How to get rid of low self-esteem: tips for women

What is low self-esteem

In psychology, low self-esteem is when a person greatly underestimates his inner qualities and potential. It interferes in your personal life and at work. It is difficult for a person to refuse others; he is constantly humiliated, thereby causing anger and rejection from others.

What is the danger?

A wrong opinion about yourself can cause many unpleasant consequences:

• constant dissatisfaction with oneself and the environment;
• lack of social life, contacts with people;
• failures in all areas of life;
• choosing a manipulative and cruel companion;

A person with low self-esteem creates unnecessary problems and unnecessary difficulties around himself.

What does low self-esteem lead to?

The inability to realistically assess one's capabilities ensures a life full of hardships and misfortunes. A person who does not value himself has virtually no chance of becoming happy. Along the way you will constantly come across dishonest people who will use you for their own purposes. A personality quality associated with extremely low self-esteem is cowardice. A person is afraid to take risks; he goes through life with the thought: “nothing will work out anyway.” To become satisfied with life, you need to learn to value yourself.

False assessment of yourself

Sometimes low self-esteem is false. People who crave praise often behave this way. For example, a girl prepared a delicious dish. The young man sincerely appreciated him. To which the girl replied: “What are you talking about, I don’t know how to cook at all.” For the first time, they will start dissuading her and praising her about how smart she is and generally doing well. A false belief quickly forms in the girl’s head: “If I belittle my abilities, they will praise me.”

Why is this statement wrong? Because a person manipulates the concept of “low self-esteem.” In fact, the girl doesn't think so. Sooner or later people get tired of it. Everyone hates giving compliments that devalue. This not only repels others, but is also dangerous due to the formation of real complexes.

Sacrificial position

Hiding behind low self-esteem is very convenient when the question of responsibility for your life and career arises. “I won’t succeed anyway,” “I can’t do anything,” “I’m a loser” are very convenient statements, aren’t they? In this case, low self-esteem and lack of confidence in one’s abilities are nothing more than an unwillingness to change oneself and one’s life. Also, people who really feel bad, who cannot love and appreciate themselves, suffer from this.

A convenient excuse is what low self-esteem means for such people.

Self-esteem in children and adolescents

For absolutely all people, self-esteem is the most important criterion that allows the individual to develop correctly. And in the puberty period its importance increases even more. If a teenager has adequate self-esteem, his chances of success increase. What are the adequacy criteria? If a teenager is able to assess his own potential objectively, if he is able to realize what position he occupies in the peer group and in society as a whole

Unfortunately, not all parents realize the importance of self-esteem and its level for the personal growth, development, and further success of their children. Therefore, they do not try to understand how to properly raise a child so that his self-esteem is adequate

In very early childhood, a child’s self-esteem is at the proper level. However, gradually growing up, he begins to understand that for his parents the most important being is, and he considers the world created for himself. This is where high self-esteem comes from. Before a child reaches school age, self-esteem is more or less adequate, as he is faced with the reality of the environment and begins to realize that he is far from the only one in the universe and understands that other children are also loved. Only when children reach middle school age does the need arise for correction and development of adequate self-esteem in them, since for some it can simply go off scale, while for others it can go down.

In early childhood, the development of a child’s self-esteem was mainly influenced by parents, educators and teachers. At older school ages, peers come to the fore. During this period, good grades play a secondary role, and personal qualities such as sociability, the ability to express one’s point of view or defend positions, the ability to make friends, etc. become more important.

At this age, adults should help the teenager correctly interpret his desires, feelings, emotions, focus on positive character traits and get rid of negative personality traits. Therefore, it is not correct to highlight only academic performance.

In children of middle school age, self-esteem can be characterized by polarity, which is expressed in extremes. So, for example, a child who is the leader of the class will have extremely high self-esteem, while a child who is an outsider will have very low self-esteem.

To form adequate self-esteem or correct existing high or low self-esteem, parents need to provide the child with help and support. They must trust their children and treat them fairly. Make sure that there are no double standards in education. A teenager needs the respect of his parents. Adults are advised to avoid total control over the child, but at the same time, they should show a sincere interest in his hobbies. You also need to respect the opinion and position of your child.

The level of aspirations and self-esteem of high school teenagers are the result of relationships with peers. If a teenager is a leader by character or, conversely, an outsider, then one should not expect him to develop adequate self-esteem. Class favorites have the ability to transform their own shortcomings and mistakes into advantages, thereby setting an example for other children. This elevates them to a significant height, but sooner or later they will have to fall from it, which will be very painful for the teenager. Therefore, you need to try to convey to the child that a little healthy self-criticism will not hurt him. Parents must be clearly aware that undeserved or excessive praise leads directly to the emergence of narcissism.

