How to overcome shyness, isolation and self-doubt?

The question of how to stop being shy, withdrawn and insecure worries a huge number of people who want to overcome their inner fear. Since the listed character traits rarely occur individually, but flow from each other (a shy person is usually withdrawn and unsure of himself), in order to suppress them you will have to do serious step-by-step work on yourself.

Shyness in any form prevents you from being yourself. A person reveals himself fully only when he feels at ease. Stefan Zweig. Impatience of the heart

Too shy girl

Introduction

The phrase “modesty is decorative” has long been set on edge.
Yes, in some situations modesty is needed, because excessive boasting or obvious narcissism does not suit a worthy person. But shyness is something else. This quality interferes with the life of both the humble guy himself and confuses those around him - they try to help him, understand him, open him up, but this does not always work out. As a result, a shy person drops out of social life, since he is boring and has nothing to talk about. And this gives rise to new complexes and negative emotions in a closed person. And something needs to be done about this.

If you take some action, put in your efforts and back it up with a great desire, then everything will definitely work out!

Difficulties in life for modest people

To stop being shy, you need to understand why it is necessary. A person does nothing without a reason. To force yourself to act, it is not enough to understand “how”. You need to know "why".

List of problems that shyness causes:

• communication difficulties;
• excessive emotional stress;
• overwork due to constant stress;
• isolation, lack of an active personal life;
• loneliness;
• inability to express one’s desires, one’s point of view, or defend oneself;
• difficulties in finding employment and moving up the career ladder;
• fears, phobias

Shy people do not live life to the fullest.
They suffer from fears, false expectations of condemnation, rejection, shame and isolation. And life passes by. If you look at such a person from the outside, it becomes clear that all his problems are fictitious. Shyness is a waste of energy.

• Why should you be convicted?
• Why should you be scolded?
• Why should anyone hate you?
• Why do you take on unnecessary things: decide for others what their reaction to you will be?

Why not the other way around? Maybe these people around you should be embarrassed in front of you? After all, you can also judge, shout and do something similar. All people are in equal conditions, they came into this world without instructions (except for the sacred scriptures: the Bible, the Koran and others). Everyone suffers equally from some kind of fear. Some have more, some have less. Some are fighting with them, while others are trying to get along.

How to stop being shy: a guide to action

Faith in success

The most difficult thing is to take the first step towards a more liberated self. It may even seem to you that this is unrealistic, that nothing will come of this whole venture. Drive away these thoughts! This is wrong. You will definitely succeed. Believing in yourself and your success is very important, so stock up on them to the fullest.

You are no worse than others

The next stage is the understanding that you are no worse than other people.
You are the same, and in some qualities you are superior to many. Remember all your strengths and skills. Some of them are not a sin to brag about or at least demonstrate to the world. For example, do you write poetry? Stop hiding them! Join the literary community and show your creations to other people. Although not everyone will like your poems, you will definitely find fans of your work.

Remember: to receive compliments and approval, you need to show people what you can be praised for. If you are closed, then you simply will not be noticed. And learn to love yourself for who you are. Nobody is perfect.

Failure is a learning experience

Criticism or failures in life are not always bad. Perceive your failures not as the end of the world, but as a certain experience that makes you wiser and stronger.

Remember the famous phrase “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”?

It may be hackneyed, but it is very true. This is true! Therefore, you can be a little sad, even cry, and the next day pull yourself together and move on to a better life.

Facing your fears

To overcome your indecisiveness, you need to work hard on yourself.
You are probably embarrassed to speak in public. Start by at least making a toast. This is a challenge for many people: to find certain words, assemble them into beautiful sentences and pronounce them publicly, albeit in a small company of close people. It’s better to prepare this short speech in advance, think through all your wishes and repeat several times. You will realize that everything is not so scary. Everyone will definitely like it. Try it! You can also contact strangers on the street more often with various questions. For example, asking how to get to such and such a street. This will also liberate you, you will be less afraid of communication.

Become a pleasant conversationalist

Do you think that in order to have a conversation, you need to have some kind of secret knowledge or have a special relationship with a person?
This is not always the case. Many sociable people talk with others about mere trifles. It wouldn’t hurt for you to adopt this quality, even if it seems stupid at first. Start by talking about the weather, no matter how trivial it may be. Next, you can discuss matters that connect you with your interlocutor. If this is a co-worker, you can talk about the problem of parking near the office building. If the neighbor talks about how the rent bills have increased. The main thing is to start, and the conversation can develop on its own, especially if your interlocutor is more sociable than you. Practice! And you will get involved.

Give compliments

People love to hear pleasant words addressed to them, even if said in passing. And especially women! Give them compliments. You don't have to be full of praise. Suffice it to say that today the young lady has a good hairstyle or a beautiful dress. You will see how she will immediately become more disposed towards you.

