a way out of the current situation. This is the state of the victim. Remember that you always have a resource to solve the issue that torments you.

You have reached the point of powerlessness only because you have been looking for a way out for a long time, clinging to the problem. If you notice that you often make excuses, look for reasons not to do what you planned, at that moment you are overcome by the consciousness of a victim. Think about what is stopping you, what are you so afraid of.

Of course, it’s much easier to stay at home and continue living at your own pace than to go out and conquer the whole world! Fr. works especially well in this case. Just beautiful! What a magic spell! After it, all responsibility immediately disappears from our shoulders, and absolutely nothing else depends on us. Also, when they start to humiliate or offend us, we behave as if we deserved it.

I am very worried

Sometimes we all like to make a big deal out of a molehill, and then walk around all day and worry about the fact that somewhere on the street there is a huge elephant of gigantic proportions roaming freely! But some people are guilty of this hobby. If you are constantly nervous about something, constantly thinking of something to worry about tonight, this is not the case.

I'm not worthy of true love

The cycle of love is spinning all around... People get together and experience separation, give birth to children, and then share them, and so on... And at this time we dream about the main character of our favorite series, devoting him every free evening and generally a minute. After all, in the real world there will definitely not be a person who will be able to truly love us. After all, we are unworthy of love! Why then waste time and wait for a miracle? All of these thoughts are common among people who take on the role of victim. And all these thoughts, by the way, need to be driven to hell! In general, everything that devalues you in this life should be deported from your space. Once and for all.

Everyone around is perfect, but I’m bad

For some reason, you never thought that you had strong qualities. This very thought basically disgusts you. The computer starts to freeze: “How is it that I have good sides? Pros? No, just look at Vasya - he really has good sides! He can do this and that. And Elena? Yes, she can do anything at all. What am I..." This is how any conversation you have usually ends. Naturally, after this your mood drops below zero, and the desire to live seems to disappear. Of course, instead of thinking soberly, you simply fall into sad hibernation.

The role of the victim - everything is terrible

“Victims” condemn the one who causes their misfortunes; in fact, they do not at all strive to change the situation in any way, since they are quite comfortable in it, no matter how paradoxical it may sound. Unfortunately, victim syndrome concerns not only criminals and victims - it is much more common in everyday, especially family relationships.

For example, a tyrant husband insults and beats his wife, who, in turn, complains day after day about her difficult fate to her friends, savoring the details of the next quarrel and lamenting: “It’s impossible to live with this monster!” Everyone understands that the best solution would be to leave this man and stop being in the role of a victim. Only a woman doesn't do this. The reason is simple - she is comfortable in this state

. The current situation is a comfort zone for this lady. Therefore, in fact, she is not looking for a way to solve the problem, but is waiting for someone to sympathize with her, take pity on her, and help her (if only because it is inconvenient for many to refuse the poor thing).

You seem to be a little colorblind. But not in the usual meaning of the word. You just see everything in black and white, and even more often – just black. You have long forgotten what positive experiences are. When was the last time you laughed sincerely? When the plague epidemic began in the seventeenth century, and you “said that life was unfair and terrible”? Exactly. Just don’t think that this characterizes you as a strong person. This is a typical sign of a victim

Submissive Victim

The submissive Victim lives by other people's rules, in the interests of other people, does not have his own opinion or even the right to an opinion. She agrees to put herself in last place and voluntarily dissolves in other people; for her this is a manifestation of love. Next to her, as a rule, is a tyrant and tormentor. The submissive Victim does not realize that he is a Victim; it seems to her that this is how it should be. This was the custom in her family, in her parental family, for her such life is the norm.

Such a person strives to earn love through obedience, patience and submission. But this is precisely what pushes other people away from him. Over time, such a Victim begins to be despised and neglected.

Pleaser/Pleasant

A person strives to earn love and approval, recognition and gratitude, by being helpful, pleasing others, to the detriment of his own interests. It seems to him that the more he loves the other, flatters and pleases him, the better their relationship will be. This is what happens at first.

