How to stop loving someone you love very much?

How do you know when it’s time to stop loving?

To fall out of love means to forget and erase from the present.
Modern realities are such that people who were in a relationship and remained friends after its end cannot be found “by day.” Most couples prefer not to see each other after separation, so as not to reopen old wounds. And this strategy is largely correct, since it allows you to avoid reminders of the mental pain experienced by both parties. However, before breaking up completely and irrevocably, it is also important to understand how and when this should be done. After all, a breakup is a responsible decision. If you take an irrevocable step spontaneously, having poorly weighed it and thought it through, you may bitterly regret it.

Psychologists identify several guidelines, based on which an individual is able to clearly understand that the time to leave has come:

1. Manipulation.
   If you know for sure that your “other half” is trying to impose their point of view on everything, then you need to leave immediately. Otherwise, you will be made into a puppet who has no right to your own opinion.
2. Inertia.
   Psychotherapists know of many cases where couples did not break up only because the partners who made them lived together for too long. Staying close not out of love, but out of habit, is a disastrous thing, fraught with the feeling that the best years of life were not given to someone who deserves it. Therefore, if you feel that your feelings have long dried up, do not hesitate and do not expect them to miraculously be resurrected. Take the initiative into your own hands and decide to break up.
3. Fear of loneliness.
   For this reason, women mainly try to avoid the end of a relationship, since they do not feel confident that they can find a better match than the one they have now. However, it should be remembered that feelings cannot be built on fear. At the same time, love loses all its attractiveness, and instead of joy it brings bitterness and annoyance.
4. The lover keeps the relationship secret from everyone.
   If your partner is embarrassed to tell family and friends about who he is dating, then this is a serious reason to think about whether you are a “toy” for a while? He has fun spending his leisure time with her, but until a more profitable match comes along.
5. Lack of reciprocity of feelings.
   Love should burn in both hearts with equal strength; if this is not the case, then any one-sided fuse, even the strongest, will gradually go out. Are you ready to carry the burden of affection for two?
6. Rudeness and lack of respect.
   If the “other half” proves its superiority with physical force, seasoning it all with a daily portion of reproaches, then you need to leave immediately. The mistake, in this case, would be to decide to stay and silently endure the humiliation.
7. Treason.
   The fact that you were cheated on completely destroys all the trust built between you. According to statistics, about 90% of couples can no longer recover from such a blow and break up in the near future.
8. Different plans and views for the future.
   If your lover prefers a relationship without obligations, and you dream of a full-fledged family, then it is better to leave immediately; nothing good will come of this relationship.

   For reference!

   All attempts to change a person will end in scandals and incrimination of you in attempts to impose your opinion.

   Read also:  Treatment of a pinched peripheral nerve
9. Endless comparisons with ex-partners.
   You shouldn’t even try to understand whether the comparison is being made in a positive or negative way. The only important thing is that the one next to you has not yet completely moved on from the past relationship. And this may well end in a sharp break, or these parallels and analogies will continue for a long time, but do you have the strength to endure them?

How to take the plunge

It’s difficult to throw a person out of your heart and forget right away, but you need to take a step towards this, especially if circumstances suggest it. Try to concentrate on thoughts that will set you up for positive thinking and the search for new sensations that are not tied to a specific person.

This is not the last person in your life

Realize that your main goal in life is self-improvement. A person must become self-sufficient in order to be interesting to himself, and interest in him will follow later. Long torment and the feeling that you cannot let go indicate low self-esteem. To increase it, consult a psychologist or practice psychological techniques yourself.

Don't cling to the past

When looking for a way to forget a truly loved and dear person, focus on time. In this world, nothing lasts forever, so sooner or later the separation would have taken place for a number of other reasons. Realize the experience this example brought and accept it. It is unlikely that you will be able to forget a person right away, but over time it will become clear that the lesson learned was necessary.