The right attitude

Train yourself to be positive every day. A positive state of mind, even from scratch, will help you overcome life's obstacles. Healthy optimism never hurt anyone!

How to overcome shyness/shyness and self-doubt?

How to overcome shyness/shyness and self-doubt?

Shyness, like fear, fundamentally has reasons that are hidden in the subconscious. The cause of embarrassment, as a rule, is the limiting attitudes laid down during upbringing. If you find a setting, you can rewrite it and get out of its influence.

This is quite easy to do.

Attitudes are usually related to who or what a person should be to be considered good, kind, beautiful, respected and loved.

For example. In order to be loved, you must be modest, silent, patient, forgiving, understanding, sacrificial, etc.

The attitude, as a rule, is reinforced by the threat. If you do not act this way, everyone will condemn, hate and humiliate you. You will end up lonely and unhappy.

According to such an attitude, a person unconsciously implements the behavior that the attitude dictates to him. And this is a false motive associated with dependence on people’s opinions.

That is, a person who has such an attitude, instead of realizing his goals, tries to do everything so that the people around him love or respect him. Day after day, he commits “good” and “right” deeds, sacrificing himself, supposedly from a pure heart. But in reality he is trying to achieve the necessary reaction from others through the means of the “victim”. I “sacrifice” you - you give me love and respect!

Of course, all this happens on an unconscious level.

But when a person discovers and sees this attitude and the false motives born of it, he will no longer be able to live in the old way. And over time, he will find a way out of the situation.

But it’s better to sort out such things with a specialist.

If you have a similar problem, you can contact me for a consultation to solve it.

Additional ways to get rid of shyness

Before you stop being shy in companies or when meeting new people, you need to understand that solving this problem depends entirely on the person himself.
It will take some time to become more open, relaxed, and sociable. For some, a few weeks are enough to achieve success, while for others it will take several years before all manifestations of the described negative qualities are completely eradicated. Now there are several effective ways to stop being shy and withdrawn, unsure of yourself. This list includes:

• personal training;
• development of communication skills;
• performing special exercises (“go ahead”).

No need to replay either

The method of personal training has now gained enormous popularity, as it allows you to convince a person that he is no worse or better than other people he doesn’t know well.

Typically, specific guidelines are communicated in the form of a “teacher-student” approach, when an experienced mentor (psychologist) convinces withdrawn and insecure people that no one in the company is trying to ridicule, offend, or humiliate them.

Many of them also experience a certain amount of excitement, but in no way show their own negative feelings. Regular classes with a specialist who knows how to persuade help achieve results, and a person overcomes his fear of communication.

Sometimes it is recommended to develop communication skills by doing certain exercises. One of the most useful options for how to stop being shy in company is to simulate the situation in front of a mirror. It wouldn’t hurt to prepare a few universal jokes that will help defuse a tense situation or give you confidence in your abilities. The more a person “rehearses” alone with himself, the more confident and at ease he will feel in a real situation.

An innovative technique was to perform tasks that require considerable courage from an indecisive, shy person. For example, he should come up and talk to complete strangers on the street, ask for the phone number of an attractive girl (guy), or talk about some event in a public place. After 2-3 such exercises, progress is noticeable, as a person overcomes fear, becomes more open to the world around him, and gains self-confidence.

Methods for overcoming modesty

In addition to the standard work, the stages of which are described above, there are several more important points on the path to overcoming false modesty.

Capture your strengths

People with psychological tensions often focus on their negative qualities. And this is wrong. Understand that you have something to be proud of. List everything that is good about you. Remember the times when you helped someone and were faster than others. Record your successes throughout your life. Starting from “I learned to pronounce the letter “r” before anyone else” and ending with “I got a promotion at work.” You will feel different. We must not forget about the advantages. This is an unfair attitude towards yourself. There is no other way to overcome shyness.

Decide on a goal

You have decided to get rid of your complexes. It’s not enough to say: “I want to stop being shy.” This is an indistinct and very vague goal. It is necessary to include a reason here that will serve as motivation. The ultimate goal should always sound like this: “I will learn to communicate freely in a team, because my inhibitions prevent me from showing myself to others and making friends.”

Exercise

Acting practice: rehearse different situations in front of the mirror in which your palms would sweat. First, practice at home, alone. Then it will be useful to practice among strangers; we are less afraid of their condemnation than colleagues or friends. For example, go to karaoke and sing in front of everyone. How not to be shy? Be confident. Imagine that you are a popular artist. They behave very confidently in any situation. According to psychologists, this is an excellent opportunity to overcome shyness.

Focus on others

When you are in a traumatic situation and feel like you are being squeezed, turn your attention to others. They are in exactly the same situation: you can judge them the same way they judge you. Take a closer look at how they behave, whether they show signs of embarrassment. As long as you stay focused on others, you won't feel embarrassed about yourself.