But the more one pleases, the more impudent the other becomes and sits very comfortably “on the neck of the pleaser.” The saint expects at least gratitude from his loved ones, but his loved ones take everything for granted. Over time, the sacrificial position of the pleaser and the tyranny of the tyrant intensify, and the situation worsens. It is impossible to get love through pleasing.

Hard worker

This person strives to earn love and approval by working hard. He can work hard at work or only at home (in the role of a downtrodden housewife), or in two shifts at work and at home.

At first, the workaholic is full of enthusiasm. But sooner or later a person “burns out”, becomes energetically devastated and gets sick, that is, turns into a Victim. He constantly expects gratitude and recognition of his merits from other people, but his relatives do not appreciate the workaholic and do not feel any gratitude towards him. On the contrary, they would like the workaholic to stop working so much and finally start spending time with them.

Poor guy

This Victim seeks to earn love by arousing pity for himself. Such a person may be “perpetually sick,” “perpetually drunk,” “perpetually poor,” “perpetually unlucky in love,” or “perpetually a loser.” Remember “She loved him for his torment, and he loved her for her compassion for them”? In Russia, love has long been associated with pity. When they said: “I feel sorry for him,” they meant “I love him.” But pity is actually not love, but hidden aggression. This is the kind of “surrogate for love” that Poor Guy receives.

Victim – 33 misfortunes

Such a person constantly gets into various troubles: accidents, accidents, and every now and then he finds himself a victim of robbery or violence. He constantly gets injured when he falls out of the blue. Something always happens to him. “He’s just in trouble!” With all these situations, he attracts pity and attention to himself, that is, love.

Scapegoat

No matter what happens, and no matter who is actually to blame, the “scapegoat” is always punished. He is always to blame for everything. It is very convenient for others to “attribute” the causes of their problems to a “scapegoat”. And the “scapegoat,” taking upon himself the sins of others, feels his need and need.

A deeply loving victim

This person has his own way of earning love - through suffering and the power of his love. It seems to him that if he loves another person very, very deeply, with torment and suffering, he will be able to awaken love in the other. This is again a road to nowhere. The more such a person loves and suffers, the more disrespect, and then contempt, the beloved experiences for him. Such a Victim suffers from love addiction.

Holy Martyr/Martyr

This noble Victim devotes his life to loved ones, relatives, family, and actually sacrifices himself. She doesn't please, she doesn't humiliate. Quite the opposite: she is full of dignity and proudly bears her destiny. Her loved ones “sit on her neck,” but she does not complain, she endures all adversity steadfastly, silently and patiently. Next to such a Victim there are always “goats” who use her and, of course, do not appreciate her. The Holy Martyr earns love through martyrdom in the name of family, children, husband/wife, sick relatives, through feeling needed, useful and necessary (“they won’t survive without him”).

Helpless Victim

In contrast to the “holy martyr,” the helpless victim “gives up” at the first difficulties. She lives with attitudes: “I can’t do anything”, “I’m afraid”, “I don’t know how”, “I don’t know how”, “I can’t do anything”, “I’ll never succeed”, “from I won’t be of any use.” This is how “learned helplessness syndrome” manifests itself, which is formed in childhood up to 8 years. It is not innate. The parents themselves unconsciously teach it to their child, doing and deciding everything for him. The helpless Victim wins love with his helplessness and weakness.

Excellent student/Excellent student

This Victim, on the contrary, knows and can do everything, and not just how, but “excellently.” As a child, the Excellent Girl won love with “A” grades, and then by trying to do everything she did perfectly. An excellent student is a perfectionist and strives for perfection: she is an ideal housewife, an ideal mother, an ideal wife, an ideal lover, an ideal specialist, an ideal employee. But for some reason I’m always tired, irritated and completely exhausted. This is how the Excellence complex manifests itself. An excellent student is a victim of himself, he voluntarily “puts everyone on his neck,” but he rapes himself and destroys himself.