Find all your partner's flaws

Psychology, when treating depression caused by separation, uses a logical method. It is based on a list of character traits that are not suitable for life, but are present in the ex-partner. To do this, portraits of the ideal companion and the existing one are compiled independently of each other.

READ

How to get your relationship back with your loved one and when it’s better not to do it

When a person expresses his problem, the psychologist provides a visual comparison compiled from the patient’s words. It shows all the inconsistencies, and often also shows signs of an unhealthy relationship. After such a demonstration, it is easy to understand that this attachment is emotional, based on the patient’s internal problems.

Outline your plans

Problems arise against the backdrop of an emotional vacuum. At such moments, life goals are blurred, the future seems to be a cyclical memory of past relationships. However, if the task is to fall out of love forever, occupy your free time not with thoughts, but with actions. Try to plan your work and leisure time every day, set high-priority tasks and choose secondary goals without deadlines. Then, if you quickly get rid of things or cancel them, you can do something else.

Dissociate yourself

There is an effective psychological technique that allows you to painlessly make your psyche quickly forget about feelings for your ex-partner. Imagine that there is a wall around him that separates him from others. It cannot be destroyed, so a person is forced to be in isolation. Place there mentally all the gifts and things that remind you of the relationship. And when the feelings fade away, visualize them and also move them to a zone where they will be out of reach.

Complete the breakup

The technique is suitable for both boys and girls, but the latter suffer more often due to their high emotionality. For them, a young man with whom they cannot be together is even more attractive. This happens due to the incompleteness of the separation. Try to make a plan in advance of what you want to say to your ex and invite him to a conversation. If you can’t organize a conversation, then dialogue with yourself will do. Express what you want and end the relationship on a good note.

Communicate a lot with other people

Try to step back and not focus on the problem. Expand your social circle, even if you have to do it artificially. Sign up for the sections you’ve dreamed of attending, and devote time to active sports. This will increase endorphin levels and reduce negative feelings.

How to understand that you have fallen out of love

HE stopped loving HER...

The realization that he himself has already done this a long time ago can also help an individual stop loving him.

Let's look at the characteristic signs that a lover's feelings have cooled:

• your “other half” ignores you, doesn’t answer the phone when you call, and tries to avoid meeting you. This speaks both of the possible complete fact of betrayal on the part of the chosen one (he is ashamed or scared of accidentally giving himself away), and also of the fact that he is simply unpleasant to see you;
• quarrels and scandals that arise out of the blue and over trifles become more frequent;
• a complete lack of attention from the lover, especially in contrast to the gifts and care that was at the beginning of the relationship;
• avoidance of physical contact, intimacy, tactile affection in the form of hugs or holding hands;
• “going out in public” stops, the chosen one prefers to visit mutual friends separately from you;
• in some cases, when they lose love, especially among men, they stop being jealous of their chosen ones;
• women, having lost interest in their partner, begin to “jokingly” invite their friends to meet them as a possible alternative to themselves;
• avoiding eye contact, the partner tries not to look into your eyes, as if he is to blame for something;
• the partner often stays late at work and is not in a hurry to go home;
• your lover has practically stopped smiling at you when you meet, his stories about his affairs are “dry” and superficial.

Each of the above signs is an alarm bell that you are no longer loved. But if you were already trying to end the relationship, then this will only benefit you.

Advice from psychologists

People suffering after a breakup seek help infrequently, which aggravates the condition. Advice from a psychologist will help you quickly harmonize your condition. A specialist understands the problem, is able to look from the outside and show the advantages of the current situation. However, if you don’t have the time or money to attend therapy sessions, use the methods provided.

Analysis of the situation

Take a blank large sheet of paper and answer the following questions in writing:

1. If you continue the relationship, what negative emotions and fears will bother you?
2. How will life positively change (or has already changed) after a breakup?
3. Describe your ideal life and determine whether your ex-partner has a place in it.

The description is carried out in detail, as if addressed to a stranger. Save this sheet. In moments of despair and desire to return, reread the text, studying it carefully. This will distract you and help you calm down.