Low self-esteem in a child can be formed due to the influence of family upbringing, peers, unrequited love, excessive self-criticism, dissatisfaction with oneself or dissatisfaction with appearance. Very often, such children tend to leave home or are susceptible to thoughts of suicide.

Therefore, such a teenager vitally needs increased attention, respect and love from loved ones. In situations where his behavior deserves criticism, sometimes parents are still advised to refrain from it

And, on the contrary, attention should be focused on all his positive qualities and good deeds. A teenager with low self-esteem needs to know that he deserves approval, praise and respect.

Causes and signs of low self-esteem

The foundation of our assessment is laid in childhood. Parental support, or lack thereof, has a particular impact.

A person with low self-esteem was often criticized in childhood, saying: “why are other children better than you?”, “why do you dress so strange?”, “what’s wrong with you?” etc. Parents seem to have good intentions, they want the best. But with their careless remarks they traumatize the psyche of the child and the future adult. Signs of low self-esteem in a teenager are indicated by:

• avoiding contact with people;
• escape from reality into your fantasies;
• clothes are either black or absurdly bright;
• reluctance to share thoughts.

Although toxic parents are not to blame in all cases. Parents may have an ideal upbringing, but a person’s self-esteem will still be low. A person’s self-esteem is influenced by traumatic situations in society: humiliation from peers, ridicule from teachers, disdainful attitude of colleagues. Genetic background and temperament play a big role.

Symptoms of low self-esteem can also appear in adulthood. The reasons may be associated with a large number of defeats or traumatic events: failure on the love front, betrayal of friends, career failure.

The problem is always hidden within

How to deal with low self-esteem? Let's reveal a secret: you don't need to fight it. First of all, you need to accept your level of self-esteem and understand the reason for it. Then realize that every person on this planet suffers from similar experiences. It's not your parents' fault, it's not society's fault, and it's not your fault. That is life. Even the most wonderful and experienced parents will not be able to protect their child from self-perception problems. Everyone must go through low self-esteem and its causes: this is a kind of law of nature that strengthens our inner strength. That is why psychology places emphasis on high-quality, sincere communication. We all make mistakes, and if we talk about them openly, the negative consequences can be neutralized.

It is almost impossible to understand this on your own. You can read this article a hundred times, but not feel its essence in relation to yourself.

In order to get rid of internal attitudes that block your development and complicate your life, you need to discover them. Often such attitudes are disguised. Standard everyday worries that occupy all of humanity can hide destructive internal processes. For example, altruism and the desire to help everyone you meet is a good impulse. However, it may be based on a feeling of guilt towards parents, which the child accidentally formed in childhood. By chance or not, parents could impose on their children the awareness of themselves as a burden, a problem. And then low self-esteem is almost inevitable.

In addition to relationships with parents, relationships with brothers and sisters are of great importance. At an early age, children unconsciously fight for their lives and adapt to the conditions in which they live. A brother or sister can be a real rival. And this can become a strong factor in the formation of low self-esteem. And then it is reinforced by the attitude of peers, events at school and kindergarten. Everything spirals like a snowball, which you can deal with on your own for several years. Working with a professional therapist you trust will greatly speed up the process.

Low male self-esteem

Men assess their capabilities better than women. This is due to natural qualities: we need to be confident and strong in order to stand firmly on our feet. A weak man is not successful not only at work, but also in his personal life.

A man with low self-esteem in a relationship is jealous, does not hesitate to raise his hand, and makes a scene. Or vice versa: excessively self-pitying, constantly crying about far-fetched complexes and problems. Women run away from such men without looking back.

Signs of low self-satisfaction in men

The following gives away a complex man:

• constantly proves something to someone;
• sensitive to the opinions of others (what will people think?);
• hates those who question his strength/masculinity;
• does not try to get promoted;
• not interested in anything;

Low female self-esteem

Women tend to notice their shortcomings more often. They try to overcome their complexes by asking for compliments. This behavior is irritable and inappropriate.

But a situation often arises when a man underestimates a woman’s self-esteem. Such a partner is an insecure person who is trying to increase his value. And this applies to both sexes.

Signs of low self-satisfaction in a woman

Symptoms of an insecure woman:

• uses a lot of cosmetics;
• always wears what is currently in trend, does not have his own opinion and style;
• chooses cruel men, tyrants;
• considers herself stupid, and that intelligence does not suit a woman;
• often changes hobbies, fickle;

Non-obvious signs of underestimation in women and men

According to unofficial data, women are more likely to show signs of low self-esteem. The catch is that most often they are invisible. A girl can look brilliant, be smart and not show it. But these things always give away a bad opinion about yourself:

• the desire to buy unnecessary cheap things, shopaholism;
• the desire to always look brand new, even when going to the store;
• creating a “perfect picture” or a rich life on social media. networks;
• fanatical observation of the lives of idols.