Always the guilty victim. I made a mistake and I will never be able to make up for it

This Victim has a guilt complex. Such a person chronically experiences feelings of guilt for any reason. And this guilt is often contrived by himself. A person may blame himself for the death of someone close to him, for the fact that his loved ones are sick or experiencing problems. Well, since he is guilty, then he must be punished. And a person subconsciously strives for punishment in the form of illness, trouble, problems. Sometimes he mentally says to himself: “That’s what I need. It’s my own fault!” or “That’s what I need, I don’t deserve anything good.”

Let’s say a woman can blame herself for her mother’s illness (“I got on her nerves”) and for her child’s illness (“the child is responsible for my sins”), for her husband’s infidelity (“I’m a bad wife”) and subconsciously punish herself by getting sick, getting injured, suffering. This person takes full responsibility for everything and everyone upon himself. And often takes on someone else's responsibility.

Victim psychology - main features

If you're unsure whether you have a victim mentality, here are some potential signs to look out for:

You blame other people for how your life is going.
You feel like everything is stacked against you.
You have trouble coping with failures.
You have a negative attitude towards most situations.
When someone tries to help you, you lash out in anger.
It makes you feel a little better when you feel sorry for yourself.
You tend to hang out with other people who also like to complain and blame others.
You find it difficult to make changes in your life.
You feel like you lack support from other people.
You lack self-confidence or low self-esteem.
You feel that others must accept that you have been a victim.
You want the people who did you wrong to admit what they did.
You have a very black and white view of other people.
You lack empathy for other people's problems.
You tend to overthink situations.
You are passive as you go about your days.
You think the world is an unfair place.
You are very attentive to what might happen.
Emotionally unavailable to other people.
You feel like failure is constant.
You have a constant feeling of helplessness.
You have a penchant for disasters.
You always feel that other people in life are better off than you.

Causes

Victim syndrome in psychology is a behavioral disorder that is accompanied by weakness of character and a feeling of resignation to current events. Throughout life, most people periodically encounter severe psycho-emotional shocks, a series of failures, and find themselves in stressful situations.

For a person with a stable psyche, such events become just another test that he overcomes without significant consequences. Children, as well as people with weak wills, are captured by their own fears and emotions, becoming victims of events.

Scientists psychologists identify the following reasons and life circumstances, the influence of which causes the formation of victim syndrome:

previous experiences of physical, psychological or sexual abuse;
growing up in conditions of constant deprivation, lack of basic personal items, lack of sufficient food;
a severe stressful situation that a person witnessed in childhood or young age;
a long series of failures, when even a person with a stable psyche cannot withstand the constant influence of negative factors;
too strict upbringing in childhood, aimed at suppressing the child’s personality, organizing total prohibitions and restrictions;
the desire for psychological dependence on a more charismatic and strong personality;
the presence of an already acquired inferiority complex.

The formation of victim syndrome occurs gradually over a certain period of time, during which a person was methodically exposed to negative factors. Most people suffering from this behavioral disorder do not realize that they are hostages of previously experienced psychological trauma.

Psychological behavior of the victim

Below are some of the most common ones:

Tendency to blame other people.
Don't take responsibility for your life.
Be vigilant towards other people and react broadly to little things.
It's very good to recognize when people have bad intentions.
Feeling like everyone else has it easier than you, so you don't try to take action.
A feeling of relief when you receive sympathy or pity and seek it out as a result.

How to get out of the victim position

Follow just two important recommendations.

Believe in your worth and stand up for it

The first step to overcoming the victim complex is realizing the value of your personality. Don't let anyone challenge or diminish your importance. Never put yourself below others.

Start acting like a strong person

Develop the habits of free and independent people, get rid of self-condemnation and complaints about life. Do not expect gifts from fortune, rely on your own strength.

Psychology of the victim

What attitude accompanies the victim mentality?

Here are a few approaches to be wary of:

Feeling overly pessimistic about your future.
Feeling of suppressed anger.
Feeling entitled to the sympathy of others.
Feeling protected no matter what other people say.
Feeling like there is no point in looking for solutions.
Seeing people as black and white or good and bad.
Reluctance to take risks.
Exaggerate the risks of situations or how bad they might turn out.
Constantly suppress yourself.
Feeling of learned helplessness .

What is victim syndrome?

