Adviсe
- What is modesty
- Modesty and Shyness
- Modesty in Religion
- Pros of modesty
- Disadvantages of modesty
- How to get rid of modesty
In psychology, modesty is understood as a moral quality, which shows the attitude of an individual towards himself and others. She is not characterized by arrogance or boasting, and with others she behaves the same way with everyone, even if there is a reason for pride. The basis of this quality is positive, but there are negative examples of modesty.
What is modesty
Let's look at the concept of modesty in more detail. The term “modest” has existed in our language since the 17th century. It means humble, moderate, meek and undemanding. This is someone who does not put his own personality above others.
Modesty cannot be considered only a positive or negative quality. In the lives of self-respecting people, this quality becomes a virtue. But for politicians and public figures it is a disadvantage.
Modesty due to cowardice or lack of self-confidence is a problem for the individual himself. An overly modest or inappropriately modest girl may remain alone forever. But on the other hand, the lack of this quality, selfishness and showing oneself to the detriment of others creates considerable problems.
Modesty and Shyness
A person acquires most of the qualities that are inherent in a person in infancy, and some before birth. Scientists' analyzes say that in the womb we are able to hear not only the conversations of mom and dad, but also capture the mother's thoughts. If a child feels that he is desired, then in the future he will grow up confident in his own abilities. If during pregnancy the mother does not love the child, then he has every chance of growing up as a person without self-confidence and with a sense of guilt.
It is worth noting that modesty and shyness are different concepts.
Shyness is a manifestation of lack of confidence in one’s own strengths, the fear of not being liked. This quality interferes at first in childhood, but if the child is not helped, then in adulthood he will be afraid to set goals and achieve them.
Modesty is an indicator of the upbringing of a confident person. A person knows his strengths very well, but does not flaunt them. Therefore, it is believed that modesty is an adornment.
So, after all, is modesty an adornment for a person or a burden for him? The uniqueness of each individual is undeniable. Based on this, it turns out that life principles, character, and set of habits are unique in everyone.
We are similar to each other, but we are different, like snowflakes and fingerprints. For one person something is good, but for another it is the opposite. Based on this, it is difficult to say for sure whether it is better to remain modest or, on the contrary, to do everything for show.
Probably everyone will remember a situation in life when the arrogant behavior of another person humiliated their dignity or offended them, causing outrage. This behavior causes negative emotions. Similar feelings arise when we see unbridled behavior, etc.
Now imagine a girl who, embarrassed, lowers her gaze. Or a man who gives way, offers his hand. Good manners, modesty and respect are almost synonymous concepts. You can remain a modest person, but confidently follow your own goal. And it is these individuals who are able to achieve what they want.
Modesty in Religion
All religious movements call on people to be simple, humble, and to make do with little. The desire for pleasure, in any of its manifestations, has never been welcomed by religions. On the contrary, it is generally accepted that giving up such pleasures will cleanse the body and soul and bring them closer to spiritual benefits.
The opposite of modesty in the religious understanding is pride. This is a sin because it does not allow the individual to show forgiveness, compassion, and humility. Even Christ himself washed the feet of his own disciples. There is a hidden importance in this action that is not immediately noticeable. Hidden here is not just the meaning of renouncing superiority, but also the sacrament of purifying the soul.
Pros of modesty
Let's consider the pros and cons of such a quality as modesty. Let's start with the positive side.
Usually, modesty is inherent in girls because this quality is characteristic of them; it is a decisive factor in creating character. Modest girls have always been an example of femininity. This quality was considered an indicator of manners, politeness, and education. From childhood, girls were taught rules, etiquette, and good manners in schools. Initially, they were instilled with modesty.
Nowadays, modesty does not have such a high value, but it has not gone unnoticed. It is easier to communicate with such people; they are not rude or offend people. At the same time, we are always ready to help and support. These people do not exalt themselves above others; they maintain some distance. Such a person is unlikely to be able to ask you for anything, but he will gladly fulfill your requests, even to his own detriment.
Modest individuals rarely become the center of intrigue or gossip; rumors do not circulate about them. If you do not like to act as a leader, to be in the center of the company, or to be an altruist, then modesty is your quality.
What is meant by modesty?
Modesty is a collective concept that includes several interpretations, depending on the situation. Directories define it as the ability to restrain oneself and one’s needs within certain limits, always remaining calm. Modesty means moderation in all areas of human activity.