Another way to get rid of shyness is to focus on activities. When you say something, think about the subject of the conversation. Immerse yourself in the problem. If you simultaneously analyze that everyone is looking at you, inventing what they think about you, you will not be able to behave naturally.

Either be nervous, embarrassed, or conduct a productive dialogue, convey information to people. It doesn’t matter what you look like, what matters is the essence: your words, your opinion, which can change the opinions of other people. In other words: don’t think - do.

Try new things

To get rid of shyness, you need to loosen up. As part of developing self-confidence, it is useful to broaden your horizons:

• Sign up for a club.
• Start running at the stadium or going to the gym.
• Force yourself to meet people on the bus.
• Go for a walk every evening and force yourself to talk to at least one random passerby while walking.

This technique is also often used when teaching acting. The group is told the task: everyone must take public transport and travel without a ticket. But not a “hare”. The student must come up with a legend and act it out in such a way as to convince the conductor to allow him to travel without a ticket. Conductors are stern people and can’t stand ticketless passengers. The task is not easy, but a good actor should cope. Try it too. It's better to argue with a friend. If something happens, you can always pay by explaining the situation.

By deliberately forcing yourself into difficult situations, you build confidence and courage. All this will shift the vector of shyness, reducing its influence.

Watch your body language

When you contact a person, you communicate not only through dialogue. The interlocutor reads information visually and subconsciously always feels that you are tense. Your task is to learn to relax.

What a relaxed and confident person looks like:

• direct gaze during dialogue;
• the body is fully turned towards the interlocutor;
• arms and legs are not crossed;
• hands lie palms up;
• the face is not tense;
• the subject of the dialogue comes first;
• a slight smile on his face

Imagine that you are in a situation that makes you feel embarrassed. Play it and then look in the mirror. What's wrong with your face? The forehead and lips are tense, the eyes express fear. You see a grimace - this is the face of your complex, your shyness. Change your facial expression artificially: smile, lower your eyebrows. Imagine looking at a butterfly in a meadow. Remember this facial expression. Learn to lose your shyness. This way you will be able to get rid of internal tension. Facial expressions and emotions have a direct connection.

Say “no” less often

Make it a rule: always agree if you are called somewhere. This is a useful practice. Watch the movie “Always Say Yes.” This is also training, nurturing your will, a path to eliminating fears.

Learn to manage anxiety

Remember: 99% of all fears exist only in fantasies.
99% of a person's problems are not justified. They exist only in thoughts. Even if a storm breaks out around the ship, there is no reason to panic. The main thing is that the inside of the ship is dry. Then he won't drown. Don't let anxiety get to you. You don't have to worry. You don’t have to control everything and predict events. 99% are the chances that everything will be fine in the end. One more thing. Ask yourself: will you be worried about this problem in 5 years? If not, get it out of your head immediately. Because problems change, but you have the same nervous system.

Don't advertise your shyness

How to stop being a shy person? You shouldn’t explain to everyone the reasons and motives for your behavior. Even if you are shy, try to behave like everyone else. People around you perceive you the way you feel on a subconscious level. Don't accept that you are a shy person. Say: “No. You just don’t know me well.” And they won’t look at you like you’re a big, cute, shy person. They will not use this, they will not blame him for this.

Several important nuances of achieving success

Psychologists highlight several key aspects of how to stop being shy in company and at the same time win the favor of strangers.
The list of such conditions invariably includes:

• acceptance of constraint (excitement, isolation) as a given fact;
• positive thinking, smile, neat appearance;
• lack of comparison of oneself with other people;
• training in slow, intelligible speech.

It is necessary to clearly understand that it is quite normal to feel shy, nervous or withdrawn in certain situations. Don't try to hide your emotions, because it always looks unnatural and repulsive. At the same time, the initial impression of a person is influenced by his appearance, facial expression, and voice intonation, so try to always look brand new, exude positivity, and don’t forget to smile.

There is no need to constantly draw parallels with more successful people in the company, otherwise this can lead to negativity, detachment, and the desire to quickly go to a quiet, secluded place. A huge problem for many people is slurred, rapid speech, which not all participants in the conversation can understand. Learn to express your own thoughts clearly, clearly, slowly, which will allow you to attract the attention of others, avoiding caustic ridicule.

How to overcome social phobia and self-doubt?

How to overcome social phobia and self-doubt?

Social phobia is a serious problem that is very difficult for a person to cope with on their own.

Anxious states that appear in a person in the presence of other people are practically uncontrollable.

A person worries about how he looks, what he says, how he performs actions. And all this is accompanied by worries about what people think about it and how they feel about it.

People suffering from this problem constantly play out possible, different, negative stories associated with them in their heads. And they experience them in their thoughts for a very long time.