Victim syndrome is a special psychological state of a person, in which he unconsciously feels like a hostage to fatal circumstances or the negative actions of other people. In this case, there is a complete or partial suppression of the patient’s will, the initiation of independent actions and the desire to change his life.

Victim syndrome is an integral personality trait of a person suffering from such a disorder .
The patient's behavior is characterized by a constant feeling of dependence on external circumstances, complexes, a feeling of one's own inferiority, indecisiveness, lack of initiative, and living in anticipation that something terrible is about to happen.

Victim Beliefs

Finally, let's look at the beliefs held by people with a victim mindset. Below are the most common beliefs that you can hold if you have this mindset.

In a sense, this is a mindset based on learned helplessness.

Bad things always happen to me.
There's no point in trying to change because I can't do anything about what's happening.
I deserve the bad things that happen to me.
Nobody cares about me or what happened to me.
I don't know what to do to change something.
I have no choice what happens to me.
I have to accept what is happening to me.
I can't change my life.

Comparisons

“You haven’t experienced anything like this, I’m much worse.” Max constantly compared his own coaching experience with the experience of his psychologist. Of course, his assumptions about her personal life and professional skills were, to put it mildly, inaccurate. Instead of objecting, she noted that these comparisons betrayed his insecurity and need for self-affirmation.

Unfortunately, Max chose the victim mentality and stopped fighting back. Victimization stops from the moment of awareness. Then comes the acceptance of responsibility, the willingness to account for one’s actions and, ultimately, the desire to change everything that can be changed. Just like the Serenity Prayer: “Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” This is exactly what we should strive for.

What causes victim thinking?

Below are some of the most common reasons.

Experiencing past trauma where this thinking developed as a coping mechanism.
Multiple negative situations where you had no sense of control.
Constant emotional pain that makes you feel helpless or trapped, causing you to give up.
When someone has betrayed your trust in the past, you feel like you cannot trust future people (especially your parents or partner).
Secondary gain after the initial period (for example, making others feel guilty to gain attention).

Practice assertive behavior in everyday situations

To become a strong person, you do not need to perform feats or control others. It is enough to act from a position of strength in ordinary life situations. Practice regularly and over time acting confidently will become second nature.

Here are some tips that you can put into practice every day.

Stop asking others for permission

This, of course, is not about forgetting about politeness and invading other people’s borders. The bad habit of victims is that they ask for permission to do actions that are within their boundaries and should be done without someone else's permission.

Be explicit about your legal requirements or make your intentions clear. Instead of asking “Can I exchange the item?” present the seller with a fact: “I want to return the money for the suit, it doesn’t fit me.” Don't ask your partner if you can go to a party or a football match. Communicate your plans directly, without excuses or blame.

You are an adult and can act in your own interests without someone else's permission.

Show confidence in your conversation

Look your interlocutor in the eyes, speak clearly, without long hesitant pauses or interjections, and do not walk in circles. Posture and facial expressions are very important. Stand straight (slouching is a sign of an insecure person), don’t grimace, get rid of nervous gestures.

Don't help people if you don't want to

This may sound harsh. But how many times have you already lent money when you didn’t want to? Or how many times have you listened to your comrades’ complaints about life simply because it’s what you’re supposed to do? Refusal does not make you a bad and callous person. Remember: if you act like a victim while helping other people, you will be taken advantage of. Do good deeds out of a pure heart and free will, and not out of decency or guilt.

Don't be afraid to talk about yourself and share with other people

Victims often choose every word and fear that any information will be used against them. Don't bother yourself with these kinds of fears. Years of fear of showing your true nature in public causes you to forget who you really are and what you want.

Communication is meaningless and empty if you don't open up to other people.

Of course, the information must correspond to the situation and the degree of trust between the interlocutors. Don't go to extremes. The ability to maintain balance is another sign of a strong personality.

Demand high-quality performance of the services you pay for

Check receipts in stores, bills in restaurants, expiration dates and safety of goods. If you are not satisfied with the quality of services, do not hesitate to request a replacement or compensation. Don't let the people you pay turn you into a victim. Don’t just shrug it off and silently leave the store or restaurant - demand quality service, a replacement dish, or a refund.