In a collective interpretation, modesty includes:
- moderation;
- lack of craving for excess;
- complete renunciation of the desire to show oneself, to control someone, to flaunt one’s skills and abilities;
- full compliance with the framework of decency that is prescribed by certain moral principles;
- calmness, decency in communication with other people;
- humility, obedience;
- shyness.
Timidity is often referred to as shyness, but this is not entirely true. The first is the result of upbringing, the imposition of strong attitudes and clear rules, and the second manifests itself unintentionally, as an innate feature of the personality structure.
Modesty is an acquired habit, or rather a set of reflexes that determine the behavioral line in a given situation. This trait is a component of an adaptive behavior model that allows one to integrate into any society without attracting unnecessary attention.
In many sets of etiquette rules, exposing yourself in any way is considered bad form. But today this quality is unlikely to be too useful if used to its fullest. A modest person may not boast about his virtues not only because he is noble or does not consider his achievements to be something unique, but because he waits for others to present him correctly.
Shyness is not always beneficial
Modesty is neither a character trait nor a part of temperament. This is a deliberate underestimation of one’s abilities, hiding them from everyone’s attention, obedience to please certain people. The goals of such a behavioral response can be very different.
Disadvantages of modesty
But not everyone is sure that modesty should be considered a positive personality trait. Some consider this particular trait to be the reason for unluckiness, because modesty is the main disadvantage of a modern person.
But in reality, what does the world know about humble individuals? Nothing. None of the famous people can be called modest or insecure. Based on this, it is concluded that modesty is not required to achieve heights and prosperity. But this is not the entire list of disadvantages. Modesty becomes the cause of failures on the personal front.
According to statistics, most men prefer modest girls, but in practice everything is different. Modesty interests a representative of the stronger sex only in the initial stages of a relationship, when it acts as a mystery. But if it does not go away with the development of the relationship, then the man loses interest and switches to more relaxed representatives of the fairer sex.
It turns out that due to excessive modesty, a girl can lose her chance and be left alone. This quality is a hindrance not only on the personal front, but in building a career. Moving up when you do all the work for yourself and your colleagues and do not try to get a salary increase becomes impossible.
Humble individuals never desire leadership. What they have is enough for them; they do not try to improve their lives. It is worth saying that there are enough arguments against modesty to force you to reconsider your own attitude towards this trait. Modesty takes on negative traits if:
is on display. This approach is often used by insecure people. The one who demonstrates his own shyness and modesty achieves praise. Such actions are called false modesty; natural modesty is called a positive quality, if it did not become the cause of complexes. Often excessive modesty and lack of self-confidence become a real problem. They do not allow the personality to develop.
Shy people limit their own capabilities in every area of life. It is difficult for them to take steps towards interesting people. At work, they have a lot of interesting ideas in their heads, but they are embarrassed to share them. In interactions with others, such a person is silent and uninteresting. Therefore, it cannot be said for sure that modesty adorns a person. If this trait is seen to a moderate extent and does not interfere with normal life, then it is positive.
The reason for excessive modesty, as psychologists are sure, can be the following factors:
genetic. Researchers claim that there is a gene for shyness. From the moment of birth, it is noticeable in individuals with an unstable nervous system; upbringing. The wrong approach to education and lack of communication skills become constraining for a person, they force him to become overly shy; childhood trauma. Due to the shock that a person experienced at an early age, many qualities can suffer, so modesty is not an exception.
The meaning of the word "modest"
-aya, -oe; -men, -me, -many.
1.
Devoid of vanity, arrogance, not flaunting one’s merits and merits.
[2nd punter:] What are your epaulets worth?
[Prince:] I got them with honor, and you can’t buy them. [2nd punter:] You should be more modest. Lermontov, Masquerade.
There are many such Kovalevs, barely noticeable but genuine heroes, in the Red Army.
But they are always modest, silent about themselves and remain in the shadows. Furmanov, Red Troops.
My father was a modest, shy and surprisingly delicate person.
Ilyinsky, About himself.
|| Unpretentious, not making great demands, content with little. He was a modest man and did not crave fame.
Garshin, The True History of the Ensky Zemstvo Assembly.
Shy in expressions of feelings, modest in everyday life, hard-working and diligent in her work, she knew how to insist on her own.
Ketlinskaya, Days of our Lives.
2.
Restrained in address, behavior, words, actions.
Fenechka, shy and modest, never made love to him in the presence of a third person.