Focus on the negative

To stop feeling connected to a like-minded person, focus on your partner's shortcomings. Remember offensive situations, moments of manipulation. Record them in writing in your diary. Memory tends to change, pushing out negative aspects in order to protect the psyche. It may seem that the relationship was not terrible, but recordings will help restore the real picture.

READ

How to support a friend who broke up with her boyfriend: methods and nuances

Describe the moments of manipulation especially carefully, even if it was unconscious. It is the manipulators who seem the most attractive after a breakup, because after getting rid of constant influence, a person who has rested from changes in emotions lacks passion and change. List the times when your ex-partner was offended, blackmailed, or spoke of indifference at a crucial moment. This is all the manipulation that is present in a toxic relationship. It will take longer to get used to them, as they are more emotionally interesting and are remembered for a long time. But imagining that your whole life will be similar, you come to understand how costly it is from an emotional point of view.

False goal setting

The everyday life of an ordinary person is monotonous. At the moment when you feel the quagmire of everyday life, which drags you on, a false goal may appear - relationships and feelings. For a short time, the romance that has begun will seem healing - new emotions will capture, absorb, and give you a taste of life. But gradually it will turn into a habit.

After passing the grinding-in stage, it may turn out that the object was selected from among the environment and does not at all meet the minimum requirements, either physically or morally. In this case, focus on the idea that you deserve more, and a truly valuable partner lies ahead. Thanks to this, you will quickly find the strength to forget about your feelings, even if you see him every day.

Breaking up and falling out of love are different concepts; they often follow each other with a large time lag. However, if the relationship no longer suits one of the partners, you cannot delay the decision, otherwise the relationship will turn into a compromise in which there will be no place for happiness.

Unrequited love: 5 rules for how to move on

Psychologists in their practice often encounter requests from clients about how to stop loving a person whom you love very much, but who does not reciprocate.
Unrequited love is a serious problem that can lead a person to depression and even suicide. In this regard, a list of recommendations has been developed to help get rid of painful but unsuccessful attachment:

1. Don't try to make someone develop feelings for you.
   This is an absolutely hopeless endeavor that will end in low self-esteem and loss of self-respect for you. Even if you manage to attract attention for a while, the subsequent abrupt break in the relationship will cause much more harm than a relationship that was not started at all. It is more constructive to save your energy for a more “responsive” partner who does not have to be conquered, like Mount Everest, and who loves you in return.
2. Accept yourself and move on.
   Being offended by someone else’s indifference is not the most productive activity; it is much better to get out of the vicious circle of “What if...” and stop living in ethereal illusions. Besides, if you look closely, there are quite a lot of people around who will happily respond to your attempts to get to know them.
3. Do not be angry.
   Make it a rule to never speak negatively about those who have rejected you. At the very least, this does not do you any credit. In addition, by producing aggression within yourself, you only make things worse for yourself. There are a lot of people and “another person’s soul is in the dark,” so forgive the individual his short-sightedness and look further.
4. Switch to some pleasant activity.
   Listen to classical music, go to nature, go to the movies with friends. Anything is better than sitting at home and replaying in your head the impossibility of being with an unattainable chosen one.
5. Treat yourself.
   Shopping is a great way to take your mind off gloomy thoughts. It’s time for a woman to pamper herself by buying a new outfit or cosmetics, and a man will be happy to buy a new accessory (watch, mobile phone).

By following these simple rules, you can completely stop loving someone who does not reciprocate in a fairly short time. A little patience and all negative thoughts will become a thing of the past. This means that you will be open to love again.

Get rid of things that remind you of him

Anything in your home that reminds you of your beloved partner should be destroyed. Don’t be sorry to throw something away, they’re just things, but by forcing you to remember, they prevent you from moving on. Get rid of gifts and joint purchases, burn your ex-man's clothes. Remove music from your laptop that reminds you of that time. Also get rid of photos and videos together; you can simply hide them away so that they don’t catch your eye.