Learn and exercise your consumer rights. For your money you have the right to get a good product or delicious food. This does not mean that you should argue and create scandals on any occasion. The client can always vote with rubles - simply refuse to pay for bad service or damaged goods. Going to a restaurant or store that doesn’t give you any consideration is a victim’s lot.

To say goodbye to the role of the victim once and for all, it is enough to make a firm decision to take your life into your own hands. Independence, confidence, a sense of self-worth - these are the basis of the behavior of a free person. If you decide to make this a reality, then Wayne Dyer's book “How to Get Rid of the Victim Complex” will be a great help.

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Psychology of the victim - consequences

Below are some of the most common results that can happen if you persist in this mindset:

Feelings of guilt, shame and depression.
Feeling disappointed in the world.
Feeling hurt and that people don't care about you.
Feeling resentful towards other successful people.
Feelings of depression, isolation or loneliness.
Problems in relationships or problems at work because others feel manipulated or blamed.
Poor health or self-destructive behavior.
Feeling like you thrive on drama and refuse to make changes when faced with failure.
Persistent negative emotions such as fear, sadness and anger.
Trusting therapists or authority figures can take a long time.

Classification

Every year, new types appear among the classification of the syndrome. This happens due to the fact that the pathology is only gaining momentum and affecting an increasing number of people. Moreover, each case is individual and deserves special attention. Research by specialists has revealed the most common types of pathology.

Victim of violence

Victim of sexual violence. In terms of the degree of psychological trauma, psychologists compare this type of pathology with the mental disorder of participants in military operations. The syndrome is usually attributed to a person’s natural response to a threat. In this case, the victim develops a tendency towards self-destruction, self-blame and aggressiveness. All this affects subsequent sexual relationships: fear and nervousness, hostility towards the opposite sex and sexual dysfunction appear. Sometimes, after such violence, a person ceases to perceive himself as a person, self-loathing appears, and thoughts of suicide arise.
The woman is a victim of violence. This case usually arises when a woman's family is subject to strict patriarchy: wives are regularly subjected to physical violence and do not have the right to vote. Victims of domestic terror are helpless and depressed, but despite this they still try in every possible way to protect their spouse, explaining his behavior with the most stupid excuses. Sometimes the syndrome can lead to psychological paralysis.
The child is a victim. This type of violence is also quite common. Bullying of a child at school and in the family; frequent conflicts with parents and friends; beating and moral humiliation of a child - all this leads to the development of victim syndrome from an early age. Prolonged violence can lead to the appearance of unreasonable complexes, aggressive behavior, stuttering or hysteria. As a result, learning deteriorates and mental development is disrupted. There are known cases of suicide.

The person is a victim of a narcissist

In most cases, the disorder affects the female gender. It is women who most often turn their attention to narcissistic men. Usually the beginning of a relationship does not predict any trouble, everything proceeds perfectly and safely. But soon serious problems appear that oblige a woman to change herself and her life as a whole. It is not uncommon for victims of narcissists to experience feelings of shame, self-blame, and humiliation; depression, panic attacks, low self-esteem, various phobias or mental disorders appear. At the same time, victims continue to stay close to the narcissistic person, believing that they can change him. As a result, they cannot realize themselves either in the professional sphere or in their personal lives.

Stockholm syndrome

The disorder was first described at the end of the 19th century. During a robbery of one of the banks, a man took several people hostage. Thanks to the actions of the police, everything ended well, but one strange thing happened. During the robbery, the hostages supported the robber, justified all his actions, and after their own release they asked to pardon the offender. Scientists still cannot figure out why such a strange reaction occurred. But it has been noticed that similar behavior has been recorded in almost all similar situations.

Victim syndrome in everyday life

The disorder is directly related to victim syndrome. It occurs most often in family relationships between spouses. For example, we are talking about illness in the case when a despot husband insults his wife every day and causes physical injury to her, and she, at the same time, only complains to her friends and does not leave her husband. The reason for the behavior is simple - the girl feels comfortable feeling like a victim: she likes to feel compassion and support from loved ones.