In this case, to understand what is happening, the help of a specialist is needed.

Bottom line

Shyness can be overcome - add some effort to your desire and soon you will see a positive result!
Be active, decisive and open to people. You can overcome shyness, self-consciousness, and lack of self-confidence only through painstaking work on yourself, positive thinking, and getting rid of fears or complexes. Fight your weaknesses, prejudices, negativity - and you will definitely become a successful, attractive person!

Elizarova Lilia · May 21, 2021

What is self-doubt?

A person’s self-doubt is doubt about his qualities, skills, abilities, etc.

People suffering from self-doubt have low self-esteem. Low self-esteem makes them dependent on other people's opinions. Such people have to constantly adapt to others and circumstances. For this reason, they are passive and indecisive most of the time. It is very difficult and sometimes impossible for them to set goals for themselves. And even the goals set by such people are usually equal to their self-esteem. But even low goals are not always achieved by insecure people. Therefore, they rarely achieve success in life.

Treatment

Closedness, which impedes a person’s socialization and reduces the quality of life, requires correction. In severe mental illnesses, restoration of communicative function is possible only with complex treatment, including drug therapy, psychotherapy, and rehabilitation. If communication difficulties are associated with characterological disorders or psychological problems, symptomatic help, represented by individual psychotherapy, group trainings, and targeted creation of conditions that require maintaining a conversation, has a good effect.

Individual psychotherapy

Individual sessions allow you to gain experience in positive communication. They are necessary in the initial stages of treatment - the psychotherapist creates the most optimal conditions for interpersonal contact, helps the patient open up, overcome fear, and feel approval and support. After establishing a trusting relationship, a plan is developed to transfer the positive experience gained into a communication situation with another person or group of people. Individual therapy sessions also include training in auto-training, visualization skills, relaxation, and positive thinking.

Group trainings

Group psychotherapy is the most effective method of combating shyness and withdrawal. To develop sociability, communication trainings are conducted, where patients play out situations of various interactions - conflict, friendly, official. Feedback after the lesson allows you to share feelings and learn about the experiences of other participants. Additional methods of work include sessions of art therapy, dance therapy and other similar areas aimed at developing the skill of self-acceptance and mastering non-verbal methods of communication.

Lifestyle correction

For independent work, patients are recommended to purposefully create communication situations - attend family dinners, cultural events, meetings with friends. It is worth finding a job that requires daily contact with different people, then situations of forced conversations will form communication skills and the desire to communicate. At the initial stage, it may be necessary to work in parallel with a psychotherapist and use relaxation methods that reduce uncertainty or reluctance to contact others.

Learn to control your emotions

Shy people are emotional. Every failure or bad word hurts feelings deeply. They take everything personally, so they are afraid to interact with others, so as not to suffer even more. To eliminate manifestations of shyness, you need to control your emotions. Follow these steps:

• breathing exercises;
• slow counting to 10;
• visualization of people's possible reactions;
• switching thoughts to an abstract topic.

If you learn to control your emotions, you can become calmer and get rid of shyness forever.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

What causes shyness

Scientists at the Institute for the Study of Shyness (based at one of the universities in the South American state of Indiana) have tested: in order to overcome shyness, you must first understand its causes. They are different:

Heredity. Continuity of the organism associated with the high emotionality of the nervous system and its sensitivity to external signs.

Learning ability. Sometimes people simply haven’t learned the social skills that are important for communication, and as a result, they simply don’t understand how to start a conversation or how to ask for something.

Subconscious conflict. A person experiences embarrassment when faced with certain people or situations.

Social setting. The conditions of society and the cultural environment can make a shy person out of a person. Parents often instill excessive shyness in children.

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How to overcome self-doubt as a woman

How to overcome self-doubt as a woman?

Women will always remain women. And appearance always comes first for women! Even if a woman does not agree with this, this does not negate her nature!

If suddenly a man appears on a woman’s horizon who impresses her, she will automatically start preening! And this will happen unconsciously.

Therefore, the very first tool for a woman’s confidence is her appearance.

But it happens that appearance is not enough and uncertainty remains. In this case, it is necessary to understand exactly what is causing concern? What and with whom is the experience connected specifically?

Taking a piece of paper and a pen, you need to clarify by answering the question as honestly as possible: “What worries and concerns me in this particular case?”

If after answering this question the excitement and uncertainty do not disappear, answer the second question: - How would I like this situation to be resolved?

If, even after answering this question, uncertainty remains, answer the third question: - How would my mood change and how would I feel if the situation was resolved as I want? (as in the answer to the second question)

As a rule, in 80% of cases, answers to these three questions help a woman free herself from anxiety and uncertainty.

But if you are faced with uncertainty in the same situations and with the same people, it is better to discuss this issue with a specialist.

You can sign up for a consultation here.