Signs of low self-esteem in men are slightly different:

• the desire to constantly fight with someone, to prove something to someone;
• the desire to take the last place in public transport;
• the opinion that success is pure chance, just luck;

All this points to the need to work on yourself, strengthen your character and develop confidence. In the next article we will tell you how to achieve self-respect and adequate self-esteem.

Problems of formation and development of self-esteem

Low self-esteem can lead to situations of defeat and failure, and cause serious problems in recovering and correcting them. Working with our emotional intelligence will help us value ourselves more.

Values, customs, judgment and acceptance are some of the factors that influence our lifestyle and actions. In addition, a lot is determined by what we believe and how we perceive what others think about us. The awareness that our self-esteem is at a good level will contribute to the achievement of our dreams, but, above all, stable psychological well-being. Let's not forget that self-love is the beginning of everything else.

Author: Editorial staff of the Help-Point.net portal

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Low self-esteem of a teenager

For the transition period, complexes are a common thing. Sooner or later, teenagers outgrow them and begin to believe in their abilities. But if they are bullied and fueled with self-doubt, they carry their complexes into adulthood.

Consequences of teenage complexes

Low self-esteem in teenage girls is often associated with appearance. Young girls are concerned about their face and figure, wanting to look like cover models. The consequences of low self-esteem in a girl lead to anorexia, bulimia, and self-harm. During this period, it is important for them to show how beautiful they are. That their flaws make them special.

A guy's low self-esteem is also inextricably linked with his appearance. At the age of 15-17 they begin to be interested in girls; external attractiveness is important to them. A boy with complexes can close himself off and withdraw headlong from real life.

Young people need support and understanding from their parents. Otherwise, their adult life will be overshadowed by the constant correction of low self-esteem.

How to raise a child so that he does not have problems with self-esteem

Both mom and dad need to work with their self-esteem, return to their traumatic periods of childhood, where they were not accepted, criticized and ignored. If possible, work through this with a psychologist. We raise children in our own image, therefore, in order not to instill in a child low self-esteem, you need to return to your childhood, with the help of consultation, try to experience the experience of support, unconditional love - only then can you solve your problem with self-esteem and not harm the child.

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How to understand that it's time to get rid of low self-esteem

If a person cannot sensibly assess his potential, this is immediately obvious. Habits, communication styles, and appearance change.

Top 8 signs that you need to work on your self-esteem

You have low self-esteem if you:

1. You don't know how to say no.
2. You try to please everyone, everywhere.
3. You often do things you don't like.
4. You don’t feel your needs and don’t satisfy them.
5. You feel guilty about taking a vacation.
6. You don't want to please yourself.
7. Too self-critical.
8. Reprehensible.

If you can attribute all of the above to yourself, you have very low self-esteem. This can be fixed.

How to get rid of low self-esteem

The first thing you should know in order to overcome low self-esteem is that our words and thoughts have serious power. Having a negative view of your capabilities actually makes you try harder. Change to positive thinking, it really works.

Correcting your opinion of yourself on a physical level

Don't know what to do if you underestimate yourself? Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself: “I am beautiful.” Don't believe me? Try this:

1. Straighten your shoulders and back.
2. Open your eyes wide.
3. If you frown, raise your eyebrows.
4. Think of an object or person that brings you joy. Smile sincerely.

Now look how you have transformed. Gloomy thoughts are reflected on our face, turning us from attractive people to unattractive ones. Repeat to yourself every morning: “I am beautiful.” Hold on for a week and you will see the result.

Learn to accept mistakes

Remember: your past mistake does not tie your hands forever. Everyone stumbles, everyone fails. On the way to the goal there can be 1-2, 10-20, 100 miscalculations and unsuccessful attempts. Successful people would not become so if they did not know how to overcome themselves. If you make a mistake, don't stop and go to the end.

Praise yourself every day

Surely you are used to criticizing yourself. Look for the positives, you have them. Getting up on the alarm the first time is already an achievement. You can't get rid of low self-esteem without praising yourself.

How to increase your self-esteem

Photo: Pexels.com

Self-esteem comes not so much from success, but from a basic feeling that everything is fine with a person. In order to feel this inner support, you need to ask yourself questions:

• What I want?
• What I like?

It is worth communicating with friends more often, making new acquaintances, because only through human contact do we experience this fulfillment. To increase self-esteem, we need warmth from other people. This warmth can also be recreated through animals, nature - that is, create an ideal childhood within yourself, where it would be safe and joyful. Sometimes sports, visiting various hobby groups, or even participating in a public speaking club help.

It is also interesting that if a person with high self-esteem gets tested, he will find out that he has quite low levels of serotonin. In this case, sometimes it is enough to take a course of vitamins to feel normal.

It is important to understand that improving self-esteem is a process: there is no final path to development. Therefore, you need to try different solutions, take small steps every day, but do not push yourself: you cannot become strong and confident in yourself in a month.