How to stop the victim mentality

If you identify with all the signs and symptoms of a victim mentality, you may be wondering how to improve your mood.

Below are some tips to help you cope better and move into a better mindset:

Choose to either leave situations or accept them.
Speak up to take back your power and make a difference.
Read self-help books such as The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
Forgive yourself or others who have harmed you (not accept, but rather forgive) to reduce hostility and trauma reactions.
Seek help from a therapist to help you deal with past trauma.
Develop your emotional intelligence .
Take responsibility for what you can control in a life situation and how you respond.
Take control of who you spend time with.
Practice self-care to treat yourself with compassion and kindness .
Practice self-love and see yourself as a worthwhile person.
Get into the habit of journaling to help you get rid of bad feelings.
Start letting go of things that don't align with your values or your life goals.
Make yourself a priority and take care of how much energy you expend.
Identify personal goals that you can strive to achieve.
Figure out how to get the same benefits you got with a victim mentality (like self-care).
Practice gratitude for what you already have in life.

Forecast

A prognosis for complete recovery is possible only if psychotherapy is started in a timely manner, the patient is fully aware that he has a behavioral disorder, and a fundamental change in lifestyle.

Otherwise, the victim will face further progression of the syndrome, worsening dependence on the aggressor, psychological or physical oppressor, personal and social degradation.

Victim syndrome is a psychological disorder characterized by behavioral disturbances. This state of consciousness is typical for children and adults of all age groups. Victim syndrome is manifested by a person’s psycho-emotional dependence on his offender or life circumstances.

This behavioral disorder is characteristic of immature individuals who have an unstable psyche, have a weak will, are indecisive, and constantly doubt their own abilities. People with victim syndrome constantly relive events that previously caused them deep psychological trauma.

How to help someone with a victim mentality

It can be frustrating to try to help someone with a victim mentality because they don't take responsibility for their life and seem to blame everyone else. However, this is only because there is a lot going on below the surface.

Here are some ways you can help:

Show empathy and acknowledge that they have faced painful events in the past.
Don't call them a victim as this will only make the situation worse.
Identify specific unhelpful behaviors such as blame-shifting, complaining, and denying responsibility.
Let them talk and share their feelings.
Don't apologize if you don't feel guilty about the situation.
Set boundaries and don't let them invade your personal space.
Offer to help find solutions, but don't try to protect them from bad outcomes.
Help them think about goals or ways to change their lives.
Ask lots of questions to explore and get them thinking (For example, what are you good at? What have you been good at in the past?)
Validate their feelings rather than dismiss them.
Encourage them to talk to a therapist if they have trauma that has not been addressed in the past.
Prepare for the conversation and don't let bad dynamics get carried away.
Don't attack them and be gentle, let them grow with your support.

How to get rid of victim syndrome?

Victim syndrome (in psychology, this behavioral disorder is not classified as particularly dangerous) can be successfully treated if a person himself wants to get rid of his state of depression.

Effective techniques

The main method of getting rid of victim syndrome is a radical change in the lifestyle of the sick person. The therapeutic process takes place under the supervision and in close consultation with a psychotherapist. After the cause that caused the psychological trauma is established, the doctor takes measures to eliminate the consequences that it caused.

At the first stage of treatment, the patient is given the following tasks that he must complete:

Apply for a job.
Stop complaining about your troubles to family and friends.
Solve any problems yourself within 1-3 days.
Support relatives and friends in every possible way, providing them with active assistance, but at the same time, without demanding anything in return.
Stop communicating with people who cause negative emotions (fear, anxiety, self-doubt, guilt).
Despite failures, never give up, but analyze and look for new ways to solve the problem.

As the above tasks are completed, the patient independently moves to a new level of treatment and personal development. The signs of victim syndrome are suppressed, and the person gets the opportunity to completely change his life. In this case, the psychotherapist coordinates all the actions of his patient.