Turgenev, Fathers and Sons.
- Remember that an integral nature, a real person, as a rule, is modest and even timid.
Matveev, Seventeen-year-olds.
|| Strict in moral terms. [Lebedkina:] Mistress, or what, is she his?
[Shablova:] No, mother, what are you talking about! She is a modest girl. A. Ostrovsky, Late love.
Maxim knows her [the seamstress Goryushina], although the woman is young, she is modest and does not allow herself to think badly about herself, even though she received both Vasya and Maxim.
M. Gorky, Life of Matvey Kozhemyakin.
|| Evidence of restraint and good manners. Modest look.
Modest manners. □
Her facial expression was simple, modest, devoid of coquetry.
Chernyshevsky, Stories within a story.
Small in stature Dokhturov sat directly opposite Weyrother with a diligent and modest look and conscientiously studied the disposition and the terrain unknown to him.
L. Tolstoy, War and Peace.
3.
Not conspicuous, not attracting special attention, simple.
A modest home.
Modest suit. □
Everything around was beautiful and unique in the beauty of the modest northern landscape.
Mamin-Sibiryak, Mountain Nest.
Hastily and smiling, with an old hat in his hand, a small, modest man enters.
Leonov, An ordinary person.
|| Low-key, dim. Bobrov's appearance was modest and dull... He was short and rather thin, but there was a nervous, impetuous strength in him.
Kuprin, Moloch.
Everything was colored with the modest colors of northern summer, breathing silence, relaxation, and the outback.
Tikhonov, Double Rainbow.
|| Unpretentious, not rich, unpretentious. He no longer lived in his former modest house on Forshtatskaya Street, but in a magnificent government apartment opposite the palace.
S. Aksakov, Memories of A. S. Shishkov.
4.
Ordinary, ordinary (about position, profession).
- Don’t be embarrassed by your humble career.
And in a modest way, feats are possible. Ertel, Gardeniny.
This man could go far!
But he chose a modest path - teaching. Bunin, The Cup of Life.
He chose a modest and practical profession as a doctor and wanted the same for his son.
Ilyinsky, About himself.
5.
Small, insignificant.
Modest requirements.
Modest merits. Modest income. □
They interrupted the hunt and returned to the village with very modest booty.
Tikhonov, Double Rainbow.
Having mobilized my modest financial resources, I went to the congress as a journalist.
Maisky, Journey to the past.
How to get rid of modesty
There are several options for answering the question of how to get rid of modesty. One of them involves character building, training and special classes. Another is to seek support from a specialist. For self-training of character, the following recommendations are suitable:
Strengthen your character. If you want to do or say something, do it, even if the words or actions turn out to be stupid. Communicate with others more often. You should not refuse a possible meeting with classmates, classmates, colleagues or friends. Remember, in childhood, modesty does not interfere with communication. Stop tormenting yourself with reproaches for failing at something. On the contrary, celebrate what you did well. Think about how to fix what doesn't work. Use the “casual acquaintance” training. To do this, come to a place where there are a lot of people and try to meet and communicate with complete strangers.
If the above methods do not help, then you need to seek professional psychological help. The expert will conduct all the required diagnostic tests, and if necessary, develop an action plan and tell you how to overcome modesty.
But it is necessary to fight this personal quality only when it becomes excessive. With moderate modesty, be proud of this feeling, remember that it is a person’s adornment.
How to eliminate modesty
The character quality of modesty must be eradicated. You cannot live to please other people. It is a natural state for a person to be adequately selfish and do everything for himself and to improve his future. When communicating with people, an adequate person understands perfectly well that by providing, for example, his financial assistance, he will then receive something in return (not to be confused with selfless help in emergency situations). This may apply to tangible and intangible assets. A modest person refuses any manifestation of himself. He only gives, but receives nothing in return.
- The first thing a modest person needs to do is think about his desires and aspirations. Learn to express your point of view and refuse people. Always helping everyone, you often end up losing, justifying it with your modesty.
- Do what interests you. Your well-being will never become stable if you do not begin to realize yourself. A person strives with all his nature for a meaningful life, so he searches for himself, but a modest person has no need for this - he will be useful anywhere, he doesn’t care. Sign up for an acting class for beginners or a poetry club.
- Express yourself with creative ideas. Share your achievements on social networks. Exchange experiences with other users. Gradually reach a new level, trying to promote works to exhibitions of emerging artists. This will give you confidence.
