Reverse psychology, or reverse psychology, is a popular way of manipulating an opponent, designed to help him “independently” make a decision that is beneficial to the manipulator. Using reverse psychology techniques, you can make a person think that he is making a rash purchase of his own free will or taking the “right” side, and is not succumbing to suggestion, brute coercion, persuasion or blackmail.
What is reverse psychology
Reverse psychology is reverse psychology or, as they say in scientific circles, paradoxical intervention. This is a series of psychological techniques that completely contradict the purposes of their use.
According to the techniques of reverse psychology, it is necessary to approve and reinforce those actions of a person that he wants to get rid of. And this reinforcement is considered the most effective way to change behavior. In the process of work, a paradox appears. The client is encouraged to behave in the same way as before, but to become better. Interesting, isn't it?
Paradoxical interference is an aspect of reverse psychology. During the session, the specialist offers a way to solve the patient’s problem, which, in theory, is not at all suitable for this situation. For example, for a person who is terrified of disgracing himself, a psychologist advises failing at something. Or for people who put everything off until later or procrastinate, he recommends setting aside 1 hour a day for procrastination.
Reverse psychology can happen randomly
Reverse psychology can arise, for example, at moments when one of the interlocutors is either highly emotional or holds different views.
And it’s not that the person who says something is 100% trying to “somehow influence”; it’s just that, depending on the style of presentation and the context of the situation, the same phrases can be perceived completely differently.
An exaggerated example for understanding. Let’s say Kolya is friends with Petya the comedian and Kesha the brutal. As you might guess, the reaction to Kolya’s phrase “you’re such a chicken” will be different among his friends. Petya will laugh or joke in response, but Kesha may react to the phrase as a “challenge” to his lifestyle and so on.
Therefore, as they say, “flies are separate, cutlets are separate.”
Examples of using reverse psychology
Interestingly, even ordinary people use reverse psychology techniques. Most often this happens at the subconscious level. Remember how many times you forbade your child to do something? And he, showing all his stubbornness and independence, did the opposite? A wise move by mom and dad. After all, in the end, children still do what their parents needed.
Another example can be taken from romantic relationships. Imagine a woman who wants a man to marry her. It does not act directly, but comes from the opposite. He tells his partner that he doesn’t want to get married. And she doesn’t really need relationships, because they oblige and burden her with something. And at this very moment the owner’s instinct awakens in a man. Now he will do everything to make his woman change her mind. Wouldn't a real man allow her to enjoy such freedom?
Reverse psychology is found in cinema and books. Let's say a person is tired of life and wants to commit suicide. If others begin to dissuade him, he only becomes more confident in the correctness of his decision. In some situations you need to act differently. Depending on a person’s psychotype, you can give him evidence that his life is really insignificant, he will not be able to achieve or change anything. This is where his stubbornness can come into play. A potential suicide will suddenly begin to convince his interlocutor that he is not what they say about him. That he will solve all problems. As one might expect, in this case suicide is put on the back burner.
However, it is important to understand that not all people will fall for such tricks. Before you use reverse psychology with a potential suicide, you should make sure that it will work on him.
Trade workers know firsthand what reverse psychology is. Who better than them can manipulate the minds of customers? Reverse psychology helps sell the right product. There are several methods used here:
- Anyone will want to buy a product that is currently unavailable.
- Ask the buyer to rate the product. He will immediately find many useful properties in it. It turns out that he is advertising for himself.
And sellers often express doubts that a person has enough money to make a purchase. Trying to prove the opposite, the buyer is 100% likely to purchase the most expensive product.
Reverse psychology between a man and a woman
Most couples use the practice of reverse psychology. The technique is used by a man or woman when they have a desire to get what they want. A woman wants to spend the weekend with her fiancé, but he is focused on spending it with friends. She is convinced that the direct form is useless and is going to act radically. She tells him that she is going to a club with her friends. In most cases, the groom will stay at home, refusing to let her go alone.
You can use the reverse manipulation technique if you want to marry your loved one. You can’t admit your plans, try to show the guy, it’s better to show that the girl is happy alone. Then the man will strive to keep the girl busy in order to avoid the appearance of competitors. When choosing a tactic, you need to know your loved one well. If there is a lack of information, a mistake made can destroy a relationship.
History of development
The theory of reversibility in psychology appeared in the 70s of the last century. Its creators are psychologists M. Apter and K. Smith. They published their research and conclusions in two works:
- “Subjective experience of motivation”;
- “Beyond personality traits. Reversible theory of motivation."
The main purpose of such psychology was the treatment of children suffering from schizophrenia. According to Apter, the theory he created helps to understand the duality of man. He cannot wish to perform two contradictory actions at the same time. Would you be willing to be in the desert and thirsty and give a bottle of water to a stranger who asked for help?
To force a person to do the right thing, to get the right reaction from him, you should follow 2 tips:
- First: conditions should be created in which it will be as convenient as possible to manipulate.
- Second: you need to create a plan of action that will encourage a person to move into a state suitable for manipulation and make a predetermined decision.
Who is amenable to reverse psychology methods?
According to psychotherapist Janet Raymond, the effectiveness of reverse psychology is influenced by a person's character and personality type. But relationships are not the least important. It is easier to work with those people who are ready to defend independence, freedom, and equality. They initially want to do what is prohibited. Who is most affected? There are 3 groups of people:
- children, teenagers;
- rebels by nature;
- those who suffer from low self-esteem.
Paradoxical intervention will not work on those people whose main character traits are calmness, straightforwardness, and conservatism. They are accustomed to acting as a person who is authoritative to them says. And therefore they will easily do what the manipulator says. But not the other way around.
When and for whom does reverse psychology work and not work?
Reverse psychology is to some extent situational - who speaks, when and to whom is of great importance. It works best on rebels who do not accept parting words.