Help from loved ones

Close people and relatives of a person with victim syndrome can really help him get rid of this disorder. To do this, they must give him complete freedom of action, stop condoling, show pity, a sense of compassion, share his emotional experiences, and listen to complaints.

Support should only be aimed at taking the initiative to change the lifestyle of the victim. All attempts to arouse pity should be thwarted with simple but effective phrases like: “Okay. What have you done to solve this problem? or “What actions are you going to take in the very near future?”

Recommendations for men

For men who want to get rid of victim syndrome, you must adhere to the following recommendations:

do not be afraid to admit your mistakes;
in the family, always take responsibility;
cultivate leadership qualities (courage, perseverance, determination, perseverance);
be the first to take the initiative;
do not be afraid of radical changes in life;
have a favorite hobby;
do not try to evoke compassion and pity from those around you, close people.

Men with weak willpower, unstable psyche, and prone to victim syndrome are recommended to exercise at least 3 times a week. Moderate physical activity will strengthen your body and spirit and give you confidence in your abilities.

Recommendations for women

Women with victim syndrome should recognize the presence of this behavioral disorder, and also follow the following recommendations to help restore psychological health:

exclude from your life people who cause suffering, impose their point of view, and also provoke negative emotions;
do only what you love;
dress beautifully, realize your attractiveness, femininity, beauty;
don’t be afraid to be funny or seem stupid;
during a stressful situation, the appearance of fear or doubt, do not panic, but make only informed decisions that are based solely on personal gain;
do not allow yourself to be offended;
always be able to refuse an offer that is not of great interest;
never adapt to someone else's circumstances;
You should not be convenient for someone to the detriment of your interests;
do not complain to friends, relatives and close people, trying to find compassion and moral support from them (instead, you should keep a diary in which you write down all your worries and fears, analyze and look for ways and solutions).

Victim syndrome (in psychology, this behavioral disorder has been studied for several dozen years) can be treated much more effectively if the implementation of the above recommendations is accompanied by active therapeutic support from a psychologist.

What to say to a person with a victim mentality

Below are some phrases you can use:

“I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm here to talk."
“I have about an hour to talk if you want to try and figure this out.”
“I can’t solve this problem for you, but I’m here to help you solve it.”
“I care about you, but we seem to be rehashing the same thing over and over again. Can we come back to this later?"

Reasons for maintaining a victim mentality

Why maintain a victim mentality if it makes you feel bad? The truth is that a victim mentality can bring many secondary benefits.

Below are some of the reasons why deep down you don't want to change.

This allows you not to take responsibility for your life.
People will try to help you and solve your problems for you.
You may be addicted to drama in your life.
You may prefer to avoid anger and instead find it easier to feel upset or sad.
Constant sacrifice makes you feel valued by others.
It has become a coping mechanism or a habit that cannot be unlearned.
You are afraid of facing the anger, shame, fear, or sadness that is at the root of your victim mindset.
It got you through some really tough times and now it's just a habit.
If people think you're struggling, they won't criticize you.
Helps avoid conflicts with others.
You are more likely to get what you want in situations.
Less is expected of you if everyone knows you're struggling.
People won't burden you with their problems if you already have many of your own.
You influence people when you play the victim.
It makes others care about you.

Reasons for the role of the Victim

They become acquainted with the role of the Victim in childhood, try it on themselves in preschool age, and rehearse it in every possible way at school. Its main reason is authoritarian upbringing. It is formed when: ♦ The child is beaten or severely punished ♦ Rejected or betrayed ♦ Humiliated, criticized ♦ Or, conversely, overly patronized and pitied (“my poor thing”) As a result, the child gets used to the role of “poor and unfortunate” in adulthood subconsciously receives love from other people, causing them pity and sympathy. ♦ In all these cases, the child experiences a lack of love from his parents. After all, if parents take care of him, then only when they consider it necessary, and in the way they consider necessary. ♦ And the child strives to deserve or earn love in different ways: helpfulness, helplessness, irreplaceability, pity, work, labor, “A” marks, negative behavior.

Often the role of the Victim is passed down from generation to generation. So, if a girl’s grandmother and mother played the role of the Victim, the girl also automatically falls into this role.