Getting rid of things that remind you of your partner as a way to stop loving him

How to fall out of love: the main rule

And in conclusion, I would like to outline the main rule that all those who want to quickly stop loving another person should adhere to.
It sounds like this: do not stop living richly and fully. There is no need to make a tragedy out of this and indulge in fatal thoughts, because this is not the first and not the last parting that you will have to face. Experts advise changing your attitude towards what a person cannot change. If love has ended, then it is better to perceive it as an invaluable experience that allows you to be better in the future, with another partner. You shouldn’t focus on the negativity that our everyday existence is already full of.

Remember that in the question of how to stop loving a person whom you love very much, the advice of a psychologist is a temporary support; you will have to do most of this task on your own. The speed with which you cope with the problem will depend on your actions and decisions. How do readers cope with falling out of love with someone? Please leave your comment below the text.

Tsygvintseva Anastasia · Sep 20, 2021

Change your scenery

Displace memories of your loved one with new impressions and bright events. Go on a trip, it will help you get distracted and look at the situation with different eyes. It is not for nothing that they say that a person never returns from a trip the same. Try not to lie on the beach in the sun all day long, plan an active program. Make a list of places you would like to see and sign up for excursions.

A change of scenery is one of the ways to forget a loved one

If you can’t travel, attend exhibitions and concerts, or go hiking with friends. Friends will help you forget and have fun.

It is possible to stop loving someone, but it will take time and patience. Follow the tips given above, they will help you cope with mental pain and feelings of loss and hopelessness.

More interesting information on the topic in the video:

How to stop worrying with the help of a specialist

Brain detoxification - a course from Viktor Shiryaev, an expert in the field of integral philosophy and developmental psychology.

Training will help:

1. Stop internal dialogue.
2. Relieve any tension that arises in a timely manner.
3. Get rid of toxic thoughts.
4. Improve sleep and rest.
5. Reduce stress and anxiety levels.
6. Learn to notice new things around you.
7. Manage your attention.
8. Clear your mind and reset your consciousness.

Course materials:

1. 10 lessons.
2. Practical tasks.
3. Exercises.
4. Audio and video materials.
5. Recommendations for independent practice.

Cost – 1,040 rubles.

How to forget the guy you love that you talk to all the time

It’s easier to erase from your memory a person who has disappeared from your sight, does not call, does not write. It's much more difficult if you work or study together. Constant meetings will only aggravate the bitterness of parting and pain. Use the following tips:

• Don't act friendly, but don't be aggressive either. There is no need to be too persistently interested in his life, but it is also stupid to turn in the other direction. Be casual. Your colleagues should not know about the strained communication. Nobody needs rumors.
• Don't turn the team against him. If they become interested, briefly say that the affair is over.

Behave calmly, without emotions. Give yourself the opportunity to be independent.

Don't think your ex was "the one"

After a long search, do you believe that you have finally found a partner with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life? It seemed like you were perfect for each other, and you began to think that happily ever after with this person was not just a fantasy. Your partner constantly assured you that he felt the same way.

Now, looking back, you wonder: were you as perfect in your partner's eyes as he was in yours? What did he really think about your relationship? Were you too optimistic about the relationship? Is it possible that there were problems that you did not pay attention to, considering them unimportant?

If you put all your strength into a relationship, giving your partner all the love you were capable of, then you will inevitably be confused and crushed when your partner unexpectedly leaves you.

Your partner will disappear, but your feelings for him, which you so diligently nurtured and nurtured, will remain. To cope with them easier, just remind yourself of simple things.

People have multiple partners throughout their lives, and research shows that each successive partner we date is more suitable for us than the last. So don't think that you have missed your destiny.

Your life is not a romantic story. Don't let popular fairy tales about the only everlasting love deprive you of your right to happiness. Even if you are in love now and think that you don't need anyone else, remember: one day you will have other partners, and you will be happy with them. And firmly decide that you want to forget your ex, not get him back!