(most often - from certain people in your environment). Such individuals do the opposite almost out of principle (sometimes partially on a subconscious level). This can often be seen in parent-child relationships, especially when it comes to teenagers. They may listen to the advice of friends, but if their parents say the same thing, they will do exactly the opposite.
This technique also, in most cases, works well for those for whom it is very important to do everything their own way, who are disgusted by imposed actions
.
In addition, reverse psychology often “turns on” when someone tries to hurt our pride, self-esteem, wants to hit your weak points
, etc. This is precisely what is based on the example mentioned above with consultants who seem to casually hint that a potential buyer will not be able to purchase everything.
On the other hand, if a person does not see a problem (from a psychological point of view) in the fact that this or that thing is unaffordable for him financially, then using this technique will be at least useless, and even harmful and can discourage future purchases in this store. Also, reverse psychology most likely will not work for those who are accustomed to following advice and meekly submitting to authorities
(including from your environment: parents, managers, significant other, etc.),
adopt other people's points of view, passing them off as your own
on a conscious or subconscious level.
If you try to use this technique on such individuals, with a high degree of probability they will simply perceive your words as direct instructions to action
and will do exactly as you say, and not vice versa.
As for situations, reverse psychology manifests itself most clearly when the one at whom it is directed is in the grip of emotions
. This could be disputes or a reaction to provocation (as in the same example with sellers). In the case of Brother Fox from the famous fairy tale, this is the rapture of victory. Other strong emotions that allow you to push logical and critical perception into the background are also suitable.
When is reverse psychology effective?
As stated above, reverse psychology methods are applicable in many areas. Let's look at some of them.
With kids
In this case, doing the opposite, of course, is not the best way to educate. But often you can’t do without it. This is especially true for adolescence. Children are stubborn, rebel, and deliberately do what their parents forbid. There are no threats, no caresses, no promises of reward here.
By showing independence in this way, children not only refuse to carry out instructions from mom and dad, but they also do the opposite. This is where reverse psychology comes into play. Suffice it to say that you will do everything yourself. The child will begin to get even angrier. After all, he understands that disobedience becomes even stronger. Therefore, only out of stubbornness will he do what adults need.
Between man and woman
Over time, problems appear in relationships. Most often they are associated with everyday life. Surely you are familiar with the situation when a wife unsuccessfully once again asks her husband to do some work. This continues for several days, then months. Quarrels and scandals follow.
Reverse psychology helps correct the situation. Don't get angry, don't throw out negative emotions. Calmly say that you understand the reasons for what is happening. Therefore, we decided to make our partner’s day easier by using the services of a specialist. Almost always, a person in this case feels guilty for his irresponsibility and does what he promised.
Sales
How to unobtrusively encourage a person to buy this or that product has already been discussed above. Consultants undergo special training, during which they learn to subtly manipulate the consciousness and emotions of a potential buyer. For example, when you are about to leave, they tell you casually that they have already wanted to buy this item. You have several feelings at once, including competition and greed. The seller's task is completed.
In business relationships
The focus here is on self-esteem. In order to motivate an employee to be more active, the manager can point out his shortcomings and downplay his positive character traits. This will be a kind of impetus to move forward. The person will try to prove that he is actually not so bad.
Methods of confrontation
It's not easy to avoid falling for the tricks of reverse psychology. To do this, you must learn to control your emotions. If you suddenly realize that, guided by them, you are making a completely logical decision, stop. Perhaps you are simply being taken “weakly”.
It’s also worth thinking about if you have the feeling that you are acting in spite of someone’s words, requests, or suggestions. Put off making a decision until later. Wait for the emotions to subside. Only after this, reconsider all the pros and cons and make a choice.
If you have felt the effects of reverse psychology on yourself, do not rush to label your interlocutor as a manipulator. Remember that this behavior may be unconscious. But still stay alert.
How to Avoid Falling for Reverse Psychology Tricks
The main advice on how to resist reverse psychology yourself is simple and complex at the same time. It is very important to control emotions and be able to stop if you feel that based on them you are making decisions that should have been made based on a logical assessment of the situation, a critical approach, etc.
Developing social and emotional intelligence can also help you with this.
So, if you feel like you're being taken for a show, if your decisions are too obviously aimed at acting contrary to someone else's words, etc., stop for a moment. Do not make a final decision or take action while under the influence of strong emotions. First, cool down, and then weigh and calculate everything again.
The most important thing here (and the most difficult thing) is to understand when to take a time out
and come to your senses, distance yourself from other people’s opinions.
This can be prevented by the same seething feelings that drown out logic and the voice of reason and force us to act thoughtlessly.
However, a person needs the ability to control emotions in many situations, and not just in order to resist reverse psychology. Thus, take the time and effort to develop this “skill” if this problem is relevant to you. And one more note: if you decide that this method is being used on you, do not rush to immediately accuse the person of manipulation. As we said, sometimes such processes occur completely unconsciously, and on both sides. But you shouldn’t completely lose sight of such cases either - it’s better to be careful with both conscious and unconscious manipulators
, before they burden you with their problems and shift their tasks too much. If this does happen, you may find our tips on how to refuse people useful.
Books about reverse psychology
The books of the creator of reverse psychology, M. Apter, have already been mentioned above. There are other works:
- E. Bern, "People who play games." The plot is based on the relationship in the triangle: adult – child – parent. The author argues that at different periods of time, each participant changes the role. Understanding this helps to build harmonious relationships with people around you.
- E. Berne “Games People Play.” Unusual edition. More than 100 games are presented to the reader that people will play with you throughout their lives. You will not only learn the rules. The author will help you successfully get out of the influence of a manipulator.
Books like these will only help if you apply the advice from them in life. Otherwise, knowledge will be useless.
